This epilogue is an optional post-"Fortune Knocks But Once" story. You have permission to mentally scrap it from your mind if you preferred a different ending!
Long Time No See
Lights flashed overhead, like exploding stars. Yet Teana could see pipes and ventilation grates, so she knew that she must be inside a building, and that her previous thought made no sense at all. Another star flashed next to her, and Teana recognized the sting of lightning magic as it shot over her and out of sight.
That was Fate's voice, yelling from somewhere by her right shoulder.
"Officer down!"
Who was down? Teana wondered in alarm—thank Kaiser it wasn't Fate, how would Teana be able to explain to Vivio that—
"Teana, stay with me!"
Automatically, she tried to answer her commanding officer, but she choked on something warm and wet and coppery inside her mouth. Then Teana saw the metal shards protruding from her chest, quivering with every gasping motion of her failing lungs.
**o**
"Teana?"
Teana startled, her hand moving instantly for Cross Mirage before she relaxed, remembering her surroundings. She was in her room, in the flat that she shared with Ginga, with the streaks of blue paint that had gotten onto the ceiling of her room during a paint-fight when they had first moved in. She raised her head off her pillow. "Is it time to go?"
"No," Ginga shook her head, sitting up from where she had touched Teana's shoulder. "You seemed uneasy." She noticed Teana's hand touching her chest briefly, then said sympathetically, "Again?"
"I survived," Teana said, letting out a dejected chuckle. "You'd think that I wouldn't dream about it still." She checked her alarm clock. "Six-twenty? What are you doing up?"
"Couldn't sleep," Ginga admitted, smiling brightly. Breathless, she said in an excited whisper, "She's coming home in four hours."
"Yeah," Teana said softly, closing her eyes again, trying to stay patient herself and not give in to the rising warm excitement inside her heart.
What was four more hours compared to ten years?
**o**
She tried to bear the broken, disjointed snatches of consciousness patiently, sudden colours and sounds breaking through before dissipating in waves of pain. Clearly she was somewhere between waking and death. Sometimes the pain stretched on forever, and she prayed that the nothingness would swoop in and absorb her entirely.
But she couldn't die yet.
She couldn't die like this.
**o**
"Yes, Hayate-san, I promise we won't forget about it!" Ginga said into her holoscreen as she tried to coordinate everyone getting into her van. It amused Teana that her friend, who drove herself alone to work every day and who had wanted to be more independent of her large family, had specifically bought a vehicle large enough to cart the entire Nakajima family around. "Yes, five o'clock at your place—I'll make sure Nove doesn't give away the surprise part of it—"
"Hey!"
"We can't all go!" Ginga called, exasperated. Her adoptive sisters were supposed to have worked out who was going before Ginga and Teana had arrived at their house to pick the rest of them up. "Subaru needs a seat on the way back too!"
"Nove can sit on my lap," Wendi smirked. "Or Subaru can sit—OW!"
Cinque had smacked her over the head, then said calmly, "Nove can sit on Wendi's lap on the trip back."
Still, Teana winced, quietly getting into the middle seat in the van. She knew that Wendi meant it as a joke, but—those wounds still left scars on her heart. Genya turned around and with a simple stare, quieted all the Numbers until they meekly piled into the van, Cinque sharing the middle seat with Teana while Dieci, Nove and Wendi squished into the backseat.
It's like we're a family, Teana thought, lowering her head.
**o**
Hospital.
That was the first thing Teana was aware of, even before she heard the steady beeping or felt the coarse sheets on her skin. It was the smell. She had been here enough times visiting fallen comrades to have etched that smell into her memory, although this was her first time in the bed and not in one of the god-awful chairs along the room.
Someone was holding her hand. She couldn't turn her head to look, but she knew that it was Vice. Even with all that was going on between them, she knew that he'd be the first at her side when things went wrong. And things were really wrong right now.
"Vice, I'm so sorry," Teana heard Fate say.
