The RENTy Horror Picture Show
Audience lines and directions are in italics and are marked off by brackets. Feel free to add in your own ideas! FYI, "cover" means to say the word given over the words that are being said. Echo means you say the line WITH the character.
Things you need:
Lighter
Candy wrappers
Dry cereal
Flashlight
Coins
[Where do I begin?]
Mark:
We begin on Christmas Eve with me, Mark, and my roommate, Roger. [Bad grammar!]
We live in an industrial loft on the corner of 11th street and Avenue B, the top floor of what was once a music-publishing factory. Old rock 'n' roll posters hang on the walls. They have Roger's picture advertising gigs at CBGB's [sing: ABCDEFG . . .] and the Pyramid Club. We have an illegal wood burning stove; its exhaust pipe crawls up to a skylight. All of our electrical appliances are plugged into one thick extension cord that snakes [stretch the "s" into a hiss] its way out a window. Outside, a small [cover: leak] tent city has sprung up in the lot next to our building. Inside, we are freezing because we have no heat.
[What does the school photographer say?]
Smile!
[When were you last laid?]
Mark:
December 24th, Nine PM
Eastern Standard Time
From here on in
I shoot without a script
See if anything comes of it
Instead of my old shit
First shot - Roger
Tuning the Fender guitar
He hasn't played in a year
Roger:
This won't tune
Mark:
[echo] So we hear
He's just coming back
From half a year of withdrawal
Roger:
Are you talking to me?
[In a Stallone voice: You talkin' to ME?]
Mark:
Not at all
Are you ready? Hold that focus -- steady
Tell the folks at home what you're doing Roger ...
Roger:
I'm writing one great song - [sing the first line of OSG]
Mark:
The phone rings.
[Answer it!]
Roger:
Saved!
Mark:
We screen
Zoom in on the answering machine!
[Zoooooooooooom!]
Roger & Mark's Outgoing Message:
"Speak" ... [echo] ("Beeeep!")
Mom:
That was a very loud beep
I don't even know if this is working [it is]
Mark -- Mark -- are you there [he is]
Are you screening your calls --
It's mom
We wanted to call and say we love you
And we'll miss you tomorrow
Cindy and the kids are here -- send their love
Oh, I hope you like the hot plate
Just don't leave it on, dear
When you leave the house
Oh, and Mark
We're sorry to hear that Maureen dumped you
I say c'est la vie
So let her be a lesbian...
There are other fishies in the sea [sing: first line of song "Too Many Fish in the Sea"]
... Love Mom!
(Lights fade on Mom and answering machine)
Tune Up #2
Mark:
Tell the folks at home what you're doing Roger.
Roger:
I'm writing one great song - [sing first line of OSG]
Mark:
The phone rings.
[Answer it!]
Roger:
Yesss!
Mark:
We screen.
Roger & Mark's Answering Machine:
"Speak" ... [echo] ("Beeeep!")
(Lights fade up on the street: the front-door area of Mark and Roger's building. Nearby is a battered public pay phone. Tom Collins stands at the phone)
Collins:
"Chestnuts roasting ---" [on an illegal stove]
Roger & Mark:
(as Mark picks up the phone)
Collins!
Collins:
I'm downstairs...
Mark:
Hey!
Collins:
Roger picked up the phone??
Mark:
[echo] No, it's me.
Collins:
Throw down the key.
(Mark pulls out a small leather pouch and drops it off the apron downstage center as if from a window; a weighted leather pouch plops down from "upstairs." Collins catches it)
Mark:
A wild night is now pre-ordained.
(Two thugs appear from above, with clubs. They are obviously close to attacking Collins, who says back into the phone..)
Collins:
I may be detained.
(Thugs mime beating and kicking Collins, who falls to the ground as lights on him fade) [get up and pretend to be beaten]
Mark:
What does he mean...?
(Phone rings again)
What do you mean, "detained"?
(Lights come up on Benny, who's on a cellular phone)
Benny:
Ho ho ho.
Mark & Roger:
Benny! Shit. [cover: Santa! Shit.]
Benny:
Dudes, I'm on my way.
Mark & Roger:
Great! Fuck.
Benny:
I need the rent.
Mark:
What rent? [This RENT!]
Benny:
This past year's rent which I let slide.
Mark:
Let slide? You said we were 'golden
Roger:
When you bought the building
Mark:
When we were roommates
Roger:
Remember -- you lived here!?
Benny:
How could I forget?
You, me, Collins and Maureen [Moo!]
How is the drama queen?
Mark:
She's performing tonight
Benny:
I know.
Still her production manager?
Mark:
Two days ago I was bumped
Benny:
You still dating her?
Mark:
Last month I was dumped
Roger:
She's in love
Benny:
She's got a new man?
Mark:
Well -- no
Benny:
What's his name?
Both Roger & Mark:
[Echo] Joanne!
Benny:
Rent, my amigos, is due
Or I will have to evict you
Be there in a few.
(Roger defiantly picks out Musetta's theme from Puccini's La Boheme on the electric guitar. The fuse blows on the amp)
Mark:
The power blows ...
(The Company bursts into a flurry of movement. Then everyone except Mark and Roger freeze in a group upstage)
[As with any song in the show, feel free to sing along, dance, etc. I know I will.]
Mark:
How do you document real life
When real life is getting more
Like fiction each day
Headlines -- bread-lines
Blow my mind
And now this deadline
"Eviction -- or pay"
Rent! [cover: RANT! *all other lines are covers in this song]
Roger:
How do you write a song
When the chords sound wrong
Though they once sounded right and rare
When the notes are sour
Where is the power
You once had to ignite the air
Mark:
And we're hungry and frozen
Roger:
Some life that we've chosen
Roger & Mark Together:
How we gonna pay [How we gonna deal
How we gonna pay How we gonna deal
How we gonna pay How we gonna deal
Last year's rent Let's just rant!]
Mark:
We light candles
Roger:
How do you start a fire
When there's nothing to burn
And it feels like something's stuck in your flue [Achoo!]
Mark:
How can you generate heat
When you can't feel your feet
Both:
And they're turning blue!
Mark:
You light up a mean blaze
(Roger grabs one of his own posters)
Roger:
With posters --
(Mark grabs old manuscripts)
Mark:
And screenplays
Roger & Mark:
How we gonna pay [How we gonna deal
How we gonna pay How we gonna deal
How we gonna pay How we gonna deal
Last year's rent Let's just rant!]
(Lights go down on the loft and go up on Joanne Jefferson, who's at the pay phone)
Joanne:
(On the phone)
Don't screen, Maureen
It's me -- Joanne
Your substitute production manager
Hey hey hey! (Did you eat?)
Don't change the subject Maureen
But darling -- you haven't eaten all day
You won't throw up [You won't grow up
You won't throw up You won't grow up]
The digital delay ---
Didn't blow up (exactly)
There may have been one teeny tiny spark
You're not calling Mark!
Collins:
How do you stay on your feet
When on every street
It's 'trick or treat' [Trick or treat!]
(And tonight it's 'trick')
'Welcome back to town'
Oh, I should lie down
Everything's brown
And uh -- oh
I feel sick
Mark:
(At the window)
Where is he?
Collins:
Getting dizzy [cover: getting busy]
(He collapses)
Mark & Roger:
How we gonna pay [How we gonna deal
How we gonna pay How we gonna deal
How we gonna pay How we gonna deal
Last year's rent Let's just rant!]
Benny:
Alison baby -- you sound sad
I don't believe those two after everything I've done
Ever since our wedding I'm dirt -- They'll see
I can help them all out in the long run
Benny:
Forces are gathering
Forces are gathering
Can't turn away
Forces are gathering
Collins:
Ughhhhh--
Ughhhhh--
Ughhhhh-- I can't think
Ughhhhh--
Ughhhhh--
Ughhhhh-- I need a drink
Mark: (reading from a script page)
"The music ignites the night with passionate fire"
Joanne:
Maureen -- I'm not a theatre person
Roger:
"The narration crackles and pops with incendiary wit"
Joanne:
Could never be a theatre person
Mark:
Zoom in as they burn the past to the ground
Joanne (realizing she's been cut off)
Hello?
Mark & Roger:
And feel the heat of the future's glow
Joanne:
Hello?
Mark:
Hello? Maureen?
--Your equipment won't work?
Okay, all right, I'll go!
Mark & Half the Company:
How do you leave the past behind
When it keeps finding ways to get to your heart
It reaches way down deep and tears you inside out
Till you're torn apart
Rent!
Roger & the Other Half of the Company:
How can you connect in an age
Where strangers, landlords, lovers
Your own blood cells betray
All:
What binds the fabric together [Thread!]
When the raging, shifting winds of change
Keep ripping away
Benny:
Draw a line in the sand
And then make a stand
Roger:
Use your camera to spar
Mark:
Use your guitar
All:
When they act tough - you call their bluff
Mark & Roger:
We're not gonna pay [How we gonna deal]
Mark & Roger with half the Company:
We're not gonna pay [How we gonna deal]
Mark & Roger with the other half of the Company:
We're not gonna pay [How we gonna deal]
All:
Last year's rent [Let's just rant!]
This year's rent [We can rant!]
Next year's rent [Let's all rant!]
Rent rent rent rent rent [Rant rant rant rant rant!]
We're not gonna pay rent [everyone up and rant!]
Roger & Mark:
'Cause everything is rent ['Cause we all need to rant]
(The street in front of the pay phone. A homeless man appears above on the right. Across the stage, Angel Dumott Schunard is seated on the Christmas tree sculpture, with a plastic pickle tub balanced like a drum between his knees)
A Homeless Man:
Christmas bells are ringing
Christmas bells are ringing
Christmas bells are ringing
Somewhere else!
Not here
(The homeless man exits. Angel gets a good beat going on the tub, but is interrupted by a moan. He starts to drum again and sees Collins limp to downstage-left)
Angel:
You okay honey?
Collins:
I'm afraid so
Angel:
They get any money?
Collins:
No
Had none to get --
But they purloined my coat --
(Angel jumps down from the Christmas tree, kneels and wipes Collin's bloody knee) [He's touched by an Angel!]
Well you missed a sleeve! -- Thanks
Angel:
Hell, it's Christmas Eve
I'm Angel
Collins:
Angel..? Indeed
An angel of the first degree
Friends call me Collins -- Tom Collins
Nice tree ...
Angel:
Let's get a Band-Aid for your knee [I am stuck on Band-Aid brand. . .]
I'll change, there's a "Life Support" meeting at nine-thirty
Yes -- this body provides a comfortable home
For the Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome
Collins:
As does mine
Angel:
We'll get along fine
Get you a coat, have a bite
Make a night -- I'm flush
Collins:
My friends are waiting --
Angel:
You're cute when you blush
The more the merri -- ho ho ho
And I do not take no
(Angel and Collins walk off stage right)
(Lights come up on loft)
Roger:
Where are you going?
