For the LawlClan Secret Santa event. For Goldie, or FlamingRinglets. Hope you like!
Through the sturdy walls of the nursery, he could just make out the other kits playing, attacking each other in a mock battle. The one black she-cat jumped on the cream tom, while the two other she-cats faced each other, their tails twitching, ready to pounce. The ginger and white kit hissed, but they looked more likely they were about to burst out in purrs of amusement then being enemies. It looked like a lot of fun.
He couldn't believe how mousebrained they were.
Suddenly, the ginger and white she-cat looked over at the nursery. Jumping, he tried to duck away, but it was too late. She had already seen him.
"Hey! Smokekit!" He crouched down, staying silent, not wanting to come out of the nursery. "Smokekit!" She repeated. Slowly, he made his way out to the clearing where the she-kit was standing. She was the oldest, so she was the biggest, and the most intimidating out of all the kits. Of course. He thought nervously. Why couldn't of Reedkit come over? She's only a quarter of a moon older than me!"
"Yes, Blossomkit?" He asked, using same tone he would use as if he was going to be scolded by his mother.
"Do you want to play with us?"
Smokekit bristled, his eyes widening in horror. Asking him to play was just as bad as asking him, 'hey, let's go sit in the middle of the Thunderpath and have monsters run us over! It'll be fun!'
"What? Me?" He squeaked, and was suddenly aware of other kits had started glancing at them, and he lowered his voice. "Uh, no thanks."
Blossomkit titled her head to the side in confusion, just as the black she-kit called, "Blossomkit!" By now, the three other kits had stopped play fighting and were watching them. Smokekit felt his fur ruffle up. "Are you going to play or not?" Her light green eyes gazed at Smokekit, who automatically shrank back. Not from fright, but reflex. He was always trying to sink into the background, just like his gray pelt.
"Soon, Reedkit." Blossomkit called back. "You all keep playing." She turned around, her mouth open to question Smokekit, and immediately shut it. He had already disappeared. Whipping her head around, she just managed to see the tip of his tail sliding through the bracken walls of the nursery. Sighing heavily, she padded back to the other kits, who were still watching her.
"Well?" Reedkit immediately asked. "What did he say?"
"What do you think?" All of the other kits started talking at once, confused why he didn't want to play, but Blossomkit oddly didn't feel the other's confusion. She had even doubted that Smokekit would want to join them.
"Don't feel disappointed." She told them, her voice full of authority. "Besides, you already knew that Smokekit was scared."
After about a moon after Smokekit's birth, it had become apparent that he was different from the other kits: while everyone else wanted to go and see the camp for the first time, Smokekit had wanted to stay in the nursery and sleep. While all the other kits had gone to ask the elders if they could tell them some stories, Smokekit had stayed far away. At first they had all thought that it was just out of laziness, but then they realized: he was scared.
When at first they thought he had not wanted to do anything, it turned out that actually, he was too afraid to do anything. This had been his third time out of the nursery.
He was three moons old.
Reedkit looked back over at the nursery. Something flashed in her eyes, but before Blossomkit could see what it was, the black she-cat turned away.
Back inside the nursery, Smokekit assumed his earlier position, but this time he was crouched down so that if one of the kits looked over, he wouldn't be seen.
"What are you doing?"
Smokekit jumped and let out a shriek. He had been so intent on making sure that none of the kits saw him that he wasn't paying attention to anyone was behind him. He turned around to see Spottedfur, a queen who had only been in the nursery for half a moon, so her white speckled belly was still fairly small.
"Nothing." He licked his chest, pushing down his ruffled fur as Spottedfur glanced past him. "Watching the other kits? Why don't you try and join them?"
"I don't want to." He mumbled, his pelt burning from embarrassment. He was at least glad that rather than it being Mistfoot, his mother, it was Spottedfur, who he had found he would talk to when he got lonely in the nursery. Spottedfur sat down next to him, wrapping her tail around her paws.
"You can't be scared forever, you know. Eventually, you'll become an apprentice who gets in trouble with you friends-"
"I'm not going to."
Spottedfur went on as if she hadn't noticed him say anything. "And then a warrior of WillowClan who defends your clan from foxes and badgers-"
Smokekit shook his head.
