Finn sat alone on a stiff cot, in the med bay, wondering if leaving the First Order was right. No... he knew it was right, but he feared he was wrong to leave his fellow soldiers under the influence of the First Order. Those soldiers had been kidnapped as children just like him; it didn't seem fair to him that he was free while they suffered, even if they were brainwashed. Leia had told him he was a hero, not a traitor, nonetheless he didn't feel like a hero. He felt like a fraud. The Resistance was treating him like a soldier in their army, and he never asked to be. Why did they save him while the other First Order troopers were left to suffer? He knew it was because he was useful— he had intel. Yet, he didn't want to be part of a war, another cog in the galactic war machine. He had seen so much bloodshed in hs short 23 years, he didn't want to see more.
However, He did owe the resistance his life. He had awoken alive mere hours ago in a resistance bacta tank. His head had been throbbing from his dream, but his back had somehow felt even worse, like it had been sliced open, which it had. What he had seen in his coma had frightened him, and made him want to run again, but like Maz said, he had the eyes of a warrior, not a man that wanted to run. He wouldn't run from this vision, but he wasn't sure he wanted to be apart of a military again, if that's what the dream was telling vision, if you could call that, was disturbing and inchorehent. Images had flashed through his half-conscious mind in a confusing blur. Nothing had made sense; it felt sloppy and unreal. He remembered a disembodied voice of a man, which had whispered in the background of the flickering scenes, "There were several paths in front of you. By choosing to aid the resistance at Starkiller Base, you altered destiny. What you have seen was what would have been the past, present, and future, but you changed it. Remember, all paths are coming together now, and you need to choose," the voice had stilled and images of death and destruction seemed to swirl all around Finn in dark, star filled vacuum...
He shook himself out of his thoughts; he was awake now, and not in that odd dream, but he was still in pain. A resistance medic had given him painkillers when he woke up, but his back still felt like Kylo Ren's crimson red blade was embedded in his spine. He shivered at the thought of the monster who had hurt him and his friends. Ren had had everything Finn didn't: status, a family, and a home. But, Ren had thrown that all away for the First Order, and that made Finn despise him more. Finn was still in shock that Ren had tossed his own father's dead body aside like a rag doll for power. How could anyone be so—
"Hey buddy, a medic told me you were awake. How are you? I've been worried about you," Poe said uncharacteristically timidly as he peeked his head in the door of Finn's new room in the med bay. Poe's soft brown eyes looked tired. Finn wasn't used to people worrying about him, usually Finn was the only one who seemed to care. Poe seemed worn down, and Finn wasn't used to Poe being weary. Still, Finn let a sigh of relief. He hadn't been sure Poe had made it through the battle, but the absence of Rey worried him. Had Ren hurt her while Finn was bleeding out on the snowy ground of Starkiller Base?
"Well, my back feels like I got a lightsaber ran through it, but otherwise i'm fine, I guess," Finn laughed as a big grin spread across his face , he was glad to see his friend again. Poe smiled weakly as he leaned against the doorway. His beard was scruffy and unkept—weird.
"I'm glad you're okay Finn, you're a good man," Poe paused apprehensively then continued, "I lost too many pilots—too many friends—in that battle, and I'm glad I didn't lose you because, you know, you're my friend."
Finn cast an anxious glance at Poe. He was used to the enthusiastic side of Poe, the side that believed good would always beat evil. The loss of most of Black squadron must have affected Poe deeply for him to be so lifeless. Finn didn't know what to say. He didn't know the resistance pilots like Poe did, but their deaths left a sinking feeling in his gut: the First Order was spreading more death and destruction, and he was scared they would win. Finn was happy Poe called him a friend though, and that made his heart feel lighter, but still Poe's unhappiness weighted his chest down. It was almost as if he could sense Poe's mood dampening the air in the small room. He thought carefully and then said, "Poe, you're a hell of a pilot, an amazing leader, and a good friend. Your squad fought for what they believed in and died for it. I know you're probably feeling depressed right now and you have a right to feel like that. Just know you can't save everyone. You can't always come out on top."
Poe gulped then nodded. Poe seemed to be a little better. He laughed and then muttered, "You sound just like Leia, Finn," Poe glanced up at Finn's eyes and uttered words that surprised Finn, "You know Leia actually wants to speak with you about something, Finn."