i have been completely obsessed with the avengers (especially hawkeye and black widow) so i hope you enjoy and there might be some clintasha later in the story.

I do not own (does anyone else feel very sad when they type that?)

Confessions of a Black Widow

The beginnings of cabin fever.

I was informed that vacations were about resorting mental health and self-confidence levels. As it turns out Italian beach retreats do neither of these things because Italy's climate, in august, during a heat wave, is enough to drive someone who spent close to twelve years in northern Russia to distraction. That and the small fact that my self-confidence was fine before hey it can survive an alien invasion, European girls shedding bikini tops at will and seeing their skinny unmuscled legs. What I (and my ego) can't take is the knowledge that every single other person within the vicinity is tanned. I feel like a fricking milk bottle.

Everyone expects me to feel the same confidence I do on missions after all black widow is the apple of every red blooded man's eye. None of Coulson's dream team seem to remember that she is just a mask who shares only some characteristics with myself. Let me tell you confidence isn't one of them or rather confidence that I won't be seen. These girls are confident because they're here to be seen body and soul. I'm confident on missions because then I'm black widow they see my body they see a character, if they're very good they see an actor behind that character (only one person was that good). But on holiday I feel I owe it to the team to not act but I'm still scared that someone's going to see past the distraction of my body and see my soul and all the scars that mar it to the core.

Scratch that (to deep) I owe them nothing. After all what can a master assassin own a bunch of five year olds? Yeah you heard me my team is made up of five year olds (or five and a half in Bruce's case). Guess I no longer have to worry about them concerning themselves with that shit. Yet this is still nowhere near in the realm of relaxing. (Thor's not even here and I'm still picking up Shakespearean!).

Reasons this 'holiday' is stupid…

1) Stark suggested it

2) Stark is still here

3) I can't train. All of mine and Clint's weapons went 'missing' during a flight in the luggage hold of Stark's private jet

4) Everyone else in this country is tanned, except pepper (but she's not sunburnt)

5) Steve's face constantly resembles a tomato, and the boys have a pool running on whether or not it's permanent

6) 50% of the women have an aversion to upper body clothing(this is closely linked to 5)

7) I'm sunburnt

8) Clint suggested Europe so he could smoke

9) I'm bored as proved by this list

All of those reasons are still not as annoying as the fact that they Clint, Steve, Bruce and Stark (Thor's visiting Jane) have been throwing sand for around an hour and thirty seven minutes. I told you they were five year olds. Well minus Bruce and Steve now, I guess he realised that sand fights aren't something that ninety year olds generally participate in. That and the fact he looks as though he's got sand in his eyes and mouth.

"What are you doing behind the rocks?" Half of me is tempted to say it's none of his business. "Deciding on the most appropriate and painful way of killing Stark."

"But why here? Why not in the sun?" He does know about the lack of sun screen (even Pepper didn't have any) "I don't want to develop skin cancer," he looks confused. "Stark stole my sun cream, I'm Russian Steve I burn." I'm interrupted by the arrival of Tony. "Hey I found a spider under this rock!" As long as he doesn't throw sand at me. As long as he..." Tony I don't think that's a good idea." Little late Barton. "Stark you have five minutes." That should be enough to get this damn sand off me "Aw. She cares she's giving me an advantage." All I can do is look at Clint silently begging to be allowed to kill him. The number of times I've done that since meeting Tony Stark, by the look in his eyes he's thinking that he wants his quiver back. Stark's the only one who knows where it is (and the only one who would dare take it) Clint's bow was the only weapon he failed to kidnap and no one knows where he's hidden them or how he got them.

Barton pulls out a cigarette an offers it to me knowing full well that I never smoke. He lights up the only sign that he's as sick of Italy(and Tony) as I am. Starks talking to Steve having been told to 'shut up and leave' by the normally good Dr. "Come on Steve you're not going to let the Russians win are you? You're captain America you have to defend me!"

"Wrong war tin can." Tony's cries of indigence can be heard on the opposite shoreline where ever that is.

I managed to escape to my room after that. Stark thinks he's of the hook. Ah Mr. Stark beware the fury of a patient man. Or his partner. "I'm pretty sure that Fury sent us out here to cope Tasha not plot."

"Killing Stark would help me cope enormously." Clint sighs and then I notice. "Outside now Barton."

"Come on Nat it's just..." i just point "No smoking inside. I don't care where in the world we are." This is probably one of the reasons he spends so much time on the roof at home. I don't care if it's a coping method. what we all have them; Steve draws and works the punch bags, Bruce buries himself in research(that no one but Stark attempts to comprehend), Thor tries to master midgradian technology (read as make things explode), Tony drinks and invents stuff(read as makes things explode), I write and train and Clint trains, smokes and sings. Neither of us can train (Fury threatened us with desk duty and Stark stole our weapons) Clint also refuses to sing when he knows the walls aren't sound proofed so he's smoking half a pack a day. I have no idea why I'm suddenly so fixated on this maybe it's because I don't want my partner to get lung cancer. "Yes Clint I know you're reading over my shoulder."

"but, but..." He's trying to resort to the wide eyed inoccent look. "Do you really care that much Tasha?"

"I don't want the paperwork moron and you do make good coffee."

Thanks for reading! Please review pretty please :)

The next chapter is depending on it.