Near's POV
Mello and Matt slam doors. They smash chairs, bottles, plastic, dishes and so on. Basically anything that'll break once thrown or stepped on. I listened from my room as they sobbed loudly while smashing the objects. Mello cursed and Matt shouted gibberish. Yes, both of them were defiantly drunk again. Ever since…died they'd been going out, getting drunk, coming back to wreck the house up and hurt me.
The door to my room swung open. Mello stood in the doorway. His drunken eyes stared at me filled by pain and rage.
"Mello…" I breathed out.
"Get out!" he ordered.
I obeyed.
Mello shoved me into the living room, which was the room they messed up the most. All the furniture was turned over and all the books were scattered about, almost everything was out of place. Matt lay slamming his fists into the wooden floorboards like a small child throwing a temper tantrum. Mello shoved me to the ground and put his foot at the center of my back. I found myself face to face with the redhead.
"Why don't you hit on Near…instead of the stupid floor?!" Mello snapped at him.
Matt sniffled and stood shakily. Glaring down at me with distain he kicked me in my face as hard as he could. I yelped loudly in agony as blood rushed from my nose.
Matt wasn't always so angry when he got drunk, but he must've been more drunk than usual both of them had been out later than expected after all. Usually if Mello came home drunk Matt attempted to protect me and took whatever beating Mello gave him. I couldn't help but feel that it was very ironic of how the situation turned itself around. Mello kicked my ribcage and Matt tugged at my hair.
They stopped at once to catch their breaths.
"What do ya think we should do to the creep next?" Mello asked Matt slurring his first five words together.
"I think we should rape the sorry freak if he doesn't shut up!" Matt snapped throwing a book at me. It hit me in my arm and caused a very shallow cut to form. Thin lines of blood oozed out making me whimper for a brief moment.
All became silent for a split minute.
"Please, stop." I begged my voice barely above a whisper. "Please, stop hurting me."
Both of them laughed, Mello toppled over onto his side giggling and Matt laughed so hard he cried more.
I felt my lip quiver.
Tears started to pour over the brims of my eyes. Why did they have to be so cruel? Even if they were drunk they could've been a bit more sympathetic, but I didn't expect them to be. They were hardly ever sympathetic even when they were sober. Well, Matt put forth an effort to be, but Mello never was…
Or at least he was not with me.
I trembled uncontrollably sobbing and whimpering that made them laugh harder.
I felt angry, sad, confused, afraid, hurt, but mostly I felt hatred towards the two who laughed at my pain and suffering. I couldn't help the feeling of hate I honestly didn't want to hate them, but I felt that way no matter how much I denied it.
I attempted to stand and was greeted by a fist to my cheek and I knew it was Matt. Mello could always hit harder than Matt, especially when in a drunken state. I hit into the wall behind me falling to my knees I glared at Matt who became more irritated by this action. He slapped me across the face causing an angry red mark to form on my other cheek.
"I can do better…than that…Matty…Matty!" Mello scoffed.
"Shut-shut up yellow Mello! Yellow…bellied…Mello!" Matt retorted.
Mello staggered towards me whilst glaring at Matt. Matt staggered backwards a step afraid of Mello. I felt so trapped and helpless. The blond chocoholic reached towards me ready to grab my hair. I slapped his hand away with an exposed ferocity that Mello seemed to like, because he gave me a big, crooked smile.
"Ooh, look whose become feisty!" Mello chuckled.
"Rape him! The feisty ones are always the fun ones!" Matt exclaimed with a sneer.
"Leave me alone!" I shouted. "Your both drunken fools!"
With that said I jumped to my feet, glared at them briefly and ran as fast as I could to my room making sure to lock the door behind me. I fell face down on my bed weeping into my pillow. I heard Mello banging on my door, but ignored it.
All I wanted was to leave this life. Ever since L died nothing had been the same and the family he created was falling apart without him. However, I knew that I deserved most of the suffering I was feeling. It was my entire fault L had died.
That day was unforgettable.
