Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or anything associated with Naruto, nor am I making a profit off of this.
Warning: Mild (and I mean mild) sexual tension, and character death (obviously).
AN: This took me a week to write, and I'm still not completely satisfied. But instead of editing like a mad woman for the next two weeks, trying to get it perfect, I think I'll just read the reviews and then come back every so often and edit it as necessary. As always, any spelling/grammar mistakes are mine.
SAINTS AND CHOCOLATE
---
The present
---
Zabuza somehow managed to move his near useless arm up so he could touch Haku's face one last time. Haku was already growing cold.
For the most part, Zabuza felt numb. He could feel the pain from the wounds he had, but the pain was growing fuzzy, like it was fading into the background somehow.
He could feel the cold of Haku's body, though, and that hurt the most. Haku was never cold like this before.
---
Eight years before the present
---
"I said not to spill the tea."
A young Haku looked up at Zabuza, who looked just little less than furious, and his eyes widened slightly. "Ah… Zabuza-sensei, I'm sorry." He was seven. He could do a simple thing such as pouring tea. Haku mentally berated himself for his clumsiness, but he lost a bit of focus again and knocked over the cup of tea he'd just poured for Zabuza. Immediately, a look of failure registered itself on the young boy's face.
Why can't I do this?
Zabuza stared at him, the fury dissipating. "Feh…" he grumbled, and then reached over and pulled Haku's teacup over to himself. "I'll have your tea, then."
Haku nodded quickly, putting the teapot down on the table and scampering off to fetch some towels to clean up the mess he'd made.
In the other room, he could feel his eyes beginning to water. He sniffled slightly, wiping his nose on the towel he'd pulled from the drawer. Why did he have to go and spill the tea? It was making him upset, and Zabuza-sensei had told him that ninja weren't supposed to foolishly wear their emotions on their sleeves.
"Kid."
Haku was shocked to hear Zabuza'a voice, especially in his current state. He hoped Zabuza didn't see that he was almost crying, because ninja weren't supposed to cry, and Haku was going to be a ninja from here on out. If Zabuza saw him crying, he might go back on his word and tell Haku he simply wasn't needed anymore.
Zabuza stared at the boy's backside for a while, watching as his breathing hitched, and there was slight arm movement, and then he finally spoke. "Don't wipe your nose on the towels."
Haku turned around. "Zabuza-sensei… I'm sorry."
"Whatever, just clean up the mess you made in there," Zabuza growled, crossing his arms. He watched the boy scurry off with the towel in his hand, and then his eyes shifted to look at the spot on the ground where Haku had been standing. There were fresh teardrops on the tatami mat.
---
Eight months before the present
---
There was no questioning it. His frame was thinner, his cheekbones more defined. Haku was losing weight.
He didn't immediately confront the boy. Instead, he spent several days keeping him under close observation, monitoring his eating habits so that there would be no doubt. Sometimes Zabuza's eyes played tricks on him, so he had to be completely certain whenever he was suspicious of something.
After the fifth day of watching Haku mindlessly push around his food on his plate and take a tiny mouthful here and there, trying to make it look like he ate more than he did, Zabuza decided he would have to talk to him about it.
As they made their way out to their training spot for the day, Zabuza decided to bring it up.
"Haku, you need to eat more. You're getting too skinny."
Zabuza never was one to believe in tact.
Haku hadn't even made any movement or gesture to suggest he'd heard the missing-nin, but Zabuza knew he had heard him. Haku didn't ignore Zabuza.
"I'm sorry," Haku said almost mechanically after a moment. "I just haven't been that hungry these days."
"Why not?"
Haku looked over at Zabuza. "Something's off," he confessed, shrugging slightly like it didn't even matter.
"You're not sick, are you?"
"I don't think so."
"You've lost a lot of weight."
"I know."
"I'm just concerned that you won't be at your best when I need you," Zabuza reasoned, watching Haku from the corner of his eye. His words seemed to strike the boy exactly where Zabuza had intended for them to strike: at his sense of being. If he gave Haku the impression that he might be discarded like a broken toy if he did not hold up to Zabuza's standards, then maybe he would start eating more.
"I don't want to be useless," Haku said quietly.
Zabuza smirked, but it was hidden behind the bandages wrapped around his mouth, jaw, and throat. "Then don't be," he responded.
Haku looked over at the missing-nin and frowned slightly. It wasn't that he'd been eating less on purpose. But for the past few weeks he'd been feeling increasingly anxious and nervous. Zabuza was going out on his own a lot these days; apparently he was making business deals here and there with various other ninja, taking on assassination missions and the like so they could maintain their current way of life.
There were times when Haku had offered to go with him, to protect him in case things went awry, but Zabuza had refused.
