A/N: Well, it's time for... A MARY-SUE PARODY CHARACTER! ...Who is, scarily enough, based on an actual RP I did once. >>; Forgive me. Please.

I'd like to dedicate this to the Mary Sues livejournal community, to my friend Lis who burst out laughing when she heard the concept, and to Mary-Sues everywhere for being Mary-Sues.

Chapter 1: Magical Sparkling Star Senshi Gemini!

Sailor Moon watched in horror as the generic, too ugly to describe monster approached, its generically evil eyes glittering. All of the other Senshi had been forced to stay home due to the flue, and now it looked like that plot device would be the death of her.

However, instants before the creature reached Moon, a melodic voice screamed "DUAL HEART BLAST!" A beam of rainbow energy cut through the demon, which dissipated with a cry of "This is so cheesy!"

Moon, amazed that anyone could have a melodic voice while screaming, straightened up, looking at the gorgeous girl before her. The girl wore an elaborate, Eternal Sailor Moon-style fuku, all done in alternating patterns of black and white that would take ages to describe. She had glorious silver tresses that were bound into an elegant braid and shining sapphire orbs which glimmered with inner wisdom. A beautiful rapier was in her hand, thus stealing Haruka's object as well as making her look like Utena. The rapier was white-and-black, and Moon had to wonder how many times that motif was going to be hammered into her head. The symbol for Gemini burned on her head in all the colors of the rainbow. She smiled slightly at Moon.

"Hello, Usagi. My name is Sailor Gemini. I have been sent to aid you," she said in that still-melodic voice.

Moon blinked once or twice. "...First of all, I have all these Senshi following me around, so I don't need much aid. Secondly, Gemini isn't a planet. And thirdly, HOW THE HECK DO YOU KNOW MY NAME!"

Gemini laughed, a sound like tinkling crystal bells or something equally stupid-sounding. "I know more than you know, Usagi. Since one of the aspects of Gemini is communication, the writer has decided that means I'm omniscient. So, I know everyone's real name, brother's name, pet's name, favorite color, favorite food, blood type..." She rattled off the list, a proccess that took a few hours.

When Gemini finished with "exact sequence of nucleotides in DNA," Moon awoke again. Gemini smiled again, a mystical knowing smile. Moon was getting tired of those.

"Alright, so you're good at that. What else can you do?"

"I can split into light and dark halves, but my dark half can take over and give me an excuse to kill off people I don't like... I can use the Dual Heart Blast... I look great in a schoolgirl uniform... and I can win Yaten's heart over." Gemini stated.

Moon nodded. "Alright, so - wait, did you say Yaten?" Gemini nodded again. "And you know he's a -girl, right?"

"As long as he stays in bishie form long enough to do the deed, I don't care."

"O... kaaaay... That's kinda... icky..."

Gemini, who was still smiling with deep inner knowledge for some unknown reason, decided at this point to change the subject. "Usagi-san, is it alright if I detransform? I need to show the readers I loom good detransformed too."

Moon blinked. "You're detransforming already? But we just met! What if I'm dangerous?"

"Omniscient, remember?" Gemini chided.

Moon sighed. "Finethen..."
Gemini nodded and flicked her wrist, the sword vanishing in a swirl of light and dark points of light. Her outfit began to dissolve into black and white ribbons, which formed into various pretty patterns and the words "Hi Mom" before vanishing in more points of light. Her hair turned from silver to ebony, and a schoolgirl uniform appeared on her body in a flash of light. She still had curves in all the right places, of course.

"Arissa Kakita, at your service!" she cheerily stated.

And with that, the chapter ended, granting the readers blessed relief.

Next Chapter: Some other girl shows up and everyone acts like she's been there all along! Everyone except Ami and Rei gets pushed into the background because I only like Ami and Rei! Yaten falls madly in love! And Gemini's angsty, Gary Stu-filled past becomes apparent!

PLZ R/R NO FLAMZ OR I WILL DELETE