The Roanapur Gig
By: James Lee
Disclaimer: Neither "Black Lagoon" or "K-On!" belong to me. K-On! was created by Kakifly and is owned by Yen Press. Black Lagoon was created by Rei Hiroe is owned by Viz.
The girls of the Ho-KaGo Tea Time where relaxing in the music room trying to decide what they were going to do now that four of them had just graduated. They had decided to join up with Azusa to do at least one live house show during the winter. Mugi had just started serving the tea when Sawako enter the room.
"Guess what girls; I've got a surprise for you!"
"What is it? What is it?" asked Yui bouncing on her seat.
"Not more costumes," said Ritsu the drummer as both Mio and Azusa gulp. Both girls were sure that whatever costumes the teacher came up would be very embarrassing.
The teacher shook her head. "It's something, far better than that."
"So what is it?" asked Mugi, the bands keyboard player.
"The Ho-KaGo Tea Time is about to go international. A friend of mine has managed to book you girls for show outside the country!"
"Wow!" exclaimed Yui. Her parents where always leaving the country and told her and her sister of all the wonderful things they had seen. She couldn't wait to have her own foreign adventure. "So where are we going, New York?"
"London?"
"Los Angeles?"
"Hawaii?"
"Paris?"
Sawako shook her head at each of the girls. "Nope, you're all going to Roanapur!"
"Roanapur, where the hell is that?" asked Ritsu.
The teacher shrugged. "Don't know, somewhere in the South East Asia."
"O-o tropical"
"Anyway, unfortunately I won't be able to go with you. Your plane well leave in a month, you'll be playing at a bar called the Yellow Flag."
A month later the girls said goodbye to a teary eyed Ui and Nodoka as they boarded a plane to Bangkok. The flight was a few hours long and enjoyable enough. Arriving at Bangkok international the girls exited the terminal to see a man holding a sign that read HTT. The man looked like an average Japanese salary man; dressed in dark blue slacks, dress shirt, and a tie.
"Umm we're the HTT," said Mio as they approached the man. The man looked at them for a moment. He suddenly seemed a little uncomfortable.
"I'm Rock of the Lagoon Trading Company. We'll be your transport the rest of the way to Roanapur and the Yellow Flag," The man answered. Rock wasn't quite sure if he wanted to take these girls, who looked just barely out of high school, to a place like Roanapur. Let alone the Yellow Flag. Still a job was a job, and Revy would have his ass if he lost the contract.
The girls followed Rock out to the parking lot. Waiting near a rental van was a blond American with glasses dressed in a Hawaiian shirt. Rock then introduced the man. "This is Benny; he's a member of the crew."
Benny smiled. "You girls need any help loading your things?"
"No, we got it. Thanks," said Ritsu as the girls then loaded up their equipment and bags. Benny then drove the van down to the docks. "Why are we going to the docks?"
"We have to take a boat to get to Roanapur."
"We're going on a sea cruise!? Awesome!" yelled Ritsu and Yui.
'Don't get your hopes up kid,' thought Rock as the van reached the docks.
Mio started to have second thoughts about this venture as they meet the last two members of the crew. One was a large bald black man with goggle like sunglasses, who Rock introduced as Dutch the captain. The man was dressed in green cargo pants, jungle boots, and a green flak jacket. Mio found the man rather intimidating. But it was the woman next to him, who Rock called Revy, who was really scary. The woman looked to be Eurasian and was dressed in combat boots, VERY short shorts, and a small black tank top. More disturbing to Mio was the tribal tattoo on her right shoulder and arm, and the two handguns at her sides. For a moment Mio wondered if the woman was once part of a yakuza gang. It didn't help that she looked as if she was about to snap and go on a shooting spree at any minute.
"About damn time Rock!" growled the woman. "Hurry the fuck up and get on board. We're running late!"
Rock and the others quickly got on board. Yui and Ritsu were a little disappointed at the sight of the PT boat, but were still excited to be going out in the ocean. They decided they would spend the trip at the back of the boat. Mio and Mugi went down into the cabin. Azusa, not wanting to see what the inside of this "fine" vessel looked like and not wanting to put up with Ritsu and Yui, decided to go to the front of the boat where she found that the forward life raft was a nice place to lay down.