Mark:
Maureen calls... [Moo!]
Roger:
You're such a sucker!
Mark:
I don't suppose you'd like to see her show in the lot tonight?
(Roger shrugs)
Or come to dinner?
Roger:
Zoom in on my empty wallet.
Mark:
Touche. Take your AZT.
Close on Roger
His girlfriend April
Left a note saying "We've got AIDS"
Before slitting her wrists in the bathroom [Messy!]
I'll check up on you later. Change your mind [cover: underwear]. You have to get out of the house.
Roger:
I'm writing one great song before I...
One song
Glory
One song
Before I go
Glory
One song to leave behind
Find one song
One last refrain [what?]
Glory [good idea!]
From the pretty boy front man
Who wasted opportunity
One song
He had the world at his feet
Glory
In the eyes of a young girl [Mimi!]
A young girl [Mimi!]
Find glory
Beyond the cheap colored lights
One song
Before the sun sets
Glory -- on another empty life
Time flies -- time dies
Glory -- One blaze of glory
One blaze of glory -- glory
Find
Glory
In a song that rings true
Truth like a blazing fire
An eternal flame
Find
One song
A song about love
Glory
From the soul of a young man [Roger!]
A young man [Roger!]
Find
The one song
Before the virus takes hold
Glory
Like a sunset
One song
To redeem this empty life
Time flies
And then - no need to endure anymore
Time dies
The door
[Answer it!]
Roger:
What'd you forget? [Life!]
Mimi:
Got a light? [Flick on lighter]
Roger:
I know you? -- You're --
You're shivering
Mimi:
It's nothing
They turned off my heat
And I'm just a little
Weak on my feet
Would you light my candle? [You bet he would!]
What are you staring at?
Roger:
Nothing
Your hair in the moonlight
You look familiar
Can you make it?
Mimi:
Just haven't eaten much today
At least the room stopped spinning.
Anyway. What?
Roger:
Nothing
Your smile reminded me of --
Mimi:
I always remind people of -- who is she?
Roger:
She died. Her name was April
Mimi:
It's out again [Flick lighter off]
Sorry about your friend
Would you light my candle? [Flick it on]
Roger:
Well --
Mimi:
Yeah. [echo] Ow!
Roger:
Oh, the wax -- it's --
Mimi:
Dripping! I like it -- between my --
Roger:
Fingers. I figured...
Oh, well. Goodnight.
It blew out again?
Mimi:
No -- I think that I dropped my stash
Roger:
I know I've seen you out and about
When I used to go out
Your candle's out [Flick lighter off]
Mimi:
I'm illin' --
I had it when I walked in the door
It was pure --
Is it on the floor?
Roger:
The floor?
Mimi:
They say I have the best ass below 14th street
Is it true? [He thinks so!]
Roger:
What?
Mimi:
You're staring again.
Roger:
Oh no.
I mean you do -- have a nice - [Say it!]
I mean -- You look familiar
Mimi:
Like your dead girlfriend?
Roger:
Only when you smile.
But I'm sure I've seen you somewhere else --
Mimi:
Do you go to the Cat Scratch Club?
That's where I work - I dance - help me look
Roger:
Yes!
They used to tie you up -- [ kinky!]
Mimi:
It's a living
Roger:
I didn't recognize you
Without the handcuffs
Mimi:
We could light the candle
Oh won't you light the candle? [Flick lighter on]
Roger:
Why don't you forget that stuff
You look like you're sixteen
Mimi:
I'm nineteen -- but I'm old for my age
I'm just born to be [cover: wild] bad
Roger:
I once was born to be [cover: wild] bad
I used to shiver like that
Mimi:
I have no heat -- I told you
Roger:
I used to sweat
Mimi:
I got a cold [Achoo!]
Roger:
Uh huh
I used to be a junkie
Mimi:
But now and then I like to --
Roger:
Uh huh
Mimi:
Feel good
Roger:
Here it is -- um --
Mimi:
What's that?
Roger:
It's a candy bar wrapper [Throw wrappers]
(Roger puts it behind his back and into his pocket)
Mimi:
We could light the candle [Flick lighter off]
What'd you do with my candle?
Roger:
That was my last match
Mimi:
Our eyes'll adjust, thank God for the moon
Roger:
Maybe it's not the moon at all
I hear Spike Lee's shooting down the street
Mimi:
Bah humbug ... Bah humbug
Roger:
Cold hands
Mimi:
Yours too.
Big. Like my father's
You wanna dance?
Roger:
With you?
Mimi:
No -- with my father
Roger:
I'm Roger
Mimi:
They call me
They call me Mimi
Maureen:
Hi. You've reached Maureen and Joanne. Leave a message and don't forget "Over the Moon" -- My performance, protesting the eviction of the Homeless (and artists) from the Eleventh Street Lot. Tonight at midnight in the lot between A and B. Party at Life Cafe to follow (BEEP) [Moooooo!]
Mr. Jefferson:
Well, Joanne -- We're off
I tried you at the office
And they said you're stage managing or something
Mrs. Jefferson:
Remind her that those unwed mothers in Harlem
Need her legal help too
Mr. Jefferson:
Call Daisy for our itinerary or [Prince] Alfred [cover: in a can] at Pound Ridge
Or Eileen at the state department in a pinch
We'll be at the spa for new year's
Unless the senator changes his mind
Mrs. Jefferson:
The [cover: earrings] hearings
Mr. Jefferson:
Oh yes - Kitten [me-OW!]
Mummy's confirmation hearing begins on the tenth
We'll need you -- alone -- by the sixth
Mrs. Jefferson:
Harold!
Mr. Jefferson:
You hear that?
It's three weeks away
And she's already nervous
Mrs. Jefferson:
I am not!
Mr. Jefferson:
For Mummy's sake, Kitten [me-OW!]
No Doc Martens this time and wear a dress ...
Oh, and Kitten -- have a merry
Mrs. Jefferson:
And a bra!!
Mark:
Enter Tom Collins, computer genius, teacher, vagabond anarchist, who ran naked through the Parthenon.
Mark & Collins:
Bustelo -- Marlboro
Banana by the bunch
A box of Captain Crunch will taste so good [Throw cereal]
Collins:
And firewood
Mark:
Look -- it's Santa Claus [Ho ho- *if you time this right, it will go just like "ho ho ho-ld]
Collins:
Hold your applause
Roger:
Oh hi
Collins:
'Oh hi' after seven months?
Roger:
Sorry
Collins:
This boy could use some Stoli
Collins, Mark & Roger:
Oh holy night
Roger:
You struck gold [cover: on MTV] at MIT?
Collins:
They expelled me for my theory of Actual Reality
Which I'll soon impart
To the couch potatoes at New York University
Still haven't left the house?
Roger:
I was waiting for you, don't you know?
Collins:
Well, tonight's the night
Come to the Life Cafe after Maureen's show
Roger:
No flow
Collins:
Gentlemen, our benefactor on this Christmas Eve
Whose charity is only matched by talent, I believe
A new member of the Alphabet City avant-garde
Angel Dumott Schunard! [Golf claps!] [? Oblige the people who yell this]
Angel:
Today for you -- tomorrow for me
Today for you -- tomorrow for me
Collins:
And you should hear her beat!
Mark:
You earned this on the street?
Angel:
It was my lucky day today on Avenue A
When a lady in a limousine drove my way
She said, [echo] "Dahling -- be a dear -- haven't slept in a year
I need your help to make my neighbor's yappy dog disappear"
"This Akita-Evita just won't shut up
I believe if you play non-stop that pup
Will breathe its very last high-strung breath
I'm certain that cur will bark itself to death"
Today for you -- tomorrow for me
Today for you -- tomorrow for me
We agreed on a fee -- A thousand dollar guarantee
Tax-free -- and a bonus if I trim her tree
Now who could foretell that it would go so well
But sure as I am here that dog is now in doggy hell
After an hour -- Evita -- in all her glory
On the window ledge of that 23rd story
Like Thelma & Louise did when they got the blues
Swan dove into the courtyard of the Gracie Mews
Today for you -- tomorrow for me
Today for you -- tomorrow for me
Then back to the street where I met my sweet
Where he was moaning and groaning on the cold concrete
The nurse took him home for some mercurochrome
And I dressed his wounds and got him back on his feet
Sing it!
Today for you -- tomorrow for me
Today for you -- tomorrow for me
Today for you -- tomorrow for me
Today for you -- tomorrow for me
[As Benny enters, boo him profusely]
Benny:
Joy to the world--
Hey, you bum -- yeah, you, move over
Get your ass off that range rover
Mark:
That attitude toward the homeless is just what
Maureen is protesting tonight. [Moo!]
Close up: Benjamin Coffin the third, our ex-roommate who married Alison Grey, of the Westport Greys -- then bought the building and the lot next door from his father-in-law in hopes of starting a cyber-studio.
Benny:
Maureen is protesting [Moo!]
Losing her performance space
Not my attitude
Roger:
What happened to Benny
What happened to his heart
And the ideals he once pursued?
Benny:
The owner of that lot next door
Has a right to do with it as he pleases
Collins:
Happy birthday, Jesus! [How old is he?]
Benny:
The rent [That was a few scenes ago!]
Mark:
You're wasting your time
Roger:
We're broke
Mark:
And you broke your word -- this is absurd
Benny:
There is one way you won't have to pay
Roger:
I knew it!
Benny:
Next door, the home of Cyber Arts, you see
And now that the block is re-zoned
Our dream can become a reality
You'll see boys [I'll see what?]
You'll see boys [Oh boy!] [Oh girl!] [Oh shut up!]
A state of the art, digital, virtual interactive studio
I'll forego your rent and on paper guarantee
That you can stay here for free
If you do me one small favor
Mark:
What?
Benny:
Convince Maureen to cancel her protest [He won't]
Mark:
Why not just get an injunction or call the cops
Benny:
I did, and they're on stand by
But my investors would rather
I handle this quietly
Roger:
You can't quietly wipe out an entire tent city
Then watch 'It's a Wonderful Life' on TV!
Benny:
You want to produce films and write songs? [He does]
You need somewhere to do it!
It's what we used to dream about
Think twice before you pooh-pooh it
You'll see boys
You'll see boys
You'll see -- the beauty of a studio
That lets us do our work and get paid
With condos on the top
Whose rent keeps open our shop
Just stop the protest
And you'll have it made
You'll see -- or you'll pack
[Sing: Bye, bye Ben-ny-to the tune of Bye Bye Birdie]
Angel:
That boy could use some Prozac [Yay Prozac!]
Roger:
Or heavy drugs
Mark:
Or group hugs [Hug people nearby]
Collins:
Which reminds me --
We have a detour to make tonight
Anyone who wants to can come along
Angel:
Life support's a group for people coping with life
You don't have to stay too long
Mark:
First I've got a protest to save
Angel:
Roger?