"Don't blame yourself, Fate; you couldn't have known that they got there before you did…what happened exactly?"
"They killed our informant, and strapped him with explosives." Fate sounded teary, angry and anguished all at once. "Tea was in front of me, and she was the one who touched him to see what had happened. I don't know what they put in that explosive, but the shrapnel tore through our auto-shields like they were soap bubbles. If she hadn't been standing in front of me…"
"She'd be glad that you're not hurt badly, Fate."
Teana squeezed his hand in assent, and heard him exclaim in joy. But as the nurse came in and Fate took her other hand, Teana felt herself slipping away again into unconsciousness.
**o**
"Are you okay?" Ginga asked for the third time.
It felt a lot like having an overprotective older brother again, Teana thought with fond exasperation. Except that now she had two handfuls of them. "Yes," she repeated once more, "I'm fine."
Ginga sighed, clearly unconvinced, although she patted Teana's shoulder in a way that made Teana choke back actual tears. Teana watched her go and try to keep her younger sisters in line as they raced on luggage carts down towards the waiting area while Cinque stood at their designated finish line and commentated in a deadpan voice.
"It's all a little much, isn't it?" Genya said gently to Teana, taking a seat next to her and sipping from his coffee cup.
"What is?" Teana asked dully, obliging his fatherly, I'm-about-to-tell-you-what-I-mean tone.
"Seeing her again." Genya scratched at his chin. "Picking up where you two left off."
"Ten years ago," Teana said dryly.
He looked at her, and Teana tried not to flush. She knew that Subaru's entire family knew about their teenage unrequited feelings. The Nakajimas were all too astute for her liking sometimes. But it's not like subtlety was one of Subaru's traits anyways.
And what about yours? A wry part of her mind asked her.
"Ten years is a long time," Genya said simply. "And you kids do a lot of growing up in ten years."
**o**
"It's too bad we needed the pieces for evidence," Fate joked, handing Teana a glass of water and angling the straw for her, "or else the doctors would have given you a souvenir."
"Do I want to remember this?" Teana teased back, sipping carefully in gratitude. Sharp movements still made her whole throat and chest spasm, and it was only through sheer stubbornness that Teana had managed to convince her doctors to let her sit upright a week before they would have advised. But she was sick of staring at the ceiling, and Shamal had backed her up, citing lower risk of pneumonia infection if they let her have her way. "Memento for a near-death experience?"
"Nanoha told me that sometimes they give bullets back to the gunshot victims on Earth," Fate chuckled. She picked up one of Teana's get well gifts, a little teddy bear, and squeezed its tummy. "Aw, this one's cute."
"There's another one with a little stuffed sun behind the violets," Teana told her, smiling at the sight.
"This forest of flowers is from Erio and Caro, right? Most of these species are from off-planet."
"Fate-san," Teana asked more seriously, "have we figured out what that explosive was yet?"
"Yuuno's on it," Fate told her assuringly. "You just concentrate on getting better." Her red eyes filled suddenly, surprising Teana in how worried her mentor really was. "It was really close for you, Teana…"
"I know," she whispered, patting Fate's hand lightly. She knew how close she had been to dying. Teana could remember her panic, her dread at having her life end with so many things she still had left undone. Nothing had scared her more than the thought of never finding that honest truth that she saw in all her mentors and friends as they lived the lives that they had proudly chosen.
She wanted that truth too.
"Fate-san," Teana said, closing her eyes.
"Yes?"
"Do you know when Vice gets off work?"
**o**
"Hey!" Wendi squeaked out from underneath Nove, who was sitting on her chest. The two of them were playing some kind of weird wrestling game that Teana couldn't understand, and it seemed like Nove was winning it. Wiggling a hand free, Wendi pointed at the ship arrival board. "Subaru's ship just docked!"
"Oh! We should hide by the doors and wait until she walks by, then jump her from behind!" Nove suggested eagerly.