Once everyone was aboard the PT boat left the dock and headed out to Roanapur. Yui and Ritsu pointed at several things they saw as the boat left the harbor. Revy sat in one of the gunners nest grumbling about babysitting brats.
A couple of hours later the boat started to slowed down. Ritsu blinked as there was nothing around them except a large cargo ship that the boat was approaching. As the PT boat came close, the ship dropped down a ladder and Rock came topside.
"Hay Mr. Rock, why are we stopping?" asked Yui.
"Oh we're just taking on some more cargo. That's all."
"Taking on cargo?" wondered Ritsu. "Don't you do that at a dock?"
"Um…some cargo you can't pick up at a dock," answered Rock as he climbed up the ladder.
"What kind of cargo can you not pick up at a dock?"
"The type that isn't any of your fucking business!" snarled the tattooed woman. Just then Azusa came up from the front. "Hey why did we st…"
"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU!?" Revy yelled as she drew her cutlasses on the tan girl. "How'd the fuck you get on board!?"
Normally Azusa would have yelled about people not recognizing her when tan, but this was the first time someone had drawn a gun on her. "I-I'm with the band!"
"Like hell! I watch those girls come on." snarled Revy. Then Yui stepped in front of her. "She is with the band! This is Azu-nyan, she's just tan now."
Revy narrowed her eyes then put her pistols away as she realized that the girl was indeed the smallest one to come on board that morning. "Damn kid, what cha do? Put your head in the fucking microwave?"
"No, I just tan easily."
"You should have that checked out. It's not normal to tan that fast. You could have cancer or something," said Revy as Rock came back down with a briefcase. No sooner did his feet hit the deck, than Benny's head popped out. "Good you got the cargo. We got to get out of here. There's a Thai naval patrol headed straight for us."
"Why do we have to run from the nav…mmph" Yui asked before Ritsu slapped her hand over the girl's mouth.
"We probably don't want to know," said Ritsu as the PT boat started to pull away.
"Heh, you're getting smarter kid," said Revy, as the PT boat picked up speed. With no further incident the PT boat arrived at Roanapur. Rock directed the girls to another rental van and took them to a tourist market that he felt was safe enough for the girls to shop. After spending the day shopping for souvenirs and seeing what little sights, the girls loaded back onto the van for the rest of the trip to the Yellow Flag.
"Well this looks…ratty," said Ritsu as they walked up to the door.
"N-NNOOOooo!" yelled a man who suddenly appeared in the front door before he was shot in the back. Mio screamed as the man drop dead in front of her.
"Damn it! Did she have to shot him right at my door!?" growled a man coming out of the bar. The man was Asian and dressed as a classic bar tender with dark paints, white shirt, and a red vest. Looking around the man dragged the copse to a nearby alley and dumped it.
"Umm shouldn't you like call the cops or something?" asked Ritsu. The man narrowed his eyes as he looked at them.
"You must be band, you're obliviously new here. I'm Bao. I run this place. You see that woman in there?" asked Bao pointing into the bar. The girls looked in to see a blond woman with a burn scar on her face placing a pistol down on the table before returning to her drink. "That's Balalaika, leader of Hotel Moscow. She's been drinking tonight and that man; he did a very bad thing to her."
"W-What did he do?" asked a nervous Azusa.
"He cast his shadow upon her!" Seeing the shocked looks on the girls' faces, Bao just shrugged. "Like I said she's been drinking. Anyway follow me; you can sit at the bar until you have to get ready." The girls then followed the man into the bar. Unfortunately their path to the bar brought them close to the scar faced woman.
"HEY YOU!" Mio yelped as the scar faced woman yanked her down, put a gun to her head, and hissed at her. "Your shadow!"
"B-b-but…" Mio whimpered as she felt the still warm barrel against her head.
"Aw come on Balalaika, she just arrived today," said Bao, trying to defuse the situation. "She didn't know."
The woman sneered at the scared girl then released her. "Well you better straighten her out!"
"It won't happen again; I promise," said the bartender as he once more lead the girls to the bar. As the girls settled down at the bar, they decided to order something to drink.
"Umm do you have tea or water?" The girls blinked, as five mugs of beer dropped in front of them.
"This is bar. You drink booze at a bar," said the bartender as he picked up his paper. The girls looked at the mugs rather uncertainly, until Ritsu picked hers up.
