Cowritten by Emperor Dalek and Impossible Oswin
WE DON'T OWN DOCTOR WHO. If we did, we would be in Space Florida right now.
After the Doctor is shot by the Dalek in The Big Bang, River decides she will never let the Doctor into harm's way again - precautions ensue.
...
It started off quite normally - well, as normal as someone as extraordinary as River Song could be, of course.
In fact, it had started with just a few small words, and a big bang.
"What happened to the Dalek?"
"It died."
...
Things then progressed.
"What happened to the Angels?"
"They died."
"But, they didn't even - how can you even kill - "
"They're dead."
...
It had started to get a bit out of hand.
"What happened to my custard?"
"It died."
"It DIED?! How could it die; I was about to go on a fish and custard eating spree!"
"Exactly. Too much custard isn't good for anyone, sweetie. You're beginning to get a bit chubby."
"Chubby? Oi- I happen to like my fish fingers with custard, and there's nothing you and your gun can do about it. Now where is it?"
"I told you."
"And?"
"It died."
...
The Doctor was beginning to get rather frustrated.
They were in 16th century China now, and The Doctor had found what appeared to be Sontaran tech. There had been reports of deaths all over the area, but as soon as the T.A.R.D.I.S. arrived, all was safe.
The Doctor and River had been taking a stroll through the sewers (interesting things always happen in sewers), when they suddenly came across a pile of no-longer-quite-so-alive Sontarans.
The Doctor turned to River with a shake of his head and a sigh. "What did you do this time?"
"They were going to march on Beijing."
"And what happened to them?"
"They died."
...
The Doctor had begun to tire of dead bodies. After much thought, he decided to go to the nice, safe, Space Florida.
A long awaited vacation, at last. Right?
Wrong. Apparently River disagreed with the 'safe' bit.
"River."
"Yes, sweetie?"
"What happened to the beach?"
"It died."
"Why did it die?"
"Well, it was much too dangerous sweetie. You could have drowned, or gotten a rash, or been eaten by a shark!"
"So it died."
"That's right sweetie."
...
The Doctor eventually surrendered to the inevitable: River was going to kill something everywhere they went. The only way to stop the carnage was not to go anywhere.
How wrong he was.
The Doctor sat in his room, fiddling with his sonic. He had been there for 3 days. Suddenly, the walls and furniture around him vanished as the Doctor was thrusted into the TARDIS control room.
He leapt to his feet and glared at River. "What did you do to my room?!"
"It died."
"But, but, WHY?!"
"You weren't leaving, and you were going to starve to death if you stayed there too long."
...
The Doctor thought long and hard. He finally decided that the only way this would stop would be if there were so many threats to his life River couldn't possibly eliminate them all. The only problem was finding such a place. He finally decided that the new planet of the Daleks was sufficiently dangerous.
...
Amy stood above the Doctor's dead body, horrified.
"What happened to the Doctor?!" cried Rory.
A Dalek wheeled forward. "He died."
...
The universe blew up. This FanFiction was too much for Impossible Oswin, who shipped Doctor x River like FedEx.
Emperor Dalek's unremorseful murder of various people, places and above all the Doctor, was too much for her to continue.
The end.
...
Emperor Dalek: Please review if you liked it, review if you hated it. Or River will kill you too.
Impossible Oswin: He doesn't really mean that, thanks for reading! I ship River x Doctor forever, this was not my idea by ANY MEANS! RIP, Eleven.