It bothered Haku. It made him feel like he wasn't needed.
Certainly, he was needed. Zabuza had just warned him to eat more or he would be useless. That told him that Zabuza was reluctant to relinquish his hold on him, which meant he still needed him for something.
"I don't want to worry you, Zabuza," Haku said simply, giving a half-smile.
"I'm not worried. Just stop being so skinny."
"Of course. I'll do my best."
"And I expect nothing less."
---
Six years before the present
---
The corners of Haku's lips turned up in a graceful smile. Today was the day. He was going to get to train again with Zabuza, instead of practicing his jutsus on his own. Then he would get to do that thing he'd been planning since last week.
He made sure to get up early, earlier than Zabuza, so he could prepare his little surprise.
It was an almost stifling day of intense heat in August. The fog that surrounded everything was like a blanket of sticky warmth. It was highly uncomfortable.
He made sure everything was perfect. Zabuza was his new family, after all, and when you care about your family, you do nice things for them. Besides, after what he'd done to his father… he knew he had to atone for it somehow, even if it was by doing a trivial thing like this.
But then he had to remind himself that it wasn't trivial. It was for Zabuza.
Zabuza stirred and pulled himself out of bed, rubbing his head a little. He kind of had a headache. He noticed that the small futon Haku usually slept in on the other side of the room was empty – and made. Haku always made his bed. Zabuza never asked him to.
He shuffled his way into the kitchen, and saw Haku bent over something, transfixed. His back was to Zabuza and his raven hair fell carelessly around his shoulders. In the two years since they'd been together, Haku's hair had become silkier, less frayed and weatherworn, and yet, he'd never once seen the boy dote over himself in the mirror.
"What are you doing?"
Haku whirled around at the sound of Zabuza's deep, rumbling voice, apparently surprised to see him awake. "Zabuza-sensei!" he gasped. "Ah, good morning…"
"I asked you what you were doing," Zabuza interrupted, regarding the boy suspiciously. "Answer me."
Haku's cheeks turned the lightest shade of pink, and he bowed a little. "Sorry, I – well…" He stepped aside to reveal a small bowl of chocolate ice cream (which was melting slightly due to the heat), as well as a small porcelain figurine of a rabbit, which was tied in a cheap pink ribbon.
Zabuza stiffened at the sight of the ice cream and the figurine. "What's this?" he demanded, narrowing his eyes.
"Happy birthday, Zabuza-sensei."
Zabuza stared. A glob of chocolate ice cream slid from the top of the heap to the bottom, resting in the melted puddle surrounding the cold treat; a puddle which was growing larger by the second.
"It's been a hot month," Haku was explaining, smiling slightly. When Zabuza didn't move from his spot in the doorway, he continued on. "I thought maybe you'd like some ice cream, and since today is your birthday…"
"How did you find out?"
Haku blinked. "That it was your birthday? Well, it was tricky. I had to ask some questions in town…"
The muscles in Zabuza's jaw visibly clenched; Haku could see it even though the bottom half of his face was covered in bandages.
"Did I do something wrong, Zabuza-sensei?" he asked, a worried expression on his face. "Did I get the wrong information? I hope I didn't miss your birthday…"
"Get your things, kid, we're leaving."
Haku looked confused now. "But… we're leaving? Why? I just cleaned yesterday…"
"You compromised our safety by asking around town about me," Zabuza snapped, glaring at the boy. "You don't think that a nine-year old kid asking about a notorious missing-nin's birthday is in the least suspicious?"
"Missing-nin?"
Zabuza just stared for a long moment, at least until he was sure Haku got the message. When Haku's eyes fell downcast, Zabuza looked away and grumbled.
"What are you waiting for, kid?" he sneered. "Go and get your things. We're leaving."
Haku glanced at the bowl of ice cream and the small figurine for a brief second before nodding and running off to the other room to gather what little he owned.
Zabuza looked down at the melting ice cream and the rabbit. It figured. He didn't even like chocolate.
---
The present
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I'm sorry I was such a bastard, Haku.
---
Three years before the present
---
"I think it's about time you stopped calling me 'sensei'," Zabuza said, watching Haku closely. The twelve-year old looked confused.
"Why? I don't understand."
"I don't think there's anything more I can possibly teach you."
Haku furrowed his brow. "Are you saying… that my training is complete?"
"I have nothing left to teach you."
"Then am I now your perfect weapon?"
Zabuza kept watching Haku. The mere insinuation of being the perfect weapon for Zabuza brought a smile to the boy's face. "I guess so," Zabuza replied. "Are you willing to fight for me?"
"Yes, Zabuza-sensei."