"Well, when in Rome," she said as she took a sip. Then all others also took a sip from their mugs and made various faces at the bitter drink. All that is, except Yui, who licked her lips and started drinking more. The others looked at her as she finished the glass.
"What, it's good?" asked Yui as she noticed her friends staring at her. After that the girls went back to the dressing room. They had decided to wear their old school uniforms for this concert. Stepping out onto the stage the girls grimaced at the condition of the equipment. The drums were heavily covered with duct tape. The amps were old and one of them appeared to have what looked like a bullet hole in it. Mio didn't even want to ask what the brown stains on the back wall were.
After the girls had set up Mio turned to face the bar floor; which had suddenly become a bit quieter. "Um…we're the Ho-KaGo Tea Time. I hope you enjoy our show."
"One, two, three, four, one, two" yelled Ritsu, tapping her drumsticks together in their traditional show starter. Thus began one of the longest nights of their lives. As they played their sets they witness no less than five bar fights, including one that turned into a gun fight. They saw another three people get shot by the scar faced woman. They saw prostitutes come down from the brothel upstairs looking for customers. They even saw a nun with blond hair and shades sit down and have a drink with Revy. Luckily no one seemed to mind their music and some even appeared to like the songs. In between sets they would all retreat back to the dressing room to hide. All that is except for Yui; who would run up to the bar to try out more drinks. The others could see that the guitarist was quickly getting tanked, but said nothing as the more she drank the better her playing seem to get. They really should've known better.
"HEY YOUR SHADOW!"
"Ohh I'mmm ssso sorry. Llet me buy you a drrink. HHEEEYY MR BOOOO! Get mee a glass and bottle of whatever their hhhaving."
"Heh, Mr. Booo, I like that."
"Jeez kid, haven't you had enough?"
"III havve not yet begonnn to drink!"
"Daa, now you drink with ussss!"
Finally the girls had played their last set. Everyone was packing away their equipment when Ritsu asked; "Hey, where's Yui?"
"I don't know. She wasn't even present for the last set," said Mio a little worried.
"Alright, 500 yen says she's passed out naked in the brothel upstairs!" said Ritsu.
"600 yen says she's dead in the alleyway!" Mugi countered.
"DON'T MAKE BETS LIKE THAT!" yelled Mio as she wacked Ritsu on the head.
"Itai! Why'd you only hit me?" ask Ritsu nursing her new lump. She then noticed Azusa shaking and pointing in to the table area. "I-I found her."
'No way!' thought Ritsu as she and the others looked out at the tables. Sure enough, there was Yui, now wearing a blue beret with a red star on it. One of her arms was swinging around a glass of vodka; the other was draped over the scar faced woman's shoulders. The same scar faced woman who had been shooting people all night. Both they and the tough looking men around them were singing what sounded like Russian military songs.
"Well someone better go get her," said Ritsu as she turned to the other girls.
"I better put this stuff in the van!" said Mio quickly walking away.
"I guess I'll pack up Getah for her!" said Mugi. Ritsu turned to Azusa.
"No way in hell!" Hearing this Ritsu growled. Summoning up her courage, Ritsu walked up to the table as the group had just finished a rousing rendition of "Katjusha" and were about to start "There March the Soldiers".
"Yui, it's time to…"
"I AM NOT YUI!" yelled the drunk girl.
"Nani?" asked Ritsu. To this the guitarist took a deep breath, puffing out her chest.
"IIIIII am Prrrivate Hirasawa, hhonorary member of tthe Eighttth Company, Ttthhhird Battalion, Twenty-sssecond Ssspetsnaz Brigade, Ffffortieth Army!"
"URAAAGHH!" cheered the men around them.
"Well that's nice. It's time to go private," said Ritsu.
"I can't go. I hhaven't beenn deplloyyed yyet."
"Well that's why we're leaving. We're being redeployed."
"Ooohh. Wwhy didn't you ssay so?" The drunken girl turned to the scar faced woman. "I'mm ssorry Major. It appearss I hhave mmission tomorroww."
"Da. Da. Just remember, if you should run into your love later. Tonight you live! For tomorrow you may DIE!"
"YES COMRADE MAJOR!" yelled Yui saluting as Ritsu dragged her away. Stepping out into the parking lot, the drummer loaded Yui into the rental van, sitting the girl between herself and Mio. As the van pulled away from the bar and started heading back to the docks, Yui turned to Ritsu and asked, "Byy the way, wwhat iss the tomorrow's mission anyway?"