Roger:
I'm not much company you'll find
Mark:
[echo] Behave!
Angel:
He'll catch up later -- He's just got other things on his mind
You'll see boys
Mark & Collins:
We'll see boys
Roger:
Let it be boys!
Collins:
I like boys
Angel:
Boys like me
All:
We'll see.
[Look, it's a bird, it's a plane, it's SUPER MARK! There he goes to save the day!]
Mark:
And so into the abyss...The lot. Where a small stage is partially set up.
Joanne:
(playing with some wires)
"Line in"...
I went to Harvard for this? [You went to Harvard?]
Mark:
Close on Mark's nose dive.
Joanne:
"Line out"...
Mark:
Will he get out of here alive...?
(Joanne notices Mark approaching)
Joanne:
Mark?
Mark:
Hi.
Joanne:
I told her not to call you
Mark:
That's Maureen
But can I help since I'm here
Joanne:
I've hired an engineer ...
Mark:
Great!
Well, nice to have met you...
Joanne:
Wait!
She's three hours late
The samples won't delay
But the cable --
Mark:
There's another way
Say something -- anything
Joanne: (into the mike)
[Echo] Test -- one, two three --
Mark:
Anything but that
Joanne:
This is weird
Mark:
It's weird
Joanne:
Very weird
Mark:
Fuckin' weird
Joanne:
I'm so mad
That I don't know what to do
Fighting with microphones
Freezing down to my bones
And to top it all off
I'm with you
Mark:
Feel like going insane?
Got a fire in your brain?
And you're thinking of drinking gasoline?
Joanne:
As a matter of fact --
Mark:
Honey, I know this act
It's called the 'Tango Maureen'
The Tango Maureen
It's a dark, dizzy merry-go-round
As she keeps you dangling
Joanne:
You're wrong
Mark:
Your heart she is mangling
Joanne:
It's different with me
Mark:
And you toss and you turn
'Cause her cold eyes can burn
Yet you yearn and you churn and rebound
Joanne:
I think I know what you mean
Both:
The Tango Maureen
Mark:
Has she ever pouted her lips
And called you 'Pookie'
Joanne:
Never!
Mark:
Have you ever doubted a kiss or two?
Joanne:
This is ... spooky
Did you swoon when she walked through the door?
Mark:
Every time -- so be cautious
Joanne:
Did she moon over other boys --?
Mark:
More than moon --
Joanne:
I'm getting nauseous
[If you want, get up and tango! This is the perfect time to get a little closer with your seatmates!]
Mark:
Where'd you learn to tango?
Joanne:
With the French Ambassador's daughter in her dorm room at Miss Porter's. And you?
Mark:
With Nanette Himmelfarb, the Rabbi's daughter at the Scarsdale Jewish Community Center.
[Switch directions, if tangoeing]
It's hard to do this backwards.
Joanne:
You should try it in heels!
She cheated
Mark:
She cheated
Joanne:
Maureen cheated
Mark:
Fuckin' cheated
Joanne:
I'm defeated
I should give up right now
Mark:
Gotta look on the bright side
With all of your might
Joanne:
I'd fall for her still anyhow
Both:
When you're dancing her dance
You don't stand a chance
Her grip of romance
Makes you fall
Mark:
So you think, "Might as well'
Joanne:
"Dance a tango to hell"
Both:
"At least I'll have tangoed at all"
The Tango Maureen
Gotta dance till your diva is through
You pretend to believe her
Cause in the end -- you can't leave her
But the end it will come
Still you have to play dumb
Till you're glum and you bum
And turn blue
Mark:
Why do we love when she's mean?
Joanne:
And she can be so obscene
Mark:
Try the mike
Joanne:
My Maureen-een-een-een
Mark:
Patched
Joanne:
Thanks
Mark:
You know -- I feel great now!
Joanne:
I feel lousy
(The pay phone rings. Joanne answers)
Honey, we're... (pause) Pookie?
You never call me Pookie...
Forget it, we're patched.
Both:
The Tango Maureen!
Steve:
Steve
Gordon:
Gordon
Ali:
Ali
Pam:
Pam
Sue:
Sue
Angel:
Hi, I'm Angel
Collins:
Tom. Collins.
Paul:
I'm Paul. Let's begin
All:
There's only us
There's only this...
[Clumsy!]
Mark:
Sorry ... Excuse me ... oops
Paul:
And you are?
Mark:
Oh -- I'm not --
I'm just here to --
I don't have --
I'm here with --
Um -- Mark
Mark -- I'm Mark
Well -- this is quite an operation
Paul:
Sit down Mark
We'll continue the affirmation
All:
Forget regret or life is yours to miss
Gordon:
Excuse me Paul -- I'm having a problem with this
This credo -- My T-cells are low --
I regret that news, okay?
Paul:
Alright
But Gordon - How do you feel today?
Gordon:
What do you mean?
Paul:
How do you feel today?
Gordon:
Okay
Paul:
Is that all?
Gordon:
Best I've felt all year
Paul:
Then why choose fear?
Gordon:
I'm a New Yorker!
Fear's my life!
Look - I find some of what you teach suspect
Because I'm used to relying on intellect
But I try to open up to what I don't know
Gordon & Roger (who sings from his loft):
Because reason says I should have died
Three years ago
All:
No other road
No other way
No day but today
[Chant: Hump the bar! Hump the bar!]
Mimi:
What's the time? [Tool time!]
Well it's gotta be close to midnight
My body's talking to me
It says, "Time for danger"
It says "I wanna commit a crime
Wanna be the cause of a fight
Wanna put on a tight skirt and flirt
With a stranger"
I've had a knack from way back
At breaking the rules once I learn the games
Get up - life's too quick
I know someplace sick
Where this chick'll dance in the flames [Roast chicks! Yum!]
We don't need any money
I always get in for free
You can get in too
If you get in with me
Let's go out tonight
I have to go out tonight
You wanna play? [Yeah!]
Let's run away
We won't be back before it's Christmas day
Take me out tonight [Meow!]
When I get a wink from the doorman
Do you know how lucky you'll be?
That you're on line with the feline of Avenue B
Let's go out tonight
I have to go out tonight
You wanna prowl
Be my night owl?
Well take my hand we're gonna howl [Awooooooo!]
Out tonight
In the evening I've got to roam
Can't sleep in the city of neon and chrome
Feels too damn much like home
When the Spanish babies cry
So let's find a bar
So dark we forget who we are
And all the scars from the
Nevers and maybes die
Let's go out tonight
Have to go out tonight
You're sweet
Wanna hit the street?
Wanna wail at the moon like a cat in heat?
Just take me out tonight
Please take me out tonight
Don't forsake me -- out tonight
I'll let you make me -- out tonight
Tonight -- tonight -- tonight
[Kiss him!]
Roger:
Who do you think you are? [Sing: They call her, they call her-MIMI!]
Barging in on me and my guitar
Little girl -- hey
The door is that way
You better go you know
The fire's out anyway
Take your powder -- take your candle
Your sweet whisper
I just can't handle
Well take your hair in the moonlight
Your brown eyes -- goodbye, goodnight
I should tell you I should tell you
I should tell you I should -- no!
Another time -- another place
Our temperature would climb
There'd be a long embrace
We'd do another dance
It'd be another play
Looking for romance?
Come back another day
Another day
Mimi:
The heart may freeze or it can burn
The pain will ease if I can learn
There is no future
There is no past
I live this moment as my last
There's only us
There's only this
Forget regret
Or life is yours to miss
No other road
No other way
[Echo] No day but today
Roger:
Excuse me if I'm off track
But if you're so wise
Then tell me -- why do you need smack?
Take your needle
Take your fancy prayer
And don't forget
Get the moonlight out of your hair
Long ago -- you might've lit up my heart
But the fire's dead -- ain't never ever gonna start
Another time -- another place
The words would only rhyme
We'd be in outer space [Mission: Mimi!]
It'd be another song
We'd sing another way
You wanna prove me wrong?
Come back another day
Another day
Mimi:
There's only yes
Only tonight
We must let go
To know what's right
No other course
No other way
[Echo] No day but today
Mimi & Others:
I can't control
My destiny
I trust my soul
My only goal is just
To be
There's only now
There's only here
Give in to love
Or live in fear
No other path
No other way
No day but today...
Roger:
Control your temper
She doesn't see
Who says that there's a soul?
Just let me be...
Who do you think you are?
Barging in on me and my guitar
Little girl, hey
The door is that way
The fire's out anyway
All:
No day but today
No day but today
No day but today
No day but today
No day but today
Roger:
Take your powder; take your candle
Take your brown eyes, your pretty smile, your silhouette
Another time, another place
Another rhyme, a warm embrace
Another dance, another way
Another chance, another day
[Yay Steve!]
Steve:
Will I lose my dignity
Will someone care
Will I wake tomorrow
From this nightmare?
Group #1:
Will I lose my dignity
Will someone care
Will I wake tomorrow
From this nightmare?
Group #2:
Will I lose my dignity
Will someone care
Will I wake tomorrow
From this nightmare?
Group #3:
Will I lose my dignity
Will someone care
Will I wake tomorrow
From this nightmare?
Group #4:
Will I lose my dignity
Will someone care
Will I wake tomorrow
From this nightmare?
Three Homeless People:
Christmas bells are ringing
Christmas bells are ringing
Christmas bells are ringing --
Out of town
Santa Fe
Squeegieman:
Honest living, man!
[Watch it!]
Feliz Navidad!
Homeless Person:
Evening, officers
(Without answering, the first officer raises his nightstick again)
Mark (pointing his camera)
[Shine flashlight on officer and echo] Smile for Ted Koppel, Officer Martin!
(The first officer lowers his stick)
Homeless Person:
And a Merry Christmas to your family
Police Officers
Right!!
Blanket Person (To Mark):
Who the fuck do you think you are? [He's SUPERMARK!]
I don't need no goddamn help
From some bleeding heart cameraman
My life's not for you to
Make a name for yourself on!
Angel:
Easy, sugar, easy
He was just trying to --
Blanket Person:
Just trying to use me to kill his guilt
It's not that kind of movie, honey
Let's go -- this lot is full of
Motherfucking artists
Hey artist
You got a dollar?
I thought not
Angel:
[Cover: Nerelander Theater] New York City --
Mark:
Uh huh
Angel:
Center of the universe
Collins:
Sing it girl --
Angel:
Times are shitty
But I'm pretty sure they can't get worse [Yeah they will- YOU DIE!]
Mark:
I hear you
Angel:
It's a comfort to know
When you're singing the hit-the-road blues
That anywhere else you could possibly go
After New York would be a pleasure cruise
Collins:
Now you're talking
Well, I'm thwarted by a metaphysic puzzle
And I'm sick of grading papers -- that I know
And I'm shouting in my sleep, I need a muzzle
All this misery pays no salary, so
Let's open up a restaurant in Santa Fe
Oh sunny Santa Fe would be nice
Let's open up a restaurant in Santa Fe
And leave this to the roaches and mice
Collins:
Oh -- oh
All:
Oh --
Angel:
You teach?