"Near, be careful! You'll fall!" L warned from where he stood.
I was walking on the edge of an old bridge that was just above a river deep in the woods that were just outside of town. Mello and Matt had said that it was a bad idea to go, but L and I thought otherwise. Too bad we didn't listen.
"Chill out! If anything happens to him I'll save him." Mello laughed cheerfully.
Mello was watching me while Matt lay on the grass at L's feet. Matt smiled so happily and his green eyes just sparkled filled with happiness.
Actually we were all happy.
An angry shout and a loud banging sound made me come back to the nightmare, which was reality. "Near open this door right now or I'll break it down!" Mello shouted threateningly slamming his fist into the hard wood door making me flinch, but I didn't move an inch. If he broke my door down then I'd let him do whatever he wanted to me.
I wouldn't care if he stabbed me to death or if he threw me out into the snowy night letting me freeze to death or if he followed through with Matt's rape threat.
"Near! Open up! NOW!!!"
"No!" I cried through my tears. "If Mello and Matt wishes to harm me then they will have to break through that door and drag me out of my room at gunpoint!"
"Fine then we will!" Mello shouted back at me making my blood run cold.
"And if you don't cooperate we'll shoot you to death!" Matt added furiously.
I felt bile rise in my throat. A loud thump at the door made me realize just how serious they were. I looked frantically for a weapon of some sort. A pen? No, it'd be useless. I had no weapons! Why did I have to be against weapons when they could protect me from the two drunks I once considered to be my brothers? I gave broken sobs as I sat curled up in the smallest corner of the room hoping to not be noticed. I knew I would surly be found and resigned myself to my fate.
The door burst open and both of them appeared. Mello held the gun he pointed it at me angrily whilst Matt simply stood beside him.
"Stand." Mello ordered.
I shook my head stubbornly.
"Stand!" Mello roared.
I shook my head stubbornly once more.
BANGI cried out in pain as a bullet buried itself in my shoulder I jumped to my feet and shuffled over to them like an obedient dog.
"Good. How do you feel?" Matt sneered.
"Yeah, wimp how do you feel?" Mello demanded shoving Matt away from him.
"It's none of your business, Mello." I muttered underneath my breath.
"What was that?" he demanded. I shook my head again.
BANGThis bullet went into my hand. I screamed louder than last time as my legs buckled beneath me and I fell to the floor letting the blood form a puddle. I wailed loudly causing Matt to laugh, but Mello kept his steely silence. He looked down at me with a drunken insanity in his eyes. He knelt at my side and threatened me at zero point blank gun range.
"The safety is off! The safety is off! Just shoot the little albino freak, Mels!" Matt hollered. Mello ignored him, but I felt my heart twitch at his words.
"Speak!" Mello ordered.
"I-I'm afraid." I whispered shakily.
"Oh? Is that all?" he asked tapping the gun against my chest.
"I feel…sad that you must harm me and ignore L's last wish." I instantly regretted those last five words.
Mello and Matt had both gone silent. I saw Matt glaring at me with his fists balled up at his sides. Mello didn't do anything, he jut stared at me with his eyes narrowed to hate filled slits and held the gun tighter than before.
I feared he was going to shoot me then and there, but that fear subsided when Matt started shouting obscenities and he threw something at me. It was a glass jar that broke into a million pieces upon impact with my head knocking me flat on my back and causing my forehead to bleed freely. I felt warm, fresh tears flow from my eyes. I also felt the cold steel of Mello's gun as it was pressed into my left temple.
"L?! Don't you dare talk about him!" he spat slapping me. "Is that all you feel Near or do you want to die now?! Don't just lie there whimpering like a worthless dog! Answer me or I'll kill you like Matt suggested!"
I whimpered shaking my head.
"Fine then, fine then, let's see how barbecue albino tastes! Matt toss me the lighter!"
Lighter? Why would they own a lighter? That was my very first thought upon hearing the word. I didn't know either of them possessed a lighter. That thought, however, was thrown aside upon seeing Mello holding a shiny, silver lighter with initials M.J. engraved in the side. Matt smoked? That could explain a few things, but always assumed that smoky smell on him was from whenever he went to a bar.