"Then you will find a mate and have cute little kits-"
"Never!"
"Then turn into a grumpy old elder who yells at all- wait, what?"
"I don't want to." He said in the same tone he used when he responded to playing with the other kits.
"Why not?" Smokekit looked down, not saying anything. "There's nothing scary about serving your clan."
"Yes there is! I don't want to die- even playing can get you hurt. I don't want to. I'm not going to die, or even fall- for anything."
"Not even a mate?" Spottedfur asked softly.
Smokekit shook his head, his tail lashing. "Especially not for that!"
"Why not?"
"What if she hurts me?" Smokepaw mumbled quietly.
"You have to fall for something."
Smokekit seemed to have turned hard of hearing again. Padding to Mistfoot and his' bedding, he curled up into a little ball, tucked his nose tucked under his tail, tried to fall asleep, his mind racing.
He could hear the faint noise of sets of tough paws striding towards the den, the excited murmurs of the other cats nearby, all he could think was, Oh, please don't let it be dawn already.
Finally, the noises muted as they left, leaving him in the den all to himself. Once he was sure they were gone, he poked his head up and squinted towards the entrance.
"Smokepaw!"
He slammed his head back down, and hissed in a breath as his chin hit the ground. He could already feel the welt rising up. He curled into a ball, hoping to get as close to the pale slab of rock that made up the northern wall of the apprentice den. His tail twitched as he felt the vines that were trailing the flat rock. The other two walls were made up of thick, drooping branches from the large willow tree that grew behind the rock.
"Smokekit. I can smell your fear scent." A large figure had blocked most of the newleaf light from entering the den. Smokepaw pushed closer to the wall.
"You can't stay a kit forever. Come on out." The harsh tone was able to get Smokepaw up as he scrambled ungracefully towards his new mentor.
"Yes, Flintwhisker." Unable to look at the large black tom, he stared at his paws, ears down. Flintwhisker sighed, and touched his tail tip to Smokepaw's ear, which instantly twitched.
"Come along." Flintwhisker strode away, leaving Smokepaw to scramble after him again.
By the time Smokepaw fully caught up to Flintwhisker, he was already outside the camp and at the entrance of a bright clearing, lacking the sagging branches of the usual willow trees. Smokepaw held back as Flintwhisker strode forward.
"Uh, what are we going to do?" Smokepaw asked, eying the clearing. It didn't look like there was home for any prey, and there was no moss to be gathered. Uneasiness blossomed in his chest.
Flintwhisker was halfway across the clearing by now. Turning towards Smokepaw, he said simply, "attack me."
"Wha-what?"
"You heard me," he said, not unkindly, "we're fighting today," and with that, Smokepaw's heart jumped into his throat. "I'm a fox. I just ran into the camp. You attack me."
"I… I…"
"C'mon. I've had enough time to kill an elder or two. Attack already!"
A flash of adrenaline pulsed through Smokepaw. He leaped at Flintwhisker, his heart racing. Flintwhisker easily dodged Smokepaw and left him sprawled out on the ground.
"Again!"
Smokepaw hesitated this time. The adrenaline was gone, he just felt anxiety now. He leapt at Flintwhisker, but he ender to short. Trying to recover, he reared up on his hind legs, something he saw some apprentices practicing in the camp before. For a second he felt satisfaction of knowing a advanced move.
That, however, was knocked out of him as Flintwhisker butted his head into his stomach, which made him fly onto his back a tail length away. Smokepaw turned over, gasping in breaths that he had lost from being pushed down.
"Again, Smokepaw."
Slowly, Smokepaw got up. He took one step backwards, eyed Flintwhisker, and ran like the whole of the Dark Forest was chasing him- strait back to camp.
"So? How'd it go?"
He was barely able to open his eyes, much less raise his head and speak.
Suddenly, he felt a paw prod him in the pelt as he closed his eyes tighter. A paw prodded him again. He raised his head, his muscles screaming in pain. "Whad ya want?" He asked, his words slurred from exhaustion. Opening his eyes, he faintly made out a black figure. For a second, complete wild terror ran through him- there was more training- when he realized that it wasn't Flintwhisker, but Reedpaw, as she prodded him in the side again. He tried to whack at her paw, but only lifted his paw a mouselength up before weariness pulled it back down.