Collins:
-- I teach -- Computer Age Philosophy
But my students would rather watch TV [Yay TV!]
Angel:
America
All:
America!
Collins:
You're a sensitive aesthete
Brush the sauce onto the meat
You could make the menu sparkle with rhyme
You could drum a gentle drum
I could seat guests as they come
Chatting not about Heidegger, but wine!
(with homeless people in the shadows)
Let's open up a restaurant in Santa Fe
Our labors would reap financial [cover: grains] gains
All:
[cover: grains, grains, grains] Gains, gains, gains
Collins:
We'll open up a restaurant in Santa Fe
And save from devastation our brains [Yay brains!]
Homeless:
Save our brains
All:
We'll pack up all our junk and fly so far away
Devote ourselves to projects that sell
We'll open up a restaurant in Santa Fe
Forget this cold Bohemian hell
Oh--
All:
Oh--
Collins:
Do you know the way to Santa Fe?
You know, tumbleweeds...prairie dogs...
Yeah
Mark:
I'll meet you at the show.
I'll try and convince Roger to go.
(Mark exits)
Angel:
Alone at last...
Collins:
He'll be back, I guarantee.
Angel:
I've been hearing violins all night!
Collins:
Anything to do with me? Are we a thing?
Angel:
Darling... we're everything!
Live in my house
I'll be your shelter
Just pay me back
With one thousand kisses
Be my lover -- I'll cover you
Collins:
Open your door
I'll be your tenant
Don't got much baggage
To lay at your feet
But sweet kisses I've got to spare
I'll be there -- I'll cover you
Both:
I think they meant it
When they said you can't buy love
Now I know you can rent it
A new lease you are, my love,
On life -- be my life
[Dance, dammit!]
Just slip me on
I'll be your tenant
Wherever -- whatever -- I'll be your coat
Angel:
[Cover: You're Burger King] You'll be my king
And I'll be your castle
Collins:
[Cover: No, You're Dairy Queen] No you'll be my queen
And I'll be your moat
Both:
I think they meant it
When they said you can't buy love
Now I know you can rent it
A new lease you are, my love,
On life -- all my life
I've longed to discover
Something as true as this is
Collins:
So with a thousand
sweet kisses
I'll cover you
With a thousand sweet kisses
I'll cover you
When you're worn out
And tired
When your heart has expired
Angel:
If you're cold
And you're lonely
You've got one nickel only
With a thousand sweet kisses
I'll cover you
With a thousand sweet kisses
I'll cover you
Both:
Oh lover I'll cover you
Oh lover I'll cover you
Joanne:
(on cellular phone)
Steve -- Joanne
The Murget case?
A dismissal!
Good work counselor
[Answer the phone!]
We're okay
Honeybear -- wait!
I'm on the other phone
Yes, I have the cowbell
We're okay
So tell them we'll sue
But a settlement will do
Sexual harassment -- and civil rights too
Steve, you're great
No you cut the paper plate
Didja cheat on Mark a lot would you say?
We're okay
Honey hold on...
Steve, hold on...
[Answer the phone!]
Hello?
Dad -- yes
I beeped you
Maureen is coming to Mother's hearing
We're okay
Honeybear - what?
Newt's lesbian sister
I'll tell them
You heard?
They heard
We're okay
And to you dad
Yes -- Jill is there?
Steve gotta --
Jill with the short black hair?
The Calvin Klein model? [CK one- for a man or a woman]
Steve, gotta go!
The model who lives in Penthouse A???
We're [Big note coming up, breathe!]
We're okay
I'm on my way
Five Homeless People:
Christmas bells are ringing
Christmas bells are ringing
Christmas bells are singing
On TV - at Saks
Squeegieman:
Honest living, honest living [Squeegee, squeegee, squeegee, squeegee
Honest living, honest living Squeegee, squeegee, squeegee, squeegee
Honest living, honest living Squeegee, squeegee, squeegee, squeegee]
All Five Homeless:
Can't you spare a dime or two
Here but for the grace of God go you
You'll be merry
I'll be merry
Tho merry ain't in my vocabulary
No sleighbells
No Santa Claus
No yule log
No tinsel
No holly
No hearth
No
Soloist:
'Rudolph the red nosed reindeer'
All Five Homeless:
Rudolph the red nosed reindeer
No room at the Holiday Inn -- oh no
And it's beginning to snow
Vendors:
Hats, bats, shoes, booze
Mountain bikes, potpourri
Leather bags, girlie mags
Forty-fives, AZT
Vendor #1:
No one's buying
Feel like crying
All:
No room at the Holiday Inn, oh no
And it's beginning to snow
Vendor #2
How about a fur --
In perfect shape
owned by an MBA from uptown
I got a tweed
Broken in by a greedy
Broker who went broke
And then broke down [A broken, broke broker coat!]
Collins:
You don't have to do this
Angel:
Hush your mouth, it's Christmas
Collins:
I do not deserve you, Angel
Collins:
Give -- give
All you do
Is give
Give me some way to show
How much you've touched me so
Angel:
Wait -- what's on the floor?
Let's see some more...
No - no - no...
Kiss me -- it's beginning to snow
Mark:
... She said, "Would you light my candle?" [Flick lighter on, then off]
And she put on a pout
And she wanted you
To take her out tonight? [Sing: Owwwww-uuuut tonight!]
Roger:
Right
Mark:
She got you out!
Roger:
She was more than okay
But I pushed her away
It was bad -- I got mad
And I had to get her out of my sight
Mark:
Wait, wait, wait -- you said she was sweet
Roger:
Let's go eat -- I'll just get fat
It's the one vice left when you're dead meat
There -- that's her
Mark:
Maureen? [Moo!]
Roger:
Mimi!
Mark:
Whoa!
Roger:
I should go
Mark:
Hey -- it's beginning to snow
Police Officers:
I'm dreaming of a white, right Christmas
Mimi & Junkies:
Follow the man -- follow the man
With his pockets full of the jam
Follow the man -- follow the man
Help me out, daddy
If you can
Got any D man?
The Man:
I'm cool
Mimi & Junkies:
Got any [cover: semen] C man?
The Man:
I'm cool
Mimi & Junkies:
Got any X?
Any smack?
Any horse?
Any jugie boogie boy?
Any blow?
Roger:
Hey
Mimi:
Hey
Roger:
I just want to say
I'm sorry for the way --
Mimi:
Forget it
Roger:
I blew up
Can I make it up to you?
Mimi:
How?
Roger:
Dinner party?
Mimi:
That'll do
The Man:
Hey lover boy -- cutie pie
You steal my client -- you die [Drag finger across throat and make noises]
Roger:
You didn't miss me -- you won't miss her
You'll never lack for customers
Junkies:
I'm willin'
I'm illin'
I gotta get my sickness off
Gotta run, gotta ride
Gotta gun, gotta hide -- gotta go
The Man:
And it's beginning to snow
Benny:
Wish me luck, Alison
The protest is on
Coat Vendor:
L.L Bean
Geoffrey Beene
Burburry zip out
Lining
Junkies:
Got any C man?
Got any D man?
Got any B man?
Got any crack?
Got any X?
Squeegieman:
Honest living --
Roger:
Mark, this is Mimi --
Mark/Mimi:
Hi
Roger:
She'll be dining -- (with us)
Coat Vendor:
Here's a new arrival
The Man:
That is an ounce
Vendors:
Hats, dats, bats
Collins:
That's my coat!
Coat Vendor:
We give discounts
Mark:
I think we've met
Angel:
Let's get a better one
Collins:
It's a sham
Mimi:
That's what he said
The Man:
I said it's a gram!
Collins:
But she's a thief!
Angel:
But she brought us together
Benny:
Which investor is coming??
Collins:
I'll take the leather
Benny:
Your father? -- Damn!
(The following is sung simultaneously)
Homeless & Vendors:
Christmas bells are swinging
Christmas bells are ringing
Christmas bells are singing
In my dreams -- next year
Once you donate you can go
Celebrate in Tuckahoe
You'll feel cheery
I'll feel cheery
Tho' I don't really know that theory
No bathrobe
No steuben glass
No cappucino makers
No pearls, no diamonds
No 'Chestnuts roasting on an open fire'
Chestnuts roasting on an open fire
No room at the Holiday Inn, oh no --
Police Officers:
I'm dreaming of a white Christmas
Just like the ones I used to know
Jingle bells -- prison cells
Fa la la la -- fa la la la
You have the right to remain
Silent night holy night
Fall on your knees oh night divine
You'll do some time
Fa la la la la
Fa la la la la
Junkies:
Got any C man?
Got any D man?
Got any B man?
Got any X? -- Crack?
I'm willin' -- I'm illin'
Gotta get my sickness off
C-D help me
Follow the man -- follow the man
Follow the man
Jugie boogie -- jugie boogie
Follow the man -- follow the man
Any crack any X any jugie boogie boy
Any blow any X any jugie boogie boy
Got any D man, got any C man
Got any crack -- any X -- any jugie boogie?
Coat Vendor:
Twenty-five
Angel:
Fifteen
Coat Vendor:
Twenty-five
Angel:
Fifteen
Coat Vendor:
No way
Twenty-four
Angel:
Fifteen
Coat Vendor:
Twenty-four
Angel:
Fifteen
Coat Vendor:
Not today
Twenty-three
Angel:
Fifteen
Coat Vendor:
Twenty-three
Angel:
Fifteen
It's old
Coat Vendor:
Twenty-two
Angel:
Fifteen
Coat Vendor:
Twenty-one
Angel:
Fifteen
Coat Vendor:
Seventeen
Angel:
Fifteen
Coat Vendor:
Fifteen
Angel & Coat Vendor:
Sold!
Mark & Roger:
Let's
Go
To
The lot -- Maureen's performing
Mimi:
Who's Maureen?
Roger:
His ex
Mark:
But I am over her
Roger:
Let's not hold hands yet
Mimi:
Is that a warning?
All Three:
He/You/I
Just
Need(s)
To take it slow
I should tell you I should tell you
I should tell you I should tell you
I should tell you I ...
All:
And it's beginning to
And it's beginning to
And it's beginning to ---
[Biker momma!]
Maureen:
Joanne, which way to the stage?
All:
Snow!!!
Mark:
Maureen's performance. [Finally!]
Maureen (in front of a microphone):
Last night I had a dream. [So what?} I found myself in a desert called Cyberland. [Isn't that . . .?] [Shut up!]
It was hot. My canteen had sprung a leak and I was thirsty.
Out of the abyss walked a cow -- Elsie.
I asked if she had anything to drink.
She said, "I'm forbidden to produce milk.
In Cyberland, we only drink Diet Coke." [Trademark!]