Teana rolled her eyes, but Genya and Ginga just laughed. Ginga declined their invitation for her to hide with them—Wendi having somehow convinced Dieci and Cinque to participate—by saying, "Some of us have to stay in sight for her to believe that everything is normal!" When Nove turned to her, Teana just shook her head, a brief smile on her lips. She was a little old for childish games like that, and it was already hard sometimes, keeping her twenty-three year old self separate from the person she was now.
Part of her rebelled. It's Subaru…she would have played the joke herself even as an adult. And she's your friend, she wouldn't care if you acted like a kid. But even after Teana learned how to be herself, she still found that she wasn't the demonstrative type. Subaru had always been the one to initiate any kind of contact…She watched the Numbers line themselves up on either side of the gateway, pressed against the wall and comically yet eerily able to appear inconspicuous as people started to come out.
Standing in front of the gate, Teana held her breath when she saw a messy blue head approaching them from among the arrivals.
It was the only familiar thing Teana noticed about her old friend.
**o**
Teana fidgeted with her bedsheet, feeling her IV pull on the back of her hand. She stopped to rearrange the tube and took a breath. "Vice…"
"Shh." He interrupted her, laying a hand on her wrist. Smiling gently, Vice continued, his eyes deep blue with understanding. "Just concentrate on getting better, alright? I'll take care of the details."
"I'm sorry," she whispered, leaning her head wearily back on her stack of pillows. Even though it's been nearly two years since, they still lived together at their apartment, with new unspoken house rules that suited both of them. It saddened her at how final and distant her decision would make them.
"I believe the answer when someone does something for you is 'Thank you'," Vice teased, but his expression was mildly sad too. Selfishly, Teana was glad that he was also sad at the idea, although she hoped that now it meant that he would truly return Alto's patient affections. She admired Alto, for being so incredibly understanding and patient, and never once pressuring either of them into making choices.
"I love you, Vice."
He kissed her knuckles. "Love you too, Tea."
**o**
"Tea—AAAAAAAAAH!"
Ginga and Genya burst into laughter as they watched the waving Subaru disappear under an ambush from her adoptive sisters, causing a pile-up in the middle of the gate entrance. Teana struggled with her expression before laughing as well, looking fondly at the ruckus the Nakajimas were causing in the gateport. She swallowed her nervousness and walked over behind Ginga as they two of them rescued Subaru from the heap.
"Got you!" Nove crowed. "What happened to the super-training you were bragging about, huh?"
"Just imagine if we were pirates!" teased Wendi, poking Subaru's side.
"You guys got me!" Subaru laughed as Ginga pulled her to her feet. She wrapped an arm around Dieci and Wendi and pulled them to the side, out of the way of the other passengers. "All of you guys came!"
"As if we would miss your homecoming!" Ginga hugged her, prompting a giant group hug. "You're finally home!"
"Home to stay," Subaru smiled, and spotted Genya. "Dad!" She enveloped him in a hug that Teana noticed wasn't as violently exuberant as the one she gave her sisters.
"Are you treating me like an old man?" Genya demanded, his grey eyebrow jumping dangerously as his eyes twinkled. "Give me a proper hug, now!" He squeezed her tightly, and guffawed as Subaru returned the favour. "I'm glad you're home, Subaru."
"It's been a while, Dad," Subaru whispered, her shaky tone underlining her understatement. When they let go of each other Subaru turned to look at Teana, standing slightly awkwardly to the side, uncertain whether she should have joined in or stepped aside to let the family reunion happen without intruding.
Subaru crossed the distance between them and carefully put her arms around Teana, hugging her gently.
"Long time no see, Tea," Subaru whispered softly into her ear.
**o**
"So, one more day left…nervous?"
Teana huffed and glared at Alto. "Nervous? Why would I be nervous?"
Alto chuckled, unoffended. She took a bite from her sandwich, munching cheerfully. The deli they were at was a favourite of theirs, Alto having discovered it a few years ago and gotten Teana hooked onto the house salad ages ago as well. Every now and then they liked to meet up here and catch up together. "Well, it's been a while since you two have seen each other."
