I want to be loved…
By: Zero Hakaru
Disclaimer-age: I own a copy of Final Fantasy VII and Advent Children… however I don't claim these characters as mine… if I could I wouldn't need to be posting my work here. XD
-x-
The endless white sky had nothing to it, no color, no clouds, no birds, and no sun. It just appeared to be an unfinished painting. The ground had grass and flowers blooming so at least there was something to it so he couldn't go insane from emptiness. But he couldn't care less about the sky or earth… he needed something else.
Kadaj lay amongst the long blades that caressed his slender body wrapped in black leather. He clashed terribly against the bright green grass and white flowers but it suited him just fine, he would rather be noticed.
Sighing softly, he lazily flopped to his side and observed the expansive plains of vegetation. His green eyes scanned the fields and noticed the girl in pink walking up to him.
"Hmph." He grunted and rolled to the other side.
"Aw… come on now… don't be like that." Aerith said in her soft angelic tone as she sat beside Kadaj.
"Leave me alone…" grumbled Kadaj as he started to play with a few blades of grass.
"What's wrong Kadaj?" Aerith probed him with more questions that Kadaj was not in any mood to answer. "Are you still mad about… Cloud?"
"Cloud did nothing to me…" Kadaj grunted. "It was Sephiroth's fault."
"Why was it his fault?" Aerith knew it was sort of a dumb question, Sephiroth was a scourge on all that is pure, but such blame coming from someone who was spawned from the man was a bit shocking.
"… she chose him." Kadaj muttered as he stood up. "She chose him…" He wandered off aimlessly into the illusions of the Lifestream leaving Aerith to worry about him.
-x-
In an area of shallow water, almost as if he stood in a river, Kadaj practiced his forms with his Souba, as it became the only thing worth doing in the Lifestream. He failed to noticed or acknowledge that Zack was watching him from one of the boulders that overlooked the river.
"You have good form." The black haired warrior complimented as Kadaj began attacking imaginary foes. Kadaj made no effort to answer back and Zack hung his head in disappointment. "I heard from Aerith that something's bothering you."
"What's it to you?" Kadaj snapped back as he ceased his swordplay.
"Well, y'know Aerith… she wants everyone to be happy." Zack murmured while scratching the tip of his nose. "So what's up buddy?"
"I am not your buddy." Spat Kadaj. Sighing, Zack just stared at the boy's back. Now he too was worried about the silver haired child.
"C'mon… don't be like that." Zack leapt off the rock and approached Kadaj. He rested a friendly hand on Kadaj's shoulder, attempting to assure him that he was considered a friend. "You're in the Promised Land now… ya gotta be happy here."
"I have nothing to be happy about." Kadaj shook of Zack's hand off his shoulder and vacated the area.
Zack watched him leave and understood what Aerith was getting at. "What's wrong with him?"
-x-
Back at the field, Kadaj found he was alone this time. He glanced up to the empty sky and began to reminisce on his short life. Being called by Jenova and Sephiroth… attempting another Reunion… fighting for his own existence.
But no… he held Jenova in his hands; he fused with her, feeling a swirling torment of burning energy coursing through his fragile body. Then, he felt another presence. Another presence of deep hatred and raw power.
Sephiroth.
His will was amazingly strong. It fought a small battle with Kadaj's will whilst Jenova watched. Kadaj was utterly destroyed by Sephiroth and in a slight moment that he was still Kadaj, he saw Jenova smiling with pride over Sephiroth's victory. Even if her plans weren't followed by Sephiroth as she would have it, Jenova's desired result would be attained from Sephiroth's actions one way or another.
Kadaj clenched his fists tightly and gritted his teeth. He was tossed aside, he was unwanted… he was… unloved.
"DAMN YOU SEPHIROTH!" Kadaj cried out in agony as he fell to his knees. Crying pitifully, Kadaj continuously punched the ground and cursed Sephiroth and Jenova repeatedly. "Why couldn't I be the one to inherit the power? Why couldn't I have my Reunion? I DIDN'T WANT TO BE A FUCKING VESSEL FOR SEPHIROTH!" Howling in despair, Kadaj tore up the ground and stumbled around as if he was drunk. "Why Mother? WHY? WHY DIDN'T YOU LOVE ME? WHY IS IT ALWAYS SEPHIROTH?"
Tripping in his furious outbreak, Kadaj fell face first to the ground. Making no attempt to get up, he just continued to cry into the ground. Tears mixed with dirt stained his pale face. He just lay there waiting for his soul to wither away. But a pair of gentle hands grasped his shoulders and pulled him up. He tilted his head to see Aerith holding him while Zack stood above them.
The flower girl took Kadaj and cradled him sweetly in her arms. "Why are you crying?" Kadaj didn't fight from her touch, he just laid limply there.