She said, "Only thing to do is jump over the moon"
"They've closed everything real down ... like barns, troughs, performance spaces ...
And replaced it all with lies and rules and virtual life.
But there is a way out...
Backups:
Leap of faith, leap of faith
Leap of faith, leap of faith
Maureen:
"Only thing to do is jump over the moon"
I gotta get out of here! It's like I'm being tied
to the hood of a yellow rental truck, being packed
in with fertilizer and fuel oil, pushed over a cliff
by a suicidal Mickey Mouse! [Copyright!]
I've gotta find a way
To jump over the moon
Only thing to do is jump over the moon
Backups:
Leap of faith, leap of faith...
Maureen:
Then a little bulldog entered. His name (we have learned) was Benny. [Isn't that . . .?] [Shut up!]
And although he once had principles,
He abandoned them to live as a lap dog to a wealthy daughter of the revolution.
"That's bull," he said.
"Ever since the cat took up the fiddle, that cow's been jumpy.
And the dish and the spoon were evicted from the table -- and eloped ...
She's had trouble with that milk and the moon ever since.
Maybe it's a female thing.
'Cause who'd want to leave Cyberland anyway?
Walls ain't so bad.
The dish and the spoon for instance.
They were down on their luck - knocked on my doghouse door.
I said, "Not in my backyard, utensils! Go back to China!"
"The only way out is up," Elsie whispered to me.
"A leap of faith. Still thirsty?" she asked.
Parched. "Have some milk."
I lowered myself beneath her and held my mouth to her swollen udder
And sucked the sweetest milk I'd ever tasted."
[Slurping noises]
"Climb on board," she said.
And as a harvest moon rose over Cyberland,
We reared back and sprang into a gallop.
Leaping out of orbit!
I awoke singing
Backups:
Leap of faith, leap of faith...
Maureen:
Only thing to do
Only thing to do is jump
Only thing to do is jump over the moon
Only thing to do is jump over the moon
Over the moon -- over the
Moooooooo
Moooooooo
Moooooooo
Moooooooo
Moo with me. [Moo with her- of course!]
Thank you!
Restaurant Man:
No please no
Not tonight please no
Mister -- can't you go --
Not tonight -- can't have a scene
Roger:
What?
Restaurant Man:
Go, please go;
You -- Hello, sir --
I said, "No"
Important customer
Mark:
What am I -- just a blur? [He's SUPERMARK!]
Restaurant Man:
You sit all night -- you never buy!
Mark:
That's a lie -- that's a lie
I had a tea the other day
Restaurant Man:
You couldn't pay
Mark:
Oh yeah
Collins:
Benjamin Coffin III -- here?
Restaurant Man:
Oh no!
All:
[Echo] Wine and beer!
Maureen:
The enemy of Avenue A
We'll stay
Restaurant Man:
Oy vey!
Collins:
What brings the mogul in his own mind to the Life Cafe?
Benny:
I would like to propose a toast
To Maureen's noble try
It went well
Maureen:
Go to hell [Flick Benny off]
Benny:
Was the yuppie scum stomped?
Not counting the homeless
How many tickets weren't comped?
Roger:
Why did Muffy --
Benny:
Alison
Roger:
Miss the show?
Benny:
There was a death in the family
If you must know
Angel:
Who died?
Benny:
Our Akita
Benny, Mark, Angel & Collins:
Evita! [Sing: Don't cry for her, Argentina!]
Benny:
Mimi -- I'm surprised
A bright and charming girl like you
Hangs out with these slackers
(Who don't adhere to deals)
They make fun -- yet I'm the one
Attempting to do some good
Or do you really want a neighborhood
Where people piss on your stoop every night?
Bohemia, Bohemia's
A fallacy in your head
This is Calcutta
Bohemia is dead
[Fake crying, loud sobbing]
Mark:
Dearly beloved we gather here to say our goodbyes
Collins & Roger:
Dies irae -- dies illa
Kyrie eleison
Yitgadal v' yitkadash, etc.
Mark:
Here she lies
No one knew her worth
The late great daughter of mother earth
On this night when we celebrate the birth
In that little town of Bethlehem
We raise our glass -- you bet your ass to - [Yay ass!]
La vie Boheme
All:
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme
[Dance Marky dance!]
Mark:
To days of inspiration
Playing hooky, making something out of nothing
The need to express --
To communicate,
To going against the grain,
Going insane
Going mad
To loving tension, no pension
To more than one dimension,
To starving for attention,
Hating convention, hating pretension
Not to mention of course,
Hating dear old mom and dad
To riding your bike,
Midday past the three piece suits
To fruits -- to no absolutes --
To Absolut -- to choice --
To the Village Voice --
To any passing fad
To being an us for once
Instead of a them
All:
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme
Maureen:
Is the equipment in a pyramid?
Joanne:
It is, Maureen
Maureen:
The mixer doesn't have a case
Don't give me that face
[Spank it!]
Mr. Grey:
Ahhemm
Maureen:
Hey Mister -- she's my sister
Restaurant Man:
So that's five miso soup, four seaweed salad
Three soy burger dinner, two tofu dog platter
And one pasta with meatless balls
A Boy:
Eww [Don't knock it until you try it!]
Collins:
It tastes the same
Mimi:
If you close your eyes
Restaurant Man:
And thirteen orders of fries
Is that it here?
All:
Wine and beer!
Mimi & Angel:
To hand-crafted beers made in local breweries
To yoga, to yogurt, to rice and beans and cheese
To leather, to dildos, to curry vindaloo
To huevos rancheros and Maya Angelou
Maureen & Collins:
Emotion, devotion, to causing a commotion
Creation, vacation
Mark:
Mucho masturbation [Yay masturbation!]
Maureen & Collins:
Compassion, to fashion, to passion when it's new
Collins:
To Sontag
Angel:
To Sondheim
Four People:
To anything taboo
Collins & Roger:
Ginsberg, Dylan, Cunningham and Cage
Collins:
Lenny Bruce
Roger:
Langston Hughes
Maureen:
To the stage!
Person #1:
To Uta
Person #2:
To Buddha
Person #3:
Pablo Neruda, too
Mark & Mimi:
Why Dorothy and Toto went over the rainbow
To blow off Auntie Em
All:
[Echo] La vie Boheme
Maureen:
And wipe the speakers off before you pack
Joanne:
Yes, Maureen
Maureen:
Well -- hurry back
Mr. Grey:
Sisters?
Maureen:
We're close
Angel, Collins, Maureen, Mark & Mr. Grey:
Brothers!
Mark, Angel, Mimi & Three Others:
Bisexuals, trisexuals, homo sapiens,
Carcinogens, hallucinogens, men, Pee Wee Herman
German wine, turpentine, Gertrude Stein
Antonioni, Bertolucci, Kurosawa
Carmina Burana
All:
To apathy, to entropy, to empathy, ecstasy
Vaclav Havel -- The Sex Pistols, 8BC,
To no shame -- never playing the Fame Game
Collins:
To marijuana
All:
To sodomy,
It's between God and me
To S & M
Benny
Waiter...Waiter...Waiter
All:
[Echo] La vie Boheme
Collins:
In honor of the death of Bohemia an impromptu salon will commence immediately following dinner. Mimi Marquez, clad only in bubble wrap, will perform her famous lawn chair-handcuff dance to the sounds of iced tea being stirred.
Roger:
Mark Cohen will preview his new documentary about his inability to hold an erection on high holy days.
Mark:
Maureen Johnson, back from her spectacular one-night engagement at the eleventh street lot, will sing Native American tribal chants backwards through her vocoder, while accompanying herself on the electric cello -- which she has never studied.
[Let go of her!]
Benny:
Your new boyfriend doesn't know about us?
Mimi:
There's nothing to know
Benny:
Don't you think that we should discuss --
Mimi:
It was three months ago
Benny:
He doesn't act like he's with you
Mimi:
We're taking it slow
Benny:
Where is he now?
Mimi:
He's right -- hmm
Benny:
Uh huh
Mimi:
Where'd he go?
Mark:
Roger will attempt to write a bittersweet, evocative song. That doesn't remind us of "Musetta's Waltz".
Collins:
Angel Dumott Schunard will now model the latest fall fashions from Paris while accompanying herself on the 10 gallon plastic pickle tub.
Angel:
And Collins will recount his exploits as an anarchist --
Including the successful reprogramming of the M.I.T. virtual reality equipment to self-destruct, as it broadcast the words:
All:
"Actual reality -- Act Up -- Fight AIDS"
Benny:
Check!!
Mimi:
Excuse me -- did I do something wrong? [You tell him, sister!]
I get invited -- then ignored -- all night long
Roger:
I've been trying -- I'm not lying
No one's perfect. I've got baggage
Mimi:
Life's too short, babe, time is flying [Pan-Am]
I'm looking for baggage that goes with mine
Roger:
I should tell, you --
Mimi:
I've got baggage too
Roger:
I should tell you --
Mimi:
I got baggage, too
Roger:
I should tell you --
Both:
Baggage - wine
Others:
And beer!
Mimi:
AZT break
Roger:
You?
Mimi:
Me. [Tarzan] You? [Jane]
Roger (nods):
Mimi
Roger:
I should tell you I'm disaster
I forget how to begin it
Mimi:
Let's just make this part go faster
I have yet -- to be in it
I should tell you
Roger:
I should tell you
Mimi:
I should tell you
Roger:
I should tell you
Mimi:
I should tell I blew the candle out [No shit!]
Just to get back in
Roger:
I'd forgotten how to smile
Until your candle burned my skin
Mimi:
I should tell you
Roger:
I should tell you [Awww, just tell her, dammit!]
Mimi:
I should tell you
Both:
I should tell
Well, here we go
Now we --
Mimi:
Oh no
Roger:
I know -- this something is
Here goes --
Mimi:
Here goes
Roger:
Guess so
It's starting to
--Who knows?
Mimi:
Who knows
Both:
Who knows where
Who goes there
Who knows
Here goes
Trusting desire -- starting to learn
Walking through fire without a burn
Clinging -- a shoulder, a leap begins
Stinging and older, asleep on pins
So here we go
Now we --
Roger:
Oh no
Mimi:
I know
Roger:
Oh no
Both:
Who knows where -- who goes there
Here goes -- here goes
Here goes -- here goes
Here goes -- here goes
Maureen:
Are we packed?
Joanne:
Yes and by next week
I want you to be [Talk about harsh!]
Maureen:
Pookie?!
Joanne:
And you should see
They've padlocked your building
And they're rioting on Avenue B
Benny called the cops
Maureen:
[Cover: Good] That fuck!
Joanne:
They don't know what they're doing
The cops are sweeping the lot
But no one's leaving
They're just sitting there, mooing!
All:
Yeah!!!
To dance!
A Girl:
No way to make a living, masochism, pain, perfection
Muscle spasms, chiropractors, short careers, eating disorders!
All:
Film!