"Just Zabuza," the missing-nin corrected him off-handedly without even realizing it. His eyes were transfixed on the pale face of the boy sipping tea across from him as he continued. "Do you have the will to get rid of all those who stand in my way?"
"I am prepared to do whatever it takes to make your wishes come true, Zabuza," Haku responded, smiling kindly at the man before him. He'd grown to like Zabuza's gruffness. He almost seemed like a big brother who would tease and taunt you – but whom you were still proud to call family. Haku assumed so, anyway, since he'd never had a real brother.
Zabuza's eyes narrowed suddenly. "What are you prepared to do? To give up?" he asked, pushing his empty teacup towards the boy. Curiosity was taking over, and it couldn't be helped. He wondered just how perfect this new weapon of his was.
Haku remained smiling. "If you ask me to die for you, I will," he said quietly, and poured Zabuza some more tea. It didn't spill this time. Haku always learned from his mistakes, correcting his undesired behaviour quickly and flawlessly. He was a fast learner.
Zabuza smirked and accepted the teacup without saying a word of thanks. His bandages were unraveled and he sipped the hot beverage tentatively. "This is good. I didn't even need to ask you to give up your life for mine," he said.
Haku shook his head. "There was no need to ask. I would be happy to, if it came to that."
"Then you are my perfect weapon."
---
Five years before the present
---
Zabuza put his sword down and watched Haku as the boy panted heavily, holding his senbon in a shaky white-knuckled grip.
"We're done for the day, kid," Zabuza said, looking annoyed. "You can barely move your arms. Your skills are lacking."
Haku looked surprised, and then shook his head, trying to ready himself once more.
Zabuza regarded him for a moment, his head tilted slightly. Why was Haku trying to push this so badly? "Kid – Haku," he repeated, harder this time. "I said we're done. Go and get some food."
"No, Zabuza-sensei… I can still fight. I have plenty of chakra…" But Haku's pleas didn't seem to do a thing.
"What you are is weak," Zabuza snapped rather harshly. "We've barely trained for two hours today, and already your body needs to recover from the strain. It almost seems like this training is doing nothing."
Haku looked briefly hurt. "Zabuza-sensei," he said, his eyebrows creased slightly. "I can still train. I'm not weak. I will become the perfect shinobi and serve you. Please… train me!"
Zabuza watched Haku for a moment. The boy seemed almost desperate to continue this mindless physical abuse, like he needed it. Zabuza wasn't sure if the kid was a sucker for punishment, or if this meant something else to him.
"Fine," he said after a moment. "From here on out, your training will become harsher, and I expect that you will not show any kind of weakness at all. Is that clear?"
Haku smiled genuinely. "Yes, Zabuza-sensei. I promise."
---
The present
---
Zabuza could feel a tear sliding from the corner of his eye to his ear as his lay on the ground, his hand touching smooth skin for what felt like the first time.
Haku always kept his promises.
---
Seven years before the present
---
Haku kept staring at the water and rubbing his arm mindlessly. Zabuza was growing impatient.
"Are you coming or not, kid?" he yelled from the pier, glaring at the boy where he stood, rooted to the spot by the road.
Haku looked like he'd just snapped out of a reverie all of a sudden, and shuffled forward timidly, coming to a stop near Zabuza. He was pulling on the hem of his shirt, trying to appear less nervous than he was, but unfortunately it had the exact opposite effect.
"What's gotten into you, kid?" Zabuza demanded. "Do you or don't you want to learn the finer points of chakra control?"
"I do, Zabuza-sensei," Haku said almost inaudibly. His eyes were completely transfixed on the rippling blue surface of the water.
"Then I expect you to put in some effort and not waste my time idling on the road."
"Yes, Zabuza-sensei."
Haku didn't want Zabuza to see him in his moment of weakness. But he'd never been around vast expanses of water before. He supposed his mother planned it that way, so he'd never accidentally find out that he had a bloodline limit. Every time he asked his parents if they could go to the ocean one day, his mother was always adamant that they never visit oceans or lakes or even rivers or ponds – she always told him stories of children who fell into the water and drowned because they couldn't swim.
'Can you swim, Haku?'
'No, mother.'
'Then we can't go because you're sure to drown. Honey, it's for the best, I promise.'
It seemed like perfect logic at the time. He believed her fiercely. But his mother's obstinate conviction in Haku's eventual drowning yielded some rather unfavourable results.
Haku was severely afraid of the water.
Zabuza reached over and grabbed Haku by the arm. "Don't just stand there, kid. Concentrate your chakra to your feet and you should be able to stand on the water."
