Hey everyone! This is my Revised version of the first chapter. I spent about three hours taking all your helpful advice to fix the first two chapters of my story. Thanks to everyone!
She-who-must-not-be-named: I tried to make the dream scarier by adding monsters and giving the fortune teller a body. also I added a little bit of worry to Tintin's response. I made the dream seperate by putting it in italics. and I added alot more feeling to the Captains speech to Nestor and added Haddocks will. If there is anything wrong with my revised chapters, do not hesitate to tell me!
Haddocks last day alive!
25 hours to live:
It was eleven o'clock at night and the wild, bearded sea captain lifted the whisky bottle to his lips. He was wearing his usual blue sweater and his old black coat.
After completely finishing his bottle he put it down, and smacking his lips in sheer enjoyment, he stood up and walked over to his television set and turned the large dial. The picture changed to a reality video about a young woman who claimed to be able "see the future."
Haddock chuckled himself as he sat down, though it turned out that it did not keep his attention, he soon drifted to sleep.
"STEP FORTH!" The booming voice echoed through the pitch black area with which Haddock stood. Haddock took a slow step forward.
"CAPTAIN HADDOCK! I DECLARE BEFORE THE OTHERS OF THE FUTURE PEOPLE, THAT YOU CAPTAIN HADDOCK WILL DIE IN EXACTLY TWENTY-FOUR HOURS!" It said. Haddock stared up where he heard the voice was coming from.
"Oh, and you except me to believe this?" He called up shaking his fist in anger.
"YOU FOOL! MAY THIS BE A SIGN FOR YOU, WHEN YOU WAKE UP THE TELLIE WITH WHICH YOU ARE CURRENTLY IN FRONT OF WILL FALL ON YOUR FOOT!" The voice replied angrily. Fire shot up in all directions showing all sorts of monsters around him. He backed up, and stumbled away trying to escape. The monsters were closing in on him and all at once they grabbed him. He yanked his arm from a rather hairy monster and punched another monster with it. The captain pulled and tugged to get away but it was pointless. The horrid creatures carried him towards the direction of the loud voice. It laughed manically, and said things in another language. The captain couldn't get away as they took him to a man sitting on a throne about fifty feet in the air. The man laughed some more and lifted haddock into the air.
"IT'S TOO LATE HADDOCK! YOU ARE MINE NOW!" That was followed by some more laughing then Haddock's world turned black.
"Snowy stop!" Tintin cried. The fleeing, white dog had some sort of clawed contraption with small metallic arms moving back and forth, attached to his tail.
"Snowy I can get it off." Tintin called after the charging dog. Snowy refused to listen; he just bounded down the stairs and into the living area where haddock slept. The noise woke him up and he jumped up crying aloud, in shock.
"THUNDERIN' TYPHOONS!"
He stomped over to the door right next to the television where the white canine rushed in knocking over the stand with which the TV stood. The TV tipped over and crashed to the ground right on haddock's foot. He started screaming pointless babbles which stopped snowy dead in his tracks. At that moment the professor ran down the stairs.
"Oh dear I guess my automatic combing machine doesn't quite appeal to snowy." Calculus exclaimed.
"You don't say." Tintin replied.
"Yes, but I don't that's important right now." Said the near deaf professor.
After awhile Haddock finished screaming and yanked his foot from under the television. Then he remembered his horrible dream and gasped.
"Oh my! The big voiced, evil doin', future seein', guy was right." The captain exclaimed.
"I am going to die. And I only got a day left."
Snowy forgot about the crazy thing latched onto his tail and stared up at the shocked seaman. Tintin grabbed onto the object and pulled it off, before turning his attention to the captain.
"What's all this future seeing nonsense about?" Tintin asked.
"No thank you I'm still rather full from dinner." The professor replied, even though Tintin was not talking to him.
"I had a dream. I was visited by the future predictor people! And they said I would get my foot smashed by the blasted TV then I would die only a day later!" He exclaimed in fear.
"And I plan to spend my last hours of the day the same way any sane man would…hiding under my covers." and with that he bolted away, up the stairs and into his room. Tintin looked at snowy quizzically and snowy did the same in return.
"I wonder what's going on?" Tintin pondered. "The captain was never been like this before. I sure hope he's ok!" Tintin said beginning to feel quite worried about his friend.
"Perhaps he just drank to much whisky…I suppose the only way to find out is to wait till tomorrow." Tintin said to his other friends, before he realized that both Calculus and Snowy had deserted him and gone to bed. He sighed.
"I best be off to bed myself." He said with a yawn before trudging upstairs to his room.