I Forever Cry
--
I cried so many times today. I lost count after five. I paced my room. I watched myself cry in my mirror. I fall to the floor. I let the tears come from my brown eyes, and I'm not afraid to show it. They all said I was going to break. They all said I was going to lose it. I lost it. That's for sure. I don't know how I couldn't have. It was only a matter of time before I lost control over this sadness that lay there like unlevened bread.
I happened to stop by your door on my way to the kitchen. I didn't know why. I havn't eaten since that day. But I stop as I pass. I cry again. I burst into tears. I barry my head in your pillow as I hug your favorite hat. I know it seems silly, but just the slightest things seem to help heal my extremly broken heart.
I know you never meant to break it. I know you never would. You loved me too much. And lord know I loved you just as much.I know you wouldn't want me to be sad, but I can't help it. It's there. The ache, the pain. The consistent reminder.
I havn't slept since it happened. Everytime I close my eyes I see the tragic way you left us. It's like a horrible nightmare that I can never awake from. So I lay in bed and cry. I'm still crying three days later. I never stop. I go out, I cry. When people see me they ask why my eyes are so red. They ask why I look so tired. What do they expect me to say? I've just lost the most important person in my life. It'll never be the same.
Someone once said that your heart never heals after it's broken the way my hearts been broken. They say you can never forget it. That's true. They say that it just gets easier to live with after time. That's false.
"Sharpay..." Came Troy's voice from the door. I'm well aware of the sound of his voice by now. It's been the one comforting my in your loss.
My eyes close for a moment. They sting like crazy. "Yeah?"
"You okay?" He asked, with pure concern in his voice. I expected nothing but. Everyone seems so concerned for me. I understand why though.
"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" I ask as I try my best to give a smile. I wipe away a tear.
"You're crying." He walks towards me. I turn to the mirror.
"So...you should be use to that by now. I am." I touch my lip. It hurts. It's bleeding, but I don't care. I like the taste of blood now. It reminds me of you.
"Sharpay..." He trails off as he wipes away a tear. "What are you doing to yourself?" His voice is soft and gentle. It reminds me of yours.
"I'm still getting use to him not being here Troy. Why do you have to rush me?"
"Sharpay it's been two weeks since the accident. You havn't slept, and you havn't eaten. It's not healthy Sharpay. You're going to kill yourself." He looks scared for me. It's weird how he's more afraid of me dieing than I am.
I wanted to answer by saying, then I'd at least be with you. But then they'd think I was crazy. They already think that though. "I'm sad Troy. I wake up every morning and I go into his room and find him gone. I start to cry and bawl. There's nothing I can even do to stop it. I feel so alone without him. I just wish he was here again." I'm crying again. He hugs me tightly.
"I know you miss him. We all do." He said soothinly in my ear.
"But it feels like I've lost this huge chunk of my soul. I don't know how to get it back. I want it back so desperatly. I want him back." I bawl onto his chest. I wipe a tear. I think I'm just making room for more. I seem to have an endless supply of tears because they just keep rolling.
"Eveything is going to be okay. He would want you to be strong and happy. Not killing yourself because he's gone."
"I don't know how to stop hurting. He was the only person in the world who knew exactly how to make me smile and make it all go away."
"I'm sure he would want you to move on. Try living your life again instead of living in the memory of his." He made a good point. I must admit. I almost felt a little better.
"Troy...can you do me a favor?" I ask, my voice is shaky because tears are still stinging my eyes.
"What?" He asked, rubbing my back gently.
"Will you just shut up and hold me?" I cry a little more, but he smiles. We lay down and he wraps his strong and safe arms around me. I feel comfort. I feel support. I feel concern. I feel love.
I may never stop thinking about it. It's a day the will forever be in my memory. I can try to forget. I can try to push it aside, but it will never chage. You're gone. And I forever cry. Because you were my other half, you were my best friend, you were my comforter, you were my security blanket, you were my light in darkness. You were my twin. You always will be. I will never stop loving you because you are forever apart of my. So I lay my head against the pillow, and I close my eyes. I see your face. Then I see a white light and blood on my arm. It's your blood. I cry more. Troy hugs me tighter. No matter how long my life will be. I forever cry. I love you Ryan Evans. You are my eternity.
--
First off, sorry it's short. second, I don't know why I've been writing all this sad and depressing stuff lately, but it just comes to me. I was watching an episode of army wives...that shpw always makes me cry. It was where they lost their daughter, and I was literally bawling my eyes out. Anyway, that's where the insperation came from. Hope you liked it, and please review.
-Peace!