Hey everyone, this is my first fanfiction EVER … so I'm really excited to publish it now. I hope you like it! :)

Disclaimer: I don't owe anything about 'The Blacklist', neither the characters nor the storyline!

- AWAKENING -

Chapter 01 - The small things

"Lizzie, wake up! Now!"

She immediately awoke with a start and stared into Red's face, hovering over hers, his hands holding onto her shoulders.

"Red, what's going on?" she asked with a drowsy voice while he helped her get up from the pallet she had been sleeping on.

"Get your things. We have to leave. Please be fast." He rushed past her, heading for the open door. Judging from the lights that were shining into the little cellar they had slept in the last few days, a car was idling outside, ready to take them away. Still feeling a bit groggy from the rude awakening, she bent down and grabbed for her blanket and bag, and headed for the door. She could already feel a slight headache starting to crawl up her skull.

Red stood outside talking to a man she recognized from the day they had arrived at their makeshift lodgings. She felt little drops on her cheekbone and her nose. It had just started to rain, according to the still-dry ground.

"It has to be done quickly and accurately. All evidence that we were here has to be eliminated. Have I made myself clear?"

"Of course, Raymond," the man answered, handing him the keys for the car. "There are several cellphones in the car as well as enough food and water for about two days as well as a first aid box," he added.

Red took the keys from him and noticed Lizzie standing in the doorway. "Thank you Nathaniel," he said, patting him slightly on the back. "Are you ready?" he asked, looking over at Lizzie, who was stepping aside to let Nathaniel in.

He gave her a small nod which she replied: "Yes, I'm ready."

She walked around the car to take her place in the passenger seat. Red had already started the engine and so they drove into the night.

Red didn't wait for her to ask him what was going on. "Somehow the FBI got a lead on where we were just hiding. Dembe called me half an hour ago, so I informed Nathaniel that we had to leave immediately. Fortunately he's always well prepared in case of need… are you okay, Lizzie?" He looked at her with a sideways glance. "Your hands are shaking."

She was staring out the front of the car, running a shaky hand through her hair. She still wasn't quite accustomed to how dull the strands felt after she had dyed them blonde. Angling sideways in her seat, she faced him. "Yeah, everything's alright, Red. I'm just a little bit…overwhelmed, I think. But I guess storming off like this is most likely going to become a new habit while we are on the run…" she stated resignedly.

He frowned slightly. "As much as I want to deny that, it's the truth. We have to be very cautious, especially since we haven't even left the country yet."

Lizzie simply nodded at that. This was her life now; unstable, rushed and off the wall. She had become the sort of criminal she used to chase over the last two years. Not quite an improvement. Her eyes wandered to her blurred reflection in the side mirror as she sat properly again. The face staring back at her wasn't hers anymore. She wondered how Red had managed to live that way for so many years without losing himself. The headache that had announced itself earlier had completely engulfed her head by now. Maybe losing oneself was the presumption to live a life like him. She looked at him from the corner of her eye. She owed this man so much and yet she hardly knew him.

"I'm sorry!"

All of a sudden, Red broke her train of thought and she turned her face to look at him properly. "Red, you don't have to apologize for waking me up in the middle of the night. I know it's just for our -"

"I'm not talking about that," he cut her off.

She stared at him, not really sure how to reply to that, so she remained silent and so did he. She just looked at him steadily, asking herself what was going on inside of the thick, solid armor that called itself Raymond Reddington.

They fell into a more or less comfortable silence. She listened to the raindrops that were now thundering onto the car. It was somehow soothing her. She relaxed deep into her seat and looked outside into the dark night.

"Red?"

There was a pause. "Yes?"

"Is this your real name?" she asked, elongating her seat belt to lean against her door while watching him inquiringly.

Red's eyebrow twitched and he briefly glanced at her, only to switch his view back to the night-darkened road. The tiniest smile came across his face.

"I always wondered if Raymond Reddington was your real name - I mean, your birth name." She watched him intently, narrowing her eyes slightly.

"What do you think, Lizzie?" he asked, apparently quite amused by her question.

"Mhh, well, according to the life you have lived one should assume that you changed your name many times, but the whole world, criminal and otherwise, knows you under Red Reddington… so somehow I really believe that this is your true name." She watched him, focused. He just smiled.
"…So?" She encouraged him to answer.

"I don't see why this could be relevant, Lizzie."

"Oh Red, come on. Why is it that you are obviously not capable of answering a simple question with a yes or a no?" she asked, slightly whining.

