Interesting Times
K Hanna Korossy
"Jeff, it's Sam. I wanted to pass on something to the community... Garth? Really? Like, Garth Fitzgerald? Yeah, okay, if you say so..."
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"Hey, Garth... Yeah, it's Sam... Winchester... W-I-N-... Yeah, ha-ha, funny. Listen, uh, got something for you to pass along the network: don't eat any processed food. Nothing... The Leviathan have moved up, from Biggerson's to Sucrocorp—corn syrup. It's in everything, man... yes, that includes Frito's... yeah, probably like the ones you're eating... No, it's not ground-up people—look, just, tell everyone to stick to fresh stuff for a while, okay?... Fruits and vegetables... Yeah, if you shoot a squirrel, that would be fine... Whose cow? No, Garth, listen to me: fruits and vegetables... No, you're not gonna starve... (Sigh.) I'm gonna go now. Yeah, I'll be in touch when it's safe. I promise. I...I miss you, too.
"No, that's not Dean laughing—Gotta go, man, bye!"
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"It's Dean, Garth... Yes, that Dean... No, the good food's still not safe... Dude, I am so with you. Listen, the people you see wandering around like they're stoned? That's from the Leviathan 'shrooms in the food... No, not real 'shrooms, but close enough. And, get this: their blood is like vampanite... vampire kryptonite... KRYPTONite, like Superman...? Never mind, just...get your hands on as much blood as you can. The stoners don't mind donating, just tell 'em it's for Hurricane Katrina... No, it's not really for—Dude, just, pass it on: stoner blood equals vamp poison, better than dead man's blood.
"Yeah, I don't think eating Frito's so you can kill bloodsuckers with your blood is a good strategy, Garth."
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"Hey, Garth, it's Sam... Yeah, it's great to talk to you, too. Hey, you know of any hunters out around Montana?... No, no way, not Jasper—someone who can actually, you know, hunt... I don't know him... Okay, yeah, a group of four sound about right—it's the vampire Alpha... No, he's not in a frat. He's the first vampire... Yes, first ever. He's in Missoula, and we haven't got time to take him down, but... Hey, didn't Dean tell you that was a bad plan?... Okay, so I'll send on the address. Just...tell 'em to be careful. The Alpha's pretty smart.
"Oh, hey, do me a favor and see if you can find anything about human servants of vampires... Yeah, like Renfield—how did you...?... Oh... No, I didn't see—... Yeah, Gary Oldman is pretty cool. So, yeah, like real-life Renfields. And see what you can find about an Emily Wiser. She went missing about 13 years ago, when she was 8... Yeah, she serves the Alpha, so don't let her get away with the innocent victim act, okay?... Yeah, I'm pretty sure she doesn't eat flies, Garth—Look, we gotta go, we've got something going on here...
"No, Frito's aren't safe yet, man, sorry. We'll let you know."
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"Garth, it's Dean. We're—... Yeah, don't worry about that, we figured the Alpha wouldn't stick around long... No, Sam and I didn't kidnap a kid! It's a long story—look, I don't have time for this right now, okay? We're getting ready to go after the Leviathan boss, and I'm not sure we're gonna make it out, so...we left all our notes and stuff up in Rufus's cabin...Yeah, in Whitefish. So if you don't hear anything in the news about Dick Roman kicking it and you can't reach me or Sam, pass it on to the next group, okay?... Yeah, we'll be careful. You got this? Rufus' cabin in Whitefish...Yes, Garth, I...like you, too.
"Oh, and Bobby says hi."
The End