"How was your first day as an apprentice?" Reedpaw's energetic voice was quiet annoying to him at the moment.
Looking up at Reedpaw through sleep-deprived eyes, he let his head fall back down, putting his nose under his paws and his mouth pushed into the ground.
"I thought you said that Flintwhisker was nice!"
Though his voice was muffled, Reedpaw was able to pick up what he said, because she answered, "He is nice!"
"My bruised body would disagree. Besides, you're required to say that. He's your father. How does Jayheart love him?" Smokepaw mumbled the last part to himself.
"Oh, that." Reedpaw brushed it aside lightly. "It gets better over a couple days."
"No. No no no! I am not going to go thr-through that again!" He didn't even try to hide his shaking voice. Just the thought alone worried him.
"Why not?" Reedpaw cocked her head to the side.
"Hey! Smokepaw!" A voice emanated from outside the apprentice den. "I heard you ran away from Flintwhisker during training!" Smokepaw winced, partly at the loud voice, and partly because the voice practically announced it to the whole clan. He could practically feel the shocked stare from Reedpaw.
"You did?" She turned to the cream tom, who had walked into the apprentice den. "Berrypaw, you better not be making that up."
"Yeah, I did." Smokepaw muttered before Berrypaw could say anything. "Try not to rub it in."
"Smokepaw…" Reedpaw started, but Smokepaw had already turned away; his pelt feeling like it was on fire with embarrassment.
"Don't worry, Smokepaw, you'll do better next time."
That's what you think.
"So? How'd it go?"
"Really good! My mentor told me that I could become a warrior in about half a moon!"
"That's cool."
"So. What have you been doing?"
Smokepaw shrugged, taking a bite of the squirrel that lay in front of him. "Nothing really." He
"Nothing?" Reedpaw looked up from her vole. "But you have to do something. You could always be a medicine cat apprentice."
"Nah. Snowleaf is way too young to have an apprentice. Besides, I like not having to do anything."
Reedpaw eyed him carefully. "So I noticed."
"What?" Smokepaw looked down to see nothing, and then looked at Reedpaw, then back at himself- his belly was bulging, whereas Reedpaw was as skinny as a twig. "…Oh."
"'Oh?' That's it? You're so chubby!" Reedpaw broke out into purrs of amusement as Smokepaw rolled his eyes. They were a weird pair of friends- while Smokepaw was quiet and timid, Reedpaw was loud. Smokepaw was shy, while Reedpaw was friendly to everyone.
"Ha ha." He said sarcastically.
Reedpaw stood up and stretched. "Well, I have to go get the elders some moss. Bye!" And with a wave of her tail, she was gone- off to do some apprentice things.
Of course, Smokepaw wouldn't know any of those things. Four months ago, he stopped training to be an apprentice.
"Smokepaw…" Flintwhisker sighed for what seemed the hundredth time that day. "You're not supposed to run away. You slide under my attack." Smokepaw ducked his head in embarrassment. Even though it had already been a whole moon, and he couldn't get a single thing right. "Don't you ever practice?"
"No." Smokepaw mumbled.
"And why not?" Smokepaw could tell that Flintwhisker was getting irritated.
"Because…" He trailed off. He didn't know what to say. He was afraid? There was no way he could tell his mentor that.
A look flashed in Flintwhisker's eyes, and after a moment Smokepaw realized what it was- disappointment.
"That's enough for today."
Smokepaw had never heard his mentor sound so depressed.
That was when it started. The first day, they went on a hunting patrol, then Flintwhisker let him go do whatever. The next day, he was told to out to get some moss. Flintwhisker didn't go with him. He continually did less and less, until one day he saw Flintwhisker go into Swiftstar's den. He didn't know what he said to the white and black she-cat, but after that, he stopped mentoring Smokepaw, which was actually both of their faults. Whenever Smokepaw saw Flintwhisker, he would pretend to be busy, and it seemed that Flintwhisker would do the same.
The day after he saw Flintwhisker go into Swiftstar's den, he went to Smokepaw and said that he had talked to Swiftstar, and that she had allowed him to no longer be Smokepaw's mentor.
