Okay, I know I should be working on the other stories, but the muse came to me, and I felt like I should break the non-story spell for a while. I will do my best to work on the other fics, I will really try, but sometimes when the writers block strikes, it strikes...
Anyways, my first Inuyashanon AU and my first Inuyasha oneshot.
I hope you enjoy!
How could something so right be so hard?
She's beautiful, funny, smart, caring, wonderful. How can I be so frightened of her if I love her so?
My lips are dry and flaking. I gnaw at the skin, then notice my clawed fingers and attack them too. Why can't I just be a man and say it? Why can't I stop this stupid game of cat and mouse we play? Why can't I stop making her mad, stop making her cry, stop making such a total fool of myself with my stupid pride and my constant need to make an ass of myself whenever we get close to each other?
Because I love her, and I don't know if she loves me.
It's as simple as that.
My bangs are in my eyes. I take my index finger out of my mouth and brush my hair back from my face, sighing to myself. The night is warm, not as warm as a late July night should warrant, but I can smell warm rain coming from the south, and I shift slightly against my tree, wondering whether or not I should get down and back to the others to warn them to get out of the storm. They're all sleeping in a field because the night was so perfect right before they all went to sleep. Keh. Perfect time for a demon to attack.
The thought frightens me, and I turn my head and look back over the field to the sleeping group. Miroku has moved his sleeping mat too near to Sango's again, Shippo snuggles with Kagome underneath the same blanket, and jealousy struggles in my heart. He's a stupid kid, but Kagome seems to like him so much more than me sometimes, especially after we've been fighting.
I decide not to wake them up and move them when a droplet hits my foot, which has slightly escaped the protective foliage that the tree covers me with. They can do it for themselves, and the rain will wake them in time.
Sango stirs first and wakes the Houshi up next with a slight scream of horror and a slap in the face. He was too close to her. Kagome and Shippo awaken at the noise, and I watch as they groggily take their things and move them to the cover of the trees. I stiffen for some reason, and they do not notice me in the dark, even with the conspicuous red clothing I always wear.
"Do you know where Inuyasha might be?" I hear Kagome ask after helping a half-asleep Shippo back to bed.
"Dunno," says Miroku, yawning, "It's a lost cause to find him, Kagome-san, he's prob'ly in a tree somewhere. He won't want to be disturbed."
She makes a noise of acknowledgement, and I hear the whole group go back to sleep in the cover of the trees.
I am relieved. I do not want to see Kagome. I yearn for her, but if I see her, I'll be forced into saying things I know she does not want to hear.
The rain makes soft banter with the leaves and the trees and the grass. I can hear the animals of the night getting out of the weather. Another few drops of water hit me in various places. It is cool, but not unpleasant. Gingerly I move my arm and raise my hand to inspect the raindrop on my palm. I can barely see it in the dark, but I know it is there from the wetness. I taste the rain. It tastes slightly bitter, the taste of the leaves it has touched, not the same taste as plain water.
I hear stirring from the nearby tree where the rest of my group sleeps. At first I think it is Shippo, going to relieve himself as he often does in the middle of the night, or Miroku, going to relieve his lust as he often does in the night too. The stirring turns to footsteps, and it becomes clear to me that it is neither Miroku nor Shippo. It is she. I close my eyes, like I used to do when I was a child: If I can't see her, she can't see me.
She sits below me at the bottom of my tree trunk. I do not know if she knows I am there or not.
I am afraid.
She stirs, as if she knows it is me up there. I can hear her legs moving around on the wet moss, can smell her warm smell.
"Inuyasha?" she whispers, seeming to sense me.
"Yeah?" I reply, in a forced callous way.
"I thought you were around here somewhere."
What is that supposed to mean? Does she think about me when I'm not here?
"Keh." I reply. I wish I understood what girls thought.
My hair is getting soaked from all this rain, even in the shelter of the tree. I shake my head, hoping to get rid of the stupid water.
"Why don't you come down, Inuyasha?" she says, almost as if she were saying it to herself.
I swing my feet from the branch and hop, landing on my feet on the slightly wet forest ground.
"What now?" I ask, not wanting her to see what I want so desperately to tell her. I want to grab her by the hand and scream out to all of Japan, I LOVE YOU, KAGOME. I want to swing her up in my arms, smell the scent of her breath, kiss her on the mouth and have her entwine her fingers in my silver hair as it mingles with her raven black locks. I want to whisper awkwardly that I love her, and kiss her in the rain, and see if she makes the rain taste any sweeter. I want to tell her what I found out the moment she kissed me in the palace of the looking glass: That Kikyo is dead, and that she is the most wonderful, beautiful girl I have ever met in my entire life.
"I thought it would be sort of cold and wet in that tree, with the rain and all," she says, smiling sleepily.
"Nah, it's fine, the leaves shelter me." I say, not wanting to worry her.
"Oh," she says, and I see a flicker of sadness touch her face, "Well… Goodnight then, Inuyasha."
I know immediately that I have done the wrong thing. I should have stayed with her, and I almost tell her that I don't want to be up there, I want to sleep down on the ground, near her. Maybe even with her.
But she is already walking back to where the others are encamped.
I can't tell her now. I'm too much of a coward.
But, I think as I jump back up to my branch, someday I will tell her. Someday I will have the words out of my mouth: that I love her and only her.
Not now, but someday.
Someday…