Title: Contrary To Popular Belief
Author: Penmanboat
Rating: T
Fandom: Death Note
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Warnings: Spoilers for episode 25, depressed L, general spoilers, and mentions of A and B.
Contrary To Popular Belief
Contrary to popular belief, the way he acted was not a disguise. Most people thought that his real self was a cold hearted one. He had no desire to prove them wrong because he did sometimes act that way. Not when he was himself though. Light was the closest thing that he had as a friend, so there really was no to ask the age-old question that was 'What is L really like?'
Sometimes though, he needed the cold exterior. And more and more as he worked as a detective, L needed to be cold more often. So much more often that he himself began to think it was a character trait. It was as if a second L, a cold hearted version of himself, began to come forth. More and more, the double was the one that was needed on cases. There was no need for the light hearted teen that once donned the legacy 'L.'
By the time that the Kira case rolled along, the original L had long since been shoved into the proverbial corner. He hid along with the memories of his past, of Wammy's House, of B, of A, of his parents. Locked with a deadbolt and chained to the wall, the memories were never disturbed. That is until the original L bunked with them.
As the seemingly cold hearted L took control, the original L bathed in the memories that he so desperately tried to hide away. The real L relived A's suicide all the time. He recalled the tortured laugh that escaped B's throat. The LA BB Murder cases came rushing back to him. Image after image, memory after memory, pain after pain, flooded his head. It killed him to see his friends go through that. All because of him.
They turned out the way they did because they wanted to be him. They wanted to be L. Knowing that it was his fault, he couldn't stand it.
While his colder outer self usually was in control, the real L sometimes made an appearance. Though, as time progressed, the real L became more like the cold L. The memories cut off his emotions. So even though, the real made the same amount of appearances as before, but it was getting harder to tell which was which.
The boundary between the two Ls became so blurry that it was no longer there. By the time close to his death, there was nothing left.
He supposed that something, more specifically someone, could have been able to drag his soul up to see the light of day. Light was the closest person to him; Watari a close second. Light was under the impression, though that the cold L was the normal L.
Watari knew that L was changing. He saw the change in the light of his eyes. The way that he wasn't the same. L being L nobody could pinpoint the exact ways that he changed. He changed though. Nobody noticed enough to care though.
Contrary to popular belief, the way he acted was not a disguise. The loving L had once lived. He had died though. Long before anyone began to look deep enough.