((AN: lyrics belong to My Favorite Highway. Skittery belongs to Disney… and New York belongs to me. I wish.)

I've fallen victim to my greatest fear
The calendar marks that I lost a whole year
Three-sixty-five of barely alive
Grace took her good natured time to arrive

I turned my collar up in an attempt to ward off the bone chilling wind before shoving my hands back into my pockets. I was walking aimlessly down the New York City streets, which is a dumb thing to do in the middle of the winter, especially since I didn't have any particular destination in mind. But, all things considered, it was better then being at the lodging house. That place is like a ghost town. It makes me feel old, every time I step through the door. Too old to be a newsie anymore. Most of the guys from the strike have moved on. Davy had only hung around for a few more months before his father got his job back and made him go back to school. Jack had lasted a few months longer then that, before he found himself a job in a factory. God only knows what happened to Racetrack. Last I heard he was making his money as a bookie down at Sheepshead. Mush and Kid Blink had both gotten jobs at the distribution office, replacing the Delancey brothers. Everybody else had just kind of faded away, finding jobs, or some semblance thereof.

And me… well, I just sorta existed. I made just enough money selling papes to get by. No more, no less. God forbid I make enough money to actually get out of the lodging house. It was like I'd become hollow. Going through the motions of a daily routine. And I only did that to keep myself from starving to death. Not that I haven't considered the possibility that death might be a step up from this half life I'm living now. But deep down I didn't want to die. I'll admit it, death scares me. Not so much the dying part, but what came after. If anything does come after. My mother, God rest her soul, had believed in heaven. For her sake, I hope she was right. For my sake, I hope she was right.

Oh my God, this year has dealt me a horrible hand
I'll try and explain, but you won't understand
Well wait, what's today's date?
There's plenty of time left to procrastinate, or plan my escape

I shivered as a gust of wind broke past my defenses, it's icy breath slipping past my collar, raising goose bumps on my arms. I should really get back to the lodging house. I looked around, trying to get my bearings. It probably hadn't been the smartest thing to walk around, and not pay attention to where I was going. Especially in this city. A guy could live here his whole life, and still not see the whole thing. There was a bookstore, and a bakery… both looked closed, their owners probably safe in their warm beds, unlike me.

Then I saw her, across the street, by the bakery. Her normally kempt hair was being blown from it's pins, and she was struggling to balance her packages without dropping anything. I stared for a moment surprised to see her. I had to think for a minute to remember how long it had been. Almost a year. Almost a year since the last time I had laid eyes on Beth-Anne Montgomery. It felt more like an eternity. I forced my feet forward again, fighting the urge to turn and walk away. Don't let anyone ever tell you I'm not a gentleman. Because I am, and what I was about to do would prove it to you.

"Need some help?" She looked up startled, and I swear my heart skipped a beat when her beautiful green eyes met mine. She had the eyes of an angel. Or a fairy. Or… I don't know, something poetic. I couldn't possibly give a description that would do them justice. She deserved a description by… what's that guys name? Shakespeare? Anyways, my heart skipped a beat. And it killed me that she could still have that affect on me after so long.

"Skittery?" Her face was flushed from the cold, but I coulda sworn it turned two shades darker when she saw me. Yeah… that's what seeing a ghost from your past will do to you. "How- how are you?"

I almost laughed at the question. Only she would think to be civil while walking through a blizzard, carrying three bulky packages while the wind ripped at her hair and coat.

"I'm fine," I answered. I'm such a liar. "You?"

She hesitated a moment before she spoke, "Fine."

Well, look at that we're both liars. And bad ones too. At least, she is, I've become quite good at lying these past few years.


Let me go
Let me go

We stood silently for a few moments, before I came to my senses, and reached out taking the packages from her, and offering my arm. See, more proof, I am a gentleman. She took my proffered elbow, and I'm pretty sure all the spit dried up in my mouth. And you can log that as more proof that I'm not poetic.

"Where you headed?" I asked, desperate for conversation to break the awkward silence.