"We're going to kill Sawako for sending us down here!" Ritsu all but yelled.
"Ohh, wwwet work. It'ss a good thinng my commrades have made me ffully equipped!" said the guitarist as she reached under her school coat and pulled out AKS submachine gun. For a brief moment Ritsu wondered just how Yui had hidden that weapon. Then Mio screamed as the drunken girl fired a burst across the bassist's nose, blasting out the van's window. The weapon continued to fire for a few seconds, shooting out store windows until there was a click.
"What? Out of bulletss…" Every one sighed in relief, until Yui reached into her pocket. "It'ss a good tthing my comrades gave me annother magazine. Nnow hhow do I get this empty one out?"
Mio quickly grabbed the weapon from the young girl's hands and threw it out the window.
"Wait I need that for the mission!" whined Yui.
"Well too bad!" snapped the bassist.
"Ohh well. I guess I'lll just hhave to use this," said Yui as she reached into her other pocket. Ritsu eyes widen in terror as the drunken girl pulled out a Russian hand grenade and started to pull the pin. Thinking quickly, she yelled out: "WAIT! If you use that here; you won't be able to use it on the mission!"
"Oh yeahhhh."
"Why don't you let me hold on to that for you?" said Ritsu as she pried the grenade out of Yui's hand and placed it in the pocket of her jacket. Finally the rental van arrived at the docks. Yui swayed as she got out of the van. "II feel dizzy."
"That's because you're drunk Yui," said Azusa.
"Private Hirasawa doesn't get DRUNK!" Yui snapped at the younger girl. "She gets AWESOME!"
"Ha, you tell em kid!" said Revy who had been enjoying watching the whole scene.
"Ignore the armed peanut gallery," said Ritsu as she guided the drunken girl towards the PT boat.
"I-I don't ffeel so…BLEAGH" Yui dropped to her knees as she emptied her stomach.
"Aww great," said Ritsu throwing her hands up. Rock just shook his head 'At least she's doing that here and not on the boat.'
As Yui finished dry heaving, Mugi helped her up. "Let's get you on the boat Yui-chan."
"B-Boat? Wwhat boa…WHERE THE HELL DID THAT COME!?" yelled the guitarist, pointing at the PT boat. The PT boat that was at the same spot they had left it earlier in the day. Revy smiled as she bent down and whispered in the girl's ear. "Why the boat fairies left it."
"Ohhhh that was nice of them."
"Well let's get on board," said Mugi as she guided the girl across the gangplank. Dutch watched the girls as they start going to below deck. "Looks like someone had a good time tonight."
"Don't get us started," growled Mio.
"AZU-NYAN!" Yui yelled as she suddenly grabbed onto the smaller girl. "W-What?"
"AZU-NYAN, WE'RE ABOUT TO GO ON DANGEROUS MISSION. WE MIGHT DIE TOMORROW. LET US LOVE…LET US LOVE AS WE'VE NEVER LOVED BEFORE!" said Yui as she started fondling her fellow guitarist.
"HEY WAIT A MIN…EEP!" Azusa yelped as both she and Yui were suddenly kicked into the cabin and the door slammed and locked behind them. "LET ME OUT!"
Ritsu ignored the banging on the cabin door as she turned to see her other two band mates looking at her. "What? Better her than us."
Mugi and Mio frowned, but said nothing as Revy smirked. "Heh, this kid just keeps getting smarter and smarter."
With that said, the PT boat started its journey back to Bangkok. The cruise went pretty much like the trip to Roanapur. Once again the boat stopped in the middle of nowhere to meet another ship, this time to drop off some questionable cargo. The Lagoon then proceeded to the rest of the way to Bangkok. As the boat was getting close to the city, Mio open the cabin the door. Azusa stepped out looking none the worse for wear.
"Are you okay?" asked Mio.
"Yes, luckily, Yui-senpai passed out shortly after you locked us in."
"Sorry, that was Ritsu."
"Oww, my head hurts," said Yui as she came out holding said head that was still wearing the blue beret. "W-What happened?"
"What do you remember?" asked Revy.
"Something about mission and boat fairies?"
"Let me put this way kid; you put on one hell of show."
Yui smiled. "Oh good, I'm glad it was a success."
