Knowing you can't just walk away Knowing I have to say goodbye
Though you know you have to
It kills me deeps inside
Mean to Me by me (lilyandjamesfan)
Hermione Granger sat down by one of the trees at the edge of the lake at Hogwarts. She could not believe the happiness the last three months had brought her, though she knew it would soon come to an end. She also knew that she should have been worried about the consequences of her actions, but somehow around him it did not matter. Hermione would never be able to pinpoint the moment she had fallen for him, but she knew that it must have been near the start of her time here.
Hermione also knew that she would have to return to her own time soon. She knew that when she did there was no way of seeing him; he had already been dead a year. She never knew how she had let herself fall for him. Maybe it was his charms that had captured her heart? Or maybe it was his whole personality at that time? He had definitely changed by the time she had met him. His time in Azkaban had let him dwell over the betrayal that had occurred, making him see things in a new way.
He had become cynical rather than the optimistic person he had once been. Hermione could not blame him of course. After all, you cannot get through something that big and not change. The only thing which had bothered her from her first day there was that she was not in any way able to tell them of their futures. She had struggled day after day with her conscience, but ultimately knew that their situation was bigger than them.
Hermione knew she would have to tell him that she was from the future at some point, but she could not find a suitable time, nor could she think what she might say to him. She did know one thing, and that she was not going to up and leave him without any explanation. She did not want him to think that she had abandoned him for no reason, and she had to make him see that she wanted to stay, that she wanted to be with him more than anything in the entire world.
"Hermione!" A voice called, shaking her out of her reverie. "I have been looking for you everywhere. We nearly sent out a search party."
Looking up at the tall boy, Hermione smiled. She realised in that instant exactly why she had fallen for him. He was extremely attractive, yet that was only part of the reason. He had come looking for her; the fact he cared enough for her to send out a search party only a couple of hours after she had been out here said everything.
"What are you doing out here, love?" he asked.
"Thinking. Why don't you join me?" she responded.
Sitting down next to one of her sides, he put his arm around her and pulled her close. They sat like that for a while, just watching the lake.
"Sirius?" Hermione asked nervously.
"Yes love?"
"I have got to tell you something," she said, shifting out of his embrace a little so she could face him. "I don't think you're going to like it, but it is something that I have to tell you in the long run so I may as well tell you now." Hermione took a short enough pause that he did not have a chance to speak.
"I am from the future. I got in the way of a spell that was cast, and I ended up back in this time. I'm so sorry. I know that I should have said something before, but I couldn't. I can't say a single thing, yet it's all I want to do," Hermione said, almost wailing at the end.
Hermione was starting to cry heavily, and all Sirius could do was sit there, his head reeling from the news. His girlfriend was from the future. It explained how she knew her way around Hogwarts when she had only been there for a week, and the little things about him and the rest of the guys that she somehow knew without them telling her.
In that moment Sirius realised that Hermione had to have known him or the others in the future, otherwise she would not know them as intimately as she did, but he was still angry that she had lied to him the whole time they were together.
"You're from the future? All this time you've been lying to me? What was it like? Did you just think, 'Oh, well he's not going to miss me if I go, so I will just go and break his heart'?" Sirius said angrily.
"It wasn't like that. I tried not to fall for you, but I did," Hermione replied, tears nearly falling from her eyes.
"Well you obviously didn't try hard enough, did you? Tell me, did you ever think at any point, that what you were doing was wrong?"
"Of course I did, it was why I never said yes at the beginning. I kept thinking that I couldn't, that I shouldn't because of the future, but then I would see you and my will would break. I fell for you... I never meant to, but I did. Please forgive me," Hermione begged desperately. Tears filled her eyes, and were threatening to fall. She knew what she had done was wrong, but there was no way she could stop it.
"Do you have to go back?" Sirius asked quietly.
"Yes, I do Sirius. Harry needs me there to help him destroy Voldemort. He may be my best friend, but he is a little hot headed at times, and rushes into things without thinking. I need to fight beside him; he needs to know that those he cares about most are going to stand beside him when the time comes," Hermione answered honestly.
"Voldemort's still around? How far into the future have you come from?" Sirius enquired. He was genuinely curious as to how far in the future Hermione had come from.
"I cannot tell you much, because I am not allowed to say anything that will change the future, but yes, Voldemort is still around. I come from between ten and twenty years in the future," Hermione replied, trying not to give too much away.
"You know us in the future, don't you? That's how you knew Remus was a werewolf so quickly, and... and James looks like Harry, doesn't he? You said his name when you first saw James, and looked horrified at your mistake," Sirius rambled, asking question after question.
"Remus was a professor in my third year, and another one revealed his secret to the whole school before he left. Actually, it is the reason he left; he didn't want owls coming in from concerned parents. I cannot tell you whether you are right or not about James and Harry though, it's too much information."
"Did you lie about anything else? Like where you came from and who your parents are?"
