Jealousy or envy? It was the question Regina contemplated the minute her eyes opened, and prompted the start of a new day. Envy, definitely. She wondered, if she had actually surpassed her sister's level of envy; probably not. Yet still every single time she saw a happy family, couple or person, it felt as if her world was collapsing all around her. Her head spun like a top, her nerve endings flared with newfound envy and her heart stung as if it had just been pierced by an arrow.
Each time she saw Mary Margaret and her ever so charming husband, Regina became envious. She wanted to lead a life like theirs, a life in which she would be guided by love and hope. Although, that dream ended sometime ago when Robin left. And somehow, somehow that infuriatingly hopeful princess had convinced her that there was still hope for her blackened and cold heart.
Her heart was apparently 'resilient', the way Tinkerbell explained the prospect of it all to her made it seem like she could come back from anything. It was fairly true, she had come back from Daniel's death, escaped her evil mother's clutches, healed her heart after all of the evil sins she had committed and redeemed herself officially, to the extend where she was now actually invited to dinner with the Charming Softball Team (and their pirate mascot, which did not please her at all). But now, she was truly broken. Regina knew that this time, there would be no coming back from this. She had fallen too deeply into the bottomless pit of petty crushes and teenage romances. There was to be no return. She had fallen too deeply in love with Emma Swan.
Even before Robin left her, she had become insanely jealous of the pirate captain, which then spiralled into some form of envy. Regina knew what she was getting herself into, but she just couldn't bring herself to stop. It started off as some completely friendly move to make sure that Emma was in good hands and was being treated well. Then, every time Regina saw the couple something inside her just snapped - especially when they kissed. Her body was on fire, and she felt so alive. Her eyes were blazing and tears were forming there and soon, she would feel that antagonising pull on her heart strings that was willing her to go over there and break the two apart. She couldn't. Regina just couldn't bring herself to go over to them and speak up, she was too afraid. Then, this caused her to fall further into the pit of love she had for Emma.
Next came the insane and somewhat stalker-ish stage. Regina used to follow Emma and Hook around everywhere they went, following their trails like some lost puppy dog. But that wasn't all, the insane part was that she was crazy enough to go to the lengths of even putting a GPS on both of their cellphones, and a tracking device on the yellow bug that she positively loathed. Constantly, Regina told herself that this was all for Emma, and that all she was doing was making sure she was safe and well cared for. But it had blossomed into something much more.
And then, Emma left him. She left Hook. Regina should have been happy, she should have been happy that she now has some kind of chance with Emma. However, she wasn't. Instead, Regina somewhat sympathised with Emma, because Robin had left her so she almost knew the feeling. Emma then came to her in the middle of the night, the two just cuddled up on the couch. When they woke up in the morning, there was lots of tension; so much that Regina could cut it with a knife.
They had some breakfast, talked for a while about Henry and then Emma left. And oh god, as soon as Regina closed the front door she slid down it into a heap on the floor and cried. She cried so much, that she had no tears left. Regina just didn't know what to do, she was so confused. She had tried to show Emma that she was feeling something for her. Emma just was blank, unreadable almost. Regina couldn't tell what was wrong, but something most certainly was.
Regina sighed, long and hard, and pulled herself up off the floor. She fixed her hair in the mirror and wiped off her makeup. She was ready to let loose, for Emma, to show her the best side off her. She then grabbed her car keys off of the side table and walked out.
Taking a deep breath, Regina pulled in to the curb and parked her car out side of Granny's. She was so nervous, she needed to do something to make Emma see that she cared for her. Hmm, what to do, what to do. She could just tell her? No. A kiss…maybe? Well action does speak louder than words. Oh god, a kiss? Really? It might be too much. Fuck it, Regina thought. She got out of the car and walked up the step towards the diner.
The bell above the door rang as she entered the establishment, signalling her arrival. Regina was still not used to everyone smiling at her as she entered, she really had changed. She just stood there smiling, then she saw Emma seated in the corner booth; she was cradling a cup of hot cocoa in her hands. This is it Regina, you can do this! She told herself. As she walked past everyone in the diner, she acknowledged everyone by giving them all a kurt nod.
"Hey," Regina breathed, placing a hand on Emma's shoulder and effectively startling her.
She gasped and wiped at her eyes, she had been crying. "I-Regina, hey." Emma managed to muster a genuine smile, that was enough for Regina to melt right there.
"Do you mind?" Regina asked, gesturing to the spot beside Emma. The blonde shook her head almost too enthusiastically and beamed, Regina was on fire and she could practically hear her heartbeat in her ears.
Rather than have a probably awkward conversation, Regina decided to drop the bomb. "Emma," She swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat and Emma slowly, and somewhat sexily, licked her lips. What was going through her head? "Okay, I know that you're going through a rough patch right now but…I wanted you to know that, um I like you."
Emma's expression was unreadable, and Regina didn't know if she was going to storm out of the diner or reciprocate the feelings. Then, Emma rose a hand and cupped Regina's face. Caressing her supple cheek, Emma lifted the older woman's chin; their noses were almost touching. Regina could feel the warmth of Emma's breath brushing the top of her lip. She stared back into darkened emerald eyes. Flashbacks attacked Regina's eyes with every blink. After every fight the pair had, after every moment spent with each other and Henry, she couldn't wait another moment. Grabbing Emma's jacket, with one swift movement Regina closed the gap between them. They poured their feelings into that very first kiss; it was soft, yet hard, fiery but cool. The last question had been answered, before it had even been asked. Emma's lips spoke love and Regina's spoke forever.
A/N: I love this one - it's probably my favourite oneshot that I have written. The last instalment of my SQ week fics will follow shortly.