Mark:
Adventure, tedium, no family, boring locations,
Dark rooms, perfect faces, egos, money, Hollywood and sleaze!
All:
Music!
Angel:
Food of love, emotion, mathematics, isolation,
Rhythm, feeling, power, harmony, and heavy competition!
All:
Anarchy!
Collins & Maureen:
Revolution, justice, screaming for solutions,
Forcing changes, risk, and danger
Making noise and making pleas!
All:
To faggots, lezzies, dykes, cross dressers too
Maureen:
To me
Mark:
To me
Collins & Angel:
To me
All:
To you, and you and you, you and you
To people living with, living with, living with
Not dying from disease
Let he among us without sin
Be the first to condemn
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme
Mark:
Anyone out of the mainstream
Is anyone in the mainstream?
Anyone alive--with a sex drive
Tear down the wall
Aren't we all?
The opposite of war isn't peace...
It's creation!
Others:
La vie boheme
La vie boheme
La vie boheme
All:
La vie Boheme
Mark:
The riot continues. The Christmas tree goes up in flames. The snow dances. Oblivious, Mimi and Roger share a small, lovely kiss.
All:
Viva la vie Boheme!
Seasons Of Love
The Company:
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
Five hundred twenty-five thousand moments so dear
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
[Cover: When will this song-when will it end?] How do you measure -- measure a year?
In daylights -- In sunsets
In midnights -- In cups of coffee
In inches -- In miles
In laughter -- In strife
In -- Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
How do you measure a year in the life?
How about love?
How about love?
How about love?
Measure in love
Seasons of love
Seasons of love
[Sing it sister!]
Soloist #1:
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Journeys to plan
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
How do you measure the life
Of a woman or a man?
Soloist #2:
In truths that she learned
Or in times that he cried
In bridges he burned
Or the way that she died
All:
It's time now - to sing out
Tho' the story never ends
Let's celebrate
Remember a year in the life of friends
Remember the love
Remember the love
Remember the love
Measure in love
Soloist #1:
Measure, measure your life in love
Seasons of love ...
Seasons of love
Mark (carrying mock door):
Pan to the padlocked door. New Year's Rocking Eve. The breaking-back-into-the-building party.
Mimi:
How long till next year?
Roger:
Three and half minutes...
Mimi:
I'm giving up my vices
I'm going back -- back to school [Oh, sure]
Eviction or not
[Cover: And I've] This week's been so hot
That long as I've got you
I know I'll be cool
I couldn't crack the love code, dear
'Til you made the lock on my heart explode
It's gonna be a happy New Year
A happy new year
Mark:
Coast is clear
You're supposed to be working
That's for midnight
Where are they?
There isn't much time
Mimi:
Maybe they're [un]dressing
I mean what does one wear that's apropos
For a party -- that's also a crime
Maureen:
Chips, anyone?
Mark:
You can take the girl out of Hicksville
But you can't take the Hicksville out of the girl
[Hey, I'm FROM Hicksville!]
Maureen:
My riot got you on TV
I deserve a royalty
Mimi:
Be nice you two
Or no god awful champagne
Maureen:
Don't mind if I do
No luck?
Roger:
Bolted plywood, padlocked with a chain
A total dead end
Maureen:
Just like my ex-girlfriend
Honey...?
I know you're there ...
Please pick up the phone
Are you okay?
It's not funny
It's not fair
How can I atone?
Are you okay?
I lose control
But I can learn to behave
Give me one more chance
Let me be your slave
I'll kiss your Doc Martens
Let me kiss your Doc Martens
Your every wish I will obey
Joanne:
That might be okay
Down girl
Heel...stay [Good bitch]
I did a bit of research
With my friends at legal aid
Technically, you're squatters
There's hope
But just in case
Mark & Joanne:
Rope!
Mark:
We can hoist a line --
Joanne:
To the fire escape --
Mark:
And tie off at...
Mark & Joanne:
That bench!
Maureen:
I can't take them as chums!
Joanne:
Start hoisting...wench!
Roger:
I think I should be laughing
Yet I forget
Forget how to begin
I'm feeling something inside
And yet I still can't decide
If I should hide
Or make a wide open grin
Last week I wanted just to disappear
My life was dust
But now it just may be a happy new year
A happy new year
Collins:
Bond -- James Bond
Angel:
And Pussy Galore -- in person
Mimi:
Pussy -- you came prepared
Angel:
I was a Boy Scout once
And a brownie [Transvestite from the womb!]
'Til some brat got scared
Collins (to MIMI):
Aha! Moneypenny -- my martini!
Mimi:
Will bad champagne do?
Roger:
That's shaken -- not stirred
Collins:
Pussy -- the bolts
Angel:
Just say the word!
Mimi:
Two minutes left to execute our plan
Collins:
Where's everyone else?
Roger:
Playing Spiderman
Mark:
Ironic close up: tight
On the phone machine's red light
Once the Boho boys are gone
The power mysteriously comes on
Mrs. Cohen:
Mark, it's the wicked witch of the west your mother [Wicked witch laugh]
Happy new year from Scarsdale
We're all impressed that the riot footage
Made the nightly news
Even your father says Mazeltov
Honey -- call him
Love, Mom
Alexi Darling:
Mark Cohen
Alexi Darling from Buzzline
Mark:
Oh, that show's so sleazy.
Alexi Darling:
Your footage on the riots: A-one
Feature segment -- network - [Cover: meal time!] dealtime
I'm sending you a contract
[Echo] Ker-ching ker-ching [Throw coins]
Marky give us a call 970-4301
Or at home try 863-6754
Or -- my cell phone at 919-763-0090
Or -- you can e-mail me
At Darling Alexi Newscom dot net
Or -- you can page me at --
Maureen:
I think we need an agent!
Mark:
We?
Joanne:
That's selling out
Mark:
But it's nice to dream
Maureen:
Yeah -- it's network TV
And it's all thanks to me
Mark:
Somehow I think I smell
The whiff of a scheme [It's her cheap perfume]
Joanne:
Me too
Maureen:
We can plan another protest
Joanne:
We?
Maureen:
This time you can shoot from the start...
You'll direct
Starring me!
All:
5, 4, 3... Open sesame!!
Happy new year
Happy new year
Happy new...
Benny:
I see that you've beaten me to the punch
Roger:
How did you know we'd be here?
[He locked it, asshole!]
Benny:
I had a hunch
Mark:
You're not mad?
Benny:
I'm here to end this war
It's a shame you went and destroyed the door
Mimi:
Why all the sudden the big about face
Benny:
The credit is yours
You made a good case
Roger:
What case?
Benny:
Mimi came to see me
And she had much to say
Mimi:
That's not how you put it at all yesterday
Benny:
I couldn't stop thinking about the whole mess
Mark -- you want to get this on film
Mark:
I guess
Benny:
I regret the unlucky circumstances
Of the past seven days
Roger:
Circumstance? You padlocked our door
Benny:
And it's with great pleasure
On behalf of Cyber Arts
That I hand you this key
Angel:
Golf claps [Polite clapping]
Mark:
I have no juice in my battery
Benny:
Reshoot
Roger:
I see -- this is a photo opportunity
Maureen:
The benevolent god
Ushers the poor artists back to their flat
Were you planning on taking down the barbed wire
From the lot, too?
Roger:
Anything but that!
Benny:
Clearing the lot was a safety concern
We break ground this month
But you can return
Maureen:
That's why you're here with people you hate
Instead of with Muffy at Muffy's estate
Benny:
I'd honestly rather be with you tonight than in Westport --
Roger:
Spare us old sport, the soundbite
Benny:
Mimi -- since your ways are so seductive
Mimi:
You came on to me!
Benny:
Persuade him not to be so counterproductive
Roger:
Liar!
Benny:
Why not tell them what you wore to my place?
Mimi:
I was on my way to work!
Benny:
Black leather and lace!
My desk was a mess
I think I'm still sore
Mimi:
Cause I kicked him and told him I wasn't his whore! [Go girl!]
Benny:
Does your boyfriend know
Who your last boyfriend was?
Roger:
I'm not her boyfriend
I don't care what she does
Angel:
People! Is this any way to start a new year?
Have compassion
Benny just lost his cat
Benny:
My dog -- but I appreciate that
Angel:
My cat had a fall
And I went through hell
Benny:
It's like losing a --
How did you know that she fell?
Collins:
Champagne?
Benny:
Don't mind if I do
To dogs!
All but Benny:
No, Benny -- To you!
Angel:
Let's make a resolution
Mimi:
I'll drink to that
Collins:
Let's always stay friends
Joanne:
Tho' we may have our disputes
Maureen:
This family tree's got deep roots
Mark:
Friendship is thicker than blood [Blood is thicker than water!] [Water for chocolate!]
Roger:
That depends
Mimi:
Depends on trust
Roger:
Depends on true devotion
Joanne:
Depends on love
Mark (to Roger):
Depends on not denying emotion
Roger:
Perhaps
All:
It's gonna be a happy New Year
Roger:
I guess
All:
It's gonna be a happy new year
Roger:
You're right
Angel:
It's gonna be a happy New Year
Roger & Mimi:
I'm sorry
Roger:
Coming?
Mimi:
In a minute -- I'm fine -- go
The Man:
Well, well, well. What have we here?
It's gonna be a happy new year [DON'T DO IT MIMI!]
There, there...there
Mark:
Valentine's Day...Pan across the empty lot. Roger's down at Mimi's, where he's been for almost two months now -- although he keeps talking about selling his guitar and heading out of town...Still jealous of Benny... God knows where Collins and Angel are...Could be that new Shanty Town near the river or a suite at the Plaza...Maureen and Joanne are rehearsing...
Joanne:
I said once more from the top!
[Stage Nazi!]
Maureen:
I said no!
Mark:
That is, if they're speaking this week. Me? I'm here. Nowhere.
Joanne:
The line is 'Cyber Arts and its corporate sponsor, Grey Communications, would like to mitigate the Christmas Eve riots.' What is so difficult...?
Maureen:
It just doesn't roll off my tongue. I like my version.!
Joanne:
You -- dressed as a ground hog. To protest the ground breaking!
Maureen:
It's a metaphor!
Joanne:
Well, it's less than brilliant!
Maureen:
That's it, Ms. Ivy League!
Joanne:
What?!
Maureen:
Ever since New Year's, I haven't said boo. I let you direct, I didn't pierce my nipples because it grossed you out! I didn't stay and dance at the Clit Club that night, 'cause you wanted to go home...
Joanne:
You were flirting with the woman in rubber!
Maureen:
That's what this is about!? There will always be women in rubber, flirting with me... Gimme a break. [Sing: Gimme a break, gimme a break, break me off a piece of that Mooing bitch!]