A while? Too long. Teana stabbed at her salad with her fork. "What happens, will happen. I'm not thinking too much about it."
"Aw, come on. You're seeing her again as a single woman…"
Flinching, Teana rolled her eyes and said quietly, "I'm not looking at the moment, you know that." Swallowing, Teana let some of her apprehensions out and whispered, "She might not even want to be friends anymore. It's been a long time."
Alto opened her mouth, then checked herself. She said instead, "What do you think will be the first thing you do when you see her?"
"Stare." She stuffed a mouthful of lettuce into her mouth and chewed.
"Then?" Alto asked, patiently amused.
"I don't know—smack her over the head for running off without saying goodbye?" Teana grumbled, a bit more fiercely than she had intended.
Wisely, Alto let that comment slide as well. She put her sandwich down and looked somewhat nervous. "Um, I think it's only fair to tell you…"
"What?"
Alto fidgeted and took a breath. Then took another. Finally, she confessed, "I, um, haven't told Subaru about me and Vice yet. So in a way, I haven't told her about you and Vice yet." She cringed.
You didn't tell your best friend about your new, serious relationship? Teana wanted to exclaim, but she would be a terrible hypocrite if she did. After all, she hadn't told her best friend about her ending her serious relationship. And it wasn't Alto's responsibility to do it anyways, Teana sighed to herself.
She ended up saying, "I…can see where it might be a little awkward for you."
Nodding fervently, Alto laughed, nervous. "I mean, I'm kind of the newcomer here, and the thought of telling Subaru makes me want to hide under the covers."
Teana's brows creased, and she bit her lip.
"What's wrong?" Alto asked, concerned.
She debated waving off the question, but sighed in defeat. Reluctantly, she said, "I was just…just thinking about myself when I was younger." She sighed. "It's not fair that I ruined so many years of your life…and Vice's, and Subaru's." Teana sighed, poking morosely at her croutons. She didn't want to drag the mood down, so she forced a lighter tone into her voice. "I mean, if only I had known my own mind and owned some guts when I was young, you know?"
"You're being too hard on yourself," Alto replied. She smiled gently, reaching over to pat Teana's hand. "If you really want to make it up to us, then you'll keep doing what's you're doing now."
"I will," promised Teana, looking down. As hard as she knew it would be, she owed it to all of them to suck it up and rebuild the parts of her life she had let go of long ago. She had Alto's friendship, and Vice had become one of her closest, dearest friends.
But she still had one more mountain to climb.
Just one more day.
**o**
"Teana, why don't you keep Subaru busy for a while? It'll give the rest of us some time to pick up the items Hayate-san asked us to," Ginga said cheerfully, nudging Teana with an elbow.
"Huh?" Teana startled. She caught a few looks being tossed back and forth between Ginga and Genya, and eyed them suspiciously. They were up to something…
Jumping on the vagueness, Subaru grinned deductively. "Surprise party?"
Her sister smirked and shot her down. "No, just a party," Ginga retorted, ruffling Subaru's hair, more nostalgically than teasingly. "But you can't help set up for your own party, so let Teana take you around for a bit, okay?"
"Are you okay with that?" Subaru asked, and Teana blinked, realizing that she was being asked a question.
"Sure," she answered, chastising herself for being so out of it. "We'll meet up with you guys at Hayate-san's house at five?"
"Sounds good," Genya nodded, and patted Subaru's shoulder. "Nove, Cinque, grab Subaru's bags for her, will you?"
Only once the Nakajimas had left did Teana realize how stilted the atmosphere was between them as they waited for the other person to speak first. She cleared her throat, looked up from where she had been staring at her shoes. "So…where would you like to go?"
"Hm, why don't we get some coffee?" Subaru suggested, her eyes steady although Teana had to look away. Part of her had expected Subaru to suggest an ice cream stand, but she supposed that they weren't kids anymore.