"Home," she answered, "I went out to pick up some things for Papa, before this storm hit. Just my luck."

I bit my lip to keep from snorting, or saying something that I would regret. Yeah, this girl had it real bad. Her father owned half the factories in the city, and she lived in a monstrous house in the nicest part of town. She's one real unlucky girl. Then again, she knew me… maybe she was unlucky.

"So," she began, her turn to break the silence, "What have you been doing?"

What she was really asking was, 'have you finally quit being a newsie, and gotten yourself a real job?'

I shrugged, "Not much, just getting by, you know?" No, she didn't know.

"What about you, anything new in your life?"

When she didn't answer, I glanced down at her, and was surprised to see those green eyes moist with tears. She blinked rapidly, and swallowed a few times before she spoke, her voice shaky, "My mother- she- she passed away. In February Almost a year ago."

My throat closed up. I wanted to kick myself for all those horrible thoughts I'd had just a few moments ago, about how lucky she was. Truthfully, I'm just bitter. They say it's better to have loved and lost then to never have loved at all. I say whoever wrote that was an idiot.

The autumn leaves join in a bittersweet chorus
A hymn so inspired as if to inform us they're leaving soon
And she sends a kiss that we just barely miss
Before winter sets in and exposes our sins

"Beth- I'm so sorry. I didn't know."

Beth looked up at me, her lips turning up slightly in a forced smile, "I didn't tell you. I should have, but I didn't."

My mind was racing, I had always thought that she had just gotten tired of me. We had met right after the strike, her father being involved with the factories; it was only natural for us to see each other occasionally. I had finally gotten the guts to talk to her, and we had forged a friendship. We had been friends for about a year when I decided to tell her my true feelings. I told her that I loved her. I had gone to meet her the next day, but she hadn't shown up. I never saw her again, until today.

I opened my mouth to say something- anything intelligent, but she beat me too it. She stopped walking, forcing me to do the same. I turned to face her, my back against the stinging wind, sheltering her as much as I could.

I want to be where nobody knows me
I'll be behind the perfect disguise
I'll drive away, I'll disappear
I want to be anywhere, but here

"Skittery- I'm- I'm so sorry. I should have talked to you. I should have told you." She looked down, using the toe of her shoe to push the snow around on the sidewalk. "It's just- right after she died, I- I didn't get out much. I locked myself in my bedroom. My father finally broke down the door so he could get into me, and make me eat something. I didn't go outside for a month. And by that time… well, it had been too long. I thought about going to the lodging house and talking to you, but I didn't know what to say. So I waited, and the weeks turned into months, and before I knew it, it had been a year. I figured you probably hated me by now."

I had to swallow, because I couldn't possibly force words past the lump in my throat. I ran my hand through my hair, looking down at her. Her head was down and she was still staring at her shoe.

"Beth- you- you should have come to me. I would have been there for you, don't you know that?"

She looked up at me, tears threatening to spill from her eyes, and she nodded, the look on her face pure misery, "I'm sorry."

She took the packages back from me, wiping at her eyes, "It's only another block over, I can make it on my own. Thank you, Skittery. You mean more to me then you could possibly know."

I watched her turn away, disappearing down the street, as I stood, my feet cemented to the sidewalk.

Spring-time, ever changing
My life's re-arranging
So it seems I'm going down now
Tears fall on the ash, my heart's fading fast

The freezing wind finally got the better of me, and I began walking again, this time towards the lodging house. My head hurt. For a moment there I had actually let myself think I had a chance. I believe there's another famous saying, "Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me." The guy who said that… now he knew what he was talking about.

One thing I knew for certain; my days as a newsie were over. I'd wasted a whole year of my life, just because I thought a girl had dumped me. Sometimes I think I'm more of an idiot then most people give me credit for.

I rubbed my hand over my face, wishing I could wash the year away. Tomorrow was a new day. Tomorrow I'm gonna be a new man. I'm gonna find a job, and move on with my life. No more wasted days.

Tomorrow is my new reality.

While I wait for the new year
To introduce new fears
While I'm wishing that i could be
Anywhere, but here