"Zabuza-sensei, I don't think – "
But Zabuza ignored him. He hoisted the boy up and dangled him over the edge of the pier. Haku uncharacteristically gave a shrill cry of anguish, which made Zabuza wince. Despite his protests, Zabuza released his grip on Haku's shirt and the boy went hurtling into the water face-first.
Zabuza watched him kick and flail helplessly in the water for a moment before reaching down with an aggravated sigh and yanking him out.
Haku's eyes were brimming with tears when Zabuza placed him on the pier again. He crumpled to a sitting position and shivered unconsciously, tears falling from his eyes onto the already-damp wooden planks below him.
Nothing was said for a long moment, and then Haku turned and stared up at the missing-nin. He wiped his eyes and looked generally ashamed of himself. "Zabuza-sensei… I'm sorry," he whispered. It was a pathetic apology, brought on by a pitiful display of failure, Zabuza knew.
He didn't say a word in response. He just kept staring until finally Haku looked away. He's going to get rid of me now, Haku thought miserably, sniffling. He let his legs fall off the edge of the pier and dangle there, his feet skimming the surface of the water lightly.
Suddenly, he felt Zabuza's large form move silently to sit down on the pier next to him. He placed his sword behind him on the planks.
"I'll try harder next time," Haku said, trying to be reassuring to both himself and his master. "I promise I'll try harder."
Again, there was no response. Then, all of a sudden, Zabuza's deep voice broke the silence. "When I was a young child, my father didn't have time for me. He was out all the time, completing missions and meeting with other ninja. He left me to my own devices," the older man explained. "But to a child, that kind of freedom is dangerous. Children do stupid things sometimes."
He paused for a moment to let his own legs dangle off the pier. But since he had longer legs, his feet and part of his shins were submerged. Haku studied him curiously.
"I was probably four. When he had his back turned, I ran off and came to this exact pier…" Zabuza looked down at the water, an oddly fond look on his face. "I heard a splash. It sounded far away at the time. I can remember trying to breathe, but it just wasn't working. Instead of air there was water. And I remember my father screaming at me and pulling me out of the water by my arms. I remember thinking… that maybe he would stay around more, now that he knew what kind of trouble I would get into while he was away…" There was a pregnant pause all of a sudden, and Zabuza swished his feet in the water. It was a rather uncharacteristically childlike move. "It didn't change anything."
Haku wondered if that was why Zabuza seemed so angry all the time, and resolved to support him in all aspects. Haku might have been far too young to be a father figure to the stoic missing-nin, but he could at least try and achieve what Zabuza's father could not – and that was to protect him from harm and make him feel appreciated every now and then.
With that thought firmly in mind, Haku tried to concentrate all of his chakra to his feet. He shifted, gripping the pier tightly with both hands, and carefully touched his feet to the water.
Then, he let go.
Zabuza watched Haku with mild interest as the boy tried to push aside all feelings of cowardice and fear and walk on water. It didn't work. Almost as soon as his fingers left the pier, the feelings of anxiety returned, and he went sprawling into the water.
Zabuza helped him out again, grunting. "You still can't, huh?" he growled. "Not even after that sappy story about my pathetic childhood? Fine. Let's try something."
Zabuza pushed himself off the dock, most of his chakra diverted to his feet so he was standing on the water. He grabbed his zanbatou, walked towards the open sea, leaving Haku sitting behind him on the pier.
"W-wait, Zabuza-sensei – where are you going?" Haku cried, alarmed. "Don't leave me here! Zabuza-sensei!"
Zabuza turned around briskly. "If you don't come out here to where I am in the next five minutes, I'm going to let myself drown," he barked, crossing his arms. "You wouldn't let me drown, would you, Haku?"
Haku sniffled. He was not going to be left behind again. And certainly, he wasn't going to let Zabuza drown. Even if he knew Zabuza wouldn't actually go through with it, it meant something to him to try and stop him. He would rescue him, just like Zabuza's father did, only he wouldn't leave his side after that.
Again, he tried to gather his chakra to the soles of his feet and tentatively stepped out onto the water.
It worked. He was unsteady and unbalanced, but he was standing above the water like he was supposed to. He began to walk towards Zabuza, carefully, watching his feet and taking little steps, one at a time.
"You got three minutes, kid."
He snapped his gaze up to Zabuza and realized just how far away he was. He still had a little bit to go, and already he could feel his chakra wearing down, draining away in an effort just to keep his body afloat. He walked faster, trying to reach his master before time ran out.
Halfway there, his chakra ran out. Zabuza watched as the boy went under again, his arms and legs kicking and flailing like nothing else he'd ever seen. He was amused, for a moment, wondering if maybe Haku was just a little more pathetic than he came across as – until he realized those kicking and flailing movements were not just meant for Haku to keep himself afloat.
He was trying to swim out to Zabuza.
