Trumpets Blare * Well Vua-la! Because everyone seemed to LOVE 'Dungeons',
I've decided to do this, as a tribute to all my Loyal fans! Viva La
Tarintino!!!
Note: '[]' means that it's a character/ author commentary.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _
[Announcer: Hello. I'm here with the world-wide-web acclaimed fanfic author, Gaz Almighty, here to comment on her popular fic, "The Dungeons of 777". Tell us Allie-
Gaz Almighty: Gaz.
Announcer (clears throat): Um, yes, Gaz. Tell us: what was your inspiration for this fic?
(Camera pans to a teenage girl, dressed in jeans, a 'System of a Down' shirt, and various pieces of metallic jewelry. She has long light brown hair and blue eyes. She turns to the camera and gives a mischievous smile.)
GA: Well, Ms. Announcer, I don't really know WHY I wrote it. It just seemed like a funny idea. I mean – Mr. Rodgers and a Valasa Raptor duking it out over some puppets? It practically writes itself!
AN: Um… yes… Let's go to tape-]
"Torture devises and other such concepts. Na, not enough action." He walks to the next. "Electrocution and shock therapy. Hmm…I don't like that 'therapy' crack." And the next…
"Impalement and lacerations. No, is doesn't feel like a 'blood and intestinal gore' kind of day."
"Decapitations. Nu-uh, I just finished the 'playhouse of heads'. Squee didn't like that very much."
"Dismemberment and rememberment."
"Simpsons memorabilia. * shudder * -disturbing."
[(Tape is still rolling) AN: So Gaz, where did you come up with all those corridor names?
GA: Simple; I thought 'what's in my house?' and there they are!
AN: * clears throat* Oh…]
"Portals to parallel universes. Maybe tomorrow."
Finally, he found the one that scratched his itch.
"Oh, yeah! That loose nail hit the spot. And this door doesn't look to bad either."
The door reads: "Various rooms of strange and bizarre occurrences. Hmm. Never been down here before…"
* Johnny has discovered an area underground in his house that he has never before set foot in. it resembles a crossroads, and there are a dozen descending stairwells around the circular room. He finds one that he finds most intriguing, and steps in. Little does he know the bizarre and…er…strange things that will happen. *
THE DUNGEONS OF 777
By Gaz Almighty
_ _ _ _ _ _
"Well," says Nny, scanning the stairwell walls with slight curiosity. "THIS should be interesting."
[(The announcer turns to Nny, who is sitting next to G. almighty) AN: So, Johnny, what made you accept this role?
NNY: When I first heard about it, I didn't think it was worthwhile. I mean, she wasn't even going to pay me! But then something happened to change my mind.
AN: What was that?
GA: I blackmailed Jhonen.
AN: Ah. ]
He reaches the bottom, and is faced with a long, dimly lit hallway. Various strange and even disturbing sounds, that would have mentally scarred a normal person for life, echo through it.
But, as we all know, Johnny isn't normal.
[AN: Did that last comment insult you?
NNY: No. Hell, I told her to put it in there! The last thing I want is to be normal. And besides, if I ever get caught, I'll just plead insanity.
GA: See? Airtight.
AN: Yea…]
He continues on.
At first he is worried about the noises, until he realizes that he's insane, [NNY: See! Right there!] and that everything down here is probably a figment of his twisted, twisted mind. He actually whistles as he steps in front of the first door.
He presses his ear to the door, and hears the fait sound of water running. He hypes himself up and opens the door.
Inside is a valasa raptor, taking a shower in a plastic shower cap. It spots Nny, covers itself, and screams like a woman. Johnny yelps and slams the door behind his back.
[AN: Mr. Raptor, why did you accept this role?
Raptor (Talks in proper, English accent): When I first heard of it, I had just finished filming for Jurassic Park III. With my schedule wide open I thought it a rather fun job. – Hand me that saucer, will you darling?
AN: Of course.
(Raptor puts the saucer under his tea and takes a sip.)
Raptor: * slurp * Ah, splendid. ]
"What the HELL was that?!?!" he says to no one in particular.
He mentally tells himself to be more careful. He begins to walk towards the next door. This time, he only opens it wide enough for one eye to peek through.
It is thoroughly poked.
"OW! What the fuck!" Mildly enraged, he opens the door completely, ready to gut the impending poker. What he sees is not what he expected.
There are three invisible men, visible only because they're wearing tuxedoes, and two of them have hair. One has a black bowl cut; the other has orange, male-pattern baldness. The third has no hair at all. It takes Nny a few seconds to realize that the invisible men are the three stooges.
[AN: Moe, Larry… Curly. Why did YOU decide to take these roles?
(Pans to shot of three invisible men, only their hair is visible. They are the ghosts of the three stooges.)
Moe: Well, we really had no choice; see, because that 'Gaz' character brought us back from the grave with that 'voo-doo' stuff. We had to or else we'd be tortured!
(G. Almighty is seen in the background, holding a little 'Moe' doll. She lights a match under the dolls chin.)
Moe: OH, GOD IT BURNS! (He holds his invisible face) AAHHHHHHHH!!! (He falls with a 'thump' onto the floor.)
AN: Is this true, Larry and Curly?
(They look at each other.)
Both: No, no, absolutely not…]
Moe (bowl cut): Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck. Got that guy right in the eyeball.
Larry (male pattern-baldness): I dunno if that was such a good idea, Moe. That guy looks pretty mad – and dangerous.
Curly (nothing): Nyuck, bring him on! I'll moy-ta-lize the little wacko!
Johnny gets the one eye big, one eye small look.
"What'd you call me?"
All stooges: "AAAAAAAHHHH!" - As Johnny rushes them with a knife.
Moe hits the deck, lining Larry up for a perfect shot to the heart. Nny swipes, and hits the mark. He feels wetness hit his face, but sees nothing.
If only everyone have invisible blood, he thinks.
Larry falls and chants "Oh, what a woy-led" until his tux seems to go limp. Two little boys in winter coats show up out of nowhere.
"Oh my GOD! They killed Larry!"
"You BASTARD!"
[AN: Now why did you two decide to do this, when your own show is currently VERY popular?
Stan: Eh, we thought it would be kinda kick-ass.
Kyle: Yea, and it got us away from Cartman. That fat ass is still probably on his couch eating cheesy-poofs.
Stan: Yeah!
(Both laugh.) (Then Cartman can be heard screaming obscenities from the background.)
Stan and Kyle: (groan angrily, say 'Dammit!' a lot.)]
Nny turns towards them. "YOU WANT SOME OF THIS?!"