"Sure, there's a good place down the street." Teana led the way while Subaru dropped easily into step beside her. Biting her lip, Teana glanced sideways. "Hey, did you get promoted again?"
"A few years ago, they offered me Captain, but I turned it down," Subaru chuckled sheepishly. "There was so much paperwork and scheduling involved with that position, and I liked the field work. I did get promoted to Sergeant though last year. How about you?"
"Enforcers don't really keep getting promoted, we just get bigger cases," Teana said. "I worked with Fate-san to close a terrorist ring a year and a half ago." She held the small café door open for Subaru. They settled in a booth by the window, and Teana took off her jacket and folded it onto the cushioned bench. "I've only been allowed on smaller cases this year though."
"The accident, huh?" Subaru said quietly as they opened their menus.
Teana stared at her. "You heard?" She had begged Ginga during her hospital stay not to tell Subaru about her brush with death, and reluctantly the older woman had agreed.
"Um…" Subaru winced, then visibly gathered her resolve. Meekly, she confessed, "Nanoha-san told me. I, um…I visited you."
Fate must have told Nanoha, who then had decided to play meddler. "What?" Teana rapidly did the math. She had secretly looked up Subaru's contract terms, and since Subaru had signed on a higher rank, higher pay position on Daphne, she was only allowed a one-week holiday per year. Most officers would use their vacation time to relax at Daphne's tourist resorts, since even travelling within that star system would eat a few days out of their vacation. Subaru would have wasted her whole vacation time just travelling to Midchilda and back. "When was that?"
"Three days into your coma," Subaru admitted meekly.
That means that Subaru must have left the moment she had heard the news. Teana swallowed, forcing herself to look down at the menu in order to compose herself. She had been in a coma for four days before waking…she must have just missed Subaru's visit. "Ginga never mentioned it."
"I asked her not to tell," Subaru disclosed, and Teana stifled a laugh at the irony. "What?" Subaru asked curiously, noticing her change in expression.
She's not so clueless anymore, Teana observed, and replied honestly, knowing that Subaru would probably get the joke. "Poor Ginga." The older woman was stuck playing the secret-keeper between them.
Laughing, Subaru grinned affectionately. "Yeah, poor Gin-nee."
Suddenly she realized something, a discrepancy in her bored deductions of her get well gifts that had occupied her during her long hospital stay. "The teddy bear, the one holding the little sun…that was from you, wasn't it?" It was the only gift she couldn't match to the visitors she had gotten who had forgotten to put their names on their presents.
"It looked happy," Subaru explained lamely, smiling, and Teana stifled her desire to ask why Subaru hadn't wanted her to know. There were a dozen reasons she could think of, and none of them were very comforting. Maybe it was better not to know.
The waiter came over at that moment. "Are you ladies ready to order?"
"One coffee, black," Subaru said, handing her menu to him.
"When did you start drinking black?" Teana asked, surprised. "Same for me," she said to the waiter, then turned her attention back to her friend.
"It was simpler to have black coffee when you're sitting up in the graveyard shift watching monitors."
"That's where I picked up the taste too." Teana fiddled with her napkin. "I mean, I like it better with sugar but early morning stakeouts don't always allow for anything but a canister of badly made black coffee. It wakes you up more too."
"I can imagine," said Subaru.
Teana unfolded her napkin while Subaru turned the special drinks sign around on the table.
"Uh, so what's Daphne's situation, now that all your contracts are up?"
"Well, part of the contract length was to hopefully entice people to stay," Subaru explained. "And quite a few people did. We got more recruits after the first year or so, so they're staying on a bit longer. Part of my assignment was to help recruit cadets from the local schools and such. So they should be okay, we've set up a pretty good network out there."
"That's good."
"Yeah." Subaru spun the sign again, then asked, "So…how's Vice-san?"
