A/N But first, a word from out sponsors...
Hi! My name is Aran'sApprentice-Meahow, and this is videogame-empress, co-sponsors of Win a Date with Link! We own nothing about this totally random, (whack-a-mole!) insane & perverted story except, well, the random insane perverted part. Nintendo owns the rest (meaning, the characters)...
And...
The moment you've all been waiting for...
It's the beginning of a whole new legend—
Win a Date with Link! The coolest summer program on Hyrule TV! Airing right now, here on KKRI 38 ½!
Theme music plays, and the camera swoops down on a glittering stage to tumultuous applause from the audience. This dies down, however, as Ganondorf walks onstage wearing a tuxedo and tie. "Welcome to Win a Date with Link! That one show where four gorgeous girls like me compete to win a date with the hottest hero in Hyrule!"
Right one cue, Link walks out from backstage, flipping back his hair like he does in SSBM. The crowd (especially the girls) cheers excessively. Link glances at Ganondorf. "Ummmm...hi." Ganondorf sighs and continues.
"Now, on with the show! And the contestants aaare—Malon of Lon Lon Ranch! (Malon skips on, smiles cutely and bats her eyelashes.) Princess Ruto of Zorra Palace! (Ruto walks on, takes her position and winks at Link. Link: --flinch--) Saria of Kokiri Village! (Saria runs out, bows, and stands in her place with her hands on her hips.) Aaaaaaaaaaand—Princess Zelda of Hyrule Castle!"
The stage is empty. Ganondorf looks around him, smiles, and licks his lips. "Zelda? Zelda? Well well well, it seems princess Zelda is not coming today! In this case, I can join the show as the fourth contestant, and leave the host's job to that wonderful fairy, Navi—" Link looks sick. The crowd boos. Suddenly, Sheik runs onstage. Crowd: oO
"Sorry I'm late, I had to get away from Impa and ran into a little trouble with the castle guards...what the --beep-- are you all staring at?" She looks down at herself. "..." Then she transforms back into Zelda. The crowd gasps and begins to whisper. Link applauds.
Ganondorf, disappointed, to himself: "Crap." Then, to the audience, "Unfortunately, Zelda finally got her $$ over here, so we can begin playing. In rounds one, two and three, the contestants will compete for points. In round four, the two lowest-scoring contestants will be eliminated. For rounds five, six, and seven, the two remaining contestants will compete for the final win. But before we begin, the contestants will step backstage as I interview out prize..." He looks hungrily over at Link, who gulps. Navi flies out from backstage.
"HOLD IT! HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, MISTER SLASH!!! Is that what the script says?" She glares fiercely at Ganondorf. He folds his hands and looks pitiful. "No...but will you let me do it if I give you puppy eyes?"
"NO! You go by the script! This story is PG-13!"
"Allright, allright. Sheesh, bossy." Ganondorf sighs wistfully and hands over the microphone. Navi glares at him again. "Now would be the time that you go backstage into solitary confinement."
"Can I stay out? Pleeeeeeeeease? I'll just sit here and drool..."
"Whatever. Anyways..."
Ganondorf: --drool--
{} {} {} -commercial break-
Navi: "So, here's our 'hero', Link. We're going to have an exclusive interview about how he feels about the contestants and the perv—I mean the host. And, for an added twist, none of the contestants will be shown this video until after they're eliminated! So, Link, how do you feel about Ganondorf being our host?"
Ganondorf: --drool--
"Ummmm...I..." Link pales, runs to the wall, and pukes out the window. Link: --gag-- Navi watches him. "Okaaay...well, I think that explains everything. So, how do you feel about Sarai? Any relationships, crushes, etc.? "
Ganondorf: --drool--
Link thinks for a moment. "Well, she's helped me out over the years, but I never thought of her as anything more than a friend...no, never." He shudders at the thought.
Ganondorf: --drool--
Navi glares at Ganondorf before continuing, sounding bored. "Well, that's interesting, so what about Malon? She gave you a horse once, I believe—anything for it?"
Ganondorf: --drool--
"Ganondorf, could you stop that?!"
Ganondorf: --Drool--
"Ummm...Navi?" Link asks, "The interview?" "Oh, right. Just ignore him. As I was saying..."
Link shivers. "Hmmm, I'm kinda afraid of Malon. She's sort of obsessed with cows and junk...but I like her horse."
Ganondorf: --drooL--
Navi: "Allright, good. And princess Ruto?"
Ganondorf: --DrOoL--
"AAAH! She scares me! I'm afraid she's gonna ambush me sometime when I'm in the water...I never should've rescued her."
Ganondorf: --DROOL!!!--
"SHUT UP!!!"
Ganondorf whimpers, but shuts up. "Anyway," Navi asks slyly, "what about princess Zelda?"
Link groans. "Do I really have to say it out loud? Well, if you say so..." he takes a deep breath and a dreamy expression comes over his face, "She's the hottest, most —"
Navi shrieks. "Too much information! No, you don't have to, of course not, Link. I think you've had a liiiitle too much interviewing for today. Well, that's all, folks, we'll see you again tomorrow!(whew, that was close!)"
Ganondorf: --..............................drool..............................--Navi: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
A/N...
AA-M: Review, or I will chop your head off! ...pleeeeease? (puppy eyes)!!
vg-e: ow!
vg-e: I hit my head against my bunkbed...yea, review this story or I'll sic Ganondorf on you!
AA-M: that wouldn't be very fun, especially for the guys...
Both: REVIEW!!!