They run off screaming. Nny turns towards 'Moe'.
"Gonna poke me again, wise-ass?"
Moe pauses. "Actually, yes." His tux arm flies towards Nny. Nny puts his hands up between his eyes.
"Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck."
Moe: "AAHHH!"
Johnny stabs him in the stomach. Two down, one to go.
He spins on his heal toward 'Curly'.
"Just you and me, baldy." Says Johnny, as he tosses the stiletto from one hand to the other. 'Curly' puts up his 'dukes' and begins to make a circling motion.
"Put-em-up, put-em-up…" they circle, Nny calculating his target, 'Curly' making random foot motions and noises.
Without warning, Johnny snaps to attention and points in an arbitrary direction.
"What the HELL is that!"
"What!" cries 'Curly'. He turns around and Nny stabs him in the back.
Nny kicks 'Curly' in the gut, to make sure he is dead. He then exits the room.
"NOBODY calls me wacko." [NNY: Damn strait! (High- fives G. Almighty.)] He slams the door and smiles.
This hallway seems to be more fun than I previously thought, he thinks, a smirk crossing his face. I just got the chance to kill three comedic legends, and man, it was satisfying.
He laughs as he goes to a gunslinger stance in front of the third door. His senses race, his pulse quickens. He's never felt so alive. This part of the house has been hidden way to long, the thinks, and I think I'm gonna break it in. he flings open the third door and yells as he bursts through.
Inside, though, is just…quite simply, the most disappointing thing he has ever seen.
"It's a moose," he says, quite frankly not believing. "That's IT!!?!!"
[AN: Mr. Moose, any comments on this role?
(The moose is still chewing curd, and is wearing sunglasses. He stops chewing just long enough to go: 'MOOO!")]
The moose is chewing something, and debris falls from its mouth. Nny sighs and straitens. He's about to walk away when a loud "WHOOOSH!" sound is heard. He spins around to find a portal of some kind appear over the moose.
Out from it, fall two small boys. Well, one is a boy; the other seems to be some sort of…alien?
"You'll never escape, ZIM!" cries the boy.
"Don't bet on it puny human!" cries the alien. They are about to engage in a fight when they come to a halt and stare at Johnny.
"DO YOU MIND?!" they yell in unison.
"Oh, excuse me!" says Johnny and quickly leaves the room. He's just out in the hall when a realization hits him.
"Hey, wait a minute…" he runs back in the room, only to find the moose, alone, once again chewing.
"Hmm." Says Nny, and closes the door.
(Inside the room, two heads pop out from behind the moose. "You think he saw us?")
[(The announcer is in an office, where Zim sits at a desk; his feet up on it. He is wearing sunglasses and is surrounded by his 'possi' of thugs.)
AN: Zim, your show has been widely successful. This story seems somehow… beneath you. Why?
Zim: Yo, it's all good. This little gig was just a side job to occupy my free time. No one threatened me.
Mr. T look-alike bodyguard: I pity da foo' who mess wit da 'Z' man!
(He and Zim high-five.)]
Johnny leans against the wall and scratches his head. This was very strange, indeed. Better luck with the next one…
He grips the next door knob, and slowly brings the door ajar. He steps in.
It just darkness, that's it. He looks around, but finds nothing of interest. He's about to leave when he hears something – the door slamming.
[NNY: Right about here I knew there was trouble. I figured that I would have to call in a buddy to get me out of this jam.
GA: Yea, I was just going to have him die.
(Cuts to shot of guy smiling insanely wide.)
AN: So you're the movie phone guy?
MPG: THAT IS CORRECT! NNY CALLED IN A FAVOR AFTER HE KILLED THE OLD MOVIE PHONE GUY FOR ME. I FIGURED THAT THIS WASN'T SUCH A BIG DEAL SINCE ANNOUNCING WASN'T MUCH DIFFERENT FROM MOVIE ADVERTISING.]
He rushes back, but the door closes before he can get out. He feels for the knob, and tries furiously to pry open the door. Finally, he gives up. He sighs – but wait – there's no air!
He clutches his throat as it burns for oxygen. He can feel himself become lightheaded. He's just about to black out when a booming voice comes out of nowhere.
"OH MY! HOW WILL JOHNNY GET OUT OF THIS ONE? STAY TUNED, FOR MORE HOMICIDAL ACTION!"
Then, the floor drops out from under him.
[GA: What you DIDN'T see was when he said: 'To stay tuned, press one. To NOT stay tuned, please hang up and dial again.']
Johnny tries to scream, but can't. (There's no air, stupid!) He falls for a few second before be lands – back in the hallway.
He sputters and coughs. Getting up, he becomes angry. No house of mine is going to get the best of me! He thinks. He grabs two daggers – seemingly out of nowhere – and proceeds to the fifth door.
[AN: Where DID you get those daggers?
NNY: Magic.
AN: Oh.]
He opens the door forcefully, and bears his teeth. He brings his arm back to swipe, but stops short.
"What the…" he stammers. The room is nothing but water. In it, bizarre fish swim. A mermaid, that has a top half resembling Devi, is perched on a rock. She blows him a kiss.
[AN: Devi, you and Johnny have had a rough history. What made you collaborate on this?
Devi: Three words; COLD HARD CASH.
(A $100 dollar bill sticks out of her bra; she immediately shoves it back in and crosses her arms.)]
Johnny, momentarily dumbfounded, takes a step forward. As he does, the pristine vision disappears, and what he can only classify as Hell, takes its place. Nny grips the doorframe, nearly falling into the fiery abyss.
In the corner, the grim reaper smokes a black cigarette. The hood (Nny can't see the face beneath it) turns towards him and the reaper waves a skeletal hand at him.
"Hi Johnny."
Johnny screams, and falls backward out into the hall. The door slams closed on its own.
[AN: Now Mr. Reaper, you CERTAINLY have better things to do than participate in a low budget story like this. Why in the world did you agree to the terms?
(The Reaper's head cannot be seen under the hood. He makes no movement and says nothing.)
AN: What… what are you doing…
(The Reaper still does nothing)
AN: No… NO… not that!
(Still nothing)
AN: OH GOD NOT - AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!
(The camera falls to its side as the announcer runs off. The Reaper just takes a drag of his black cigarette.)]
Nny scrambles up into a sitting position up against the opposite wall. He wraps his arms around his knees (get it? Nny, knee? God, I kill me.) [GA: That rhymes, and you know it rhymes.] and begins to rock back and forth.
After a moment of this, Johnny stands, shakily, and decides to finish what he has started. There are only three door left down the hall, and he vows that he will go through each one. He turns and faces the first of the three. He closes his eyes and sighs as he opens the door.