Smokepaw had felt like he took one confident step forward onto solid ground just to have it pulled out from under him.
Flintwhisker went on to say that he had to either try to become a medicine cat apprentice or get another mentor, but he couldn't be Smokepaw's mentor if he was never going to try.
The thing was, Smokepaw never did try to become an apprentice. He usually stayed in the apprentice den, only eating what Reedpaw brought to him. At first many thought that it was depression, but after a while they realized that it wasn't depression, but he was too afraid to try with another mentor.
The clan cats didn't know what to make of him. Some suggested forcing him to be an apprentice, a couple even said they should throw him out of the clan, while others said that he couldn't become a warrior if he was too scared, that they should let him be. In the end, Swiftstar decided that he would stay in the clan for now, and she would decide what to do with him eventually.
The problem was, Swiftstar didn't know what to make of him either. So for the next four moons, he slept and ate, and tried to understand what to make of himself.
Pushing the remains of his squirrel aside, Smokepaw peered out between the thick leafs of the den to see Reedpaw talking to Berrypaw. A sharp stab of emotion hit him, and when he realized what it was, he turned away and did what he usually did ever since he was a kit: curled into a ball and tried to sleep.
I can't be jealous of Reedpaw and Berrypaw. I can't fall in love.
Smokepaw woke up to the sound of many paws hitting the ground and cries of sadness all across the camp. Shaking the grogginess away, he padded out the den to immediately crash into the new warrior Blossompool. He was about to say a joke about watching her paws when he saw the expression on her face.
"What happened?" He looked over to the middle of the clearing to see it was swarming with cats, blocking his view.
"Jayheart... Was attacked…. Badger scented…"
Smokepaw didn't hear the rest- he was already running towards the swarm of cats. He faintly heard Blossompool call his name, but he ignored her. Pushing through the crowd, he saw a pale blue-gray pelt in the center, while a smaller black pelt lay next to it- Reedpaw. Fear pulsed through him, but it receded as he saw her move. The other body, though, stayed still. Next to mourn came up Cricketsong, Jayheart's sister. She pushed her nose into Jayheart's fur as Reedpaw stood up and left abruptly. Smokepaw quickly followed.
"… It seems that a badger has made home in our territory." Swiftstar was now on Highbranch, the sturdy branch of the tree that made up part of her den. "We will send a patrol out soon to find it." Morningtail, Swiftstar's deputy, nodded, and started to make a patrol. Smokepaw turned away, uninterested, searching for Reedpaw.
He caught sight of Reedpaw now; she was scanning the crowd now, as if to see if anyone was watching. Then after a moment's hesitation, she slipped out the camp entrance.
Smokepaw hesitated to follow. Reedpaw had always been known for jumping into battle and the soonest possible chance, never thinking or planning. She would always think with her heart. Remembering that, Smokepaw decided to follow her, concern blossoming in his chest.
There was one thing though- she was going into unfamiliar territory. His fear scent was probably equal to sending up a sign to the badger and yelling, "Hey, come an eat me! I'm delicious!"
Reedpaw can scent it, too. Smokepaw thought. Sure enough, Reedpaw turned around, forcing Smokepaw to dive ungracefully into a nearby bush. He looked out to see that her mouth was open, and a confused look had come across her face- she had scented him.
Smokepaw sighed, coming out of the bush. "Reedpaw, what are you doing?"
Reedpaw had a shocked look on her face. "Smokepaw?" She whispered. "Were you following me?"
"Don't change the subject! What are you going to do?" When Reedpaw didn't answer, he continued, "I'll tell Swiftstar!" He was glad that he sounded a lot more sure then he felt.
"No!" Reedpaw shook her head violently. "Please don't!"
"Then what are you going to do?"
Reedpaw sighed, looking defeated. "I'm going to go after the badger."
Smokepaw's mouth dropped open. "What? You can't!"
"It killed my mother!" Reedpaw exploded. "Of course I can!"
"Swiftstar is sending a patrol soon! Just wait!"
"I can't!"
"Yes you can!"
Their voices had risen to a yell now, and Smokepaw lowered it. "Fine." He ignored his fear for her, and lowered his head. "Go."
