Welcome to my new fic! It's MerDer, post "Lay Your Hands on Me." I have a few updates done, so if you guys like this I can post them right in a row! Hope you enjoy… remember to review!
Two months. It was been two months since Meredith had found out about Rose. Two months since he had told her he couldn't do it anymore. Two months since she had agreed and walked in the opposite direction. They hadn't talked since. In fact, they had been successfully ignoring each other's existence since the breakup. Well, successfully pretending to ignore eachother's existence, anyway.
But tonight it had been especially hard to do so. Derek had had a late surgery, and Meredith was the on-call resident, making her the obvious choice to scrub in with him. They had both tried to avoid it, but Bailey was getting fed up with the tension between the two, and told Meredith that she could either do the surgery or be prepared to work in the clinic, and out of the OR, until further notice. And so Meredith had done it.
And now it was over. She leaned against her locker and tried to take a deep breath, but she felt like her throat was sealed shut. She felt her entire body trembling as she slid down to the floor, and she put her head in her hands as the exhaustion took over. Then it happened. She began to sob. She was sobbing so loud that she was certain the nurses down the hall could hear her. But she didn't care. She had no self control. For the past two hours, she had stood next to Derek and assisted him in surgery. She had stood, and she had pretended. Pretended that she couldn't smell him, and that the familiarness wasn't making her want to break down on the spot. She pretended that she wasn't getting the chills every time his fingers brushed hers. She pretended that the only thing she was thinking about was the patient on the table in front of her. Yes, she had pretended and now that she was alone, she couldn't do it anymore. She was overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by the fact that the closest she had been to the love of her life in months was standing next to him over an operating table.
Time passed. Minutes, hours... she didn't know. But Meredith finally pulled herself off of the floor, got dressed, and left the hospital. She meant to go straight home, she really did, but she knew that her roommates had gotten off early tonight. Which meant that they were probably drinking, and hanging out, and cheerful. Meredith was not in the mood for cheerful. No, the only friend Meredith wanted to hang out with tonight was tequila. So she made a left and turned into the parking lot of Joe's. It was almost two, but she knew Joe wouldn't mind if she hung out for a little while after close. Anyway, she was glad it was late. There would be less happy drunks around to interfere with her self pity.
But what Meredith found when she entered the bar was far, far worse than a few annoying drunks. It was him. Derek. Not only was it Derek, but it was Derek in his red shirt. The red shirt he had been wearing the night they met. The red shirt that he looked so impossibly great in. Meredith immediately turned to walk back out the door, but she was too late.
"Meredith!" Joe called from behind the bar, "Glad you could make it. The usual?" But he already knew the answer to that question. He poured a shot of tequila and sat it on the bar. "Come on in, first ones on the house."
At the sound of her name, Derek turned and took Meredith by surprise when he locked eyes with her and kept them there. She didn't need to talk to him, or even be near him, to know that he had been drinking for awhile. His eyes were red and glazed over, and he had a slight sag in his shoulders. He continued to watch her as she averted her gaze to the floor and began to walk over to the bar, smiling politely at Joe and thanking him for the drink.
The two of them sat and drank in silence for almost two hours. The light crowd that had been present when Meredith arrived had long since left, and it was way past closing time. Joe looked ready to pass out.
"Ok guys, I don't know what's up with the awkward silence in place of the usual inappropriate PDA that you two are such fans of, but I can't wait for you to get over it any longer. I'm tired. I need to close."
Meredith gave Joe a half smile and nodded. "Sorry. For staying so late. But thanks, I'll see you this weekend." She finished her drink and grabbed her keys and coat, but as she made her way to the door she heard a loud thud.
"Okay, Shep. Easy now." Meredith turned to see Joe practically lifting Derek off of the floor and onto the barstool he had apparently attempted to get up from. Then Joe looked at Meredith, and a feeling of dread began to form in her gut because she knew what was coming.
"Hey, Mer. Do you think you could drive him home? You know he's too stubborn to take a cab and he's going to kill someone in the state he's in." Derek immediately began to protest but Meredith knew that Joe was right. She bit her bottom lip and took a deep breath.
"Whatever. Fine. But I'm not getting him into the car. Not me. No sir. That's all you." Joe gave Meredith a strange look, but then shrugged and lifted Derek from the armpits, and started helping him outside.