Zabuza let a string of curses fly under his breath.
I have to make it, Haku was telling himself as he wildly swung his arms and legs around in the water. He didn't know how to swim, but his instincts were telling him to thrash around a lot.
I can't let Zabuza-sensei down.
A hand grasped his arms and pulled him out of the water. Haku gasped almost desperately, until he saw that it was Zabuza who has rescued him.
"I'm sorry," he whimpered again, looking away. He felt like a complete failure.
Zabuza stiffened like he was going to start yelling, but carried Haku to the pier in silence instead.
Haku sniffled. "I'll try harder next time. I-I'll practice every day, and I'll learn to swim too," he said quietly. "I won't disappoint you again."
There was an odd look on Zabuza's face, like he didn't know what to say. After a moment, all that came out of his mouth was a strained-sounding, "Kid…"
Then, he stood up and helped Haku to his feet. "Let's go. We're going home."
"Zabuza-sensei?"
"You need to get out of those wet clothes or you'll get feverish," Zabuza grunted, looking away. But there was a softness to his voice that was highly unorthodox for a man of his temperament. "If you get sick, you'll be useless to me. We can work on this another day."
Haku smiled. "Yes, Zabuza-sensei. I'd like that."
---
Two years before the present
---
"It's because you are my family now," Haku said.
Zabuza had off-handedly mentioned how strange it was that Haku always seemed to place him on a pedestal above all else. He wasn't complaining, really. After all, a tool that values his master's life before his own is a valuable thing. Such valuable shinobi were hard to come across. But he was curious to hear what Haku's response would be to the remark he'd made.
And he certainly wasn't expecting that answer.
Zabuza gave him a skeptical look. "Because I'm family to you, huh?"
Haku stared at his food with a smile on his face. "Of course, Zabuza. Before you found me, I had a loving family, yes… but because of who I was, that loving family was… destroyed."
Zabuza found it strange that Haku, of all people, would be reflecting upon that destruction with a smile on his face, but he didn't say anything.
"My father killed my mother, and in rather desperate move, tried to kill me. But… I did something. I didn't mean to, but… I killed him."
"I see. And that's how you became an orphan." Zabuza was sitting on the floor, one knee raised up so he could rest his elbow on it. It was a little strange that they'd been together all this time and Zabuza hadn't thought to ask about Haku before.
"Yes. And then I met you. You are my family now. My family before was… inconsequential."
Zabuza stood up suddenly, narrowing his eyes. "Well, family is probably one of the most useless things on the planet. They hold you back from your dreams." He began walking to the next room, but in the doorway he paused and turned around again. "Kid, we don't see eye to eye, apparently. I want you to understand something."
Haku tilted his head inquisitively.
"I am not your family. I see you only as my ultimate weapon, and that's not going to change. You exist only because I need you to exist." After a moment, he went into the next room and called over his shoulder, "I'm going to sleep! Clean up here before you do anything else."
Haku already knew what was expected of him. He cleared the table and washed the cheap dishes Zabuza had pillaged from a shop a few years back, placing them in a small stack on the counter when he was done. He spent a few more moments making sure the room was immaculate before retiring to the room he shared with Zabuza.
Zabuza's large, muscular form was lying on the largest futon, bathed in dim moonlight from the tiny window on the far side of the room. His back was to Haku, and Haku watched as his shoulders moved unconsciously with his deep breathing.
He was asleep.
Haku moved and sat gracefully on his own futon, which was the farthest from the window, watching the older man with a great deal of interest and admiration from the darkness. Zabuza was only 24, and yet he was one of the strongest people Haku had ever known. But at the same time, he seemed much older than a man in his early twenties. If Haku didn't already know how old he was, he might have guessed Zabuza to be in his thirties, easily.
He wondered what made him age so rapidly.
"Zabuza?" Haku said quietly, carefully, but Zabuza didn't stir. He had to make sure he was asleep.
He watched him for a few more seconds before speaking in a low voice, smiling softly. "I've never been this happy before," he said honestly. "Even if I do not agree with your views on family. I can accept that you don't see me as family… but I could never see you in any other way. To me, you will always be someone I deeply care about."
Haku shifted, bringing his knees up and resting his arms and his chin on them. "I am your family too," he continued. "No matter the cost, I will make your dreams come true. I will protect you. And… I'm glad that I can be useful to you. Even if I receive nothing else but your company for the rest of my life, I could never be sad. After all, knowing that you need me to exist for you is enough…"
Haku crawled under the covers of his futon, watched Zabuza breathing for another moment or so before drifting off to sleep again.