I didn't have too long to think on the matter.
Mello looked at me evilly before ordering Matt to come 'cook' me as he said. Matt seemed more than happy to do as he was told. I screamed as the flam burned my skin until it was a bright red color. Mello swore loudly and ordered Matt to stop. Matt stalked off to sulk whilst I sobbed, whimpered and hiccupped from all the pain.
"Ready to speak?"
I nodded weakly feeling the steel on my temple again.
"Good, boy. Oh, are you hurt?" Mello whispered with mock concern. "Speak! How do you feel, Near?"
I opened my mouth to speak, but hesitated angering him all the more.
"This time I'll just kill you if you don't talk!" he snarled. I knew he was serious. He was too drunk to think clearly, I knew he'd do anything he said he would. He didn't care what he done as long as it hurt Matt or me....
"I am confused as to why you must do this to me every day. I want to know why you've always hated me. I'm angry that you went out and got Matt and yourself dead drunk and wrecked up the house and made me bleed. I think I feel hate towards Matt and you. No, I know I feel hate for you even though I don't want to!"
He smiled at me satisfied. He stood up and staggered off. I felt instant relief as he passed out beside Matt who must've passed out not all too long ago. Now it was time for me to clean up and heal myself.
I stiffened as I swept up some broken glass in the kitchen ignoring the pain my hand sent through my body. I done this every night and day and for the first time I actually felt…that I shouldn't clean up the mess…I didn't make it and both Mello and Matt wouldn't stay drunk, but I'd always refused to let them see what a mess they made whilst drunk and made up some excuse for any injuries I had. They never questioned me.
But I suddenly felt that I should show them what they do once they get home drunk. I doubted that they'd care, but it was worth a shot, besides I was really mad. I decided to add to their mess. It'd help me feel a bit better. I convinced myself. I kicked the trashcan onto its side allowing all the continents to fall out. Then I went to the fridge and grabbed the eggs out I crushed them up and poured the yolk and shells out onto the counter. I smashed what few cups were left.
After that I destroyed whatever chocolate Mello had and left the crushed bars on the tiled floor, than ever so slowly I forced my legs to carry me back to my room where I bandaged myself up after removing the bullets and went to bed.
I knew that I'd more than likely awake to the same nightmare I'd been forced to endure for the past several months, since L's death but I still hoped with all my heart and soul that things would be better when I opened my eyes.
The next morning I opened my dark gray eyes and saw that both Matt and Mello were gone. The place was still a mess. I felt rage boil in my veins. They hadn't bothered to clean up or check to see if I were alive or dead. I hated them so much! I stomped to their room and looked in to see that they were in their beds asleep. Turning on my heel to go back to bed I suddenly felt cold and tired.
I blacked out from the sudden weariness.
My eyes opened and I found myself on the couch…how long had I been out? I saw Matt sitting in front of me he was playing a video game.
Typical Matt. I thought to myself. Not drunk, but normal Matt.
"M-Matt are you angry?" I asked nervously.
He didn't look at me.
"Oh, good, your awake. Umm, Near, what happened last night? I can't remember much, but I know that Mello and me…we t-trashed this place and we…we hurt you didn't we?"
I didn't respond. The answer was already obvious. Matt the looked at me and I saw that he had turned pale and he gave me his saddest look, watery puppy dog eyes included.
"Did…I do anything terrible…Near?"
"You threatened to rape me and shoot me to death." I replied. "You kicked me in the face and burnt my hand. You threw a glass jar that cut up my forehead and a book at me. I-I think that was all you done besides jeer at me and encourage Mello to kill me."
Matt appeared horrified.
"Near…I'm sorry." He whispered turning back to his game.
What more could be said?
"Where has Mello gone?"
"Out. He saw this place was wrecked up and saw you bleeding on the floor and he left. I-I think he said he'd come back late. I cleaned this place up and bandaged you up better than what you were. Near, I'm so sorry. Did I mention anything about…?"