When they got out, it was raining. No, it was more like a torrential downpour. Shit, Meredith thought as she ran across the parking lot and jumped into her jeep, It wasn't even drizzling when I got here. Now it's a freaking monsoon. She made a quick U-turn and pulled up outside of the bar, where Derek was arguing with an exasperated Joe, presumably about the fact that he was being made to get a ride home with Meredith.
This is going to be a long forty-five minutes, Meredith whispered to herself as she began to imagine the many possible arguments that could occur over the duration of this car ride. But there was nothing she could do about it. Joe practically shoved Derek into the passenger seat, slammed the door and waved to Meredith with a sympathetic smile as she pulled away. She sighed and prepared herself for the long drive ahead.
Meredith let out a sigh of relief when she heard Derek begin to snore softly only a few minutes into the ride. Unfortunately, the rain continued to get worse, and pretty soon she could hardly see the road in front of her. As she got closer to the trailer, the roads became smaller and darker. They were curvy and the dense trees on either side made it difficult for Meredith to see anything at all. She was actually beginning to get frightened. She decided to pull over and take a minute to regain her senses and relax. But just as she started manuevering to the side of the road, she heard a sputter. Then another sputter. And then the engine stopped completely. Please don't let this be happening, she begged the powers that be as she banged her head on the steering wheel and groaned outwardly. But the car wouldn't start back up. The engine was dead. She was officially stranded.
Just what I need, she thought, a broken down jeep on the side of the road in the pouring rain, with a drunk, passed-out ex boyfriend in the passenger seat. She unbuckled her seatbelt and reached for her cell phone, and then she remembered. It had died hours ago at the hospital. She silently berated herself for being stupid enough to drive all the way out here without a working phone. Slowly, she turned her gaze to Derek. He was still fast asleep, not a worry in the world as Meredith frantically wracked her brain for a plan. She carefully reached across the center console, slipped her hand around the cell phone that was hanging out of Derek's left pocket, and flipped it open. No signal. Figures, she thought.
Just then the a boom of thunder sounded, so strong that Meredith felt the car shake a bit. This really was bad. Derek jerked awake at the noise and looked frantically around him, confused and panicked by the surrounding he had woken up to. Then he turned and his eyes found Meredith, sitting in the seat next to him, trying her best to find a signal on his phone. He instantly relaxed. She had that frantic, angry look that she got when she was in a situation that she couldn't control, and didn't quite know how to handle it. He couldn't help but grin.
"Mere," He murmured, "What the hell is going on?"
At the sound of his voice she froze. She hadn't heard him say her name in so long. And definitely not like that. He said it with relief, like he was okay with being stuck in the middle of nowhere because she was sitting next to him. She felt a familiar warmth build inside her, but she quickly snapped herself back to reality and embraced the fury that took its place.
"No, Derek. Just no. Do. Not. Speak."
"Meredith, I just want to know what's going on. I just woke up and I'm sitting in your jeep, on the side of the road in the middle of the woods in the pouring rain. Can I just get a brief explanation?"
"Of course," she said, not trying to disguise the bitterness in her tone, "Doctor McDreamy wants to know what's going on. Why? So you can save the day? So you can come up with a brilliant plan to get us home, warm and dry, without missing a beat? How about you save it? Because you, Derek, are the reason we are here. You felt the need to get so falling-down drunk that you couldn't stand on your own two feet, and Joe had to practically toss you into my car so that I could take you home. And now we're stuck, because you also feel the need to live out in the wilderness, where there are no signs of human life for miles. So what do we do now, genius? Come on, come up with a plan. It's not brain surgery." She turned away with disgust, and took a breath.
"You know Meredith, for once in your life could you get over your need to yell and rant and just handle the situation like an adult?"
"Oh, screw you Derek. I'd rather be freezing and soaked than sitting here listening to this shit." With that she opened the car door and starting walking back in the direction from which they came. She wasn't even sure how far down the road she was, or how long it would take before she found help. But she didn't care. Anything was better than being in that claustrophobic space with a man who was currently making her miserable.
"Fine, walk away! That's your solution to every problem! Hope it works out for ya!" She heard him call from behind her. She heard the words and told herself to ignore them. Just keep going, she told herself, it's not worth it. But the anger boiling in her chest was too much, and before she knew it she was running back to the car, ready to scream like a madwoman. And that's just what she did.