Hermione shook her head. "There was no point lying about them. I am Muggle-born so no one would know the difference really. It also explained why I did not get many owls from people," she said, not really wanting to talk much more, but she understood that Sirius had many questions to ask her. She did not even know whether he was going to stay with her until she went home.
Home, she thought. How this time had become more and more like home the more she stayed here. She knew that it was mainly Sirius who made the place home rather than anything else. The others helped too. James's physical likeness to Harry sometimes reassured her, and it was conversations with Remus that really made her feel at home when Sirius was not around. It was something that she had regularly done in Grimmauld Place when she needed a more mature person's opinion on something, go to Remus and have a discussion with him over something she had found out. Lily had often reminded Hermione of Ginny. Both of them were lively and fiery girls who liked to have fun.
Later on in the Gryffindor common room, Professor McGonagall came in and summoned Hermione to the Headmaster's office. Walking there, Hermione knew exactly what was going on. She knew she would be either sent home right there and then, or she would be the very next day.
They soon reached the gargoyle guarding the Headmaster's quarters. McGonagall said the password and let Hermione wander up the stairs. Knocking on the door, Hermione grew more nervous by the second. She did not want to go home just yet, she wanted to say goodbye to her friends, to Sirius.
"Enter," Dumbledore called.
Upon entering the office, Hermione found the Headmaster sitting at his desk, with a look that was hard to read on his face.
"You wanted to see me sir," Hermione said.
"I have found a way home for you, Miss Granger. I would like you to return here the same time tomorrow night. That should give you enough time to sort your affairs out, and say goodbye to those you need to." Dumbledore paused, not quite knowing how to proceed.
"I know that you have become... attached to some certain students here, and I will not pretend that it will be easy for you when you return. I also know that you told Mr Black the truth. I admire your discretion over information about the future. Many people would have told the person, but you did not. You may go now, and if I may offer some advice?" Dumbledore asked.
Hermione nodded, knowing that it would be worth listening to.
"Spend your time wisely, Miss Granger."
With the dismissal Hermione fled the office. She would go straight to the common room and tell Sirius. She knew that he would be upset about her leaving the next day, but at least they had some warning about it. She wondered if he would be allowed to be there when she left. No, she told herself, it would be cruel to make him watch someone he loved disappear from his life.
Reaching the common room, she told the Fat Lady the password, and sat next to Sirius immediately.
"What did the Headmaster want, love?" he asked.
Hermione did not answer him straight away, but buried her face in the crook of his neck where she could hide her tears.
"Hermione?" he asked again.
Looking up into his eyes, a flash of recognition swept across his face. He knew she was going home.
"When?" he croaked out.
"Tomorrow night. I have to meet him at the same time as tonight. I don't want to go, Sirius. I don't want to leave you. I love you," Hermione said with tears streaming down her face. Soon enough her body racked with sobs.
Sirius had never really had to deal with emotional girls before, but he knew that all Hermione needed was a hug. He pulled her closer to him and let her cry on his shoulder. He did not even realise that his face was wet with his own tears until he felt Hermione's wet hair under his chin. He knew that he would never find someone who understood him more, or someone who would love him more than she did. He hoped that he would meet her again; he hoped even more that she would be with his future self when she returned.
The next day came, and all Hermione could think about was the fact she had to leave that night. She explained to the others that her family had died, and she was going to stay at home for the rest of the year. Throughout the day she was dreading the moment she had to say goodbye to Sirius.
It was an hour before she had to be in Dumbledore's office, and Sirius pulled her aside from everyone else. He was determined to give Hermione the sending off she deserved, and that meant to spend her last moments with him.
They sat in each other's arms and kissed until their lips nearly fell off. Many people had shouted 'get a room' at them, but they ignored the onlookers and carried on. They both knew that these were the last moments they could show their love for each other.
Fifteen minutes before Hermione had to be in Dumbledore's office, she decided she would say one last goodbye to her friends in this time, and then say one last goodbye to Sirius. The moment she got to him though, a lump formed in her throat. She could not find the words she wanted so desperately to say to him. Instead the tears that fell from the night before were back, and were falling thicker and faster. She could not even see where his face was, her vision was that blurred.
Luckily Sirius took the initiative and kissed her gently on the lips. The kiss soon took a more demanding turn, each showing their continued passion and love for each other.
Once Sirius pulled back from her he said, "Go now, Hermione. Go before you see me cry. You will be late otherwise."
"I don't want to leave you, Sirius. I don't want to go," Hermione sobbed.
"Remember what you said? You're needed there. You have to help Harry, remember?" Sirius said, coaxing her to leave. He did not want her to see him break down; he did not want her to see his tears fall like he had seen hers.
"I remember," she whispered. "I will always love you," she said and turned towards the portrait door. Looking over her shoulder, she took one last look at him as she left his life.
Tell me how I'm How can I just give up
Supposed to let you go
When we both know
You're all I'll ever want
And walk away
Knowing I'll never see you
Beyond today