Inside is a room. A normal – but colorful – room. Nny steps in and closes the door behind him. He walks out of the room, through a door and into an equally colorful hallway. He turns a corner, into the front room, and almost screams.
There is a glass wall, and on the other side is a gigantic couch. Seated on it, is a boy with yellow skin and a girl of the same color. The girl gasps.
"They've added a new character to Itchy & Scratchy!"
"Whoa-oh!" says the boy. "He's kinda wacky lookin'."
Johnny snaps.
"What did you-" but he has little time to react. In the corner of the room, a cat tied to a chair, and a mouse splashing gasoline on him, are dressed in black suits and ties. 'Stuck in the Middle With You' plays in the background. The mouse puts down the can of gasoline and with a dagger similar to Nny's, slices off the cats ear. The cat screams and the mouse laughs.
Then, without warning, Quentin Tarintino shows up.
"What I'm like, trying to say here is like, violence is everywhere in our society, it's like, even in breakfast cereals, man."
The mouse and cat – seemingly free – proceed to decapitate him. Afterwards, they do the 'Pulp Fiction' dance.
[Quentin Tarintino: What I was like, trying to say was like, even when its made fun of, violence is still like, everywhere.]
Johnny crosses his arms over his chest, then swings them open to produce two very long, very sharp knives. The cat and mouse spot this and scream.
[AN: Magic again?
NNY: No, trick photography.
AN: Ah.]
Nny rushes the cat, and plants the knife square in the spiral chord. The mouse, instead of being afraid, scratches his chin thoughtfully as Johnny wedges the knife out of his fallen counterpart.
"In the spine," says the mouse, and hits his hand with his fist. "That's a GREAT way to do it!"
His joy is cut short, though, when Johnny rushes him with two daggers.
The mouse falls, and Nny proceeds to disembowel him. The mouse nods his head approvingly.
"Nice, fluid strokes. You've had experience haven't you? Here's my card." The mouse produced a blood-splattered business card, which reads: "Itchy's World of Mass murder and Manslaughter. You kill 'em, we bill 'em."
[Itchy: Check out our website at www.killscratchy.net. You're wildest homicidal fantasies made reality!
GA: Hey! You can't advertise on this!
Itchy: AAHHH!!
(Itchy leaps off the chair he was sitting in just as Gaz Almighty jumps over it, knocking a lamp and potted plants over.)
GA: Get back here you leaching freeloader!]
As Johnny is actually contemplating the offer, shrill laughter breaks into the room. Itchy and Nny both look up to find the two children on the other side of the glass wall shrieking with fits of laughter.
"Hey!" says the formerly dead cat. "They're laughing at your pain."
"Why are you so cruel?" asks the mouse and begins to cry. Nny stands up and with the hilt of his knife, busts the glass wall open. He sticks his head through.
"HEEEEEEEEEERRRRRREEEE'S JOHNNY!" he shouts maniacally. The two kids scream and run fearfully out of the room. Nny jump out into the room, and is again, full size. He looks at his hands to find that they are –
"Animated! Cool…" he snaps out of his reverie and continues in his pursuit of the children who find pleasure in thoughs two, rather nice, talking animals. He gets to the doorway of the kitchen when a fat man in a hockey mask and a chainsaw stops him short.
"HEYBARTYAWANNASEEMYNEWCHAINSAW!!" the man yells rapidly.
Johnny's eyes pop out cartoonishly and his body runs away, leaving his spirit in the same, googly-eyed position. His spirit, on spinning, cartoon legs, chases after his body. His body is stopped in front of the TV. His spirit slams into his body, they merge, and Johnny as a whole tumbles back into the TV. After a few summersaults, Nny sits up and realizes that he is back in the hallway.
"What the FUCK was THAT!" he yells. That entire concept was just strange. He gets up on shaky legs, brushes himself off, and walks slowly to the second-to-last door.
Not caring, not knowing what could POSSIBLY be more bizarre than what he has already seen, Johnny opens the door and steps in.
Inside, there is a dimly lit poker table. Around it sit the raptor, three little boys (two of them look awfully familiar), Mr. Rodger, Stewie from Family Guy, the alien form the room with a moose, and the moose. The eight of them are hunched over their cards, eyeing the rest of the table suspiciously. All that is, except for the moose, who simply chews his cards.
Stewie, wearing a green visor: "Come ON Mr. Raptor, we've been waiting all day. What for god sake do you bet?!?!"
The raptor roars and puts four chips in the center. "Hmm." Says Stewie. "Two hundred. A little bold, don't you think?"
The raptor roars again and shrugs.
"OK, next."
[Stewie: Not a lot of people know that blackjack dealing in Vegas was my job before I was cast onto Family Guy. It was good to get back to my root, ya know? Too bad Gaz Almighty kept grifting all my poker winnings.
(Gaz Almighty can be seen reaching into Stewie's pocket.)
Stewie: Ah-HAH!
(Gaz Almighty runs off as Stewie begins to shoot wildly with his blaster.)]
Each of the three boys whine as they fold. The alien scratches his head and then juts his hand out of view. It comes back with a small robot.
"I'll see your bet. This here is a fine example of Irkin technology. It's worth at LEAST two hundred Earth credits."
Stewie puts a hand to his chin and ponders the bet. "Ok, the wager stands. Mr. Rodger?"
Robot: "I LIKE CHEESE!!"
[AN: Did you feel degraded – being used as an object for betting?
(GIR sticks his tongue out puts a finger to his chin in thought.)
GIR: No! Master said if we won, I'd be able to keep 10% of the winnings!
AN: 10%? Isn't that a little insubstantial?
GIR: Huh?
(Zim can be seen behind GIR, making slashing motions across his neck. He wants the announcer to shut up.)
AN: Yeah, I mean… never mind.]
(Picture Mr. Rodger's voice as Dana Carvey's impersonation of George H. Bush on SNL.)
"I'll second the motion. Here is your two hundred dollars, you Jurassic monstrosity."
The raptor narrows its eyes at Mr. Rodger.
"Now, now," says Stewie. "I want no animosity between gamblers. If you want a fight then take it out side."
Mr. Rodger stands and flips the table over. "YOU ATE MY PUPPETS YOU BASTARD!"
The raptor stands and gets in Mr. Rodgers face. The raptor roars something at him while poking him in the chest.
Rodgers gasps. "YOU TAKE THAT BACK!!"
They fall to the ground and begin to fight.