Every single day
I walk down the street
I hear people say,
"Baby's so sweet"
Ever since puberty
Everybody stares at me
Boys - girls
I can't can't help it baby
So be kind
Don't lose your mind
Just remember that I'm your baby
Take me for what I am
Who I was meant to be
And if you give a damn
Take me baby or leave me
Take me baby or leave me
A tiger in a cage
Can never see the sun
This diva needs her stage
Baby - let's have fun!
You are the one I choose
Folks'd kill to fill your shoes
You love the limelight too, baby
So be mine
Or don't waste my time
Cryin' -- "Honeybear -- are you still my baby?"
Take me for what I am
Who I was meant to be
And if you give a damn
Take me baby or leave me
No way -- can I be what I'm not
But hey -- don't you want your girl hot!
Don't fight -- don't lose your head
Cause every night -- who's in your bed?
Who's in your bed, baby?
Kiss, Pookie.
Joanne:
It won't work.
I look before I leap
I love margins and discipline
I make lists in my sleep
Baby what's my sin?
Never quit -- I follow through
I hate mess -- but I love you
What to do
With my impromptu baby?
So be wise
This girl satisfies
You've got a prize
But don't compromise
You're one lucky baby
Take me for what I am
Maureen:
[Cover: Remote] A control freak
Joanne:
Who I was meant to be
Maureen:
A snob -- yet over-attentive
Joanne:
And if you give a damn
Maureen:
A lovable, droll geek
Joanne:
Take me baby or leave me
Maureen:
And anal retentive!
Both:
That's it!
Joanne:
The straw that breaks my back! [So you're a camel?]
Both:
I quit
Joanne:
Unless you take it back
Both:
Women
Maureen:
What is it about them?
Both:
Can't live --
With them --
Or without them!
Take me for what I am
Who I was meant to be
And if you give a damn
Take me baby or leave me
Take me baby
Or leave me
Guess I'm leavin'
I'm gone!
The Company:
In diapers -- report cards
In spoke wheels -- in speeding tickets
In contracts -- dollars
In funerals -- in births
In -- five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
How do you figure
A last year on earth?
Figure in love
Figure in love
Figure in love
Measure in love
Seasons of love
Seasons of love
Roger:
Where were you?
Mimi:
I'm sorry I'm late...
Roger (interrupting):
I know. You lost your keys. No, you went for a walk; you had to help your mother. (As he picks up the guitar) And how's Benny? I'm gonna work upstairs tonight.
Mimi:
Wait...
I should tell you [Tell him already! We've been waiting the whole play for this!]
I should ...
Never mind...
Roger:
Happy Spring
Mimi:
Without you
The ground thaws
The rain falls
The grass grows
Without you
The seeds root
The flowers bloom
The children play
The stars gleam
The poets dream
The eagles fly
Without you
The earth turns
The sun burns
But I die
Without you
Without you
The breeze warms
The girl smiles
The cloud moves
Without you
The tides change
The boys run
The oceans crash
The crowds roar
The days soar
The babies cry
Without you
The moon glows
The river flows
But I die
Without you
Roger:
The world revives
Mimi:
Colors renew
Both:
But I know blue
Only blue
Lonely blue
Within me, blue
Without you
Mimi:
Without you
The hand gropes
The ear hears
The pulse beats
Roger:
Without you
The eyes gaze
The legs walk
The lungs breathe
Both:
The mind churns
The heart yearns
The tears dry
Without you
Life goes on
But I'm gone
Cause I die
Roger:
Without you
Mimi:
Without you
Roger:
Without you
Both:
Without you
Roger & Mark's Answering Machine
"Speak" ... [Echo] ("Beeeep!")
Alexi Darling:
Mark Cohen
Alexi Darling
Labor Day weekend
In East Hampton
On the beach
Just saw Alec Baldwin
Told him you say hi
Just kidding
We still need directors
You still need money
You know you need money
Pick up the phone
Don't be afraid of [Echo] ker-ching ker-ching [Throw coins]
Marky -- sell us your soul
Just kidding
We're waiting...
Group A (Roger, Mark, Joanne, Benny):
Hot-hot-hot-sweat-sweet
Wet-wet-wet-red-heat
Hot-hot-hot-sweat-sweet
Wet-wet-wet-red-heat
Please don't stop please
Please don't stop stop
Stop stop stop don't
Please please please please
Hot-hot-hot-sweat-sweet
Wet-wet-wet-red-heat
Sticky-licky-trickle-tickle
Steamy-creamy-stroking-soaking
Group B (Mimi, Collins, Maureen, Angel):
Hot-hot-hot-sweat-sweet
Wet-wet-wet-red-heat
Collins:
Touch!
Maureen:
Taste!
Mimi:
Deep!
Collins:
Dark!
Maureen:
Kiss!
Collins:
Beg!
Mimi:
Slap!
Mimi, Maureen & Collins:
Fear!
Collins:
Thick!
Collins, Mimi & Maureen:
Red, red
Red, red
Red, red -- please
Maureen:
Harder
Angel:
Faster
Maureen:
Wetter
Mimi:
Bastard!
Collins:
You whore!
Maureen:
You cannibal!
Mimi & Angel:
More!
Maureen:
You animal!
Maureen, Collins & Mimi:
Fluid no fluid no contact yes
No contact
All:
Fire fire burn--burn yes!
No latex rubber rubber
Fire latex rubber latex bummer
Lover bummer
[Dance Angel dance!]
Angel
Take me
Take me
Today for you
Tomorrow for me
Today me
Tomorrow you
Tomorrow you
Love
you
Love you
I love
You I love
You!
Take me
Take me
I love you
Roger's Voice:
Um
Joanne's Voice:
Wait
Mimi's Voice:
Slipped
Collin's Voice:
Shit
Joanne's Voice:
Ow!
Roger's Voice:
Where'd it go?
Mimi's Voice:
Safe
Collin's Voice:
Damn
Maureen's Voice:
I think I missed
Don't get pissed
All:
It was bad for me -- was it bad for you?
Joanne:
It's over
Maureen:
It's over
Roger:
It's over
Mimi:
It's over
Collins:
It's over [Poor baby.]
Mimi:
Angel was one of my closest friends. It's right that it's Halloween, because it was her favorite holiday. I knew we'd hit it off from the moment we met. That skin head was bothering her, and she said she was more of a man than he'd ever be, and more of a woman than he'd ever get...
[He was just a sweet transvestite!]
Mark:
...and then there was that time that he walked up to this group of tourists... and, they were petrified, because, a) they were obviously lost, and b) they had probably never spoken to a drag queen before in their lives...and he...she just offered to escort them out of Alphabet City, and then she let them take a picture with her, and then she said she'd help 'em find the Circle Line...
Maureen:
...so much more original then any of us...you'd find an old table cloth on the street and make a dress...and next year, sure enough -- they'd be mass producing them at the Gap. You always said how lucky you were that we were all friends.
But it was us, baby, who were the lucky ones.
Collins:
Live in my house
I'll be your shelter
Just pay me back
With one thousand kisses
Be my lover
And I'll cover you
Open your door -- I'll be your tenant
Don't got much baggage to lay at your feet
But sweet kisses I've got to spare
I'll be there -- I'll cover you
I think they meant it
When they said you can't buy love
Now I know you can rent it
A new lease you were, my love, on life
All my life
I've longed to discover
Something as true
As this is
Joanne & Soloist:
So with a thousand sweet kisses
I'll cover you
With a thousand sweet kisses
I'll cover you
With a thousand sweet kisses
I'll cover you
With a thousand sweet kisses
I'll cover you
Collins:
If you're cold and you're lonely
You've got one nickel only
When you're worn out and tired
When your heart has expired
The Company:
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
Five hundred twenty-five thousand moments so dear
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred -- measure a year
Oh lover I'll cover you
Oh lover I'll cover you
Collins & Company:
Oh lover
I'll cover you
Oh lover
Collins:
I'll cover you
The Company:
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
Five hundred twenty-five thousand seasons of love
Collins:
I'll cover you
Mark:
(on the pay phone)
Hi. It's Mark Cohen. Is Alexi there?...No, don't bother her. Just tell her I'm running a little late for our appointment...Yes, I'm still coming... Yes, I signed the contract... Thanks...
How did we get here?
How the hell...
Pan left -- close on the steeple of the church
How did I get here?
How the hell...
Christmas
Christmas Eve -- last year
How could a night so frozen be so scalding hot?
How can a morning this mild be so raw?
Why are entire years strewn
On the cutting room floor of memory
When single frames from one magic night
Forever flicker in close-up
On the 3D Imax [Trademark] of my mind
That's poetic
That's pathetic
Why did Mimi knock on Roger's door
And Collins choose that phone booth
Back where Angel set up his drums
Why did Maureen's equipment break down [Moo!]
Why am I the witness
And when I capture it on film
Will it mean that it's the end
And I'm alone
Mimi (to Roger):
It's true you sold your guitar and bought a car?
Roger:
It's true -- I'm leaving now for Santa Fe
It's true you're with this yuppie scum?
Benny:
You said you'd never speak to him again
Mimi:
Not now
Maureen:
Who said that you have any say
In who she says things to at all?
Roger:
Yeah!
Joanne:
Who said that you should
Stick your nose in other people's ...
Maureen:
Who said I was talking to you?
Joanne:
We used to have this fight each night
Mark:
Calm down
Joanne:
She'd never admit I existed
Mark:
Everyone please!
Mimi:
He was the same way -- he was always
"Run away -- hit the road
Don't commit" -- you're full of shit!
Joanne:
She's in denial
Mimi:
He's in denial
Joanne:
Didn't give an inch
When I gave a mile
Mark:
Come on
Mimi:
I gave a mile
Roger:
Gave a mile to who?
Mark & Benny:
Come on guys, chill!
[Jer-RY! Jer-RY!]
Mimi & Joanne:
I'd be happy to die for a taste of what Angel had
Someone to live for -- unafraid to say I love you
Roger:
All your words are nice Mimi
But love's not a three way street
You'll never share real love
Until you love yourself -- I should know
Collins:
You all said you'd be cool today
So please -- for my sake...
I can't believe he's gone
(to Roger) I can't believe you're going
I can't believe this family must die
Angel helped us believe in love
I can't believe you disagree
All:
I can't believe this is goodbye [Sing: So long, farewell, aviedusae, adieu!]
Maureen:
Pookie...
Joanne:
Honeybear...
Joanne:
I missed you...
Maureen:
I missed your smell...
Joanne:
I missed your mouth...Your...
Maureen:
Ow!
Joanne:
What?
Maureen:
Nothing, Pookie.
Joanne:
No, baby, you said ow...What?
Maureen:
Well, you bit my tongue...
[S&M all the way!]
Joanne:
No, I didn't.
Maureen:
You did -- I'm bleeding.
Joanne:
No, it isn't...
Maureen:
I think I should know
Joanne:
Let me see--
Maureen:
She doesn't believe me!
Joanne:
I was only trying to...
Pastor:
Thomas B. Collins...
Collins:
Coming.