"Thank you! And please, don't tell anyone." Reedpaw begged him.
Smokepaw found it hard to look her in the eyes. He focused on the ground, scratching up a leaf that lay under his paws.
"You'll die though!" Smokepaw gulped. He saw a flash of fear in her eyes, but it quickly went away, replaced by determination.
"You have to fall for something. If you don't, you'll lose everyone you love." With that, Reedpaw disappeared, leaving Smokepaw pondering over her words. You have to fall for something. Her voice sounded different then it usually did- he was used to her being full of confidence. This time, he heard a quaver in her voice. Her choice of words worried him too. It sounded like she didn't know if she was coming back.
Actually, it sounded like she knew she wasn't coming back.
Smokepaw jumped up, something pulsing through his veins that he hadn't felt since his first training course: adrenaline. Even though he had no training whatsoever, he had watched enough cats to try to track Reedpaw. He opened his mouth, and a sweet smell hit his scent glands, along with a bitter smell. He figured the sweet one was Reedpaw's, while the bitter one, he wasn't sure. He slowly started to follow the trail. It was slow starting, considering Reedpaw knew the way around the territory, while Smokepaw had no idea, but he was able to scent her- better than he would have thought.
After what seemed like moons, Smokepaw heard something. He opened his mouth, and nearly choked on the bitter smell. Passing a large tree, he saw something that terrified him- a large, stocky black animal with a white face and two thick black stripes going vertically across its narrow face. There was fury in its beady black eyes. It didn't see him, though, because it was focused on something much smaller than it- Reedpaw.
Smokepaw stayed frozen, horrified, as Reedpaw leapt at the thing, which he guessed was the badger, and held tight. She managed to get a good scratch right below the ear, but it easily shook her off. It lifted one of its large paws and hit Reedpaw, sending her flying into the ground. Dazed, Reedpaw tried to get up, but yelped in pain, her front paw twisted at an awkward angle. The badger lumbered towards her, getting ready to deliver the final blow.
That was when Smokepaw unfroze.
Mindless with terror, not for him, but for Reedpaw, Smokepaw flung himself at the badger, whose back was towards him. He dug his claws into the thick pelt, scratching relentlessly. The badger reared back and turned its head, trying to grab Smokepaw with its sharp teeth. Smokepaw continued to scratch, though he wasn't making much progress- the fur was thick and heavy, and it was hard to make a good score. Also, he could feel he was losing his grasp on the badger. The badger suddenly flew up on its hind legs, while Smokepaw soared into the air, and hit tree trunk and slid to the ground. For a second, while he was in the air, he thought he saw a golden pelt, but he immediately shook the thought away. He and Reedpaw were the only cats there.
Shaking his head, he leapt at the badger again, but the badger was watching him this time. It reared up again and swatted at him, as if he were nothing more than a bothersome bug. Again, Smokepaw flew into a tree trunk, but this time the back of his head slammed into the wood -hard-, making it impossible to focus. The world was spinning, and he was seeing black spots. His eyes closed, but not before he saw the badger lumbering towards Reedpaw, who was hissing at it. He tried to shout her name, but suddenly it sounded as if the trees had exploded with noise, hisses and yowls echoing everywhere, making his head throb.
Reedpaw. I'm sorry. He thought, then passed out.
This time, Smokepaw woke up to shushed whispering and his head pounding
"Do you think he's alive?"
"I don't know… He looks like he might be breathing, but he hasn't moved in his sleep like usual." The second voice said.
"What?" A third voice said, obviously distraught.
"Maybe I should get Snowleaf." The first voice responded.
There were some shuffling paws, and silence again. He tried to say something, but his throat burned, like he had just eaten fire. He turned over the slightest, and the second voice gave a, "Your awake!" then there were suddenly many voices at once. He croaked out, where's Reedpaw? But whether he only imagined it or no one heard, he ignored it. There was suddenly something wet on his mouth- moss, he figured, as he drank in the cool water- and then it was replaced with bitter herbs being put into his mouth. He chewed it slowly, not even registering the taste. He turned over a little in the soft nest made of feathers and moss. He opened his eyes slowly to see four figures standing there- a tall white one who must have been Snowleaf, and behind him was Blossompool, who must have been the first voice, a smallish gray figure with darker paws that he instantly recognized as Mistfoot, and a very heavy white speckled cat, who he realized was Spottedfur.