[Mr. Rodger: Oh no, me and the Raptor are great friend. Even though he did eat my puppets… bastard…
(Raptor runs up to Mr. Rodger and splashes hot tea into his face. Mr. Rodger screams that the two begin to brawl.]
Meanwhile, Nny is too confused to even begin to react. He takes a dagger out instinctively, for protection.
The alien rights the table and leaps up on top of it. He whips out a blaster of some kind and shoots wildly into the air.
"YOU ALL SHALL PAY FOR THIS INJUSTICE!" Just then, the moose bits him around the torso.
"AAAAHHHHH! My squiggly- slpooch!!"
While the brawl is going on, Nny trips and falls into the middle of it. He gets stepped on and trampled until a large BOOM echoes through the room. Everyone freezes. The alien, with its arms prying the moose's mouth open from eating it, Mr. Rodgers and the Raptor with their hands at each others neck, and the three boys, arguing if a piece of crap named 'Mr. Hankey' was real.
There, standing on the table, was Stewie, the alien's fallen blaster in his hand, a smoking hole above his head. He, they found, was the source of the explosion.
"SILENCE!" He bellowed. "I SAID NO VIOLENCE IN THIS GAME! THIS IS THE THRID TIME THAT I'VE HAD TO BREAK UP A RIOT AND I'M THINKING ABOUT BLOWING YOU ALL TO THE NEXT DIMENTION!"
Everyone was now standing, facing the baby with a gun. The alien 'Zim' was trying to coax the baby into handing it over.
"It's OK, Stewie, just hand me the gun. Why don't you-"
"WHY DON'T YOU BURN IN HELL!" Cries Stewie. "YOU OF ALL PEOPLE, ALEIN, SHOULD KNOW THAT I KNOW HOW TO USE ONE OF THESE!"
He pans the gun around the room; everyone except Nny hits the ground. Stewie throws his head back and laughs.
"COWER IN FEAR, MORTALS! BOW TO ME MEAT BA-" but he is stopped short when a knife comes careening out of nowhere and plants itself into his chest. Stewie falls flat on the table as blood flows off the edges. All heads turn towards the origin of the blade – Johnny.
Zim is the first to stand. After a long pause he reels back and cries –
"INGENIUS!"
The rest of the group begins applauding. Nny blushes and scratches the back of his head.
"Well done there mister," says Mr. Rodger. "You put that misbehaving ragamuffin in HIS place."
The raptor puts an arm around Johnny and begins to roar compliments, which are incoherent to Nny. Despite that, he finds himself thanking the dinosaur.
"Just, uh…" he says, and yanks the knife out the Stewie's chest. "Doing my job."
The knife falls out of the baby's chest, but flies out of Nny's grasp and impales a boy wearing an orange hood in the head. The remaining boys gasp.
"Oh my GOD! Now you REALLY killed Kenny!"
"Yoooooooooooooou BASTARD!!"
[AN: Kenny, you have made a career out of dying. Your life-ending antics have ammused us all. Tell us – how do you do it?
(Kenny starts to mumble, gesturing with his hands and occcationally nodding his head.)
AN: Fascinating...]
Nny spins around and once agin asks them, if they want 'some of this'. They shake their heads furiously.
Zim claps and chuckles. "Well done, brother, well done."
Nny raises an eyebrow. "Brother?"
Zim takes him by the elbow and leads him towards the doorway from which he came.
"You'll find out soon enough. Now GO! AND THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICES!"
The door slams behind Nny and he is once again, alone. He turns towards the last door.
So far he has been poked, yelled at, chased with a chainsaw, seen Hell, and saved the day for a twisted bunch of gamblers. What could possibly be in this last door that he has not already experienced?
He squints his eyes, and as calmly as he can, opens the final door.
Inside, there is no pandemonium. No water, no cat or mouse and no gambling. Inside, in the corner of this room, sits a solitary computer with a metal folding chair in front of it.
Nny approaches cautiously, not knowing if anything is going to pop out of the walls or mortally wound him. But nothing happens, and he sits at the chair, looking at the monitor.
On the screen is a page with reads: 'Jhonen Vasquez fan fiction." Johnny clicks on the link, and the screen opens to another page, filled with noting but dedications – an ode to – himself.
"What the Hell is this?" he wonders as he begins to read one entitled: 'Hate is a Drug'. He gets halfway down the page when he gasps.
[GA: Lio didn't seem to mind the nod to 'Hate' at the end. Hopefully, she won't sue!]
"Oh my god, this is horrible." He says, while getting more comfortable in his chair.
"This is just…horrible" He continues to scroll down, his eyes becoming wider with each sentence.
"This is…oh, who am I kidding!" he leans forward and reads the rest of the story.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Johnny emerges from the room, content, and a little out of breath. He shoves his hands deep in his pockets and whistles back up the stairway, into his living room.
He plops down on the couch. Meat, sensing the air of the room, decides to speak up.
"What were you doing Johnny?"
Nny sits on the couch and puts his hands behind his head. "Oh, nothing. – By the way, when was the last time that basement was cleaned! I mean, there was a bunch of crazy crap down there. Not anything I couldn't handle, but still very bizarre."
Meat turns towards Nny, his porcelain face permanently frozen in an exaggerated smile.
"What exactly WAS down there?"
Nny shrugs. "Nothing much. Some water, some fire, a moose… it's all good."
Meat pushes for an answer as Nny drifts off to sleep. Tomorrow, he thinks in his last conscious moment, I'll check out the 'Parallel Universe' stairwell.
(PLEASE REVIEW! OR FEEL THE WRATH OF QUENTIN TARINTINO!!!!!!)
(It's like, everywhere in our society, man…)
[AN: So there you have it – strait from the source. I would like to thank Gaz Almighty, NNY, Devi, Quentin Tarintino, Stewie, Itchy & Scratchy, Zim, Moose, Mr. Rodger, Mr. Raptor, Dib, Stan, Kyle, Kenny (God rest his soul), the Three Stooges and the Grim Reaper for allowing me to interview them.
GA: No Prob! The more publicity, the better!
(Everyone named is there, and nods accordingly.)
(Gaz Almighty extends her arms towards the audience.)
GA: I would like to thank all the production staff, and all my loyal fans that have enjoyed reading this fic just as much as I enjoyed writing it. Thanks, and Merry Christmas!
(G. Almighty stands at the front of the group as they turns their heads upward and begin to hum like on 'Peanuts'. GIR jumps up and kicks his feet like snoopy; Dib plays the piano.)
(NNY leans over, a hand next to his mouth, and whispers to G. Almighty.)
NNY: It's only April.
(Gaz Almighty stops singing.)