"He's good," Teana said, sitting back in her seat. Carefully, she said, "He and Alto might be tying the knot soon, if Hayate's gossip is accurate."
"Huh?" As expected, Subaru stopped her fidgeting to gape at Teana, utterly confused.
Somewhat obviously, Teana clarified, "We divorced about sixteen months ago, but we've been kind of separated for a couple of years before that."
"What?"
Steeling herself for retelling the whole story again, Teana was grateful at the arrival of their coffees. As she sipped on her drink it gave her the time to organize her thoughts. She had to be careful with the words she chose, so that Subaru didn't misunderstand anything. "Well, Vice is a great guy. And I really did love him, and I still do, in a way. But we didn't…it was like we clicked before, but that click wasn't perfect and eventually wore down so that we didn't fit together anymore, you know?"
"Yeah," Subaru nodded, with a look on her face that had Teana's hackles up. Some bitch had broken her best friend's heart? Teana made a mental note to ask about it after and continued.
"We debated having kids or not, and then I was landed my first major case which delayed that decision…and then we started realizing our change in emotions, which made it a moot point." Teana shrugged, smiling wryly. "It was a good thing overall, I guess. Anyway, we still lived together for a while after that, but then I noticed that Alto was sort of into Vice…"
"Matchmaker," Subaru teased, although her voice seemed shaky. She sat silently for a few minutes, clearly trying to assimilate the dramatic news. "Wait, Alto had it on with Vice-san while you two were still technically married?"
"Alto's an angel," Teana declared, taking another drink of coffee. "Even though I told Vice I didn't mind, he still wouldn't fully commit to Alto, since he told me that he still saw it as cheating…and Alto didn't seem to mind. She was really patient, just letting things go at its own pace, you know? I mean, it was a little awkward at first when she moved in and the three of us lived in the same apartment, but it all worked out."
"Wooooooow," Subaru whistled, the childish reaction sending a pang through Teana's chest. The whole conversation had been so odd, almost like between strangers, and seeing a hint of the Subaru Teana remembered from their younger days gave her a painful sense of nostalgia. Even now, Teana glanced at her friend, hoping that something could bridge the invisible gap between them.
Oblivious to Teana's thoughts, Subaru continued after musing for some time, "So what happened to make you guys go with the divorce after all?"
Simple question, difficult answer. Teana sighed, setting her cup down and looking out the window at the street traffic. It was getting cloudy, there was a rain forecast for the evening. Hopefully they would make it to Hayate's house without getting drenched.
"I just…I nearly died in that explosion. And I realized…I realized that I didn't want to die living the life I had." She chuckled grimly. "There's nothing like realizing how ashamed of yourself you really are when you're bleeding out on a cold concrete floor."
Subaru cringed. "I'm really sorry, Teana."
"What are you sorry about?" Teana asked, exasperated. "It had nothing to do with you…all just decisions that I made, or didn't make, in my own life. I decided that I had to grow a pair and take control of my own life, that's all."
They both sipped in silence for some time.
"My love life's done, now it's your turn," Teana said, raising an eyebrow. "So, did you see anyone on Daphne? Are you seeing anyone now?"
"A few over the years," Subaru blushed, hiding in her cup. She mumbled, "Jolie, for a few months, then Dawn for a few years. We broke up a year and a half ago though."
The timing of that made Teana double-take. "Um…"
Slinking lower into her seat, Subaru sputtered, "It wasn't what she thought! I mean…" Here she paused, both of them aware that they were falling into sensitive territory. She gave Teana a pleading look. "Other stuff aside…you're my best friend, so of course I love you a lot, right?"
Teana nodded, smiling to show that she understood.
Subaru let out a sigh of relief. "Right. And so of course I had to come…but, um, Dawn didn't quite believe me when I tried to explain." She laughed weakly, her blue eyes lowered.
