Title: On the Side
Author: Bru Cardoso
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Characters based on Gilmore Girls and story loosely inspired on the song "Man on the Side" (I don't know who owns the song, but I heard it on John Mayer's DVD and I loved it)
Summary: A phone call, to confess and forgive and promise things that make life worth living. Fluffy. One-shot. Lit
A/N: Reviews are highly appreciated. Dedicated to someone who could have been much more, and now is a memory forever cherished. Thanks to Selina for the beta. This story was posted on Feb but deleted it, so I'm re-posting it.
Man on the Side
"Hello."
"Hey," pause. "It's me," she says shyly.
He smirks, " 'Me' who?" and waits for her comeback.
She glares even though he can't see it but is secretly glad he is in a playful mood.
"You know who 'me' is," she accuses him.
"Your grandparents pay thousands of dollars for Yale and that's the wittiest comeback you've got?" he questions and regrets it a second after the words leave his mouth. The silence that falls between them is uncomfortable. Both know it wasn't supposed to hurt or bother any, but still they can't find the right thing to say.
He apologizes, although he hasn't a reason to, it is besides the point. She accepts, saying its okay, and the silence feels less awkward.
"I didn't mean..." he starts again but she cuts him off.
"I know." She takes a deep breath. "I'm going back," she tells him.
"To Yale?" he asks a bit surprised. He knew she would go back eventually; it was only a matter of time. He just didn't expect it to be so soon.
"Yeah."
"Have you talked to your mom?"
She hesitates and he can imagine her shifting her weight from one leg onto another. Chewing her bottom lip lightly, and darting her glances from one corner of her eyes to the other. A nervous hesitant habit she has always had.
"No." Her voice is small, ashamed.
"You should." He says. His voice is neutral and void of judgment. It's not advice, just a fact. She nods. He can't see, but he knows she agrees.
"I just called to say I got your e-mail. I've already been to a few of the bookstores spreading good reviews about your novel. I'm gonna give the best word-of-mouth any book has ever seen." She says half joking. "I'm going a couple others tomorrow."
"Thank you. You know you don't have to do that, right? I mean, it's no big deal... It's just a small novel anyway."
"Don't do that," she asks. "You know this is huge. It's your novel. Your first novel. Don't make it sound like it's not important."
He smiles "Thank you."
She grins "You're very welcome." A beat. "It's really good, you know?"
"You think so?"
"It's already on my favorite list." She says proudly and he just laughs. Silence ensues for a moment.
"You didn't call me just to say that."
"I did," she insists.
"Rory..."
"How is the weather in Philly?" She asks playing avoidance.
"What is it?"
"We broke up."
"Who!" he asks feigning surprise and she groans.
"Forget it. I'm hanging up if you're gonna be an ass about it."
"Sorry. Let me just have a moment and I promise to behave."
She holds the phone away from her ear but can hear him laughing and can imagine the smile that will soon be playing on his face.
He sighs. "Ror?"
"Still here."
"Good" He pauses. "I'm sorry for your break up."
Now it's her who starts giggling. "You are not!" She accuses.
"I am," He says and she thinks she hear sincerity in his voice. "I remember how you felt when you and Dean broke up. You were never good with the ending of relationships. I'm sorry if it was hard for you this time around too."
She nods a little, "Thank you. Actually it was easier than I expected, but still... I thought it would be different."
He is silent for a moment, arraigning his thoughts and trying to form the words to say…"You thought he was the one?"
She considers, even thought she knows the answer. She remembers her secret fantasies, imagining how it would feel like to be called Mrs. Huntzberger. Living the socialite life, in a great mansion just like her grandmother. The functions she would attend, the small talk she would have to par take in at business dinners. The chit chats with businessmen and their wives. She could imagine the vacations spent in their luxurious summer homes, on the islands of Greece and Italy. She could see it all unfolding in her mind. She smiles and answers him with a small but bold "No."
"Really?"
"Yes really. You think he was the one for me?" she inquires.
