Alternate Ending to Mockingjay
"She'll choose whoever she can't survive without." The words echo through my head. "...whoever she can't survive without... can't survive without..." Once, I thought them cold and heartless words. But for some reason, The words keep tugging at me. But they were cold, weren't they? He said survival, not love, not passion, not feeling. As I sit in old rocking chair in my old house, filthy with dirt, I keep thinking. Survival can be physical, but it can also be emotional, mental, and physical. What about love?
A memory of Gale and I hunting flashes through my mind's eye. I begin to rock the creaky old chair. Wasn't Gale the one who always had my back? Another picture flashes, I see a young woman glancing behind her, reassured by her best friend's surety.
Too bad life doesn't always work like that. One look and boom, confidence. I make the rocker go faster. Gale always trusted me to keep his confidence, especially with the way he ranted against the Capitol. Even though I didn't care what he was saying, I just liked being with him. And I miss him now. I want him here, ready at my back.
Except it was his bomb, his creation that killed the Capitol children, the rebel medic team, and... Prim. She was too young, too sweet and still so naive. I feel the tears coming, and make no point in stopping them. The rocking chair splits a leg, and I crash to the ground. I don't notice the splinters in my knees as I kneel and sob on the floor.
I can't forgive Gale. Like a whisper of a wish, a small piece of my heart wants to forgive him. He didn't know. What if it wasn't even really his terrible concoction? That small whisper continues, becoming a louder whisper, with more feeling. Then my brain shouts out a reminder of his hatred and lust for revenge. He had become a little like a mutt himself, hardened inside. Can I really forgive him? A fresh wave of tears floods my eyes, blinding me.
"Katniss?" It's Peeta. His body blocks the light from the doorway.
"Go away." Through the wet haze of tears, I see him hesitate. "Please. Please, just go." The light returns, and I go back to my meltdown. The splintered wood begins to annoy me, which feels strange through all the pain and turmoil. Getting off my knees, I half stumble, half walk. I don't really know where. Unconsciously I go toward the doorway, but there goes the light again. Why can't Peeta just leave?
Attempting to gather myself, I wipe my eyes and push back the matted and dirty locks of hair. Except my eyes meet gray ones, not blue. And the hair is dark, not blond.
I blink, and blink again. It can't be who I think it is. Who I hope it is.
"Katniss." Gale doesn't come toward me, but doesn't back away. "I just want to say something. " He shifts his weight. " I don't know what you still think, but I'm sorry. Katniss, I'm not proud of what I did. You don't have to forgive me. You don't even have to say anything." Gale pauses in the doorway. I'm still mute, so he turns to leave.
"Wait, Gale." My tears have dried up, and I'm beginning to think clearly. I make a decision on the spur of the moment. Hurrying down the hall, I retrieve my bow and arrows. "Remind me. Remind me of what we had together." I say. He doesn't seem overly surprised, and I can't read his expression. I need to do this, and maybe my heart will win out. I don't know.
As we walk down the street, a few people stare. I guess they didn't expect to see Gale back in District 12, what with his big fancy job in Two. Or maybe it's my appearance.
We come to the remains of the electric fence. All that's left is the poles, dented and broken. As the silence between Gale and I becomes awkward, he speaks.
"I got a job in district Two." I already know this, but it's a nice break in the silence. I wonder why he didn't come back to Twelve. Maybe it was too hard. I probably would do the same in his shoes. I wonder why he's even here.
The cool grass feels nice on my bare feet. I should get out of the house more.
"Look." Gale points at the rabbit. I nod. "I got your back." Steadily, I get into position. I pull the bow string back, and the arrow is ready to release. I glance behind me, and Gale smiles, just like old times. Old times that are gone. But what about new ones?
Focus, Katniss. One fluid movement, and the rabbit goes down. It's a fairly good shot, but not excellent. Gale finishes the rabbit, putting it out of misery. My mind flashes to the memory of Gale asking me to shoot him. When I remembered our deal, it was too late. I can only imagine what horrors he would have been put through, had we not won the war. Don't we all make mistakes? I don't look at him as I say, "So, how many gorgeous District Two girls have you been smooching? I bet they're swarming around you like flies to honey." Gale looks at me, surprised, maybe even shocked.
"It's not like that, Katniss. I couldn't go a day without being reminded of you. I'd see a girl with like yours, or (favorite color), your favorite color, and see your face in my mind. I couldn't stop thinking about you." Could he really mean it? But Gale usually meant what he said. He's not the lying type. Risking a glance at him, I see him gazing at me. Intently, as if he's trying to read me. I can't meet his eyes.
"So I just had to see you. At least one more time, to see... see your feelings." The obvious unspoken question hangs in the air, suspended like a spider's web. Unavoidable, hard to get off of your fingers.
"I thought about you too. I'd sit in my mother's old rocking chair, and remember everything I could. I was so confused, and I just kept wondering."
"Wondering about what?" Gale asks.
"If I could forgive you. It was a battle between my heart and my brain."
Gale gently turns my face to his. I look up at him. "Which side won?" He inquires softly. I can tell he's dying to know, but isn't going to demand it from me.
"Well-" Behind his curiosity, his eyes reveal a steady love. A love that could accept any ultimatum I could give him, as long it made me happy. And that's the best, most beautiful love. A love I could spend a lifetime with.
Gale and I will grow back together. We already are. Even though the war is over, neither of escaped unscathed. We understand each other's pain. Whenever it's hard, we will have each other.
Peeta has opened his own bakery, and is doing okay. I hope, with all my heart, that he will find someone else to love. He deserves another chance.
Gale and I don't know what we're going to do with our future. Where do we belong? But life will unfold. Together, we can piece our lives back together. It will never be like old times, but we will create new memories. We will survive together.