"Now, get out, all of you. It's getting too crowded in here." Snowleaf said, waving them away with his tail. Blossompool and Spottedfur left quickly, while Mistfoot hesitated a bit at the entrance, only to have Snowleaf push her out, with a "he'll be fine!"
"Reedpaw." He said louder this time, once they had all left. "Where is she?" He gave a weak cough.
Snowleaf looked up from his herbs. "Behind you." He pointed with his ears.
Smokepaw slowly turned his head to see Reedpaw in another bed of moss and feathers, her chest rising and falling slowly. Smokepaw sighed in relief.
The next couple of days became a blur. Snowleaf was attending to him and Reedpaw, and there were occasional visitors, usually Mistfoot for him or Flintwhisker for Reedpaw. The only thing he clearly remembered was what Snowleaf told him: the patrol lead by Morningtail- so he had seen her gold pelt-heard them fighting the badger and drove the badger out of the territory. After, they got Reedpaw and Smokepaw and brought them back to the camp. Swiftstar probably would have yelled at the two if they weren't so badly injured.
When he was recovering, Smokepaw thought. He thought about what really mattered to him, and what would happen to him.
On the third day, Smokepaw asked Snowleaf if he could talk to Swiftstar. Snowleaf was hesitant, but eventually let him.
On the fourth day, Smokepaw and Reedpaw were both well enough to leave the medicine cat den.
On the fifth day, Reedpaw became a warrior- Reedfire.
And so did Smokepaw.
The black she-cat, now stronger and muscled, watched her opponent cough up the earth he just ate. She had easily taken him out, and left him sprawled out on the ground while not a single hair on her pelt was disturbed.
The gray tom looked up at her from his clumsy position on the ground, defeat clearly in his eyes.
"Now, just do something I won't be expecting." Reedfire said just a little bit too happily as she licked her paws.
"You're just happy you can beat me up."
"Of course not."
"So you're not?"
"No, I am. I just am glad that you decided to become a warrior."
Smokewing sat up, shaking the dirt from his pelt. "Okay. Let's go again."
Reedfire nodded as they both got into position. Smokewing paused for a second, then launched himself at Reedfire, getting in a good swipe with sheathed claws. Reedfire lunged at Smokewing, but he ducked and she landed in front of him. Pride caused his chest to swell as he lunged to pin her under him, but she lashed back with her hind legs and knocked Smokewing down again, just as ungracefully as the first time.
"Why can't I win?" Smokewing wined.
"Because," Reedfire said, overdramatically thoughtful, "you've only been training for three moons? While I went through six moons?" She purred of laughter while Smokewing groaned. "Don't worry. That's enough for today."
"Good!" Smokewing exclaimed as he got up. "I swear you purposely try to get dirt in my pelt." He noted, shaking soil off his gray fur as they walked into the camp. Suddenly, two small firgures launched themselves at Smokewing, knocking him unbalanced.
"Cinderkit! Bluekit!" A worried voice emanated from across the clearing. It was Spottedfur, hurrying after the kits with her own kit, Littlekit. "Sorry, Smokewing."
"It's okay." Smokewing said. "I seem to be knocked down by everyone today." He said amused, looking down at his two kits. Cinderkit looked like him, with a similar gray pelt, while Bluekit was an exact replica of Jayheart.
"Look what I can do!" Bluekit said, and squatted into a hunters crouch, as Cinderkit tried to copy her brother.
"Great job!" Reedfire purred. "Now, it's getting late. You have to go to bed." She said, looking up at the star-filled sky.
Smokewing yawned in agreement. "Come on, let's go." He said to the two protesting kits, and ushered them to the nursery.
"Good night." Reedfire licked his cheek, then slipped into the nursery after her kits.
Smokewing sighed, but this time it was from happiness. He padded into the warriors den, weary, but he felt something else, too- excitement for the next day, which he had rarely felt. He was excepted by his clanmates. He had a family. He was no longer afraid.
I guess I did fall for something.
Of course, that isn't always a bad thing.