Hey guys, I've decided i'm re-writing, Do I Want Him?
Well, Bella gave in too easily :|
I made it all too easy, and I've improved my writing skills since then.
So here it is!
Rolling In The Dust
(NAME MAY CHANGE)
All along it was a fever
A cold sweat hot-headed believer
I threw my hands in the air, said, "Show me something,"
He said, "If you dare come a little closer."
Round and around and around and around we go
Oh now tell me now tell me now tell me now you know
Not really sure how to feel about it.
Something in the way you move
Makes me feel like I can't live without you.
It takes me all the way.
I want you to stay
It's not much of a life you're living
It's not just something you take – it's given
Round and around and around and around we go
Oh now tell me now tell me now tell me now you know
Not really sure how to feel about it.
Something in the way you move
Makes me feel like I can't live without you.
It takes me all the way.
I want you to stay.
Ooh the reason I hold on
Ooh cause I need this hole gone
Funny you're the broken one but I'm the only one who needed saving
Cause when you never see the light it's hard to know which one of us is caving
Not really sure how to feel about it.
Something in the way you move
Makes me feel like I can't live without you.
It takes me all the way.
I want you to stay, stay.
I want you to stay, oh.
Chapter One
Broken for too long
Edward left over a year ago. Let me rephrase that. Edward left me over a year ago.
He just forgot about me, and destroyed me like I was nothing. Like we were nothing. He never came back. He never will. I know he won't but I'm forever his.
My birthday, was horrible. It brought back fresh memories, creating a new wound, an open scar. It felt like a knife slicing into me, twisting ever so slowly.
Jacob, gave it a crack at sewing up the scars, but only resulted in creating another wound, when he left me for his imprint, Jordyn.
I'm still broken. Unrepairable. I'm like a walking zombie, wondering the scatters of the earth. But I guess even the zombies are more lively than me. I've lost over two stone in a month, and I barely leave my house. I only leave for school.
I rolled over on my sofa, facing the back, hearing all different parts of my back pop as I do so. I yawned.
I haven't slept in two days.
I closed my sleepy eyes, ready to drift into a nightmare filled dream, but my attempt was cut short when a door slammed shut.
I twisted from my comfortable position, and turned over.
My eyes flung open in alarm, and scanned the room. They landed on Charlies pitiful face.
"Bells..." his voice was different. It was always painful when he was around me, but it sounded like a double dose, "I'm sorry but..."
"What dad?" I croaked out, my throat was sore, I hadn't had anything to drink in about thirteen hours.
"Your moving back in with your mother"
Those words hit me full force like a bulldozer, nearly knocking me off of the comfy sofa.
I scrambled to my feet and stood tall.
"What?" My voice was suddenly, pleading, almost desperate, "No! You can't do this dad!"
"Bel-"
"Don't you Bells me! I'm not leaving!" I practically screamed at him, throwing my arms up in the air to express my point.
"But you never leave this house!" He cried, his face cringing, at my offended expression, "your lifeless..."
"Actually dad, I'm going out with-" Name. Name. Name. "Uh- Jessica tonight"
"Really?" his voice lightening, sort of.
"Yes" I smiled, praying he believed my pathetic lie.
"Okay, have fun Bells, i'm working late tonight, so stay out as long as you want" he smiled, his eyes, brown orbs of relief.
I smiled, but it was small. As soon as he was out of the door again, my butt fell straight to the sofa, and my head landed between my knees for support.
"Why oh why did I say Jessica?" I mumbled, between my legs.
I suddenly felt sick, and fell straight back onto my back.
I wanted to curl up into a ball and die. Right there. Right on my Charlies sofa.
The gaps inside of me, widened every second, threatening to rip me into tiny pieces.
Sometimes I wish I didn't exist.
I shouldn't of fell in love with E- him, I would of lived a normal life.
As soon as I thought those words, they vanished, and the holes throbbed in pain.
My stomach churned, and I ran to the bathroom to throw up the bits of food I ate earlier, well it wasn't voluntarily. Charlie makes me eat.
I fell to my knees and hurled into Charlies pristine clean toilet. Well, it was.
My throat felt numb after the vomit had faded, but the taste was still on the tip of my tongue. I flushed the toilet, still on my knees and crawled up against the cold, bathroom wall and leaned my cheek on it. It soothed the heat from my flaming cheeks.
I brought my knees to myself and wrapped my arms around them, snugly.
"What a cruel world this is" I murmured beneath my breath.
Oh wait. I forgot. I need to drive my car around for a couple of hours, so Charlie doesn't suspect anything.
I clambered to my feet and shuffled outside. I shivered, from the frigid cold. I felt the cold bite at my cheeks, but it was no where as cold as him.
STOP IT BELLA. STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM.
My inner voice screamed at me, the voice of myself rang in my ears.
I slumped my shoulders, knowing that would never happen.
I stumbled into my truck, put my key in the ignition and started my truck.
I automatically, turned the heating on, missing Jacobs arm that would wrap around me. The heat that radiated off of him warmed me up, like my own radiator. His marble arms were better though.
STOP.
IT.
NOW.
"NO!" I screamed out, at nothing. The tears streamed down my face, smudging the days old mascara, that I had put on.
I wiped my bottom lids, and sighed. My mind keeps wondering back to his perfectly sculpted face, and his striking, topaz eyes. A fresh round of tears sprouted from my eyes.
My head always span, when I remember how his lips fit perfectly with mine, and how they moved in sync with mine.
ISABELLA MARIE SWAN STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM!
"Never" I whispered, and my heart throbbed.
Slowly, I brought my head up and sighed.
Tears will not bring him back.
Nothing will.
Something whispered in the back of my head.
I shook my head and pushed my foot down on the gas pedal.
"This is my oh so wonderful life..." I mumbled, "I only live because of you Charlie"
I drove with blank eyes, my heart taking over the steering wheel, my mind elsewhere.