Zabuza was never able to fall asleep in just a few minutes like Haku. Usually, it took him over an hour, sometimes two, just to get comfortable enough to sleep, and then his mind kept him awake for another hour after that. Sometimes he wished he could just shut his brain off so he could get a decent night of sleep for once in his life.
He stared at the small window, and saw a clear navy sky staring back. Haku had said some things that struck Zabuza as odd, but if he were to look at it in the long run, his mind-set was perfect. He was the ideal, self-sacrificing shinobi Zabuza always wanted.
But what was odder still, was that although Zabuza had molded him to be the fighter he had come to be today – deadly and skilled – the beatific, innocent attitude Haku portrayed at all times was something he'd developed all on his own.
Zabuza always believed that no man, woman, or child could be that virtuous.
But maybe he was wrong.
---
The present
---
It pained Zabuza now to think that Haku existed simply as a weapon. When he thought about how much Haku cared about him, it sent a tremor of pain through his body again. Certainly Haku deserved to be needed in more ways than as just a tool.
Zabuza did need Haku. Whenever Haku had mentioned how happy he was serving Zabuza, it filled a void. Whatever was empty in Zabuza's soul suddenly overflowed with something. Perhaps being wanted by Haku made Zabuza feel complete.
He felt another tremor of pain wash over him again. It was a strange feeling, the numbness and the pain mingling together. He wished he could tell Haku that he was more than just a weapon.
He was a friend.
---
Four years before the present
---
The hot spring water was much more sweltering than he had imagined. It was at a level just below scalding, lightly treading over the thin line of comfort. It was hot enough to make Haku squirm – although truthfully, the squirming was not entirely because of the heat. The water was a little deep in some parts.
Zabuza didn't seem bothered by it, though. His eyes were closed and wisps of steam were coiling up around his face. Even in this relaxed setting, Zabuza looked tense and agitated, like a predator about to lash out and strike his prey.
He studied the older ninja's face for a while, almost hypnotized by the absolute stillness and composure. Haku always felt small compared to Zabuza.
Suddenly, Zabuza's eyes opened and he looked over at Haku. "What's wrong, kid?" he asked, almost amused. "Is the water too hot for you?"
Haku shook his head. "No… the water is fine, Zabuza-sensei."
"Good. I'd hate to see a place like this go to waste."
Sometimes, the sheer beauty of the simplest things struck Zabuza in a way Haku was sure even he didn't realize. But Haku could see it in his eyes sometimes. Once, after he slaughtered a few low-ranking chuunin because they happened to recognize him from their village's list of notorious missing-nin, Zabuza arbitrarily mentioned that the sight of all that blood dripping from the grass onto the damp soil made him feel nostalgic.
He had laughed afterwards in jest, of course, but Haku had already seen it in his eyes. It was a sad kind of reminiscence that he could empathize with because sometimes he looked back on his past life too and felt the agonizing sting of what was.
Even now, Zabuza was pretending not to feel affected by the heat and the sight of unblemished grey stones surrounding the natural hot spring, but Haku could see his eyes roaming the area with a kind of intrinsic, intense curiosity. Zabuza was prone to watching for intruders and potential traps, but this was different. He didn't look as angry as he usually did. There was a waterfall to the north, falling from a cliff a little distance away, and Haku could see Zabuza's eyes keep returning to that spot, even though he made an effort to look around.
"It's nice," Haku said quietly, looking down at the water. The steam and the slight mistiness of the water luckily obstructed his (and Zabuza's) view of everything in the water. It wasn't that being naked bothered him, but he always felt rather insignificant and unimportant, especially if there was somebody as large and powerful as Zabuza sitting nearby. Clothing could at least hide imperfections, such as frailty and weakness, or scars even, but if you were naked, everything was out in the open. Haku didn't have to worry about scars – the ones he had were small and of little importance. It was his frailty that worried him.
He hazarded a look up and saw that Zabuza was watching him with a kind of scrutiny he hadn't expected.
"You're acting strangely," Zabuza grunted, and suddenly he looked angry again. "Is something wrong?"
"It's nothing, I promise. I was just thinking."
Zabuza kept studying Haku closely. "What were you thinking about?" he asked coolly, and noticed that the boy's cheeks were tinged a deep shade of pink that usually suggested heavy blushing – but in this case was likely a result of the intense heat from both the water and the air surrounding them.
Haku pursed his lips. "I was just… thinking about when I first met you," he offered with a light shrug of his shoulders.
The piercing intensity of Zabuza's eyes softened just a little bit; just enough for Haku to notice, while at the same time enough for Zabuza to hope Haku didn't notice.
"I was so small then."
"You've grown."
Haku smiled at him. "I'm glad. You've made me a much better person, Zabuza-sensei. You've made me strong, just like you, but I still have a long way to go to even catch up."