"No. But your actions towards me spoke those words loud and clear."
"Well, I swear I'll never drink again." Matt said almost fooling me into thinking he meant it. "I won't let this happen again. I promise Near."
"You always say that after something like this happens." I said matter-of-factly. "Matt every time you say that I can tell that it is only hollow words. Do you know how many times you've already promised not to get drunk again?"
He shook his head looking at me blankly.
"Nineteen times. This makes twenty, Matt. And if drinking wasn't bad enough you have to smoke, too!"
"Near, what I do to my health doesn't concern you."
"Yes it does!" I snapped making him flinch. "Your so smart, Matt, I don't want you to die of some sort of lung or heart cancer. I don't want you to leave me alone with Mello! Not that you care about me or what I feel, but I want you around for as long as possible."
He glared at me.
"Shut up!" he snarled. "If I die of cancer than at least I'll rest in peace and won't have to hear your pathetic whining and crying all the time! Do you ever shut up?! Honestly I'd rather be dead than listen to you and all your complaints about the choices Mello and I make! What we do is our business, Near!"
I was hurt instantly and was certain Matt saw it on my face. I saw a flicker of regret on his face and he opened his mouth to speak, but closed it instantly.
"It's hard to mind my business when your wrong choices effect me." I mumbled sounding so broken.
With tear filled eyes I shook my head and walked off to my room. All traces of blood were gone by now. I looked out the bedroom door and saw that Matt was paying attention to his game once again. Agitated I looked around my room. There were different things I liked and disliked. Mostly I liked my toys and books, but he disliked every thing else. It reminded him of L or of how Mello would certainly come home and beat me until I either beg for him to kill me or until he passes out like last night.
No, I wasn't going to permit it to happen…not ever again.
I pull a small bag out from under my bed and start to fold and pack up all of my clothes hoping Matt wouldn't notice. Luckily he didn't notice anything. I packed up the toy robot L gave me. I also packed a stuffed rabbit I had ever since I was really little. Along with a single scrapbook that contained pictures of when L was alive and we were all happy.
Sighing I zipped the bag up.
All that I had to do now was write a note.
Finding a sticky pad I wrote down a small note that explained why I was leaving, but told nothing of where, when or how I would be leaving town so that they wouldn't try to convince me to stay with false promises and lies upon lies. I wouldn't let that happen. Last night was going to be the last night that either of them hurt me.
I took my bag and put it in the bottom of my closet. I shoved the note in my pocket so they wouldn't find it before I could leave. I didn't want them to force me to stay or kill me for attempting escape.
A hand suddenly grabbed my shoulder. I shivered at the feeling. I turned and saw Matt standing behind me. He glared at me. "What are you doing?" he asked. "Why are you…packing?"
"It's none of your business, Mail!" I spat saying his name with disgust. "If I want to pack my stuff up and throw it in the back of my closet you shouldn't care! Wait you don't care!" I studied his face pausing. He appeared so angry and sad…my entire fault I was nothing, but a burden. "Why don't you go drop dead in a ditch from that lung cancer you're trying to catch?!"
I knew that what I said was cold, but I didn't care Matt had hurt my feelings earlier so I didn't attempt to spare his feelings.
"I hate you Matt and hope you contract cancer quicker than most smokers do! I hope you die slower than what L did and hope that you rot in the hospital!"
"Shut up, Near! I hate you more than you hate me and I hated you way before now!"
"You're just a redheaded demon!"
"You're a white, rat albino freak!"
"You're a beast!"
"You're a big cry baby!"
I lost my temper and started to shout at him louder than what I usually have to and he shouted the loudest he'd ever shouted.
"You're a retarded, stripe wearing, alcoholic, smoking moron!"
"And you're a puny, insignificant, worthless piece of white trash! You don't deserve to live you'd be better of dead out of the way!"
"At least I'm not killing my brain cells like a total moron!"