"Did she dump you over it?" Teana growled, thinking rapidly. It shouldn't be hard to find a single girl in the Daphne permanent residence census, since she had a first name and an approximate age range…She knew that she wouldn't do anything bad to the girl, but if there was a shred of miscreant behaviour in this Dawn's past, Teana would find it and dredge it up if she had to…
"Well, I suppose there could have been worse reasons to get dumped," was the sheepish reply. Subaru shrugged her shoulders then brightened again, her optimistic personality shining through again. "Looking back, it wasn't all bad, we had lots of fun together. Tons of good memories there, so…Lived and learned, yeah."
Teana stared at her. "Right," she said quietly.
"Did I say something funny?" Subaru asked in confusion at Teana's tone.
Before she could think anything of it, Teana slipped. "I'm just amazed at how much you've changed. It's like, you're so different from the person you were when we last saw each other."
Damn, that sure brought the mood down, Teana thought morosely as they sat in awkward silence for a while.
"So have you," Subaru replied softly, brushing her hair out of her eyes. "Say, when did you start living with my sister?"
"You don't know?" Teana gaped.
"Gin-nee never mentioned you much in her video-letters," Subaru said reluctantly, looking ashamed.
Teana breathed deeply, trying to hide her disappointment and twinges of anger. "I told her not to say anything about me unless you asked."
And clearly, Subaru hadn't asked.
Subaru frowned, then smacked herself on the head, averting her gaze. "I'm sorry. But you didn't ask about me either," she accused, and Teana realized that she had probably extracted that same promise from Ginga as well.
"I didn't," Teana admitted, chastised. "Well, I guess using the Enforcer database to check up on you doesn't count, huh?"
"Nope," Subaru told her, a trace of humour returning in her voice. "Is there good stuff about me in there?"
"The best," Teana assured her, smiling proudly. "Medal of Valour for leading a counter-attack on a luxury cruiser held hostage by pirates?"
Blushing, Subaru grinned and said with no hint of ego, "I was so amazed when Admiral Mizetto came to present me with that medal. I got to shake her hand!"
Teana laughed, then finished her coffee. She glanced over to see that Subaru had already finished hers. "Want to head home?"
"Sure," Subaru agreed, dropping a bill onto the table before Teana could reach for her wallet.
"Hey, I can pay for myself," she said sharply.
"My treat," Subaru said jollily as she tugged at Teana's elbow.
Teana pulled away and resisted the urge to shove her money at Subaru, and stomped outside without waiting for Subaru. Half a block later, Subaru caught up and touched Teana's shoulder.
"What did I do?" She asked in bewilderment.
Don't take your issues out on her, Teana's conscience reminded her. Funny how that voice sounded like either Fate or Signum, depending on how exasperated with herself she was. It's been a long time, after all, and she couldn't expect Subaru to know how she had changed over the years. That thought brought Teana to a stand-still and nearly to tears before she composed herself enough to answer the confused Subaru.
"Sorry, it's not you. Recently, I've just…I've had so many people do amazing things for me in the last few years, and I had to really depend on them." Teana shook her head, sighing. "Look, it's just something stupid that I do, okay? I can support myself; I don't need hand outs for everything."
The old Subaru would have looked at her with trusting incomprehension and say something like, But that's what friends do! And steamroll over any protests Teana might make, no matter how violent Teana's token arguments got, and give her a hug that settled all of Teana's insecurities. And who knows, maybe that's what Teana needed at the moment…
All Subaru did was nod once, and say passively, "That's understandable. Sorry about that, you can treat me next time okay?"
"Sure," muttered Teana, suddenly gloomy. She was regretting her honest outburst since their conversation teetered on eggshells after that, with both of them being twice as careful about what topics they tried to chat about. Not a single moment of silence had a chance to edge its way in their conversation, as if they were nervous that the façade would tumble down the moment one of them couldn't reply.
"So…" Subaru shoved her hands into her pockets, glancing around as she rapidly thought of something to say next. "Did you get certified for any other kind of firearms?"
