AN: This takes place 9 months after Jude Bonner's attack on Kitty in the episode Hostage. It is out of canon. On with the show.

Dodge

Lying on his side with his head propped up in one hand, Matt watched Kitty sleeping soundly beside him. Moonlight streamed in the window giving her hair an incandescent glow. Her face, free of make up, had a touching softness to it. A slight smile touched her lips. Her post lovemaking dreams had been sweet.

Seeing her like this almost soothed his uneasy soul but guilt, and fear for her tomorrows would not allow it. It was because of him that she'd been viciously raped, brutally beaten and shot in the back. That was 9 months ago, just after the arrest of Jude Bonner's brother by the illustrious Marshal Dillon had been lauded the newspapers. The praise was piled on. Jude Bonner could not get his brother back, and craved revenge. He knew a man like Dillon wouldn't fear for himself, so he used Kitty and relished every second of her torture.

Matt lightly circled Kitty's lips with his thumb. After Bonner, it had taken weeks for her to smile, and months for her to get through a night without nightmares. Yet miraculously, day-by-day she grew stronger and her true self re-emerged. Bonner tried to crush her life force, but he'd only succeeded in sending it into hiding. She'd survived in tact. Matt was pleased, relieved and proud of her, but couldn't stop asking himself - What about next time? - What about the next vengeful madman?

He glanced out the window. Dawn was approaching. It was time. Time to do the only thing he could, to protect Kitty and give her a chance at the life she deserved. Noiselessly he rose and dressed. He patted his shirt pocket to make sure the letter from the War Department was still there, and turned to look at Kitty. He swallowed hard. So many years of sharing everything, joys and sorrows, ups and downs, good and bad – but there were things no woman should have to be part of. He loved her enough to do what was hardest - leave. If things went according to plan, she'd get a substantial sum of money and be free of him to ….."

"Matt." Kitty stirred and opened her eyes a slit.

"Go back to sleep, honey. It's barely dawn." He tenderly kissed her forehead.

She drifted off. He ached to take her in his arms, hold her close, kiss her lips. He wanted to tear up letter from the War Department and stay with her. The pull was irresistible - almost. He turned sharply and felt his heart rip open. There was no other solution. Being out of her life was best for her.

Not daring to look back, he hurried down the back stairs of the Long Branch. The streets were empty. Ordinarily he'd be starting early morning rounds, but these were not ordinary times and although no announcement had been made, he was no longer marshal of this town and territory. He'd put a thick envelope on his desk last night, with information and advice for Bill Jackson. He wished the man well.

He strode quickly down the empty street and went into the stable. No one was around, which suited him fine. The few belongings he was taking were already packed in the saddlebags waiting in the corner of the stall. He saddled his horse and picked up the bags to buckle them on.

"What in tarnation is going on?"

Matt froze for a moment before facing Doc. He tried to sound normal. "Morning Doc, this isn't the first time I've left town early in the morning."

Doc's eyes were blazing. "No, but here's a first for you. I've driving home near dawn, after delivering a baby, and I see Festus fishing. Seems you told him last night that he could go on an extended fishing trip, because the new marshal didn't know if he'd be hiring a deputy. So I'm asking you directly, what is all this about a new marshal?"

"Doc, Marshal Bill Jackson is a good man. He's arriving on the afternoon stage. He'll do right by this town and territory."

"Matt, I'm asking you again. What in tarnation is going on? There are people here who care about you. People who'd do anything for you and thought you felt the same way about them. Where are you running away to and why? And by golly, I feel confident that Kitty doesn't know a thing about it."

"She doesn't. I figured it was better that way".

"Sneaking off is better that saying goodbye? That's not the Matt Dillon I know."

"Doc listen, you know what Bonner and his men did to Kitty. It was because of me."

"Matt, you listen." Doc saw the torment in Matt's eyes and his voice softened. "Kitty also recovered because of you. I watched her lying on that bed bleeding, bruised and turned inside out. She didn't want to live and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it, but you could, and you did. Now, 9 months later, she is as happy and as engaged in life as I've ever seen her. How can you leave her now?"

"Don't you see Doc, now that she's strong and happy, she doesn't need me like she did right after it happened."

"Doesn't need you? Really? You'd better explain that to her. Matt, you can't just disappear, it isn't fair."

Matt slammed his saddlebags to the ground. "All right. I'll go talk to her." He strode past Doc, but when he reached the door stopped and took a deep breath, "Doc, I have to leave. It's the only way to keep Kitty safe. And what I'm doing will secure her financial future. She'll be able to buy a house or something. Saying goodbye would hurt her, and wouldn't change a thing."

Matt went back to his horse and picked up his saddlebags. The pain in his eyes squeezed Doc's heart. He clasped Matt's arm. "Don't go. Don't leave Kitty, or – us. Your place is here. Listen I know what happened is hard for you to live with, but you and Kitty can work through all that."

Matt shook his head. "She's better off without me." He put a hand in his back pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper. "Doc, I wrote this for Kitty, but I wasn't sure if it would make my leaving better or worse for her." He pressed it into Doc's hands. "I'm still not sure, so you decide." He let out a long breath."And Doc, you – you've been the best friend a man could have – I wouldn't have survived this long if …" Unable to finish he ran his fingers through his hair and continued buckling his saddle.

"You're about to do something dangerous, aren't you?"

Matt finished securing his bags and Doc saw the envelope sticking out of his pocket. It was from the War Department. "Matt, answer me." Doc's tone was desperate.

With a final tug on the saddle strap, Matt Dillon mounted and rode off into the early morning light.

Doc Adams watched him ride away feeling older and sadder than he'd ever felt. The note Matt had written to Kitty weighed heavily upon him as he made his way home.

TBC