"You should know by now that I really enjoy playing games, Lizzie!" He grinned at her, glancing her way briefly.

She was smiling too, now.

"Okay, so let's play that game," she challenged. "What could I possibly do or say to make you answer my question?"

"What about answering a personal question in return?" he offered after a pause.

She narrowed her eyes suspiciously at him. "Okay, deal. Go ahead!" she said, crossing her arms in front of her chest and looking at him expectantly.

He looked at her and for a split second he met her gaze. He then turned his eyes back to the road.

"Are you still in love with Tom?"

Her smile faded. "I don't think that this is an appropriate question…"

"A question for a question, that was the deal. You made no restrictions if I remember correctly." he said in all innocence.

She remained silent and stared at her fingernails.

"…I don't know," she whispered finally. "There is something in me that still wants to believe… I… I think I miss my former life. My life as a woman that wondered about inane thinks like what she should have for dinner, when her last appointment at the dentist was, or what she should get her husband for his birthday." She closed her eyes. "And Tom… Tom still reminds me of that life, even though I know that for him it was just a job. But… I somehow still find myself hoping that there was something real about our relationship. I still can't disengage myself from that." Her voice was slightly hoarse. She swallowed hard and then looked back in Red's direction and was quite surprised. He looked sad - just as if he himself were hurting - and avoided meeting her gaze.

"Lizzie… I'm sorry, I really shouldn't have asked…"

"No, no Red it's okay… Maybe it's good to bring this up to me again and again, so that I can finally stop living in the past. My life changed… changed a lot, and I have to deal with it!" she said confidently. "And," she added gently. "I fortunately have some kind of strange, annoying, nerve-racking guardian that keeps me safe." She smiled at him encouragingly. He still looked a bit depressed but she could see how the corner of his mouth turned up slightly.

"We should talk about your choice of words, Miss Keen," he said after a few moments, and then looked at her in a very disarming way. She smiled.

"It's your turn now, Red!"

"Yes," he said simply.

She waited a beat. "Yes, what?"

"Well, yes!"

"Red, seriously?"

"Well, I don't recall agreeing that we have to elaborate on our answers. I even heard you say something about 'a simple yes or no.'"

She looked at him like she couldn't believe what she was hearing. "Okay, now I really need an aspirin!" Leaning back again she closed her eyes.

Red turned to look at her, still smiling though it didn't really reach his eyes. Everything that made her feel miserable had happened because of him: Tom, her suppressed memories, being on the run, her changed appearance. She suffered. She suffered from the unwanted help he forced on her. He would never forgive himself for ruining the life of one of the only human beings he really cared about.

Lizzie fell into a slight slumber. The next time she opened her eyes the car was standing still. She could see the light of dawn crawling over the horizon like lava melting away solid stone. The rain had passed on. When she stretched, she could see Red's silhouette a few steps away from the car. They were stopped in a cutout of the road that was surrounded by a few trees and bushes. In front of a small bench, on which he leaned his back against, was a fence that separated the cutout from a steep meadow. About two dozen sheep were grazing or lying on the grass. When Liz opened her door he didn't move. The cold air tingled on her skin and for the second time that night she was immediately, fully, awake. She slowly walked over to Red's side. He was watching the sunrise, which made the whole world appear to be orange, even the sheep that every now and then raised their heads to look over at the two intruders of their solitude. Liz mirrored Red's position and leaned on the back of the bench right next to him. He turned his head to look at her.

"Did you sleep well, Lizzie? I decided to not wake you when I stopped the car. After all, I already woke you once this night." He smiled at her apologetically. "Is your head still hurting? I found some pain killers in the trunk," he added, making a nodding motion towards the car.

"No thanks, it's almost gone." She answered him without turning her gaze away from the sunrise.
"How long have you been standing here?" she asked.

"About fifteen to twenty minutes. I find it quite appealing to have a chance to just watch the beauty of nature. Unfortunately it's very rare that I get the time to enjoy the small things in life."

She turned her head to meet his gaze. "Sounds quite… sad," she said slowly, turning her head back to the meadow.

"Oh Lizzie believe me, it's not as sad as it sounds. I've actually learned to appreciate moments like this."

She smiled. "Well then I can add a positive effect to being a wanted criminal to my agenda," she half asked, half stated while watching two sheep that seemed to be playing tag.