"Well, at least I-I don't lay around like a lazy…lazy albino playing with stupid puzzles!" Matt retorted weakly. I could tell he was getting tongue tied and running low on good insults. I however wasn't and had thousands of insults to throw.
"At least I don't go around acting like Mello's slave just because I like him and at least I don't rot my brain out playing mindless video games! What is amusing about some stupid video game anyway?! They're pointless, boring and a waste of time!"
"Lab rat! Lab rat! White haired lab rat!"
"Gun shooting loony! Daft dork face! Inferior number three out of three! Creep! Pervert! Cigarette user! Thickheaded twit!"
"Well…well…you're a…a…" Matt was struggling for an insult to use, but wasn't finding one and I kept on with ones I had.
"Goggle eyed dirt bag! Skinny striped zebra freak! Redheaded scum! Geeky doofus!"
"I'd rather be a geeky doofus rather than a skinny, little nobody who hides in his room all day and night because he can't handle living with two guys who get a little tipsy every now and again. You're a weakling and a wimp!"
I felt my anger boil over even more than it already and felt like I'd explode. Matt gave me a smug look and started to leave. "Glad I broke your stupid Nintendo." I muttered. That made Matt stop in his tracks. He stomped back up to me and began to shout curses at me and I retaliated with a few curses myself. We eventually went back to the insults.
"Albino faggot!" Matt snapped.
"Redheaded pussy!" I shouted.
"You can't even insult people right! You're totally retarded for such a genius, Near!"
"Shut up! I might not be able to insult people right, but at least I wasn't abandoned by a dumpster!"
"Well, at least I didn't cry about it! You were wailing and screaming when you learned you're mommy and daddy were kaput!"
"Well, you cried when you learned your video game was kaput!"
"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!" Matt shouted grabbing me by my shoulders and shaking me. He let me go and I fell backwards into the closet. I leapt back onto my feet and glared at Matt with fury glowing in my eyes. After about ten minutes or so we were both panting and trying to think of better insults.
"Brainsick, brain dead, vegetable, emotionless, white haired pussy." Matt said once he stopped panting.
"Manservant, red haired, cancer sucking, pond scum." I shot back.
"Better being pond scum than a virgin pussy!" he snapped.
"Better being a virgin pussy than risking contracting AIDS or some disease from a random hooker you find hanging around in a bar!"
"Shut your freakin mouth!" he spat at me. "If you're so concerned about what me and Mello do in our spare time how come you don't join us?!"
"Because I don't want to become as repulsive as you!" I spat. Before I knew what happened Matt slapped me across my face.
"Say that again, maggot!" Matt snapped slapping me again.
"I don't want to be as repulsive as you!" I said more weakly.
The next thing I knew Matt drug me by my snowy hair into the kitchen and was forcing me to down a lot of vodka. It tasted so bitter and gross! I hated the taste and hated the treatment I was receiving.
I knew I earned it, however, I'd practically asked for it. Yelling insults and making Matt more and more angry…I should've known better. I tried not to down the alcohol, but had no say in the matter. If I spat it out Matt forced more and more down my throat.
Once the bottle was empty Matt looked down at me as if he just noticed I was there. I was panting, coughing and sobbing around that time and Matt was horrified to see me that way. His green eyes were widened and he sputtered an apology that I didn't hear half of because the moment he released me I ran back to my room.
Slamming the door I locked it and collapsed on the floor weeping all my sorrows and pain out. I hoped that it'd make me feel better but it didn't. I felt worst. I heard Matt talking behind my door but ignored him. I just wanted to flee this life and start over.
Soon…when Matt was asleep and Mello passed out on the floor or couch…I'd escape, but when would that happen?
In an hour or so? I could wait and until then I decided to cry. Not just for myself, but for Mello and Matt. I'd never see them again and I knew that they were going to die sooner than later. They wouldn't change their ways so they'd surly die of some cancer or car accident or bar fight. Something along those lines, anyway.
I wept, but I was mostly weeping tears of joy.
Joy that I'd be out of here and free.
Finally free.