"That's not the show she's talking about Yui," said Azusa, but the other girl didn't seem to hear her. A short while later the boat finally docked at Bangkok. After thanking Dutch and Revy for their part in transporting them, the girls loaded onto yet another rental van. Rock drove the girls to Bangkok International just in time to make their flight. Rushing up to customs the girls started to go through one by one. Ritsu placed her bag on the X-ray conveyer belt. She then moved to empty her pockets to go through the metal detector and froze.
"Ritsu come on! We're going to miss our flight!"
Ritsu said nothing; instead she just gulped and looked at the metal detector. The metal detector that seemed to turn into the fiery gates of hell as she felt the cold steel in her pocket and realized; she still had the hand grenade.
'What do I do?' Ritsu franticly thought. She knew she'd be screwed if they found the weapon on her. 'Ok calm down, I'll just say I have to go to the bathroom and throw it in the trash.' Unfortunately someone decide Ritsu wasn't moving fast enough.
"Move it!" said the man behind her as he pushed the girl through the metal detector. Sure enough the detectors alarm went off.
"Ma'am, please step over here and put your arms out," ordered the security guard holding a search wand. Tears started to come to Ritsu's eyes as she started to think of all the horrible things that were about to happen to her. She was going to get arrested. Probably thrown into a Thai prison, where she'll be raped by the prisoners, then by the guards, then by the prisoners again, then she'd get shanked. "Alright you're free to go."
Ritsu blinked, "Nani?"
"Come on Ritsu!" yelled Mio. Not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, Ritsu grabbed her bag and followed the others to the boarding gate. Just missing another security guard, who said he had a fresh battery pack for the wand. Going through boarding gate the other girls quickly went to their seats. Ritsu however, grabbed Mio's arm and dragged her to the bathroom.
"What the hell Ritsu!?"
"Mio, what do I do?" asked a panicking Ritsu.
"What are talking about?"
"I still have that hand grenade I took from Yui!"
"What? How the hell do you get pass…Get rid of it!" Mio hissed after getting over her shock.
"OK, I'll throw in the trash can here," said Ritsu reaching into her pocket to get the weapon.
"Damn it, it's stuck on something," said Ritsu as she yanked the grenade out. What she didn't realize was that the grenade's pin had gotten caught on the inner cloth of the pocket. As she pulled it out, Ritsu accidently pulled the pin from the weapon. Surprised Ritsu dropped the grenade, as the spoon flew from the side and smoke started to come from the top. Watching the grenade fall in slow motion and realizing what was about to happen; Ritsu did the only thing she could think of.
"I've always love you Mio!" Ritsu said as she crashed her lips into the taller girl's and waited for oblivion…and waited and waited. Blinking both girls looked down at the green orb of doom that seemed to mock them from the floor. Picking it up Ritsu gave a small laugh. "Heh, I guess it's a dud."
"Throw it away damn it!"
"Right!" said Ritsu as she threw the weapon into the bathroom trashcan, followed by the spoon and pin. The two girls then left the bathroom and went to their seats.
"Is everything okay?" asked Mugi as Mio sat down.
"OfCourse,whywouldn'titbe," answered Mio. Mugi said nothing however, as the flight attendant's voice came over the intercom.
"Ladies and Gentlemen we are about to take please insure that seats and trays are in the upright pos…" BA-BOOM! "U-um Ladies and Gentlemen please evacuate the aircraft in a calm manner."
"Ritsu, Mio we have to get out of here!" said Azusa shaking Ritsu. Both girls however, sat frozen watching in horror as the other passengers started to panic and smoke flooded in from the rear. A couple of hours later the girls found themselves sitting in a hanger with the other passengers.
"I wonder what happen," Azusa said to Ritsu.
"HowshouldIknow!" answered the drummer.
"Um Ritsu…"
"Excuse me." The girls looked to see a man in a suit looking down at them.
"Um…yes?"
"I need to speak with her and her," said the man pointing at Mio and Ritsu.
"Who are you?" asked Ritsu.
"I'm Sergeant Tang with the Bangkok Metropolitan Police. I'd like to ask you a few question about what happen on the aircraft." Ritsu and Mio gulped as they nodded and followed the policeman to a small room. "For the record can I have you're names please?"
"Mio Akiyama."
"Ritsu Tainaka. So um what happen anyway?" asked Ritsu.
