A/N: Well, hello out there! Surprise! I still love this fandom, still miss these characters, still enjoy getting into the rhythm of their banter. This is just a brief return, a, silly little idea that occurred to me. You can find me over at "The Mentalist" board, firmly entrenched there for now. If you've landed here by accident, please give this fic a try. I'd love for you to see another side of my writing style.
If you've never read my "Moonlight" fics, you can always go back and start with "Behind Closed Doors." If not, you will still be able to follow this little one-shot. Just know that it is set three years after the series finale, Mick and Beth are married, as are Josef and Simone (both women are vampires). I think you can figure out the rest. I hope you enjoy this. It's good to be back!
Moonlight Becomes You
Mick
"It's gone viral," said Josef to me in his downtown office. "And I don't mean like the rash you got from that shore leave trollop in '42."
"Huh?" I ignored his slanderous remark to stand behind his desk chair and look at his laptop computer. He was on a home video website, watching someone's recent vacation contribution. Though the video was of poor quality, and filmed from a distance, you could clearly see a man's bare ass as he rose above the woman beneath him before plunging back down with a faintly captured moan of ecstasy. The lights of Rome's famous Coliseum served as the backdrop, and as the girl gave an echoing cry, the videographer and his friends chuckled softly, and there were a few seedy remarks in Italian.
At that moment, the naked man turned his head and looked directly into the camera, vampire fangs extended, eyes glinting silver in the light of the moon above. There was a gasp from the voyeurs, and the vampire grabbed the hand of his mate before disappearing into the shadows.
The camera work became unsteady, moving in quick jerks as its operator searched the structure for signs of the strange couple. But then the video suddenly came into focus, finding the pair jumping the impossible distance from the top of the Coliseum to the paved ground. Both dressed now, the vampires crossed the busy street amid irate honking , then faded into the night.
"Holy shit," I said.
"The Council's sentiments exactly," replied my friend, grinning from ear-to-ear at my plight.
"It was our honeymoon," I said lamely. "Beth and I—"
"Were merely christening the Coliseum, I know. While there are all kinds of hysterically ironic things I could say involving Christians, lions, and gladiators, I'll restrain myself for now."
"Gee, thanks, Josef. You're a pal."
After Sweden, Italy had been the second leg of our month-long honeymoon. I'd been all over Europe over the last fifty years, but nothing had prepared me for seeing these familiar places through Beth's eyes for the first time. It had been glorious, beyond anything I ever could have imagined. Beth was my wife, and after everything we'd been through to get to this place, Europe had been like the icing on the proverbial cake. And I so used to love cake.
"We have other things to worry about, my friend," Josef was saying.
I moved away from his desk and sat heavily in the leather chair across from it.
"Yeah. I can see that."
"The Council is pretty irate at your lack of—discretion. I mean, I've managed to calm them with the reassurance that I'm putting pressure on my contacts on the website to remove it, but the damage may be done already. You have to admit, it looks pretty damning."
"Frankly," I replied, "I'm more worried about Beth's reaction."
Josef grinned, putting himself in my shoes, no doubt, and understanding completely how upset Simone would react to having something like this spread all over the internet.
"Well, it's not like you could see anything," he said. "Because I tried to. Very, very hard."
I shot him a dirty look, but he only grinned.
"How was I to know we'd be on Candid Camera?" I reasoned. "It's this damn new technological age, Josef, where Big Brother, Big Sister and all the rest of the Big family are watching everyone all the time, complete with digital photography."
"I feel for you, Mick, as well as for myself. Gone are the days when we can have clandestine sex in unusual places without an audience. What has the freakin' world come to, when a self-respecting vampire can't bang his wife in public?"
"Well, I'm part of the Council," I said. "Doesn't that count for anything? Or are they going to throw me out now? I don't think we were actually being that reckless. I mean, we were up on the top level of the Coliseum where it's too dangerous for the average human tourist to go. It was nighttime. What they caught on video could easily be explained away as an elaborate hoax."
"True, but a flash of fangs and a four-storey drop are pretty hard to write off."
"They can do amazing things with computer animation these days," I replied lamely.
"Look," said Josef, rising to his feet. He turned to stare out the window at his spectacular view of Las Angeles, his back to me. "Much as I'm enjoying it, I'm not the one you should be kowtowing to. An emergency meeting of the Council has been called for tonight. They think our community has been put at risk, Mick, and you'd better be ready to explain yourself, along with some kind of way to make amends. Mine isn't the only vote, you know."
