Song - Say When by The Fray
A/N - Spoilers for Tempest, Vortex & Doomsday.
For story purpose Pete learned of Clark's secret during the events of Vortex.
Now
We're coming close and then even closer
We bring it in but we go no further
"I'm sorry."
Clark's sullen voice resonates clearly in the stillness of the night.
"I know I should have come sooner." He states, refocusing his gaze in front of him. "And I know I should have said that too, but…" Sighing heavily, he bows his head.
"I'm so sorry." He whispers emphatically, voice breaking with emotion.
---
Back Then
"Have you tried to apologize?" Pete asks off-handedly, pulling an apple out of his back-pack.
Clark glares at his friend, "Of course." He replies with gruff indignation. Annoyance prickles his skin making him entirely too edgy. "Though I'm not sure why I have to. I didn't do anything wrong." He growls.
'This is common sense.' Pete thinks to himself while forcibly holding back the exasperation he feels developing at the willful naivety of his best friend. He shouldn't have to say this; Clark should know this but… "Dude…" Pete replies slowly, "… you ditched her at the Formal." He explains before crunching a bite out of his Granny Smith. 'You skip out on your date, you apologize. Duh'
"I did not ditch her." Clark protests instantly. "I didn't." Then sighs, downtrodden, "I just… I left her – secure and safe -…" he adds pointedly. "…to save someone."
Pete opens his mouth to interject, revealing his half masticated fruit, but Clark rushes on. "And this is not about Lana." He narrows his eyes accusingly at his friend, knowing immediately what Pete was about to say. "It's not! I would have done the same for anyone." Clark grumbles; slumping heavily into the battered office chair with what looks to be the beginning of a serious mope.
Pete swallows then takes another bite, chewing thoughtfully while examining the old straining chair Clark chose to rest in. He wonders fleetingly, if it will hold up against anymore abuse before shrugging off the insignificant thought and getting back to the point. "See, and that my freakishly tall friend, is where the roads fail to intersect."
"What?" Clark frowns in confusion clearly bemused by his friend's choice of words. And he is not 'freakishly tall', he silently balks in offense, Pete's just short.
Rolling his eyes, "You say toe-may-toe and she says tah-mah-toe." Pete amends. Then observing Clark's quizzically furrowed brows he huffs impatiently, tossing the core of his devoured fruit in the trash behind Chloe's desk.
"You know she hates that, don't you?" Clark absentmindedly admonishes on Chloe's behalf.
Receiving a dismissive shrug from Pete in reply, "I'm not the one in the dog house." He says, sitting backwards with a leg on each side of his chair. "She'll just take it out on you, Clark my man." He grins shamelessly in response to Clark's childlike pout.
"Anyway…" He continues. "What I was so subtly trying to say to you dimwit, was that obviously you guys can't agree. She says you ditched her, abandoned her to ridicule, scorn and disparagement from our peers." Pete states overly dramatic. "And you say, you departed, just left her confident in the security and safe shelter of our old gymnasium to go and battle the evil wilds of mother-nature."
Clark nods slowly, not really catching Pete's point. "Well… yeah." He says still mildly baffled. He's aware that they couldn't seem to get past their opposing views, but what was he supposed to do? That is the question.
"Okay" Pete says slowly, rolling his hands, he urges Clark to keep following with his train of thinking.
However, the big Kryptonian, just huffs in frustration, folding his arms petulantly on his chest. "It isn't fair…"
"Know what they say about life?" Pete throws in half heartedly.
Ignoring his friend's statement, Clark rambles on obstinately "… I didn't do anything wrong. I mean, OK, yes, I left her at the dance…"
"And turned her nightmare into reality..." Pete adds quietly.
"…but what was I supposed to do. Let someone die. You know…" He turns his stormy eyes on Pete, "… if I hadn't have gotten there when I did, Lana's body would be clear across Lowell County, or possibly crushed or not even found. I saved her. I saved her, and I had to leave Chloe there to do it."
"Chloe doesn't know that Clark." Pete points out sagely. "You can't just expect her to understand something she has no knowledge of."
"Well, what should I do? I can't tell her!" He nearly shouts in frustration.
And Pete pauses silently, allowing for the room to settle along with Clark's emotions, as he stares at his friend thoughtfully, before finally asking. "Why can't you?"
---
Now
We're separate.