"Hell no." He replies instantly.
She laughs, "Yeah, you gave me that impression."
"Why were you with him?"
She rubs her temple, suddenly tired. It's always so tiring to try and explain herself when she was still questioning and trying to understand it all herself. "It's been a very confusing year."
"I bet. I would never have played Clyde to your Bonnie in a boat heist…"
"Jess..."
"…Or stood idly by while you moved away from Lorelai and dropped out of Yale."
" Logan didn't do that. That was me. Me being stupid, but still me."
He grows quiet. "You are defending him." he states.
"I'm justtelling you, you're putting the blame on the wrong person."
"Would you have moved to your grandma's house if you weren't dating him?"
The question throws her off for a moment, and she hesitates with her answer. In the end she is as truthful as she can be. "I don't know." She says in a small voice.
"He was no good for you," he tells her.
"And you were?" She throws back. Rory closes her eyes regretting her words and tone. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that."
"Yes, you did." His voice is laced with hurt and the stab of the guilt she feels, just gets worse.
"Jess…" His name rolls off her tongue pleadingly. She wants to take back her hurtful words. Apologize and somehow take away the hurt.
"People change, you know?"
"I know, I know. I used to be the town princess with her head always in a book, and now I'm doing time for stealing a yacht with a Yalie. You used to be the town's residential bad boy making chalk outlines and never without sarcasm and a smirk, and now you're an author." She lets out a sigh. "I'm really sorry for what I said. I really didn't mean it."
He sighs, "You did, and it's okay. I'm sorry I left you and the way I did, and for all the times that I kept coming in and out of your life. I just wanted you and….I didn't know how to make things right. But you can't judge me based on who I was back then. I've grown up."
"I know. I want to make things right too."
"Going back to Yale is a good start. Talking to your mom would be the next step."
"Yeah, I just need some time."
"It's okay. I'm pretty sure she'll be waiting."
She pauses. "Why are you being so nice to me? And being a good listener, and handing out pretty sound advice. You weren't like that when we were dating!"
He laughs "Are you saying I wasn't a good boyfriend."
"It's more that you weren't boyfriend material back then, or weren't ready to be boyfriend material."
"Am I now?"
"Does it matter?"
"You tell me."
She's quiet. "Jess, what are we talking about?"
"I think you know."
"It's been almost three years."
"Yup."
"I've just broken up with Logan."
"And I don't have anyone to break up with."
"Why now?"
He laughs bitterly, "It's not 'now', Rory. I've always been on the side lines waiting to be ready for you. Waiting for us to be ready together"
Her hand shakes and she can feel chills running up and down her spine. His voice used to have this very effect on her when they first started dating, all those years ago in high school. Now it was his words that were making her feel nervous, insecure, and unsure. The chills and tingles were still there, and she knew she wanted all of it more than anything.
"I don't know," she says with a broken voice. "I don't know if I'm ready yet. You're all grown up now, but I still have to get my act together. Get back on the right track."
He sighs. "It's okay. Patience is a virtue. I can wait."
"I can't ask you..." she says a little painfully.
"You're not. I'm offering."
She's smiling and he knows it.
"I should go. Paris offered me a room, I'm supposed to be packing and moving in as we speak."
"Okay."
"But we will talk again, right?"
"You have the number, which is not an easy thing to earn." She can almost hear the smirk in his voice. "I'm hoping you'll put it to good use."
She nods with a small smile, "I'm gonna keep you to that."
A genuine smile comes over his face, as a distant memory of Hemingway, Rand, and a late night phone call takes place in his head.
"'Night, Rory."
"Good night, Jess."
He is just about to hang up when he hears her voice.
"But it's you, you know? All along it's been you."
"Ror-"
She doesn't allow him to finish. She bids him 'Good night' and the humming of the dial tone echoes in his head. It doesn't matter. There is a promise bigger than he could have ever expected and a confession that puts him at ease and the smile that adjourned his face grows. At least now he knows it's not a matter of 'if' but 'when' she wants him.
The End.