"Jesus," I said under my breath. "They've put vamps to death for less than this."
Josef remained alarmingly silent, which did absolutely nothing to comfort my already frayed nerves. Was everything I'd sacrificed, all the guilt of my vampire life that I'd overcome going to be cancelled out by something as stupid as a blurry sex video?
"Jesus," I said again. From the window, Josef only nodded in commiseration.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxx
"You don't have to come, Beth," I told my wife later. "Your face wasn't seen in the video."
I'd broken the bad news to her, and when she'd demanded I show her the video, I couldn't find it anymore. Mercifully, Josef's contacts must have successfully taken the damn thing down.
"But this involves me too, Mick. And I'm your wife. I have both a right and a duty to be there. Besides, maybe I can help. I can be pretty persuasive."
I held my tongue, given that it had been her idea in the first place to have sex on the top level of the Coliseum. As the older vamp, however, I should have been the more responsible one. But what can I say—Beth was right about how persuasive she can be. How sensually, gratifyingly persuasive.
I sighed. Another thing I knew about Beth was that she never gave up on something she wanted.
"Fine. But keep in mind this might involve more than a slap on the wrist, Beth," I said seriously. She took my hands in hers, looking up into my eyes.
"I believe they'll see reason. That this was an accident. The video's gone. No one's going to believe there are vampires wandering the streets of Rome, making love on their ancient monuments."
I bent and kissed her. "Let's hope the Council is as reasonable as you are, sweetheart."
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Our friend, Daryl Morgan, had volunteered his home-a downtown converted warehouse-for the meeting. I knew it was due in part to his giant movie screen he'd installed in his front room that took up an entire wall. It was fun to watch the Superbowl there, but I was sure there wouldn't be beer to accompany my condemning Roman holiday video.
All of the Council had arrived, which was composed mainly of my friends and a few members of the vampire Cleaner crew. They looked at Beth and I solemnly, disapproval clouding their pale features. Had I a heart that beat, it would have been pounding in my chest at the moment, and I squeezed Beth's hand almost painfully. Josef greeted us, shoving a glass of scotch into my free hand, which I took gratefully. We joined the others in their places in comfortable chairs in front of the screen, while Josef went to stand before the audience.
"Thank you all for coming tonight. I'm sorry it is under such…unfortunate circumstances. The video you are about to witness was filmed in Italy a week ago. I know I might seem a little biased here, given that I am close friends with Mick, but I want to say before you watch this, that Mick is normally one of the most responsible, dependable members of our community. He is not one to take risks—and believe me, I've tried—but especially he would never risk giving away our secrets. So, before you make any final judgments, I beg you to keep an open mind…"
Josef nodded to Daryl, who pressed a button on a laptop to the side of the screen. I took a fortifying drink of single malt.
The room was darkened as the video began playing, showing the golden glow of the Coliseum at night. The amateur videographer scanned the ancient structure from bottom to top, the sounds of nighttime Roman traffic zipping around him. Then he focused on the top level, on the faint outline of Beth and me, entwined and kissing in the shadows, fully clothed. I looked over at Josef in confusion, but he was intently watching the video.
"Wait," I whispered to Beth. "This isn't right—"
Then, in an instant, everything changed, and the scene switched to a beautiful bed, and a man covering a woman's body. There was a lot of heavy breathing and kissing, and when the man raised his head, it was my face, and the woman had Beth's face, but they obviously weren't really us. Our faces had been superimposed on the heads of the couple in the video, no doubt through computer technology.
Beside me, Beth gave a bark of laughter.
"Oh, Edward," said the woman onscreen who only looked liked Beth. "I never dreamed it could be like this."
"Bella," my fake persona replied.
By then, everyone in the room was laughing.
"What the hell is going on here?" I demanded, standing up in outrage.
"That's a scene from Twilight," Beth explained through her laughter. "Breaking Dawn ,Part 1, to be exact." On the other side of my wife, Simone smiled in agreement.
"What?" I looked from Beth to Josef at the front of the room.
He was grinning like the vamp who'd eaten the debutante.
"Josef. It's okay. Show them the real video. I've resigned myself to whatever may come."
"No!" protested Beth. "You promised me you wouldn't, Josef."
By then, an inkling of what was really going on began to creep into my brain. It was some sort of joke, and my dear wife was smack dab in the middle of it.