GA: Oh…
(She looks around suspiciously, then strait at the screen and points accusingly.)
(The screen goes black.)
Note: '[]' means that it's a character/ author commentary.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _
[Announcer: Hello. I'm here with the world-wide-web acclaimed fanfic author, Gaz Almighty, here to comment on her popular fic, "The Dungeons of 777". Tell us Allie-
Gaz Almighty: Gaz.
Announcer (clears throat): Um, yes, Gaz. Tell us: what was your inspiration for this fic?
(Camera pans to a teenage girl, dressed in jeans, a 'System of a Down' shirt, and various pieces of metallic jewelry. She has long light brown hair and blue eyes. She turns to the camera and gives a mischievous smile.)
GA: Well, Ms. Announcer, I don't really know WHY I wrote it. It just seemed like a funny idea. I mean – Mr. Rodgers and a Valasa Raptor duking it out over some puppets? It practically writes itself!
AN: Um… yes… Let's go to tape-]
"Torture devises and other such concepts. Na, not enough action." He walks to the next. "Electrocution and shock therapy. Hmm…I don't like that 'therapy' crack." And the next…
"Impalement and lacerations. No, is doesn't feel like a 'blood and intestinal gore' kind of day."
"Decapitations. Nu-uh, I just finished the 'playhouse of heads'. Squee didn't like that very much."
"Dismemberment and rememberment."
"Simpsons memorabilia. * shudder * -disturbing."
[(Tape is still rolling) AN: So Gaz, where did you come up with all those corridor names?
GA: Simple; I thought 'what's in my house?' and there they are!
AN: * clears throat* Oh…]
"Portals to parallel universes. Maybe tomorrow."
Finally, he found the one that scratched his itch.
"Oh, yeah! That loose nail hit the spot. And this door doesn't look to bad either."
The door reads: "Various rooms of strange and bizarre occurrences. Hmm. Never been down here before…"
* Johnny has discovered an area underground in his house that he has never before set foot in. it resembles a crossroads, and there are a dozen descending stairwells around the circular room. He finds one that he finds most intriguing, and steps in. Little does he know the bizarre and…er…strange things that will happen. *
THE DUNGEONS OF 777
By Gaz Almighty
_ _ _ _ _ _
"Well," says Nny, scanning the stairwell walls with slight curiosity. "THIS should be interesting."
[(The announcer turns to Nny, who is sitting next to G. almighty) AN: So, Johnny, what made you accept this role?
NNY: When I first heard about it, I didn't think it was worthwhile. I mean, she wasn't even going to pay me! But then something happened to change my mind.
AN: What was that?
GA: I blackmailed Jhonen.
AN: Ah. ]
He reaches the bottom, and is faced with a long, dimly lit hallway. Various strange and even disturbing sounds, that would have mentally scarred a normal person for life, echo through it.
But, as we all know, Johnny isn't normal.
[AN: Did that last comment insult you?
NNY: No. Hell, I told her to put it in there! The last thing I want is to be normal. And besides, if I ever get caught, I'll just plead insanity.
GA: See? Airtight.
AN: Yea…]
He continues on.
At first he is worried about the noises, until he realizes that he's insane, [NNY: See! Right there!] and that everything down here is probably a figment of his twisted, twisted mind. He actually whistles as he steps in front of the first door.
He presses his ear to the door, and hears the fait sound of water running. He hypes himself up and opens the door.
Inside is a valasa raptor, taking a shower in a plastic shower cap. It spots Nny, covers itself, and screams like a woman. Johnny yelps and slams the door behind his back.
[AN: Mr. Raptor, why did you accept this role?
Raptor (Talks in proper, English accent): When I first heard of it, I had just finished filming for Jurassic Park III. With my schedule wide open I thought it a rather fun job. – Hand me that saucer, will you darling?
AN: Of course.
(Raptor puts the saucer under his tea and takes a sip.)
Raptor: * slurp * Ah, splendid. ]
"What the HELL was that?!?!" he says to no one in particular.
He mentally tells himself to be more careful. He begins to walk towards the next door. This time, he only opens it wide enough for one eye to peek through.
It is thoroughly poked.
"OW! What the fuck!" Mildly enraged, he opens the door completely, ready to gut the impending poker. What he sees is not what he expected.
There are three invisible men, visible only because they're wearing tuxedoes, and two of them have hair. One has a black bowl cut; the other has orange, male-pattern baldness. The third has no hair at all. It takes Nny a few seconds to realize that the invisible men are the three stooges.
[AN: Moe, Larry… Curly. Why did YOU decide to take these roles?
(Pans to shot of three invisible men, only their hair is visible. They are the ghosts of the three stooges.)
Moe: Well, we really had no choice; see, because that 'Gaz' character brought us back from the grave with that 'voo-doo' stuff. We had to or else we'd be tortured!
(G. Almighty is seen in the background, holding a little 'Moe' doll. She lights a match under the dolls chin.)
Moe: OH, GOD IT BURNS! (He holds his invisible face) AAHHHHHHHH!!! (He falls with a 'thump' onto the floor.)
AN: Is this true, Larry and Curly?
(They look at each other.)
Both: No, no, absolutely not…]
Moe (bowl cut): Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck. Got that guy right in the eyeball.
Larry (male pattern-baldness): I dunno if that was such a good idea, Moe. That guy looks pretty mad – and dangerous.
Curly (nothing): Nyuck, bring him on! I'll moy-ta-lize the little wacko!
Johnny gets the one eye big, one eye small look.
"What'd you call me?"
All stooges: "AAAAAAAHHHH!" - As Johnny rushes them with a knife.
Moe hits the deck, lining Larry up for a perfect shot to the heart. Nny swipes, and hits the mark. He feels wetness hit his face, but sees nothing.
If only everyone have invisible blood, he thinks.
Larry falls and chants "Oh, what a woy-led" until his tux seems to go limp. Two little boys in winter coats show up out of nowhere.
"Oh my GOD! They killed Larry!"
"You BASTARD!"
[AN: Now why did you two decide to do this, when your own show is currently VERY popular?
Stan: Eh, we thought it would be kinda kick-ass.
Kyle: Yea, and it got us away from Cartman. That fat ass is still probably on his couch eating cheesy-poofs.
Stan: Yeah!
(Both laugh.) (Then Cartman can be heard screaming obscenities from the background.)
Stan and Kyle: (groan angrily, say 'Dammit!' a lot.)]
Nny turns towards them. "YOU WANT SOME OF THIS?!"
They run off screaming. Nny turns towards 'Moe'.
"Gonna poke me again, wise-ass?"