Two ghosts in one mirror, no nearer
"I wanted to tell her." Clark wipes a tired hand over his face. "I really did but… I made so many mistakes. And all I wanted, all I want is for her to be happy. Where did I go wrong? Cause it seems like everything I did, every single decision I made did the exact opposite."
He sighs, pausing to reign in his weighty feelings before pressing on.
"I never wanted this. And I hate that it isn't more about you. I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. It's about her. It's always been about her. It just breaks me that she's in pain."
Clark nods dumbly to himself. "I just couldn't deal. I know I left her, I…" His voice cracks and his eyes begin to water. "I walked away from her. I had to, cause nothing I did could make her happy." Clark quickly wipes away the tear that escapes and clears his throat. "I had to leave her, because I failed. I failed her in the one thing I never wanted to. Her happiness is one of the most important things to me and…" He swallows thickly. "…and I sacrificed so much for that happiness and in the end it wasn't enough. I let her down."
He bows his head again. "I'm a failure. And in that I… couldn't… I couldn't because I…"
---
Back then – Later
"Do you love her?"
Clark's head shoots up, eyes wide in shock at the blunt question. "No! I mean, sure she's my best friend, but I don't… no." He shakes his head, stammering in his denial. "Not like that."
"Well-" His mother begins to speak slowly but is quickly cut off as Clark goes on to clarify.
"I… it's not how I feel… felt about Lana but…" He hesitates pensively, eyebrows furrowed in concentration. "I could so easily." He admits softly.
A slow knowing smile spreads across Martha's face before she nods perceptively, "Then you should tell her." She advises.
"But dad…"
"Clark, your father wants to protect you and he also wants the best for you, but he can't live your life for you. If you care for Chloe and I know that you do, if you trust her and telling her the truth about that day is the only way to mend your relationship with her… then tell her." Martha pats his shoulder affectionately while adding. "Your father will understand… eventually."
---
Now
Later on if it turns to chaos, hurricane coming all around us
See the crack, pull it back from the window, you stay low
"If I had, things would be so different now." Clark looks up pointedly. "For you especially." He appends. "I wish I did. And now… now she won't even give me an inch." He grumbles.
"Would it even matter if I told her now? After everything, can Chloe even love me back?"
---
Back then
"You know the truth is the only thing keeping you from being sickeningly happy with her and being all hand hold-y…" Pete stops himself short, noticing Clark's incredulous smile at his choice of words. 'Who says 'hand hold-y?' And reading the amused and slightly mocking expression on his friend's face, Pete explains flippantly. "Jessica, that girl I dated for like a week, she says things like that all the time…" He curtly dismisses the thought with a wave of his hand.
"Anyway, you know the truth, or lack thereof, is the only thing keeping you guys from sucking face in your loft right about now."
Clark scoffs at the idea, though he can't deny the desire to. He remembers leaning into her on the dance floor. The feel of her breath caressing his lips; her body sinking comfortably into his, the scent of her filling him, making him dizzy. Yeah, he wanted to then and he sure wouldn't mind kissing her now but…
He shakes himself abruptly. "We're not like that; we've never been like that Pete."
"Yeah, but you want to be." Pete counters grinning broadly and presses forward before Clark can refute his claim. "You obviously want to otherwise you would not have asked her to the dance." Pete ticks off his fingers – one – displaying his points to his friend. " Two, you wouldn't have been so nervous about asking her – and I know, I was there for the "should I, shouldn't I" remember?" He winks at Clark with meaningful playfulness. "Three, you would not have almost kissed her and – AND lamented to me about the interruption. And lastly, you sure wouldn't be angst-ing right now about telling her your secret, if in fact you didn't want there to be more between you two." Pete finishes smugly, crossing his arms over his chest in concluded victory.
Avoiding Pete's eyes Clark sighs heavily and admits dejectedly. "It doesn't matter anyway Pete, she just wants to be friends. So…" He shrugs, a gesture meant to portray indifference, when Clark is feeling anything but. He did want Chloe, but what did it matter, he can't have her. Clark has had to come to terms with that disappointing fact. Now all he wants is her friendship back.
Exhaling slowly, Pete leans towards the downhearted alien. "It does matter." He says as Clark glances his way. "It matters cause Chloe just said that so –"
The Torch door bursts open as the bouncy blonde in question flits into the office unawares interrupting Pete's explanation.
