Disclaimer: (OOPS! I forgot to put this before!) Standard disclaimers apply.

Seeking Endymion

Prologue

Every fairy tale ends with the words: "and they lived happily ever after".

Those words surely had an effect on me since I was a little girl and my mother told me stories before bedtime. It seemed like they were engraved in my mind and my soul; becoming, in my subconscious, my ideal vision of what love was to be for me in my life…just like a fairy tale.

Back then, when I was a little girl, and I heard all of those stories attentively, I was so innocent and so happy that if someone would've told me just the kind of life I was to live, I wouldn't have believed them, because - to me - my life was supposed to be an endless merry-go-round full of joy and happiness.

But that innocence just lasted until I learned that I was destined to become a 'hero' and, later, a Queen.

Before that, my life seemed fairly simple. I was a normal young girl, full of cotton candy dreams and fantasies. But when I knew about my past, my present and my future, the pressure of being this entity capable of bringing a new world full of promise and peace, just overwhelmed me for a little while. All of a sudden, the simple, sweet, cotton candy dreamer kid had to become 'the one fated to bring peace to the whole world; the one to bring Crystal Tokyo to fruition'.

Such responsibility brought down upon my young shoulders, felt just too much for me. And - somehow- I managed to come through, even when I felt weak and unprepared for it. I became the leader my scouts needed. Love and friendship were the only things that pushed me to reach my goals. All the love and hope my friends placed upon me - my sailor scouts - were the only things that mattered. And I couldn't fail them, even when I wasn't physically strong or bright; quite the contrary, I was ditzy and a cry baby, who seemed to be too immature and more interested in finding out what was for dinner than to learn about our next mission.

But even if it looked that way, in reality, I wanted to be more. I wanted to be just as graceful as I was once. I wanted to be the swan of the lake; the magical princess powerful yet delicate as a butterfly as I was once. I wanted to become the great lady my prince once fell in love with. The thing he couldn't live without. But, just like any other dream, once it's reached it comes to its end.

I did become the wonderful, graceful ruler and leader my friends needed; my future world needed. I did grow into the graceful lady my prince fell in love with. And I did manage to make my greatest dream come true. My fairy tale ending came to be.

But life, unlike fairy tales, seldom has a lineal path. And the happily ever after soon came to an end.

And no, don't get me wrong.

I didn't lose my kingdom just like I did in the past. Neither did I lose the opportunity to be with my prince till the end of time. It's just that… love just eluded me. I could see it turn into sand and slip through my fingers while I was unable to hold it. I could see it being swept in the winds of new and greater responsibilities, and washed away with the waves of my sadness and despair. I could see myself become more and more alone, even when all of my good friends were still beside me and even when I know I have a daughter that loves me and looks up to me. I feel so alone. And somehow I feel as if I failed.

I failed because I can't take any more of this loneliness. Failed because I feel I can't hold on for my little one. Just the thought of leaving her the way that I want to, brings tears of sadness and desperation to my eyes. But I can't go on.

So, I must say goodbye, because I can't bare the idea of living the rest of my life like this; without love and without hope.

I say goodbye to those of you who are so deep in my heart. I know this is the least you would've expect me to do. You would've probably wanted me to fight and be strong. Maybe you think that I'm just being a big coward for doing this. But I feel so tired and so alone. I don't feel I have the strength to go on and fight for me, my friends or even my kingdom. And I know this is just too conceited of me, but it feels like nobody could understand me, and I don't want to impose my personal problems into your busy lives. You have done so much for me already that it would be too much of me to ask for you to do even more. I want you all to live your lives and to be happy. I know you will be able to do it.

Please, forgive me, my friends, for not being strong enough to live through this; for failing you and our dreams this way. For leaving you and our kingdom behind.

Please, forgive me, my sweet little child. Don't ever think that I don't love you. But, I hope you never come to experience this kind of heartache. I would prefer for you to never understand me - even to hate me - instead of having you going through this void in your heart and soul that's killing you slowly, just like it's happening to me and my hopes. I know you will find your soul mate one day, and the love and tears you will share with him will make you understand the deep connection that is built between the two of you. You will feel like half of your life it's torn away from you and weaved into his, so - if he ever leaves you - you'll die. It's a bond so strong, that only when you experience this kind of love you will understand me.

I wish for you a long and happy life, my little child. A life full of all of the things that destiny denied me. And I want you to know that I love you with all my heart, that I will always love you. That's why I ask for your forgiveness, but if you can't find it in your heart, I will understand.

And last, I say goodbye to you, my dear Mamoru.

Just the thought of losing you makes me grow weak, but I understand and respect your wishes. I know I must give you the liberty you are asking for. And so, with my final breath I give you my greatest gift: your freedom back.

I will always love you, Mamoru. Always know that. And I want you to be happy, even if it is not with me anymore.

Goodbye,

Neo Queen Serenity

Those were the words in the note she left behind in her despair. The note was still clutched in her hand when they found her, but she was already slipping away towards the endless sleep she chose as her destiny.

It would've seemed hopeless to try and save her. But they wouldn't give up hope, even when she already did. They needed her now more than ever. The attack of the Black Moon was upon them and they had to find a way to keep her save and to make sure they wouldn't disrupt their own destiny. So, instead of letting her fulfill her wish, they encased her in crystal to make her weak body recuperate. Now they just needed to find the antidote for the poison inside her heart.

But, where are they supposed to find it?

It became quite frustrating. Oh, how cruel life could be! A broken heart is a lethal weapon of fate. And, to think they believe in fairy tale endings just like their Queen did!

Who would've known this terrible thing was what really happened instead of the greatest threat they thought they face so long ago? The reality of this is far greater than their childhood fears.

Now they face an even greater challenge. The past was about to meet this present and they just can't let their past selves know this truth. What are they suppose to do now? How are they supposed to right this wrong?

Sorry I deleted this story earlier, but I freaked out when I noticed I forgot to put a disclaimer. Anyway, I took advantage of my little lapsus and decided to check out my story some more to correct it as best as I can. It's still not 100 percent perfect, but I'm doing my best. Maybe I'll get someone to proof read it for me; if there is anyone interested.

I hope you like it so far. I know it's confusing, but you can always ask me - feel free to do so, because later on in the story things could get a little more confusing. Now I know that's not really appealing, but if you are interested, please bear with me.

Basically, what we have here is a very distraught Queen who's facing a very difficult time in her marriage and, sadly, she believes her only answer is to end her life. But why is she so desperately hopeless? What brought this on? You will have to wait to find out.I must say that I'm sorry,if you find thatUsagi / Serena it's acting too OCC.

Anyway, thanks for reading and let me know if you like it.