Title: "The Road to Hell"

Author: Mala

Rating/Classification: PG, Rex/Adriana, angst.

Disclaimer: Not my characters! I'm just borrowing them.

Summary: Sort of an informal trip through Rex's thoughts on Adriana. Set during her kidnapping, her return, and the subsequent break-up with River.

"Want" is a strange word. It's been part of his vocabulary for years. "Roxy, I want a bike for Christmas." Of course, he never got one. "I want a drink." He's had plenty of those. "I want you, Jen." And not enough of her. "I want my club back." And no shot at that.

It means you crave something, you need something, you can't get it out of your head. Whether it's a Rodi's cheeseburger or a Hummer.

He doesn't "want" Adriana.

He tries to explain that to Detective McBain before being shooed away like a fly. He's not some dirty sleaze who sits around dreaming about underage hotties. He means it when he says she's a sweet kid and he's shocked, worried, when he hears she's missing.

He's pulled a lot of scams in his life, but this isn't one of them. Okay, the fact that she's loaded is nice...and, yes, he wants her money...but he wants everybody's money. He found twenty bucks on the street last week and didn't bother to try and find out who it belonged to. But her...?

He wants to believe he has good intentions.

But "want" is a strange word.

And he remembers walking up to her on the fourth of July. The night she got grabbed by Santi goons. Barely two feet from her, staring at her back, as she told him she wanted to be alone.

If she'd turned around, if she'd only said, "Stay, Rex," he would have kissed her...and he wouldn't have bothered to try and find out if she still belonged to River.

But he doesn't crave her.

And he doesn't need her.

There are a thousand things in his head besides her...including getting Ultra Violet back, doing his dumb community service, and trying his hardest not to punch Riley. And, oh, worrying about his sister since the guy she's dating really is a dirty sleaze.

So, he doesn't want her, right?

He's relieved when he walks into the diner one morning and overhears Carlotta saying something about Adriana being with nuns. Nuns are better than thugs. She's the kind of girl who belongs with pious, church-going folks. Not with guys like him. Maybe she'll stay there.

But he's not that lucky.

A few days later, she's back in town and he sees her getting into a car with Antonio. He wants to wave "hi." He drops his hand and steps back into the shadow of the LPD before she can see him.

He doesn't want her.

Natalie thinks he's obsessed with money and she's right. Of course, she doesn't realize that her new boy is pretty much obsessed in the same way. It takes one to know one. As a brother, Rex feels entitled to break Paul's legs if things get out of hand.

On another trip through the diner--in and out with coffee and flan--he hears that Adriana has a brother now, too. Tico Santi. Santi. Of mega bucks and bullet holes fame.

He'll get more than broken legs if he makes eyes at her...assets.

But that's not going to happen, because he's smarter than that and, of course, he doesn't want her.

It means you crave something, you need something, you can't get it out of your head.

"R-rex!" she gasps, as he walks up on her in the park.

Finding her alone...finding her at all...for the first time in weeks.

Her eyes are red, like she's been crying, and he has to clench his fists so he doesn't reach out and squeeze her shoulder. He doesn't need to do that. No. Uh-uh. "Hey, Adriana! Long time, no see! Have a blast with the Sisters of Mercy?"

"Hi." Her pretty smile is shaky, and she dashes tears from her cheeks with the backs of her hands. "You...you knew I was gone?" She sounds shocked ...no, touched. Maybe both.

"I was...worried about you," he admits, and then rushes to make the confession cheerful and flirtatious. Anything but serious. "You know, the cops asked me if I knew where you were. Can you believe that? Sure...you're the most gorgeous girl in Llanview and I have no problem whatsoever telling you that...but would I really take you away from here?"

"W-would you?" she asks, and she sounds more miserable than any nice, sweet, kid should. "Would you, please, take me away?"

He wants to believe he has good intentions, right?

There's a saying about that.

Good intentions and the road to Hell.

As she starts to cry, he crosses the few feet separating them and wraps her in his arms. She smells like vanilla and cinnamon. No...like dulce de leche. And when he whispers, "Shhh, it's okay...it'll be okay," against her cheek, he tastes it on the tip of his tongue.

"Want" is a strange word.

As words go, "love" is worse.

--end--

August 7, 2004.