"I… I was… thrown away…" Kadaj said in between sobs. "Mother… threw me away…"
"Mother… Jen-" Zack stopped Aerith from saying the actual name. Nodding in compliance, Aerith returned her attention to Kadaj.
"I'm… worthless… I'm just a messenger boy…" Kadaj was about ready to breakdown again but Aerith intervened. Taking a handkerchief out of her pocket she gentle wiped Kadaj's face clean, exactly like a mother would do for her own son.
"You're not worthless Kadaj…" Aerith attempted to console him. "You're a bright young man." Aerith could almost feel herself filling the mother position herself.
"Ya pal." Zack continued. "Ya got looks that could kill, ya got the moves. You have a lot going for you." Kadaj seemed unimpressed by their compliments, but at least they bought time to prevent another breakdown.
"It didn't get me far…" Kadaj sighed. "I just followed what Mother wanted and in the end… she tossed me away for Sephiroth… the favorite in her family." Kadaj turned toward Aerith, subconsciously liking the warmth of her caring touch. "It was always about him…" Tears began to stream down his face. "I just wanted… I just wanted to shine… I wanted to make her proud… I wanted to be loved by her."
Aerith frowned slightly and looked up to Zack for some strength. "There have to be others Kadaj… others who would cherish you." He shook his head slightly.
"I didn't have anybody else… it was just Yazoo, Loz… and Mother." Kadaj looked up at Aerith; pure sadness was all his eyes had. "None of us were good for her… but it was the worst for me… she forced me to become Sephiroth."
"Can't really call her your mother can ya?" Zack pointed out bluntly. Aerith gaped in shock at him, but a glint in his eyes hinted that he had something up his sleeve. "You see, a mother and child all have a special bond… at least they should if love was truly there."
Kadaj looked up weakly at Zack, but was hung onto what Zack was getting at rather than angry.
"Kadaj, I can tell you're not a bad kid." Continued Zack. "And your so-called 'mother' didn't see your great qualities. To your 'mother' you were a tool for her own ambitions. That's just plain wrong. A real loving mother would never use her child as a tool."
"Mother didn't love me… is that what your saying?" Kadaj began to sob.
"No…" Zack replied confidently. "But that Jenova… wasn't your mother." Both Aerith and Kadaj shuddered in shock at what Zack had just said. Zack turned to Aerith and gave her a wink that screamed 'Trust me, I have a plan'. "Your real mother… is holding you right now."
Kadaj gasped in shock and stared at Aerith. Aerith was confused at what Zack was up to, but she learned that this idiot knew what the right creative thing to do was.
"Just think about it." Zack bent down to their level and continued his plan. "Why else would she be so concerned for you? She's treating you with the proper motherly love. She wants you to be happy and she loves you for being you. Right 'mom'?" Zack nudged Aerith playfully and smiled confidently. Sighing softly, Aerith turned to Kadaj and looked at him with her angelic eyes.
"That's right." She replied gently while playing along with Zack's plan. "Welcome back, my son."
Kadaj thought back at the situation… Aerith was the one who purified him and allowed him entranced to the Promised Land. She constantly questioned him with concern as he lulled about in despair. And now here she was, holding him and soothing his aching heart.
"M-mother?" He managed to choke out. Aerith's only response as a warm smile and a tight embrace. "Mother!" He threw his arms around her tightly, holding her graciously.
"You know what the right thing to do is… 'Dad'." Aerith teased as she held her new son lovingly.
"Don't be like that." Zack chuckled as he patted Kadaj's silver head. He leaned in closer to Aerith and whispered into her ear. "You always wanted a child and besides… Kadaj is a good kid when you think about it. I think this idea is great."
Aerith smiled even wider. "You're right."
Kadaj couldn't be happier now. All this time he felt so low that he couldn't see that people would actually love him. And now he was loved, he had both Zack and Aerith to look out for him and care for him. He found the love he wanted.
Zack stood up and looked at his new family, meh he may be dead but the Promised Land still was eventful in its own. Especially now as he watched the sky be painted in its proper colors of soft blue and whites. He looked about the field, admiring the added beauty to the new mood about them.
"Welcome home… son." He said to Kadaj with a goofy grin.
-end-
Welcome home…hmph.
Note-ara
Huzzah, a one-shot. What can I say, I love Kadaj's character and he provided great lines for me to reap for this fic, especially his death provided the idea that Aerith and Zack would adopt him. And hey, Kadaj is in some ways like me… well during a certain hard time in my life. It was refreshing to write this as a little of my life was used for inspiration.
Anyways, thank you for taking the time to read this. I hope you enjoyed it.
Note: Also, this does tie in with another story of mine. Hehehe.
Zero