She stops abruptly as both boys freeze in place and their eyes turn to her simultaneously.
"Covert meeting? Did I miss the secret handshake and assignment of the decoder rings?" She snaps her fingers in mock disappointment. "Damn it. I always miss everything." Chloe shakes her head, grinning widely as she flounces to her desk. Taking a brief moment, to deliver a wink and personal smile to Clark.
Both boys couldn't help but smile in return. Although one smiles brighter filled with relief and renewed hope.
"So what were you boys talking about anyway?"
---
Now
Or Say when
And my own two hands will comfort you
Tonight, tonight
"What are you doing here?"
"I uh…" Clark straightens to his full height from his previously crouched position. "…I needed someone to talk to." He answers slowly. Furtively glancing at Chloe's hardened indifferent face. Ashamed for being here, Clark's unable to look her in the eyes.
Chloe nods lightly. "Me too." She whispers. Then sighing, she peers up at him, purposely catching his reluctant gaze directly. "Look Clark… I… I'm sorry." She breathes.
He gapes, caught completely off-guard by the unexpected apology, his mouth opening and closing mutely, incapable of finding words.
The blonde laughs wryly, at the Kryptonian's speechlessness. "I know, I shouldn't be." She looks away from him, glancing down at the headstone in front of Clark. "You hurt me." She admits softly, brokenly. The first time in over half a year he's been privileged to witness any sign of emotion from her and his chest tightens painfully. "But, you've been trying to make amends for months and…" She breathes deeply and then sits cross-legged on the grass of Jimmy's grave. "And I haven't let you. I've been treating you horribly. And… I'm sorry." She shrugs casually. "Even if we're not friends anymore, you shouldn't be treated like an enemy." Taking a deep breath, Chloe slowly looks up at the still stunned man. "So, I forgive you."
Clark swallows thickly, and for some reason, inexplicable to him, his eyes begin to burn with watery emotion. "Thank you." He croaks before clearing his throat, attempting to dislodge the ball of tears yearning to be released. "Thank you, but, I don't deserve your apology."
Nodding curtly. "I know." She replies shrewdly. "But life is too short right?" And with a light laugh adds "At least for some of us."
And is rewarded with a slight smile from Clark in return.
He crouches down beside her, sure to leave a careful distance between them. This is the first honest conversation they've had in months and he desperately doesn't want to make any move to ruin it.
"Does…" He starts tentatively and lowering his voice meekly he begins again. "Does this mean we can try to be friends again?" He asks, unabashed at the naked hope in his voice.
With a rueful shake of her head, Chloe states without falter. "I don't think so Clark." And peripherally seeing the slump of his shoulders and the crestfallen bow of his head, she attempts to slightly improve on her declaration. "Too much has happened Clark." She breathes deep. "I don't even think it's possible to be what we once were; I… don't think I want to be."
"Neither do I." Clark reveals softly. His sudden candor, surprising even himself. Then repeats with a steely resolve. "Neither do I." Before astonishingly, tilting Chloe's head up by her chin and capturing her lips with his.
Say when
And my own two arms will carry you tonight, tonight
He notices the instant she kisses him back. With a surrendered sigh, her lips following his, opening to him, giving and receiving his tongue as he deepens the kiss. It goes on, hot, wet, desperate and mutual. Both clinging to each other fervently as if it were to be the last time until with a surprised gasp, Chloe pushes back forcefully; shaking her head in an effort to clear it or maybe to refuse what it is she's feeling, Clark isn't sure, but he knows what he feels, what he wants and…
"I don't think so Clark. I… I can't" She breathes out, deflating.
"I do Chloe." He voices resolutely. "I know it's not the time now. I know we have a lot to work through, but I'm not giving up on us." Meeting her eyes directly, his stare is intent and indomitable. "I love you, have loved you, for awhile now. I know I walked away, and I'm sorry, you can't possibly know how sorry I am. But I'm here now, and I'm not going anywhere, never…" He shakes his head still holding her gaze intensely. "Never again!" Rising to his feet, Clark pulls her up with him, to him tightly and Chloe too stunned to protest or even form a thought, melts into him automatically. "So I'll wait for you. Just say when." He whispers before leaning into her and brushing his lips chastely to hers. "Just say when." He reaffirms gently before vanishing into the quiet of the still night.
Say when
And my own two hands will comfort you
Tonight, tonight