Red gave a small laugh at this. "Well, everything depends on how we look at things, doesn't it?" he said, while readjusting his position on the bench's back. While moving, his hand grazed hers in the slightest way possible.

She intently watched him when he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Yes, right," she admits slowly. "…do you already have a favorite?" she asked incoherently.

He opened his eyes, raised his brows and looked at her inquiringly. She motioned slightly towards the sheep with her head. "I mean your little friends over there. You've shared at least twenty minutes with them," she stated quite amusedly.

"Mhhh, coincidentally I do already have a favorite. You see that little one over there?" She followed his arm gesture and saw a baby lamb playing around his mother, who seemed not even the tiniest bit bothered by the behavior of her child. "It seems to be a latecomer for this time of the year, but look at how full of life the little guy is!" He smiled at the sight of the lambkin nudging another lamb that had grazed comfortably until it was disturbed by the little thing.

Lizzie had already stopped watching the lambkin and instead stared intently at Red while he gazed at the field. He really did seem to be more relaxed. Some of the crinkles around his eyes were gone and he smiled a real, true smile. She was constantly surprised at how he loved the small things that seemed so unremarkable upon first glance. He truly did have two completely different sides: the one that was hard, cold and calculating… and that other side that was soft and loving that he so rarely showed. She returned to watching the sheep and suddenly found her personal favorite from amongst them.

"You see that one sheep over there, the one that is standing to the side of the drove?" Red followed her gaze. "That is my favorite."

Lizzie raised her hand towards the one, single, black sheep. "It doesn't really fit in, but I think that's why I like it," she said, while slowly dropping her hand back to the bench and next to his. She smiled.

After giving the black sheep a quick glance, Red focused on Lizzie. He watched how the light of the rising sun illuminated her face and made her blonde hair appear nearly like a golden glow. He just looked at her, trying to memorize this particular moment. During the months before going on the run, he had rarely seen her smile and aside from talking about what was absolutely necessary they didn't talk much at all. Most of the time she was more than angry with him and he couldn't even resent her for that. Now she was acting in a completely different way around him. Since her memories from that fateful night had been triggered, she seemed to really appreciate his presence. But nevertheless this should not have happened; not yet, not now, even if relations between them seemed to have enhanced. But that had never been the plan. He would have preferred her to be forever angry with him, to loathe him, if only it would have ensured her safety. But now they were here, on the run, and more intimate than ever. He wrenched his gaze from her and continued to watch the black sheep.

"I like this," Liz stated, breaking the comfortable silence between them.

"I beg your pardon?"

"I mean this, us, just being here and talking like two normal human beings. I know the situation we're in couldn't be more bizarre and frightening, but I really appreciate that I'm not alone right now; that you are here with me. And I want to thank you… for helping me, for protecting me. Not just now, but all the time." She tried to avoid meeting his gaze and stared at the ground. "I'm sorry. I think I'm really exhausted; I'm getting emotional," she laughed, raising her head to smile at him.

He met her gaze but didn't return her smile immediately. His cheek twitched underneath his left eye before he slowly lifted the corners of his mouth to give her a bitter smile. "You are welcome, Lizzie," he quietly said, his voice dropping in pitch.

Liz instantly noticed his bitterness. She knew him well enough to know that he blamed himself for the whole situation. Her smile faded. "Red, it was me who pulled the trigger, not you. Now and then! You should not blame yourself for things you have no influence over because you're not responsible for every misfortune that ever happened to me. You really do deserve my gratitude, Red." She carefully laid her hand over his but he immediately withdrew it. "Oh Red, come on. We already had this conversation," she stated in an angry tone. "Don't you dare think that you don't deserve any… any friendliness at all! You are so damn self-destructive."

"We should drive on; it's quite a trip until we reach our new safe house," Red said, taking a few steps towards the car.

She stared after him, her mouth dropping open in disbelief. "…really, Red? This is how you choose to handle that there might be someone who does not entirely loathe you? …you are incredible!" She whispered the last part wearily.

He looked back at her. Gone was the previous rare moment of fondness - now she was angry again; even disappointed. 'It's better like this,' he thought to himself. She should concentrate on their escape and not on how he felt.

He slowly walked to the driver's door and sat down on his seat. Lizzie was still leaning against the bench. Suddenly she was freezing and she made her way back to the car. Silently, she sat down next to Red. When he started the engine, she could again see the black sheep that was about to part itself even more from its drove.

TBC

Thanks for reading. The next chapter is in progress! :)