Donna never talked about Lee. The Doctor wasn't even sure what her sort-of-husband's last name had been. It was almost an unspoken agreement – she didn't ask about Gallifrey, or Rose, or River Song, and he didn't ask about her time in the Library's computer. If the conversation strayed too close for comfort then one of them would abruptly change the subject and the other wouldn't comment.
He talked to Donna, he talked to her all the time, and he did tell her things he hadn't told anyone else, but there were conversational minefields that they had both learned to avoid.
She had made herself stoic, she had hidden the pain that he knew she must still feel. She could save the world but she couldn't always face her own reactions to it.
She was too much like him, really.
–
She'd started talking about staying forever, and he knew where that could lead. He wanted her to stay forever, but the Doctor knew that what he wanted wasn't always what was best for other people. They either found something else or they were torn away from him. He couldn't bear to think of losing her completely, but he told himself that is she was happy he'd be happy as well.
So when she was asleep, he searched. He knew it was like looking for the proverbial needle in a haystack, but he wanted to give her something she could leave him for. The Doctor was lonely, but Donna didn't have to be.
He didn't have much to go on. He only had a first name, and Donna had said that no one called Lee was in the Library on that fateful day. The chances of ever finding him were remote at best.
But he was the Doctor, and he could do anything.
–
The Doctor had agreed with the Vashta Nerada that nobody could go back to the Library. Which didn't mean that nobody could communicate with the Library.
He parked the TARDIS on the far side of the moon and, after much fiddling, managed to get a line through to CAL. He looked around the console room, paranoid that Donna might have woken up, and then called up a hologram of the girl.
"Hello, Doctor," she said. "Are you here to see Professor Song?"
The Doctor had been dreading this question. "Is she around?"
"She's with Anita. I could tell her that you're here."
"Best not," he said, feeling guilty but at the same time terrified of facing his own future. He pressed on to the matter at hand. "Cal, those people you 'saved' that day, did you keep any biographical information?"
CAL nodded. "A bit. Some of the files are corrupted, but I can send you what I have."
"I need details of all the men who were in the Library that day."
"Are you looking for someone?" she asked.
"Yes. Not for me but for a friend. She lost someone."
"So did you," said the girl, far too clever.
He ignored her comment. "I'm sending you a link to the TARDIS datacore, can you upload the files?"
"Done," she said after the briefest of pauses.
"Thank you." He chewed his bottom lip for a moment and then asked, "Are they happy? River and her friends?"
"I think so."
"Good," he said, "that's good." He checked that the files had transferred safely. "I'd best be off."
"Will you come back?" she asked.
The Doctor stared at the hologram and tried to think of a good response. He did intend to visit at some point, he really did. It might take years, but he'd find his way back there in the end. "I'm sorry," he said, "you're breaking up." He cut the line and took a deep, calming breath.
It was a lot of information to go through. He did a search for 'Lee' and found three people with that as a middle name, one of them a child. That left two; Alan Lee McAvoy and William Lee Martin. He read their files, but there wasn't much information in them.
Still, he had names.
They were in Manchester in the early 1980s. It was a warm summer's day and Donna was laughing at a joke about a Dalek with unusual appendages on its face. She slapped his arm playfully and he rubbed his shirt where she'd made contact.
He didn't want to lose her, but he knew it was a case of sooner or later.
"Do you think you'd ever settle down?" he asked, daring.
Donna shook her head. "Nah, I don't have anything to settle down for."
"You might meet someone," he ventured.
"I did meet someone, I met you."
"I mean romantically."
Donna's smile froze and he knew he'd said the wrong thing. "Nah," she said, "I'm fine on my own."
"What about -"
"Why are you even asking about this stuff? I told you, I'm staying on the TARDIS."
He held up his hands to surrender. "Okay, I'm sorry." Time to change the subject. "Do you want an ice-cream."
Donna visibly relaxed. "Yeah. Can I have one with a little flake in?"
–
It didn't seem fair. He knew, however much he it hurt, that he'd see River again at some point. He'd see her before she died, alive and well and somehow he'd tell her his real name. Donna wasn't going to see Lee ever again, unless the Doctor did something about it.
The next time Donna slept, he took the name he'd found to the Galactic Electoral Register. He waved the psychic paper at the archivist on duty and got addresses for both of them.
–
He picked one at random and materialised at the end of the street. He found the house, knocked on the door, and waited.
A woman answered the door holding a small child in her arms. "Yes?"
"Sorry, I think I've got the wrong address. Does a William Lee Martin live here?"
"Yes, he's my husband. He's at work at the moment, is it important?"
The Doctor shook his head. "I'll come back another time."
That left Alan Lee McAvoy. If it wasn't him then the Doctor was about to hit a dead end.
He rang the bell and mentally ran over his options. He was pulled back to the real world a man in his forties opened the door.
"Hello, sorry to bother you. I'm the Doctor."
"D... D... Doctor who?"
–
He realised that he hadn't quite thought this far ahead. How was he supposed to present Donna with her lost not-really-husband without looking like a creepy stalker? It wasn't like he could wrap him up and shout "Surprise!" when Donna came into the console room.
He left Lee in the console room processing the 'bigger-on-the-inside' concept and went to find her. He knocked on the door of her room and said "Donna? There's something here that you probably need to see."
She opened the door in her dressing-gown. "What is it?"
"It's nothing bad. It's a good thing. I think it's a good thing." He led her down the corridor, wondering what he was going to say when they arrived in the control room. Something long-winded and designed to distract from the fact that he'd went behind her back? Something funny, to ease any tension?
They arrived before he'd had the chance to decide on his approach. Donna's hand flew to her mouth and she made a strange incomprehensible noise. She looked at Lee. She looked at the Doctor. She ran into Lee's waiting arms.
The Doctor realised that he didn't have to say anything at all.
"I'm not saying I'm going right now, I'm just telling you that I won't be around forever."
The Doctor managed to smile. "Donna, it's fine. I'm happy for you. Really, really happy for you."
She kissed his cheek and he felt his hearts speed up with futile hope. "Thanks. For everything."
He hugged her tightly. "It was the least I could do. You keep saving my life, after all."
"I won't ever forget this," she said, stepping back.
He blinked a few times quickly. He shrugged. "When you do decide it's time to leave, I'll let you cheat on the lottery."
Donna laughed. "I'll hold you to that." Her expression became more serious. "And you'd better make sure you get someone else in, to keep you company."
"Okay," he said, though he couldn't quite face the idea of replacing her.
"Anyway, I'm not going just yet. Maybe before I go we can find that mate you're always going on about."
"I did find a mate, I found you."
She made a face. "You know what I mean, you twerp."
"Maybe I'll find someone who doesn't insult me so much," he said, aiming for levity.
"Don't pretend you don't love it."
He did. He really did.
"Anyway, I left Lee in the kitchen, and that man could burn water."
The Doctor watched her go. It was for the best, he knew that. Maybe some day he'd even accept it.