"Would someone like to explain what this is all about, please, before I start ripping the arms off my so-called friends." My gaze swept the room in warning, from Logan to Guillermo, from Daryl to Josef, all of them smiling or chuckling at my plight, not the least bit frightened that I'd follow through with my threat.
"Oh, all right," Josef said, raising his hands to quiet the amused gathering. "Have you checked the date, recently, loverboy?"
I'd been so caught up in my honeymoon, then settling into my apartment with my new bride that the time had slipped away from me.
"Holy shit, Josef. You fuckin' got me again!"
It was April first. Once again, I had become Josef Kostan's April fool.
I promptly threw my empty glass at him. He ducked just in time, and it shattered against the wall. Everyone laughed again, and in the midst of it, I gave Daryl's wife, Carrie a sheepish look of apology. She only smiled and shook her head at me.
Vamps will be vamps.
As the altered movie continued to play, I realized suddenly why Rider England was there. Josef had likely hired the computer expert to doctor the video, and Josef had invited him to witness the reaction to his handiwork. He caught my eye and toasted me with his drink. I'd definitely be having a word with him later.
"Look, Mick," Logan was saying, indicating the movie. "You're sparkling."
Sure enough, there I was—my head on a much thinner body—frolicking in the water with a much less curvaceous Beth, my skin glittering like a creature from Fairyland. Everyone chuckled at Hollywood's inaccurate and cheesy portrayal of vampires.
"I hate you guys," I said, good-naturedly, relief that this was all a joke and not a life or death situation suddenly bringing back my good humor.
Daryl and Carrie went to the kitchen and returned with trays of drinks and shots of blood, while the movie continued to play in the background.
"I'd like to propose a toast," Josef said, once everyone had a drink in hand. "To my best friend, Mick, always a good sport. And to his lovely new wife, Beth. Welcome home, and Happy April Fool's Day to all of my favorite fools."
He downed his blood and listened in delight to the response to his teasing insult. Beth and I received welcome home congratulations along with laughing comments about how completely I'd been deceived. I accepted them graciously, but was anxious to get Josef alone.
Ever since we'd first met, he'd been pulling these tricks on me every year. I'd fallen for them the first five, and had faked surprise for the rest to humor him, but this year he'd well and completely blindsided me. I guess I could blame my total emersion in my beautiful wife for being taken by him for the first time in years.
"Hey," I said, approaching my very satisfied friend who had made his way to Daryl's wet bar. "There was a video. I saw it, remember?"
Josef smiled. "Yes, there was. And let that be a lesson to you, Mick. Be aware that anyone could be watching."
I nodded solemnly. That was certainly true. "Well, what happened to it? Was it really on the internet?"
"No, not that the world could see. It was a mock-up by my old friend, Rider. In Rome, I sent a friend of mine to follow you two with a video camera in the hopes that you and Beth might be tempted to do something stupid like this. Sure enough…"
"You spied on my honeymoon. That's a pretty cheap way to get your jollies, Josef."
"Not exactly cheap, buddy. I did have to pay the guy for expenses…"
"You're an asshole," I said.
"And you, my friend, are a fool."
I shook my head in concession, pouring myself another drink.
"Well, this is the last time you will ever get me."
Josef laughed, reaching for another shot of blood.
"I believe that is what you said last time."
"Next time, it will you be you who will be the laughingstock of the vampire community," I warned him.
"Bring it on, Mick. I welcome a challenge."
He paused and looked over at the movie. "I have to say, Mick, when I saw you in that Rome footage, I was very impressed."
"Impressed by my tight, bare ass? I would imagine so. I've seen yours in the locker room. Squats might help with that."
I grinned at my own jab, which he ignored of course.
"When I saw the light glinting in your silvery eyes on that cold Roman night, all I could think of was how beautifully moonlight becomes you."
His eyes on the film were alight with laughter, but the rest of his face was drawn in serious lines.
"Josef," I replied, "you're more than welcome to kiss my tight, bare ass, anytime."
"You know what they say, Mick, fool me once, shame on me…"
"Fool me twice," I finished, "and vengeance is a bitch."
"See you next year then…bitch."
I chuckled as he toasted me again with his glass, both of us eagerly awaiting next April Fool's Day.
END
A/N: Thanks for reading. I wrote another along these lines, entitled "Politics," if you're interested. Hope to see you again sometime…