Moe pauses. "Actually, yes." His tux arm flies towards Nny. Nny puts his hands up between his eyes.
"Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck."
Moe: "AAHHH!"
Johnny stabs him in the stomach. Two down, one to go.
He spins on his heal toward 'Curly'.
"Just you and me, baldy." Says Johnny, as he tosses the stiletto from one hand to the other. 'Curly' puts up his 'dukes' and begins to make a circling motion.
"Put-em-up, put-em-up…" they circle, Nny calculating his target, 'Curly' making random foot motions and noises.
Without warning, Johnny snaps to attention and points in an arbitrary direction.
"What the HELL is that!"
"What!" cries 'Curly'. He turns around and Nny stabs him in the back.
Nny kicks 'Curly' in the gut, to make sure he is dead. He then exits the room.
"NOBODY calls me wacko." [NNY: Damn strait! (High- fives G. Almighty.)] He slams the door and smiles.
This hallway seems to be more fun than I previously thought, he thinks, a smirk crossing his face. I just got the chance to kill three comedic legends, and man, it was satisfying.
He laughs as he goes to a gunslinger stance in front of the third door. His senses race, his pulse quickens. He's never felt so alive. This part of the house has been hidden way to long, the thinks, and I think I'm gonna break it in. he flings open the third door and yells as he bursts through.
Inside, though, is just…quite simply, the most disappointing thing he has ever seen.
"It's a moose," he says, quite frankly not believing. "That's IT!!?!!"
[AN: Mr. Moose, any comments on this role?
(The moose is still chewing curd, and is wearing sunglasses. He stops chewing just long enough to go: 'MOOO!")]
The moose is chewing something, and debris falls from its mouth. Nny sighs and straitens. He's about to walk away when a loud "WHOOOSH!" sound is heard. He spins around to find a portal of some kind appear over the moose.
Out from it, fall two small boys. Well, one is a boy; the other seems to be some sort of…alien?
"You'll never escape, ZIM!" cries the boy.
"Don't bet on it puny human!" cries the alien. They are about to engage in a fight when they come to a halt and stare at Johnny.
"DO YOU MIND?!" they yell in unison.
"Oh, excuse me!" says Johnny and quickly leaves the room. He's just out in the hall when a realization hits him.
"Hey, wait a minute…" he runs back in the room, only to find the moose, alone, once again chewing.
"Hmm." Says Nny, and closes the door.
(Inside the room, two heads pop out from behind the moose. "You think he saw us?")
[(The announcer is in an office, where Zim sits at a desk; his feet up on it. He is wearing sunglasses and is surrounded by his 'possi' of thugs.)
AN: Zim, your show has been widely successful. This story seems somehow… beneath you. Why?
Zim: Yo, it's all good. This little gig was just a side job to occupy my free time. No one threatened me.
Mr. T look-alike bodyguard: I pity da foo' who mess wit da 'Z' man!
(He and Zim high-five.)]
Johnny leans against the wall and scratches his head. This was very strange, indeed. Better luck with the next one…
He grips the next door knob, and slowly brings the door ajar. He steps in.
It just darkness, that's it. He looks around, but finds nothing of interest. He's about to leave when he hears something – the door slamming.
[NNY: Right about here I knew there was trouble. I figured that I would have to call in a buddy to get me out of this jam.
GA: Yea, I was just going to have him die.
(Cuts to shot of guy smiling insanely wide.)
AN: So you're the movie phone guy?
MPG: THAT IS CORRECT! NNY CALLED IN A FAVOR AFTER HE KILLED THE OLD MOVIE PHONE GUY FOR ME. I FIGURED THAT THIS WASN'T SUCH A BIG DEAL SINCE ANNOUNCING WASN'T MUCH DIFFERENT FROM MOVIE ADVERTISING.]
He rushes back, but the door closes before he can get out. He feels for the knob, and tries furiously to pry open the door. Finally, he gives up. He sighs – but wait – there's no air!
He clutches his throat as it burns for oxygen. He can feel himself become lightheaded. He's just about to black out when a booming voice comes out of nowhere.
"OH MY! HOW WILL JOHNNY GET OUT OF THIS ONE? STAY TUNED, FOR MORE HOMICIDAL ACTION!"
Then, the floor drops out from under him.
[GA: What you DIDN'T see was when he said: 'To stay tuned, press one. To NOT stay tuned, please hang up and dial again.']
Johnny tries to scream, but can't. (There's no air, stupid!) He falls for a few second before be lands – back in the hallway.
He sputters and coughs. Getting up, he becomes angry. No house of mine is going to get the best of me! He thinks. He grabs two daggers – seemingly out of nowhere – and proceeds to the fifth door.
[AN: Where DID you get those daggers?
NNY: Magic.
AN: Oh.]
He opens the door forcefully, and bears his teeth. He brings his arm back to swipe, but stops short.
"What the…" he stammers. The room is nothing but water. In it, bizarre fish swim. A mermaid, that has a top half resembling Devi, is perched on a rock. She blows him a kiss.
[AN: Devi, you and Johnny have had a rough history. What made you collaborate on this?
Devi: Three words; COLD HARD CASH.
(A $100 dollar bill sticks out of her bra; she immediately shoves it back in and crosses her arms.)]
Johnny, momentarily dumbfounded, takes a step forward. As he does, the pristine vision disappears, and what he can only classify as Hell, takes its place. Nny grips the doorframe, nearly falling into the fiery abyss.
In the corner, the grim reaper smokes a black cigarette. The hood (Nny can't see the face beneath it) turns towards him and the reaper waves a skeletal hand at him.
"Hi Johnny."
Johnny screams, and falls backward out into the hall. The door slams closed on its own.
[AN: Now Mr. Reaper, you CERTAINLY have better things to do than participate in a low budget story like this. Why in the world did you agree to the terms?
(The Reaper's head cannot be seen under the hood. He makes no movement and says nothing.)
AN: What… what are you doing…
(The Reaper still does nothing)
AN: No… NO… not that!
(Still nothing)
AN: OH GOD NOT - AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!
(The camera falls to its side as the announcer runs off. The Reaper just takes a drag of his black cigarette.)]
Nny scrambles up into a sitting position up against the opposite wall. He wraps his arms around his knees (get it? Nny, knee? God, I kill me.) [GA: That rhymes, and you know it rhymes.] and begins to rock back and forth.
After a moment of this, Johnny stands, shakily, and decides to finish what he has started. There are only three door left down the hall, and he vows that he will go through each one. He turns and faces the first of the three. He closes his eyes and sighs as he opens the door.