"You wanna know why I walk away?! Do you, you self-absorbed, pompous, drunken, stupid jackass?! You wanna know what I can't build a house with you, or have kids with you? You wanna know why you're not going to die when you're a hundred and ten, in my arms? Because you... you wretched, selfish man... are the world's biggest hypocrite! I met you and I fell in love with you. And we were happy, and I decided that I was going to put my reputation as a doctor and a woman in jeopardy because I wanted to be with YOU! And I did. I risked it. Because you told me to have faith. And do you know what that got me? A wife. A wife you never told me about. But you said it was over, that she had cheated and you were staying with me. So, like you said, I took it on faith. And then you left me. For her. So I lived, in torture, month after month trying to work with you, and with her, and pretend everything was right with the world when all I felt like doing was curling up in a ball and dying. Then you wanted to be friends. So, once again, I agreed. I even started to move on, and confide in you. And how do you react? You get pissed off. You call me a whore! Then you stare at me for weeks, have sex with me in an exam room, and ask ME what it means! Still then, you come to me and tell me you're in love with me, so like the absolute idiot that I am, I believe you and decide to give it another go. Then you tell me to choose Finn. You tell me you're walking away. Then before you know it, surprise surprise, you come to Joe's and tell me to try again. And I do! God, how dumb could I be? I tried again! Then I died, and Derek I am sorry that I died. But I needed you. I needed you and you couldn't breathe for me. So I tried to be an understanding girlfriend and confide in my friends, and then you whine about being left out. You ask to be put out of your misery, so I put you out of your misery. I break it off and what do you do? Walk across the room and kiss me, and ask me to have break up sex. Derek, I knew I wasn't ready for a relationship, but I was worried about you so I did the S&M. You couldn't deal with it, though, you needed more. So I say to myself that for once and for all, I'm going to put my demons to rest and commit. Forever. And THEN, what do you do? KISS THE SCRUB NURSE! Not only do you kiss her, but you keep it from me so that I have to find out from GEORGE in the middle of my workday. And here you are, having the BALLS to talk about me walking away. You arrogant asshole. I HATE YOU! Hate. Hate. Hate!"
Her voice was completely hoarse from the minutes of yelling she had just done, and then there was silence. They both stood, being pelted by the rain, staring at the ground. But Derek soon broke the silence. His voice was slow and steady.
"You think you're the only one who suffered? You're right, I chose Addison and I chose wrong. But that was before. I told you I loved you and I meant it. But you were only halfway there. You couldn't let go of what had happened before, you couldn't let yourself trust me. Not only that, but you took every issue that you ever had with your mother, and Thatcher, and your sisters, and you took it out on me. You took it all out on me, and that wasn't fair. I know you didn't mean to die, Meredith. But when you did, I have never been more afraid in my life. Afraid for you, and afraid for me because I didn't know how I'd go on without you. But you came back. You came back and I wanted to be there for you, but it was hard for me, too. I had my own issues that I was trying to deal with, and never once did you ask me if I was okay. Never once did you wonder if I was alright. You ran away. But I knew you had trust issues, so I decided to tell you, to let you know for certain how I felt. I told you that you were the love of my life, and in return you broke up with me in front of a church full of colleagues and friends. And as far as sex and mockery, you weren't exactly against it if I recall correctly. And maybe I should have told you about Rose, but I was so god damned afraid that like always, you would run away before even giving me a chance to explain. So no, Meredith. You are not the only victim here."
He tilted his head and looked right at her, his eyes bright and blue despite the downpour all around them. Meredith wanted to go to him, but she knew it was too far gone. There really was too much water under the bridge. And now, they needed to accept it and move on.
"Derek, I think we both know at this point that it wasn't meant to be. I don't want to fight. So I'm going to keep walking, and find us some help while you stay here in case anyone passes by. Then we can both go home and forget this ever happened." With that she spun on her heel and trudged away, not even caring anymore about the fact that she was dripping wet and freezing cold. She willed herself to keep going, but then she heard him again. He was crying. She stopped in her tracks and shut her eyes. Keep going, Meredith, she told herself, Don't get yourself into this again. But when she turned her head and saw him, her anger melted away and was replaced with a love so overwhelming she could feel it in her bones. He was leaning against the jeep, head in his hands, in the pouring rain, and he was sobbing like a baby. Before her mind could process her actions she was moving toward him, sprinting actually.
