Title: Alcohol, Wenches and Shakespeare
Summary: things get a little of hand
Author Notes: I am in no way associated with the WWE. The story is from Lita's POV.
"Do you know what I want to know?" Oh lord, here we go again.
"No, I don't want to know. The last time we had this conversation we almost had a lawsuit against us because you wanted to see if Rob Vam Dam wore boxers or briefs."
"Well, Lita, we now know that he wears thongs. I kind of had my suspicions, because there is doing no way he does all those stunts in the ring without getting a huge wedgie." Lillian commented. Oh my, she was drunk. "But back to what I was saying. Whenever someone needs to hurl an insult, it is always the same thing. Whore, slut, bastard, bitch, etc. People don't put any effort into insults anymore." I regard her with a contemplative look. She had a point.
"Well, we could start a new trend using Shakespearean quota…quotat…quot…sayings." Well, it would appear I am drunk as well. "I mean he had some pretty good insults." Lillian gives me a disbelieving look.
"Shakespeare?" she said bluntly.
"Yeah, like your means are very slender, and your waste is great, from Henry IV, part 2. Or, Thou thing of no bowels thou! from Troilus and Cressida. My personal favorite though is Thou unmuzzled spur-galled mammet!" By this time Lillian is laughing, "I mean half the time no one knows what they mean, but it sounds nasty. And now one is going to call you on it.
"What about Thou caluminous fool-born measle! Or you scullion! You rampallian! You fustilarian! I'll tickle your catastrophe!" She smirked at my confused look, "I hung out a lot with Raven back when he was here."
"That's who got me interested in Shakespeare." We trade back more insults, getting even more drunk when Randy Orton stumbled by our table and spilt my drink. I said the first thing that came to my mind. "Thou bawdy beetle-headed pumpion!" He gave me a confused look
"What the fuck?" Lillian than explained, her voice slurring from the alcohol, that we wanted to get creative with our insults. He grinned and sat down with us. "What about Thou mangled half-faced canker-blossom!?" Lillian and I sniggered in response. The three of us argued back and forth. That's when Candice Michelle walked by our table and leaned forward, making sure to show of the "goods" to Randy.
"Randy, honey. Why don't you ditch these two whores, and come with me?" She said with a giggle, all eye lashes and cleavage. Randy shot us a panicked glance. I made a move, but Lillian got there first. She punched the bitch squarely in the eyes shouting
"Thou dissembling onion-eyed flax-wench!" The bartender gives us a look and orders us to leave. Fine by us, we can continue this discussion somewhere else. We all stumble out into the parking lot and run, literally, into Shawn Michaels. An action which knocks me onto the ground
"Thou loggerheaded hasty-witted pigeon-egg!" He just grins and summons a taxi for us. Before the door closes though he says good naturedly
"Thou cullionly fat-kidneyed death-token!" and slams the door before I can get a retort in. Damn, I didn't know he read Shakespeare.