Zabuza shifted in the water and said nothing.
Haku had definitely grown in the four years they'd known each other. He was still a thin boy with long arms and legs, but he was fast, and had the most earnest spirit of anyone he'd ever met. He met Zabuza's challenges almost fearlessly. In fact, the only time Zabuza remembered him to display any fear or reluctance was when they fought or trained near the water – or in it. He always found it ironic – a boy born in the Land of Waves who was afraid of drowning.
Aren't we all? Zabuza thought dryly, and closed his eyes again.
---
A year before the present
---
Patching each other up after a particularly arduous battle was always an adventure. Where Haku was always in control of himself while he fought, Zabuza tended to rely more on his adrenaline to keep him going, and so wasn't even aware of some injuries he would receive in battle until much later, when the adrenaline had worn off.
Usually, Haku found these injuries for him, asking him politely where he received this cut or that bruise.
It was a usual ritual after the battles. They would retire to a secluded spot and strip down, fingers trailing lightly over flesh, checking for anything unusual that might have been a result of the fight, and then all wounds would be properly stitched and dressed so they could heal. They weren't medical ninja by any means, and if they were able to go to a hospital, things would probably go much smoother and quicker. But as it stood, this was the best they could do with the knowledge that they had.
Haku always insisted that Zabuza go first, and Zabuza never protested.
Zabuza stripped down to nothing right in front of Haku, as usual, and stood proudly, waiting for Haku to begin his ritual examination.
Haku circled Zabuza slowly, marveling at the older man's finely toned musculature. Zabuza was everything Haku thought a real warrior would be. He was covered in lean, taut muscle, smooth tanned skin, and his posture was remarkable considering he carried around a huge zanbatou on his back.
Within seconds, Haku spotted at least three different flesh wounds, the most obvious one being a rather large cut on Zabuza's lower abdomen, starting just below his navel and ending on the subtle angle of his hip.
He leaned in, fingers probing the wound gently.
"Where did you get this? I didn't see you get hit…"
Zabuza's hand darted out and grasped Haku's wrist firmly, successfully stilling his movements. When Haku looked up at the missing-nin, he noted that his expression was an oddly chilling one. Zabuza's voice was low and warning. "Don't," he said simply. "Just… don't."
"But Zabuza…"
"I said don't," Zabuza repeated, silencing Haku with a sharp glare. "I can do that one myself. Just do the others and I'll be fine."
Haku was confused. Zabuza hadn't acted this strangely before.
The truth was, Zabuza could feel Haku's warm breath ghosting against his hip, dangerously close to that spot, and it sent a whole new series of sensations clicking off in his body. It was far too enticing than it probably should have been. While Haku was not the young boy of seven that he was when Zabuza first met him, he was still very young, and therefore it was wrong to feel that way.
How ironic that Zabuza – a missing-nin who had no qualms about breaking all kinds of rules – was rather hesitant to break this one.
"Zabuza, I'm only trying to help," Haku insisted, but he did not move or try to touch him, as he was instructed.
Zabuza grunted. "Yes, I know. But it's just… a personal area."
"But before – "
"That was before, Haku," Zabuza snapped. "Maybe I'm just not comfortable with it now."
Haku stiffened briefly, then relaxed and nodded. "Okay."
The boy began checking the other wounds Zabuza had, namely, the one on his shoulder and another on his back between his shoulder blades. He had a few bruises here and there, but Haku was most concerned about his open wounds.
"This one's still bleeding," Zabuza could hear Haku say from somewhere behind him. Fingers gently touched the wound, applying a tiny bit of pressure.
Zabuza looked over his shoulder. "Is it?" he asked and gave a noncommittal grunt. "I hadn't noticed."
"It's not bleeding much, but you might need to lie down so I can take care of it."
Zabuza inhaled sharply and lowered himself down into his futon, face-first, stretching and flexing his muscles before relaxing with his arms at his sides. His head was turned to the right, and he watched Haku with mild interest as the boy opened a drawer and pulled out some gauze and disinfectant.
"Does it hurt?" Haku asked curiously, gesturing faintly to the wound on his back.
Zabuza eyed the bottle of disinfectant warily. "Not yet," he said lightly.
Haku smiled at Zabuza's attempt at a light-hearted joke. Zabuza rarely joked, and when he did it wasn't so much the joke that made Haku smile, but the pathetic awkwardness that seemed to accompany it.
He tore a strip of gauze from the roll and applied some disinfectant to it. Zabuza tensed as the cool cloth came into contact with his gash, and he growled low in his throat as it began to sting. Cleaning and disinfecting wounds were always his least favourite post-battle responsibilities. If it were up to him, he'd probably just sleep it off. Lucikly for him, Haku didn't mind taking care of the things Zabuza hated doing.
