(An auditorium. Cho's late for a protest, Cedric and Harry are trying to get the sound equipment to work, but not even spells will fix it. The audience will be there in about a half hour.)
Harry: Goddamit, why won't this work... occulus repairo! (nothing happens, kicks the amplifer)
Cedric: Calm down, you drama queen.
Harry: (silence for a moment) Where the hell is Cho? She should've been here by now... Ced, I told Cho NOT to call you, if it makes you feel any better.
Cedric: (sarcastically) Thanks. That's really going to help me get a new girlfriend.
(The music for 'Tango Maureen' starts playing.)
Harry: What the hell... (shrugs)
(singing) The audience won't wait,
But the cable -
Cedric: (singing, still sarcastic) Isn't this great!
Say something, anything.
Harry: (into the microphone) Test one, two, three...
Cedric: (singing) Anything but that...
Harry: (singing) This is weird -
Cedric: (singing) It's weird -
Harry: (singing) Very weird -
Cedric: (singing) Fucking weird -
Harry: (singing) I'm so mad that I don't know what to do...
Fighting with microphones,
Freezing down to my bones,
And to top it all off, I'm with you!
Cedric: (singing, walking away from the sound equipment to the clear floor space) Feel like going insane,
Got a fire in your brain,
And you're thinking of 'Kadavra'-ing yourself?
Harry: (singing, walks toward Cedric) As a matter of fact -
Cedric: (singing) Harry, I know this act,
It's called the Tango Cho Chang!
The Tango Cho Chang,
It's a dark, preppy merry-go-round,
As she keeps you dangling -
Harry: You're wrong!
Cedric: (singing) - your heart she is mangling!
Harry: It's different with me!
Cedric: (singing) And you toss and you turn,
'Cause those cold eyes can burn,
Yet, you yearn and you churn and rebound!
Harry: (singing) I think I know what you mean...
Harry, Cedric: (singing) The Tango Cho Chang...
Cedric: (singing) Has she ever pouted her lips
And called you (pause) 'Baby'?
Harry: Never.
Cedric: (singing) Have you ever doubted a kiss or two?
Harry: (singing) Well, maybe...
Did you swoon when she walked through the door?
Cedric: Every time. So be (singing) cautious...
Harry: (singing) Did she moon over other boys?
Cedric: More than moon!
Harry: (singing) I'm getting nauseous...
(They stare at each other for a second, then start to tango, with Cedric leading.)
Cedric: Where'd you learn to tango?
Harry: With Ginny at Madame Puddifoot's - private lessons. And you?
Cedric: 'YouTube' tutorials, then practicing with Diana in the common room...
(They switch and Harry starts leading.)
Cedric: It's hard doing this backwards -
(Death drop.)
Harry: You should try it with broken glasses. (accidentally lets go of Cedric, Cedric's head hits the floor)
(Cedric opens his eyes. For some reason, they're both wearing suits and there are other dancers in the room, including Cho, who's dancing with a multitude of boys, including Draco, Roger, Justin, and Ernie. Cedric and Harry keep dancing.)
Harry: (singing) She cheated!
Cedric: (singing) She cheated!
Harry: (singing) Cho Chang cheated!
Cedric: (singing) Fucking cheated!
Harry: (singing) I'm defeated, I should give up right now...
Cedric: (singing) Gotta look on the bright side with all of your might -
Harry: (singing) I'd fall for her still anyhow!
Cedric, Harry: (singing, watching Cho) When you're dancing her dance,
You don't stand a chance,
Her grip of romance makes you fall...
Cedric: (singing, stops dancing) So you think 'Might as well!'
Harry: (singing, staring at Cho) 'Dance the tango to hell!'
(Both of them start dancing with Cho ala 'El Tango de Roxanne'.)
Cedric, Harry: (singing) 'At least I'll have tangoed at all!'
The Tango Cho Chang,
Gotta dance till your diva is through,
You pretend to believe her,
'Cause in the end you can't leave her,
But the end, it will come,
Still, you have to play dumb,
Till you glum and you bum and turn blue!
(Cho leaves them standing, goes to dance with the other guys. Cedric and Harry stop dancing and just stare at Cho.)
Cedric: (singing) Why do we love when she's mean...?
Harry: (singing) And she can be so obscene...? My Cho Chang...
(They look at each other.)
Cedric, Harry: The Tango Cho Chang...
THE END