, A/N: Hey guys how are all of you doing, this fanfiction is going to be a little bit harsher than the others so if you can't take self-harm please click out of here now but if you do continue.
Third POV:
Beca was sitting in the toilet in the Bellas house all of them should all be at a party by the trebles including their uptight ex Bella captain, meanwhile she's sitting here legs tucked up to her chin hand holding to a razor blade thinking if this was the right decision to be doing, she has been clean for 5 years does she really want to go back to her old addicted self, that's right you guys heard it right the self proclaim 'badass' was once a self-harm addict, but all thoughts were lost to her when she heard the toilet door open, Beca internally cursed herself for not locking the door and not hearing the front door open.
Beca looked up to the wide eyes of the one and only Aubrey Posen, Aubrey herself was shock at what she was seeing here, "what the hell do you think you are doing!" Aubrey shouted at Beca, Beca laughed without emotion "why do you even care?" Aubrey was shock that the alt girl would actually think that she doesn't care about her but Aubrey's action the past year had not done her any justice "I do care just not…openly and why are you doing it?" Aubrey said Beca looked up from the blade and said "you''ll never understand, never" Aubrey looked at Beca coldly "no I do understand, how long have you been cutting?" "Why?" Beca said not understanding her at all "because I think I can help you" Aubrey said "yeah right" Beca snorted
"You've been feeling the urge for a very long time but you have manage to control for so long" Aubrey said smiling sadly "how do you know that?" Beca said shock.
"In my experience, cutters are often all very much the same. They all do it for the same reason, the problem is, and they don't know what the reason is. Cutting is a very…taboo subject, and more common than people realize, we're surrounded by people who want to help us and give us advice about stuff like this, things that only us deal with but no one ever mentions cutting, and because no one talks about it, we think that we are alone, we never considers going to someone to talk about it and we're left to figure it out ourselves and we want to stop, we want to heal but we can't until we can acknowledge why we started and why we keep doing it" Aubrey said tear streaming down her face.
Beca also had tear running down her face none of them had heard any of the Bellas walked through the front door and standing outside of the bathroom door which was slightly a jar, all of them listening with a strange expression on their face as they had not know how the ex captain herself would know, "you think found out the reason" Beca rasp out eyes narrowing, "I think so, you're hurting inside, maybe because of you're parents divorce or something else but you can feel the pain in your mind, your heart and your soul… it fills you until it becomes physical" Aubrey place a hand on her heart and continue "you can feel the pain in your core… and it grows stronger and stronger until it's overwhelming, and you are feeling a pain that… physically isn't there, it's more than our minds can comprehend, something strong that has to be physical, it has to be seen, touched, it's filling us, just under our skin" Beca unconsciously began to rub her thigh "and so… you have to relieve the pressure, set it free, and so you slice through your skin not to create a wound but to try and find the one that's already there, unseen , and then suddenly the wound in your flesh merges with the pain in you mind, you're bleeding your soul. You can suddenly see the source of the pain, the blood and only then is it real, and it's a relief. It's as if the pain is being drained with the blood and it's soothing, it begins to heal but eventually the pain inside begins to grow again and you have to bleed it out once more.
"You feel the pain that is not the physically, by cutting yourself, you make it physical and once you can see and feel it… you can allow it to heal, that's why you cut yourself, to make the pain… the wound real. So that it begin to heal. Once you acknowledge that, you can stop, just because the pain isn't physical, it doesn't mean the pain is not real, you need to find another outlet for the pain; one that doesn't hurt anyone. And then, when you do, you can start to heal the wounds that runs much deeper than your flesh" Aubrey finish looking through her eyes she can see how hard her words have just impact Beca, Beca than voice her question.
"How do you know that?"
Aubrey smiled sadly "It had took me years to figure that out, and now I'm telling you so that you don't have to struggle as long as I did to find the answer" Beca just stared, mouth hanging open in surprised shock, on the other side of the door the Bellas stood in shock of what they had heard even Chloe, Aubrey's best friend did not know about this.
"You?" Beca asked softly, Aubrey nodded her head, "yes me in… middle high school when my parents wanted me to go to Harvard to study law but I refused and they started liking my siblings more for their achievements"
"Why did you do it?" Beca asked again, "the same reason you do the emotional pain and stress from my parents it got too much, I was always alone even my older siblings didn't like me much, I didn't know where I was going or who I was, the pain grew exponentially until it was more than I could handle, the relief that came with cutting was strong, at my worst the pain was comparable to… other things" as Aubrey finish her heart warming explanation the Bellas and Beca was crying
"Have you ever gotten the urge?" Beca asked, "yes of course sometimes but I usually put my work and the Bellas first to cover up the urge" Aubrey said.
As they stood up Aubrey held Beca hand and told her "Beca it has been 6 years since I let metal touch skin and I still feel the itch from time to time when I do not have anything to entertain me with so if you ever need advice you have my number or you could go to the lodge and find me" as they exit the toilet they saw the Bellas standing outside tears streaming down their face, all the Bellas rush to both girls and wrap them up in a tight hug, hoping that they will know from their action that they will also support them no matter what.
A/N: another fanfiction complete it feels great and if any of you out there are suffering from self-harm and need someone to talk to I right here with open arms and if you're not comfortable with talking to a stranger I'll give you a advice try to found another outlet, I know how you guys feel I'm free anytime.
PEACE OUT