Inside is a room. A normal – but colorful – room. Nny steps in and closes the door behind him. He walks out of the room, through a door and into an equally colorful hallway. He turns a corner, into the front room, and almost screams.
There is a glass wall, and on the other side is a gigantic couch. Seated on it, is a boy with yellow skin and a girl of the same color. The girl gasps.
"They've added a new character to Itchy & Scratchy!"
"Whoa-oh!" says the boy. "He's kinda wacky lookin'."
Johnny snaps.
"What did you-" but he has little time to react. In the corner of the room, a cat tied to a chair, and a mouse splashing gasoline on him, are dressed in black suits and ties. 'Stuck in the Middle With You' plays in the background. The mouse puts down the can of gasoline and with a dagger similar to Nny's, slices off the cats ear. The cat screams and the mouse laughs.
Then, without warning, Quentin Tarintino shows up.
"What I'm like, trying to say here is like, violence is everywhere in our society, it's like, even in breakfast cereals, man."
The mouse and cat – seemingly free – proceed to decapitate him. Afterwards, they do the 'Pulp Fiction' dance.
[Quentin Tarintino: What I was like, trying to say was like, even when its made fun of, violence is still like, everywhere.]
Johnny crosses his arms over his chest, then swings them open to produce two very long, very sharp knives. The cat and mouse spot this and scream.
[AN: Magic again?
NNY: No, trick photography.
AN: Ah.]
Nny rushes the cat, and plants the knife square in the spiral chord. The mouse, instead of being afraid, scratches his chin thoughtfully as Johnny wedges the knife out of his fallen counterpart.
"In the spine," says the mouse, and hits his hand with his fist. "That's a GREAT way to do it!"
His joy is cut short, though, when Johnny rushes him with two daggers.
The mouse falls, and Nny proceeds to disembowel him. The mouse nods his head approvingly.
"Nice, fluid strokes. You've had experience haven't you? Here's my card." The mouse produced a blood-splattered business card, which reads: "Itchy's World of Mass murder and Manslaughter. You kill 'em, we bill 'em."
[Itchy: Check out our website at www.killscratchy.net. You're wildest homicidal fantasies made reality!
GA: Hey! You can't advertise on this!
Itchy: AAHHH!!
(Itchy leaps off the chair he was sitting in just as Gaz Almighty jumps over it, knocking a lamp and potted plants over.)
GA: Get back here you leaching freeloader!]
As Johnny is actually contemplating the offer, shrill laughter breaks into the room. Itchy and Nny both look up to find the two children on the other side of the glass wall shrieking with fits of laughter.
"Hey!" says the formerly dead cat. "They're laughing at your pain."
"Why are you so cruel?" asks the mouse and begins to cry. Nny stands up and with the hilt of his knife, busts the glass wall open. He sticks his head through.
"HEEEEEEEEEERRRRRREEEE'S JOHNNY!" he shouts maniacally. The two kids scream and run fearfully out of the room. Nny jump out into the room, and is again, full size. He looks at his hands to find that they are –
"Animated! Cool…" he snaps out of his reverie and continues in his pursuit of the children who find pleasure in thoughs two, rather nice, talking animals. He gets to the doorway of the kitchen when a fat man in a hockey mask and a chainsaw stops him short.
"HEYBARTYAWANNASEEMYNEWCHAINSAW!!" the man yells rapidly.
Johnny's eyes pop out cartoonishly and his body runs away, leaving his spirit in the same, googly-eyed position. His spirit, on spinning, cartoon legs, chases after his body. His body is stopped in front of the TV. His spirit slams into his body, they merge, and Johnny as a whole tumbles back into the TV. After a few summersaults, Nny sits up and realizes that he is back in the hallway.
"What the FUCK was THAT!" he yells. That entire concept was just strange. He gets up on shaky legs, brushes himself off, and walks slowly to the second-to-last door.
Not caring, not knowing what could POSSIBLY be more bizarre than what he has already seen, Johnny opens the door and steps in.
Inside, there is a dimly lit poker table. Around it sit the raptor, three little boys (two of them look awfully familiar), Mr. Rodger, Stewie from Family Guy, the alien form the room with a moose, and the moose. The eight of them are hunched over their cards, eyeing the rest of the table suspiciously. All that is, except for the moose, who simply chews his cards.
Stewie, wearing a green visor: "Come ON Mr. Raptor, we've been waiting all day. What for god sake do you bet?!?!"
The raptor roars and puts four chips in the center. "Hmm." Says Stewie. "Two hundred. A little bold, don't you think?"
The raptor roars again and shrugs.
"OK, next."
[Stewie: Not a lot of people know that blackjack dealing in Vegas was my job before I was cast onto Family Guy. It was good to get back to my root, ya know? Too bad Gaz Almighty kept grifting all my poker winnings.
(Gaz Almighty can be seen reaching into Stewie's pocket.)
Stewie: Ah-HAH!
(Gaz Almighty runs off as Stewie begins to shoot wildly with his blaster.)]
Each of the three boys whine as they fold. The alien scratches his head and then juts his hand out of view. It comes back with a small robot.
"I'll see your bet. This here is a fine example of Irkin technology. It's worth at LEAST two hundred Earth credits."
Stewie puts a hand to his chin and ponders the bet. "Ok, the wager stands. Mr. Rodger?"
Robot: "I LIKE CHEESE!!"
[AN: Did you feel degraded – being used as an object for betting?
(GIR sticks his tongue out puts a finger to his chin in thought.)
GIR: No! Master said if we won, I'd be able to keep 10% of the winnings!
AN: 10%? Isn't that a little insubstantial?
GIR: Huh?
(Zim can be seen behind GIR, making slashing motions across his neck. He wants the announcer to shut up.)
AN: Yeah, I mean… never mind.]
(Picture Mr. Rodger's voice as Dana Carvey's impersonation of George H. Bush on SNL.)
"I'll second the motion. Here is your two hundred dollars, you Jurassic monstrosity."
The raptor narrows its eyes at Mr. Rodger.
"Now, now," says Stewie. "I want no animosity between gamblers. If you want a fight then take it out side."
Mr. Rodger stands and flips the table over. "YOU ATE MY PUPPETS YOU BASTARD!"
The raptor stands and gets in Mr. Rodgers face. The raptor roars something at him while poking him in the chest.
Rodgers gasps. "YOU TAKE THAT BACK!!"
They fall to the ground and begin to fight.
[Mr. Rodger: Oh no, me and the Raptor are great friend. Even though he did eat my puppets… bastard…
(Raptor runs up to Mr. Rodger and splashes hot tea into his face. Mr. Rodger screams that the two begin to brawl.]