"Derek!" She yelled as she neared. He turned and when he saw her his sobs became heavier. He put out his arms and she jumped into them with force, wrapping her legs around his waist and grabbing his curls with both hands, gripping them tightly. Her lips met his in a frenzy of passion, and he pushed her lips apart with his tongue, exploring the depths of her mouth as his tears mixed with hers and they cried and kissed until they couldn't breathe.
"I love you, I love you, I love you..." He repeated over and over again as he pulled her against him and trailed kisses down her neck and over her shoulder, tasting the mixture of rain and skin.
"I love you so much, Derek. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry..." She muttered as she continued to wind her fingers through his hair, and grind her hips into his as desire hummed deep within her.
"Oh god, Mer. I'm sorry too, I'll never leave you again, I'll never leave..." He spun her around and slammed her into the side of the jeep, gyrating his hips in a circle against hers, letting her feel his erection against her center.
"Get.. in.. the.. car." She panted as she reached behind her and swung open the back door, dropping down onto the seat and pulling him inside with her. He laid over her and continued to kiss her with abandon as his hips begain to thrust into hers uncontrollably. He lifted her shirt over her head and groaned at the sight of her breasts, flushed and hard at the tips, waiting for him. He lowered his mouth and flicked a nipple with his tongue, rolling the other one between his forefinger and thumb.
"Derek!" She yelped as she arched off the seat and thrust her hips into his. He knew that if that went on much longer he would lose it, and he frantically unzipped her jeans and pulled them down while she did the same to his. His body jerked with pleasure when he felt her take his erection in her hands and begin stroking it forcefully, light tugging at his balls simultaneously.
"Shit, Meredith, stop. I'm close. Are you ready?" He asked as he thrust a finger into her. She was more than ready.
"Please, baby. Do it now." He needed no further encouragement and they both screamed in pleasure when he filled her. He started out slow, but he knew he couldn't keep up this torturous pace for much longer. She was tight and warm, and she was Meredith. And as he slid in and out of her he was overcome with ecstasy.
"Oh, Mere. My god, you... feel... so good." He muttered as he continued to thrust up into her, going deeper than he thought was possible.
"Derek, faster, please..." Meredith began to match his thrusts with her hips and he felt himself nearing the edge. He sat up on the seat and swiftly pulled her on top of him. He found the spot behind her ear that he knew would make her quiver, and he licked it slowly and sensually, smiling when he heard her moan.
"Ohhh, Derek." She whispered as she quickened her pace on top of him. He knew he was going to orgasm at any second, and he reached his fingers between their bodies and rubbed her clit in circles, quickly and with just the right pressure. He knew exactly how to push her over the edge.
With the extra touch Meredith immediately began grinding into him with abandon, bouncing and rotating and yelling his name.
"Derek, Derek, Derek... Right there. Oh my god, please don't stop. Yessss." She tightened around him and began to spasm wildly as she came. He felt her contractions and groaned at the sensations it sent right through him. He continued to stroke her clit as she shook above him, loving the way she looked as she let the waves of pleasure run through her. And then when she finished, she grabbed his curles and ground against him once again. Clenching and unclenching as she rotated her hips around him, just the way he liked it.
"Ohhhhhhh my god, Meredith. Shit. Meredith!" He yelled one last time as he began to bounce and Meredith felt him release inside her. She finally collapsed on top of him and he pulled her close, lightly kissing her neck and shoulder.
"Meredith, I love you."
"I love you, too." Meredith replied. They stayed like that, limbs intertwined, for what seemed like an eternity. Then Meredith finally asked, "So what do we do now? The rain is still going, and we're still stuck."
Derek pushed the hair out of her face and smiled, looking deeply into her eyes. "Let's just sleep here. Forget the rain, and the broken down car, and the being stuck. Let's just stay here and be us, because I missed you, and I don't think I could let you go right now if I tried."
Meredith giggled and kissed him on the lips, swirling her tongue once around his before laying her head on his shoulder as he laid down and pulled her on top of him.
"Okay, let's stay here. And be us." With that, they both closed their eyes and fell asleep, forgetting that anything existed except them.
Tell me what you think!