He found that Haku picked up the slack a lot.
"Almost done," Haku reassured Zabuza, who merely grunted and closed his eyes, trying to ignore the stinging sensation radiating from his upper back.
Haku kept dabbing away at the wound, letting his eyes roam down the length of Zabuza's body. He was envious, really. When Haku looked at his own body, all he could see was pale flesh and muscle tone you would barely notice. He looked like a girl. But when he looked at Zabuza, he could see tightly coiled muscles and a long, limber frame. Zabuza was probably the epitome of masculinity.
He removed the gauze soaked in disinfectant and blood, and ripped off another strip, placing it firmly on Zabuza's back. He took some medical tape and fastened it tightly to the skin, pressing and holding for a few seconds just to be sure.
"You're all done, Zabuza," Haku said quietly, leaning back. "I just need to do your shoulder now."
Zabuza didn't respond immediately. After a moment, he sighed, but didn't open his eyes. "Haku, go make some tea. I'll do these myself," the missing-nin yawned, and moved to turn over.
Haku was a little surprised at the request – Zabuza, cleaning and dressing his own wounds? – but nodded and left the room without saying a word.
He smiled to himself as he made enough tea for both himself and Zabuza, but took out only one teacup. If he knew Zabuza as well as he hoped, the older man was probably fast asleep.
---
The present
---
Zabuza could have sworn a tear slid down Haku's cheek, but that was impossible. He was already dead.
Haku.
He closed his eyes. He couldn't even feel the texture of Haku's cheek anymore, or how cold he was. His body was too numb to feel anything.
I want to go where you're going.
Zabuza knew he didn't deserve it. He'd spent a great deal of their time together ruthlessly pushing Haku to be a better fighter, or pushing him away so he wouldn't get too attached… but he got attached anyway.
Haku had the kind of spirit and inherent goodness that could soften even the toughest warrior. He'd charmed Zabuza, after all, without even really trying.
Zabuza hated that this was the end. So much for closure. There was absolutely no chance for that now. Haku had gone to a place that would be filled with radiance and life-after-death, and soon, Zabuza would disappear too – but to an entirely different place. A place that he deserved.
For all those years he selfishly kept Haku on a short leash, not only because he intended to make Haku live out every single day of his lifelong oath of loyalty, but because when Haku was around, Zabuza didn't feel so lonely.
He wondered if he made Haku miserable all those years.
Haku… were you just telling me you were happy because you didn't want to be a burden to me?
In his mind, he could picture Haku smiling down at him from where he was.
"No, Zabuza…"
Zabuza snapped his eyes open. "Haku?"
He was standing in front of Haku, surrounded by a radiant mist. He'd never seen Haku look so happy in his entire life. But… this couldn't be real. This had to be a dream. Or a dying hallucination.
"I was never unhappy when I was with you, Zabuza, because you made me feel needed. You didn't cast me aside because of my abilities. Rather, you favoured them. I could never have been happier."
Zabuza's eyes began to water again. "Haku… I'm sorry. I just want to tell you that."
"Don't be sorry."
"No, listen… I know I've been a jerk. I haven't always been there for you."
"Zabuza…" Haku stepped towards him and took his hand in his own small, pale one. "You didn't discard me when I was useless to you. That means everything to me."
Zabuza felt something hard pressed to his palm, and when he pulled away from Haku to look at what he was holding, he was speechless. In his hand was a small rabbit figurine; like the one Haku gave him for his birthday a long time ago. Zabuza reached into his pocket and withdrew a small cloth, greyed with age. He tugged it open and pulled out the chipped and worn figurine that he'd kept all this time.
"I knew you didn't throw it out," Haku laughed.
The atmosphere changed suddenly, and for some reason, everything was dazzling, blinding even. He could feel himself growing light, and Haku faded away into the brightness before his eyes.
Zabuza could hear a voice that sounded familiar, and at the same time alien to him.
"Then you can both go to that place, Zabuza… together."
He thought he could smell flowers, but… he was on a bridge crossing the ocean, wasn't he? Haku's voice seemed to come from nowhere, all of a sudden, circling around his being like a cool breeze and echoing from all sides. It was a warm, inviting voice. The voice of an angel, maybe.
"Hurry up, Zabuza… I'm waiting!"
Smiling, Zabuza took a step forward into the light, and a small hand he couldn't see grasped his hand and pulled him along.
"We'll be together forever."
And Zabuza didn't mind at all.
-----
AN: Sorry if it jumped around a lot or seemed awkward. I just wanted to give some insight into Zabuza's and Haku's relationship, since there's not a whole lot of information on them. All kinds of feedback appreciated.