"By our initial investigation, an explosive device went off in the bathroom trashcan," said the police officer. "Now according to the flight attendants, you two were last people in that bathroom. Did either of you notice anything while in their?"
"No we saw nothing at all. Isn't that right Mio?" answer Ritsu while jabbing Mio in the side.
"Um yes that right!" answer the girl quickly.
"What were you two doing in the bathroom at the same time?"
"NOTHING, nothing at all!"
"Are you sure?" asked the Sergeant looking at them with a critical eye. Maybe he should have put them in separate rooms.
"What do you mean?" asked Ritsu becoming unsettled at the police officers staring.
"Well you're obviously nervous about something. Why don't you tell me what you were doing?"
"Well we umm….I ah…" Ritsu stammered, before taking breath. "I DECLARED MY LOVE MIOCHAN!"
The surprised police officer looked back forth at Ritsu and Mio, who's jaw had dropped and eyes widen in shock. Suddenly another man burst into the room. "Serge, we got em!"
"What?"
"We found a North Korean with a false passport. He denies having anything to do with the explosion on the plane, but found more explosives in his check luggage."
The police sergeant stood up. "You two are free to go. Umm…good luck with your relationship."
"Are we lucky or what?" asked Ritsu after the police left, only to get punched in the face.
"What the hell were you thinking yelling something like that out!?"
"I had to say something! It was just us and the cop in here. It ain't like anyone else is going to hear about this," said Ritsu opening the door, only to find their band mates sitting right outside the door. Ritsu just looked at them and asked. "D-did you guys hear anything?"
"Ritsu, Mio, don't worry. We don't think any less of you!" declared Yui with Mugi nodding.
"RRRittssuu!" growled Mio before punching the drummer in the head. After which the girls returned to the hanger where they and the other passengers were loaded onto a new aircraft. Finally after several hours the girls were back in Japan. As Yui exited the boarding gate she was tackled by a brown blur.
"BIG SIS! Are you okay? Were you hurt? Were you scared? I'm so glad you're home BWWAHH!"
Yui looked down at the brown haired girl that was hugging and crying on her. "U-Ui?"
"Poor Ui's been freaking out since she heard about the bomb attack on your plane."
"Nodoka!"
"Good to see you're back," said the girl with glasses. "Nice hat by the way."
"Do you like it? I got from my new friend Vladilena. Everyone calls her Balalaika; she's in the resort business."
"The resort business?" asked Nodoka. Yui nodded. "Yes, she said she ran some place called Hotel Moscow."
"Hey girls, how was the trip?"
"SAWAKO!" yelled Ritsu as she pointed at the teacher. "You sent us to the worst bar in city!"
"Oh come now girls, it couldn't have been that bad," said Sawako looking innocent.
Azusa glared at the teacher while reaching into her bag and pulling out a Thai tour guide. "Yellow Flag: Warning! This is the worst bar in Roanapur if not all of Thailand. Due to the extremely high level of criminal activity, one should avoid this location at all cost."
"Oh dear, I had no idea. Well don't worry; I'm ready to make it up to you. Another friend of mine has you booked for another gig outside country."
"Forget it!" yelled Mio.
"Oh now this time it's completely different. You'll be opening for a big name band in Europe," pleaded the teacher while thinking. 'And I'll get to go this time!'
"Opening for a big name band in Europe?" The girls thought about it. Europe sounded nice and they doubted they would send a big name band to a place like Yellow Flag.
"Okay, I guess we'll bite," said Ritsu. "So what big name band are we opening for anyway?"
"Hang on to your panties girls! You're going to be opening for my most favorite band of all time…DETHLÖK!"
One Month Later…
The girls huddled in the darken basement of Mugi's now ruined vacation home in Finland. Outside they could hear the lake troll summoned by lead act as it terrorized and destroyed the countryside around them.
"II must go fforthh annd sslay the beast! It's mmy duty as a hhunter!" yelled Yui from the corner where she was tied up. They had made the mistake of leaving the girl alone with the other band's drummer, a man by the name of "Pickles", and she was once again heavily intoxicated. Luckily when all hell broke loose the other girls were able to quickly subdue the drunken guitarist as she was declaring herself "Private Hirasawa, Secret Spetsnaz Troll Slayer".
"Well girls, this trip certainly has been um…exciting," said a nervous Sawako. She gulped as the girls glared at her.
"SAWAKO YOU SUCK!"
The End