Abruptly, Teana answered, "I've been living with Ginga a few months right after my divorce. I stayed at your house for a while, before we found an apartment to rent together. Ginga wanted to move out, see, and so it worked out for both of us."
"Huh?" Subaru said, reasonably startled by the sudden response to the question she had asked earlier.
"Your dad and sisters have been really great for me," Teana continued, desperate to try and connect with Subaru. "I didn't know where else to go, even though Vice said I could stay at the apartment for a while, but I just couldn't…And now, well…they've helped me feel like I have a family again."
"I'm glad for that," Subaru said gingerly, and Teana stared at her in the face. She had seen that flash of possessive envy amidst her friend's happy sympathy for Teana—not that Subaru resented her, but still, that lack of unadulterated joy that Subaru used to have whenever anything made her friends happy just hammered in to Teana how much they've both changed.
Her voice came out small and sad. "We're not like how we used to be, are we?"
Subaru flinched, her expression slipping for a moment when Teana pointed out the painful lie they had been trying to construct together, eager not to admit the truth. After a pause, she said, trying to smile but failing, "I…I guess not. But I mean, it's to be expected, right? Ten years is a long time…"
"Even for friends?"
"I think…we try, right? But…we're just different people now. Like, we've both grown up, haven't we?"
They stopped walking, standing in the middle of a bridge. Facing each other, they ignored the people edging around them, casting looks full of annoyance and intuitive sympathy at them as they passed. Teana took a breath and leaned on the railing, staring across the canal at the Cranagan cityscape. Footsteps beside her told Teana that Subaru was doing the same, two arm-lengths away.
Is this the price for her past choices? Teana wondered, letting the wind catch at her long hair. Was she hoping that Subaru hadn't changed at all, so that Teana could relieve her hapless childhood and try to make her own decisions this time around?
The past is done, and whatever kind of friendship they had back then, whatever cowardly choices Teana had made, was unchangeable. Teana had made her peace with her indecision for so many people and relationships in her teenage years—this last one couldn't be any different.
She had to stop chasing what could have beens.
"Hey, Subaru?"
"Yes?" Her friend replied instantly. Teana tried to ignore the barely-hidden dejected tone.
"Can we start over again?"
"Start over?"
Teana tilted her head, trying a timid smile. "You and me, as grown-ups. Can we become friends again, restart all this and get to know each other as adults?"
"Are you sure about that?" Subaru asked, a glint of her old childish humour reappearing in her eyes. Grinning broadly, she chuckled and winked, her green eyes merry. "Last time we became friends, I fell in love with you, you know."
For a moment, an awkward pause hung between them as Teana worked through how to respond to that.
Then she laughed, tossing her head in amusement. She missed that—what a Subaru-thing to say! "I'm sure we'll be fine. I survived you the first time, didn't I?"
Things couldn't be the same as they were before. But maybe they could have a better friendship this time around.
"So Subaru, want to be my friend?"
Author's Note: ...Yeah, I had Teana end up with neither of them =P I tried to create a scenario where Teana makes choices for herself, yet she doesn't expect a kind of happily-ever-after since she knows the consequences of her choices now. I hope I didn't completely derail any character, or make the three previous stories pointless as a result of Teana's choices in this epilogue. So unfortunately, there could be no real happy ending, and everything is still up in the air and unfinished...but real life is like that. Again, I consider this epilogue a sort of "additional material". Whether you want to consider it a true sequel to the rest of the stories or not is entirely optional. I personally prefer the series to end with "Fortune Knocks But Once", but I did enjoy writing this epilogue and hopefully it gave Teana some closure on her issues.
Readers, you get a multiple-choice ending! =D If you want a decisive, happy ending, you could go read 00-Raiser/F91's version of an epilogue to the series, called "Tough Love". I like my endings more open-ended ^^.
A huge thanks to all the reviewers and to the Animesuki folk for keeping me motivated and helping me polish my story with their wonderfully detailed and constructive feedback!