Meanwhile, Nny is too confused to even begin to react. He takes a dagger out instinctively, for protection.
The alien rights the table and leaps up on top of it. He whips out a blaster of some kind and shoots wildly into the air.
"YOU ALL SHALL PAY FOR THIS INJUSTICE!" Just then, the moose bits him around the torso.
"AAAAHHHHH! My squiggly- slpooch!!"
While the brawl is going on, Nny trips and falls into the middle of it. He gets stepped on and trampled until a large BOOM echoes through the room. Everyone freezes. The alien, with its arms prying the moose's mouth open from eating it, Mr. Rodgers and the Raptor with their hands at each others neck, and the three boys, arguing if a piece of crap named 'Mr. Hankey' was real.
There, standing on the table, was Stewie, the alien's fallen blaster in his hand, a smoking hole above his head. He, they found, was the source of the explosion.
"SILENCE!" He bellowed. "I SAID NO VIOLENCE IN THIS GAME! THIS IS THE THRID TIME THAT I'VE HAD TO BREAK UP A RIOT AND I'M THINKING ABOUT BLOWING YOU ALL TO THE NEXT DIMENTION!"
Everyone was now standing, facing the baby with a gun. The alien 'Zim' was trying to coax the baby into handing it over.
"It's OK, Stewie, just hand me the gun. Why don't you-"
"WHY DON'T YOU BURN IN HELL!" Cries Stewie. "YOU OF ALL PEOPLE, ALEIN, SHOULD KNOW THAT I KNOW HOW TO USE ONE OF THESE!"
He pans the gun around the room; everyone except Nny hits the ground. Stewie throws his head back and laughs.
"COWER IN FEAR, MORTALS! BOW TO ME MEAT BA-" but he is stopped short when a knife comes careening out of nowhere and plants itself into his chest. Stewie falls flat on the table as blood flows off the edges. All heads turn towards the origin of the blade – Johnny.
Zim is the first to stand. After a long pause he reels back and cries –
"INGENIUS!"
The rest of the group begins applauding. Nny blushes and scratches the back of his head.
"Well done there mister," says Mr. Rodger. "You put that misbehaving ragamuffin in HIS place."
The raptor puts an arm around Johnny and begins to roar compliments, which are incoherent to Nny. Despite that, he finds himself thanking the dinosaur.
"Just, uh…" he says, and yanks the knife out the Stewie's chest. "Doing my job."
The knife falls out of the baby's chest, but flies out of Nny's grasp and impales a boy wearing an orange hood in the head. The remaining boys gasp.
"Oh my GOD! Now you REALLY killed Kenny!"
"Yoooooooooooooou BASTARD!!"
[AN: Kenny, you have made a career out of dying. Your life-ending antics have ammused us all. Tell us – how do you do it?
(Kenny starts to mumble, gesturing with his hands and occcationally nodding his head.)
AN: Fascinating...]
Nny spins around and once agin asks them, if they want 'some of this'. They shake their heads furiously.
Zim claps and chuckles. "Well done, brother, well done."
Nny raises an eyebrow. "Brother?"
Zim takes him by the elbow and leads him towards the doorway from which he came.
"You'll find out soon enough. Now GO! AND THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICES!"
The door slams behind Nny and he is once again, alone. He turns towards the last door.
So far he has been poked, yelled at, chased with a chainsaw, seen Hell, and saved the day for a twisted bunch of gamblers. What could possibly be in this last door that he has not already experienced?
He squints his eyes, and as calmly as he can, opens the final door.
Inside, there is no pandemonium. No water, no cat or mouse and no gambling. Inside, in the corner of this room, sits a solitary computer with a metal folding chair in front of it.
Nny approaches cautiously, not knowing if anything is going to pop out of the walls or mortally wound him. But nothing happens, and he sits at the chair, looking at the monitor.
On the screen is a page with reads: 'Jhonen Vasquez fan fiction." Johnny clicks on the link, and the screen opens to another page, filled with noting but dedications – an ode to – himself.
"What the Hell is this?" he wonders as he begins to read one entitled: 'Hate is a Drug'. He gets halfway down the page when he gasps.
[GA: Lio didn't seem to mind the nod to 'Hate' at the end. Hopefully, she won't sue!]
"Oh my god, this is horrible." He says, while getting more comfortable in his chair.
"This is just…horrible" He continues to scroll down, his eyes becoming wider with each sentence.
"This is…oh, who am I kidding!" he leans forward and reads the rest of the story.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Johnny emerges from the room, content, and a little out of breath. He shoves his hands deep in his pockets and whistles back up the stairway, into his living room.
He plops down on the couch. Meat, sensing the air of the room, decides to speak up.
"What were you doing Johnny?"
Nny sits on the couch and puts his hands behind his head. "Oh, nothing. – By the way, when was the last time that basement was cleaned! I mean, there was a bunch of crazy crap down there. Not anything I couldn't handle, but still very bizarre."
Meat turns towards Nny, his porcelain face permanently frozen in an exaggerated smile.
"What exactly WAS down there?"
Nny shrugs. "Nothing much. Some water, some fire, a moose… it's all good."
Meat pushes for an answer as Nny drifts off to sleep. Tomorrow, he thinks in his last conscious moment, I'll check out the 'Parallel Universe' stairwell.
(PLEASE REVIEW! OR FEEL THE WRATH OF QUENTIN TARINTINO!!!!!!)
(It's like, everywhere in our society, man…)
[AN: So there you have it – strait from the source. I would like to thank Gaz Almighty, NNY, Devi, Quentin Tarintino, Stewie, Itchy & Scratchy, Zim, Moose, Mr. Rodger, Mr. Raptor, Dib, Stan, Kyle, Kenny (God rest his soul), the Three Stooges and the Grim Reaper for allowing me to interview them.
GA: No Prob! The more publicity, the better!
(Everyone named is there, and nods accordingly.)
(Gaz Almighty extends her arms towards the audience.)
GA: I would like to thank all the production staff, and all my loyal fans that have enjoyed reading this fic just as much as I enjoyed writing it. Thanks, and Merry Christmas!
(G. Almighty stands at the front of the group as they turns their heads upward and begin to hum like on 'Peanuts'. GIR jumps up and kicks his feet like snoopy; Dib plays the piano.)
(NNY leans over, a hand next to his mouth, and whispers to G. Almighty.)
NNY: It's only April.
(Gaz Almighty stops singing.)
GA: Oh…
(She looks around suspiciously, then strait at the screen and points accusingly.)
(The screen goes black.)