Disclaimer: Now for my song and dance number – I don't own it! Don't own it at all!
Author's Note: So, this isn't a post-Judgment Day fic, it takes place during Judgment Day. It's how Gibbs made up his mind as to how he was going to handle the situation...or at least what I think happened.
Afraid
Lie in this empty bed
With this aching head
Gibbs's head was pounding. He lay awake in his bed.
He didn't know what to do anymore.
You left me here this morning now I can't remember
Jenny was gone.
That was the only thing that he knew for certain anymore.
Why I let you in again
To get under my skin
And every time you disappear then I remember
He had suppressed any feelings that he had for Jenny, every time he saw her he had a feeling in his gut that he should do something.
Most of the time he had questioned his past with her, he had tried to keep anyone from knowing that it even existed.
But, now that she was gone, he regretted having not ever told her that he still loved her.
I look for you but I can't see your face
If only he had one more chance to tell her how he felt! All he needed was one moment!
Then I hear the only thing you say
He knew that life didn't stop just because she was gone, he had to keep going. She had started business that he had no choice but to finish.
I am afraid right now
Don't want to let you down
He didn't want to let her down, to disappoint her.
The last thing that he wanted was to dishonor her, he was so afraid that he would.
I am the one who can't be saved
The only thing I say
I am afraid right now
He knew she had died to save him, but he knew that this was far from over.
The resulting mess was almost as hard to deal with as her loss.
What if I can't get out
What if I don't want to be saved
He had no other choice, but to finish what she had started.
She had left a lot of loose ends.
He knew that she had died to keep him out of this whole ordeal, but he couldn't help it, he had to finish what she had started.
This is me afraid
But what if he couldn't fix it?
Now there's no place like home
To make me feel alone
You see everywhere I am and I remember
He stood up and looked around his room. Most of his house was devoid of personal items, but this room had several pictures.
Most of the pictures were of Shannon and Kelly, but there were several of Jenny.
He couldn't look at the pictures, tears came to his otherwise stoic blue eyes.
One by one, he took all the pictures of Jenny and turned them face down.
He couldn't bare to look at her...not yet.
How you ran out to hide
But kept me close behind
Following your every move so I'd remember
He knew that in everything she had done she had left him clues as to what he had left to do.
(I look for you) But I can't see your face
(Then I hear you) The only thing you say
When she left everything to him, she couldn't have imagine that there would have been as much left for him to do as there was.
I am afraid right now
Don't want to let you down
I am the one who can't be saved
The only thing I say
I am afraid right now
What if I can't get out
What if I don't want to be saved
This is me afraid
What should he do first?
What needed to be done the worst?
Damn, she had left him a very sensitive task, but he had no idea what to do or when.
(I look for you) But I can't see your face
(Then I hear you) The only thing you say
Is don't look for me you will never see
And you won't hear me you won't hear me
"Come on, Jen! I need you!" he shouted up at the ceiling, but no one answered, "But you're not going to tell me anything, are you?...You never did...Damn, Jenny...I need you so bad..."
Why do we keep this up
Why do we live like us
When there is nothing left to save
Will you be afraid
He fell back onto the bed and rubbed his eyes with his palms.
Why did he have to do all this?
Wouldn't it just work its way out if he just let it go?
Was he, Leroy Jethro Gibbs, afraid?
I am afraid right now
You already let me down
You are the one who can't be saved
He was. He was really afraid.
She had left hims so much to do, where was he even supposed to start?
He wished that he would have been the one who went to California, at least then all of his loose ends wouldn't be bothering him anymore... nothing would be bothering him anymore...he'd be dead.
If only I could say
I am afraid right now
You never will get out
You'll never let yourself be saved
You are so afraid
He'd never say that he was afraid. No one needed to know.
He picked up the phone and called Mike Franks.
He hung up and sat for a moment.
He pulled a lighter out of his end table's drawer and stuck it into his jacket pocket.
You are so afraid
He didn't have all of his plans lined out, but he knew what he was doing right now.
He wasn't setting around and letting this get out of hand.
Jenny had left him with so much to do, he didn't have any time to waste.
A.N.: Fic 2 of the Pre-Premier Fic-A-Thon!
This is my first really Gibbs-centric fic, so don't be hatin'...please.
The song is Afraid by Yellowcard.
Man, I love this...
Review for my lappy, because it's held these lyrics since June, expecting me to use them.