Mark:
I hear there are great restaurants out west
Roger:
Some of the best. How could she?
Mark:
How could you let her go?
Roger:
You just don't know ... How could we lose Angel?
Mark:
Maybe you'll see why when you stop escaping your pain
At least now if you try -- Angel's death won't be in vain
Roger:
His death is in vain [Is not!]
Mark:
Are you insane?
There so much to care about
There's me -- there's Mimi
Roger:
Mimi's got her baggage, too
Mark:
So do you
Roger:
Who are you to tell me what I know, what to do
Mark:
A friend
Roger:
But who, Mark, are you?
"Mark has got his work"
They say "Mark lives for his work"
And "Mark's in love with his work"
Mark hides in his work
Mark:
But from what?
Roger:
From facing your failure, facing your loneliness
Facing the fact you live a lie
Yes, you live a lie -- tell you why
You're always preaching not to be numb
When that's how you thrive
You pretend to create and observe
When you really detach from feeling alive
Mark:
Perhaps it's because I'm the one of us to survive
Roger:
[Echo] Poor baby!
Mark:
Mimi still loves Roger
Is Roger really jealous
Or afraid that Mimi's weak
Roger:
Mimi did look pale
Mark:
Mimi's gotten thin
Mimi's running out of time
Roger's running out the door
Roger:
No more! Oh no!
I've gotta go
Mark:
Hey, for somebody who's always been let down
Who's heading out of town?
Roger:
For someone who longs for a community of his own,
Who's with his camera, alone?
(Roger takes a step to go, then stops, turns)
I'll call
I hate the fall
(Roger turns to go and sees Mimi)
You heard?
Mimi:
Every word
You don't want baggage without lifetime guarantees
You don't want to watch me die
I just came to say
Goodbye, love
Goodbye, love
Came to say goodbye, love, goodbye
Mimi:
Just came to say
Goodbye love
Goodbye love
Goodbye love
Goodbye!
Roger:
Glory
One blaze of
Glory
Have to find...
Mimi:
Please don't touch me
Understand
I'm scared
I need to go away
Mark:
I know a place -- a clinic
Benny:
A rehab? [Yay rehab!]
Mimi:
Maybe -- could you?
Benny:
I'll pay
Mimi:
Goodbye love
Goodbye love
Came to say goodbye, love, goodbye
Just came to say
Goodbye love
Goodbye love
Goodbye love
Hello disease
Pastor:
Off the premises now, we give no handouts here!
Mark:
What happened to Rest In Peace?!
Pastor:
Off the premises, queer! [Ouch!]
Collins:
That's no way to send a boy to meet his maker!
They had to know we couldn't pay the undertaker.
Benny:
(To Collins) Don't you worry 'bout him.
(To Pastor) Hey, I'll take care of it!
Mark:
Must be nice to have money.
All Three:
No shit!
Collins:
I think it's only fair to tell you, you just paid for the funeral of the person who killed your dog.
Benny:
I know... I always hated that dog...
Let's pay him off, and then get drunk.
Mark:
I can't... I have a meeting.
Benny & Collins:
Punk! Let's go.
Mark (imagining):
Hi. Mark Cohen here, reporting for Buzzline. Back to you, Alexi! Coming up next, vampire welfare queens who are compulsive bowlers... Oh my God, what am I doing? [No shit!]
Don't breathe too deep
Don't think all day
Dive into work
Drive the other way
That drip of hurt
That pint of shame
Goes away
Just play the game
You're living in America
At the end of the millennium
You're living in America
Leave your conscience at the tone
And when you're living in America
At the end of the millennium
You're what you own
Roger:
The filmmaker cannot see [Mark's blind!]
Mark:
And the songwriter cannot hear [Roger's deaf!]
Roger:
Yet I see Mimi everywhere
Mark:
Angel's voice is in my ear
Roger:
Just tighten those shoulders
Mark:
Just clench your jaw till you frown
Roger:
Just don't let go
Both:
Or you may drown
You're living in America
At the end of the millennium
You're living in America
Where it's like the Twilight Zone
And when you're living in America
At the end of the millennium
You're what you own
So I own not a notion
I escape and ape content
I don't own emotion -- I rent
Mark:
What was it about that night
Roger:
What was it about that night
Both:
Connection -- in an isolating age
Mark:
For once the shadows gave way to light
Roger:
For once the shadows gave way to light
Both:
For once I didn't disengage
Mark:
Angel -- I hear you -- I hear it [Angel's on the phone?]
I see it -- I see it
My film!
Roger:
Mimi I see you -- I see it
I hear it -- I hear it
My song!
Mark (on the phone):
Alexi -- Mark
Call me a hypocrite
I need to finish my own film
I quit!
Roger:
One song -- glory
Mimi
Your eyes...
Both:
Dying in America
At the end of the millennium
We're dying in America
To come into our own
And when you're dying in America
At the end of the millennium
You're not alone
I'm not alone
I'm not alone
Roger & Mark's Answering Machine:
"Speak..." [Echo] (Beep)
Roger's Mother:
Roger, this is your mother
Roger, honey, I don't get these postcards
"Moving to Santa Fe"
"Back in New York
Starting a rock band"
Roger, where are you? -- Please call
Mimi's Mother:
Mimi, chica, donde estas?
Tu mama esta llamando
Donde estas Mimi -- Call
Mr. Jefferson:
Kitten -- wherever are you -- Call
Mrs. Cohen:
Mark -- are you there -- are you there
I don't know if he's there
We're all here wishing you were here too
Where are you Mark are you there are you where are you
Mark -- are you there -- are you there
I don't know if -- Please call your mother
All Seven Homeless People:
Christmas bells are ringing
Christmas bells are ringing
Christmas bells are ringing
How time flies
[Cover: When you're watching RENT] When compassion dies
No stockings
No candy canes
No gingerbread
No safety net
No loose change
No change no
One Homeless Man:
"Santy Claus is coming"
All:
Cause Santy Claus ain't coming
No room at the Holiday Inn -- again
Well, maybe next year --
Or - when
[Back where we began]
Mark:
December 24th, ten p.m. Eastern standard time
I can't believe a year went by so fast
Time to see what we have time to see
Turn the projector on
First shot Roger
With the fender guitar he just got out of hock
When he sold the car
That took him away and back
Roger:
I found my song
Mark:
He found his song
If he could just find Mimi
Roger:
I tried -- you know I tried
Mark:
Fade in on Mark
Who's still in the dark
Roger:
But he's got great footage
Mark:
Which he's cut together
Roger:
To screen tonight
Mark:
In honor of Benny's wife
Roger:
Muffy
Mark:
Alison
Pulling Benny out of the East Village location
(The projector blows a fuse. Blackout)
Roger:
Then again, maybe we won't screen it tonight.
Mark:
I wonder how Allison found out about Mimi?
Roger:
Maybe a little bird told her. [Or he was watching the show!]
Collins:
Or an angel.
I had a little hunch that you could use a little flow
Roger:
Tutoring again?
Collins:
Negative
Mark:
Back at N.Y.U.?
Collins:
No, no, no
I rewired the ATM at the food emporium
To provide an honorarium to anyone with the code
Roger & Mark:
The code --
Well...?
Collins:
A-N-G-E-L [Cheerleader-like actions while spelling Angel]
Yet Robin Hooding isn't the solution
The powers that be must be undermined where they dwell
In a small, exclusive gourmet institution
Where we overcharge the wealthy clientele
All Three:
Let's open up a restaurant in Santa Fe
With a private corner banquette in the back
Collins:
We'll make it yet, we'll somehow get to Santa Fe
Roger:
But you'd miss New York before you could unpack
All:
Ohh-
Maureen:
Mark! Roger! Anyone -- help!
Mark:
Maureen?
Maureen:
It's Mimi -- I can't get her up the stairs
Roger:
No!
[This is a job for SUPERMARK!]
Mauren:
She was huddled in the park in the dark
And she was freezing
And begged to come here
Roger:
Over here
Oh, God --
Mimi:
Got a light -- I know you -- you're shivering...
Joanne:
She's been living on the street
Roger:
We need some heat
Mimi:
I'm shivering
Mark:
We can buy some wood and something to eat
Collins:
I'm afraid she needs more than heat
Mimi:
I heard that
Maureen:
Collins will call for a doctor, honey
Mimi:
Don't waste your money on Mimi, me, me
Collins:
Hello -- 911?
I'm on hold! [Is that possible?]
Mimi:
Cold...cold... would you light my candle? [Flick lighter on and then off]
Roger:
Yes -- we'll -- oh God -- find a candle
Mimi:
I should tell you
I should tell you
Roger:
I should tell you
I should tell you
Mimi:
I should tell you
Benny wasn't any --
Roger:
Shhh -- I know
I should tell you why I left
It wasn't cause I didn't --
Mimi:
I know
I should tell you
Roger:
I should tell you
Mimi (whispering):
I should tell you
I love you - [That's IT?]
Roger:
Who do you think you are?
Leaving me alone with my guitar
Hold on there's something you should hear
It isn't much but it took all year
[Sing: One song, glory...]
Roger:
Your eyes
As we said our goodbyes
Can't get them out of my mind
And I find I can't hide
From your eyes
The ones that took me by surprise
The night you came into my life
Where there's moonlight I see your eyes
How'd I let you slip away
When I'm longing so to hold you
Now I'd die for one more day
'Cause there's something I should have told you
Yes there's something I should have told you
When I looked into your eyes
Why does distance make us wise?
You were the song all along
And before this song dies
I should tell you I should tell you
I have always loved you
You can see it in my eyes
[echo] Mimi!
Mimi:
I jumped over the moon!!
Roger:
What?
Mimi:
A leap of mooooooooooooooo-[moooooooooo]
Joanne:
She's back!
Mimi:
I was in a tunnel. Heading for this warm, white light...
Maureen:
Oh my god!
Mimi:
And I swear, Angel was there -- and she looked good! And she said, "Turn around, girlfriend, and listen to that boy's song..."
Collins:
She's drenched
Maureen:
Her fever's breaking
Mark:
There is no future -- there is no past
Roger:
Thank God this moment's not the last!
Mimi & Roger:
There's only us
There's only this
Forget regret or life is yours to miss
All:
No other road no other way
No day but today
Women:
I can't control
My destiny
I trust my soul
My only goal is just to be
Without you
The hand gropes
The ear hears
The pulse beats
Life goes on
But I'm gone
'Cause I die
Without you
I die without you
I die without you
No day but today
Men:
Will I lose my dignity?
Will someone care?
Will I wake tomorrow
From this nightmare?
There's only now
There's only here
Give in to love
Or live in fear
No other path
No other way
No day but today
No day but today
No day but today
No day but today
All:
[echo] No day but today!
Audience lines and directions are in italics and are marked off by brackets. Feel free to add in your own ideas! FYI, "cover" means to say the word given over the words that are being said. Echo means you say the line WITH the character.
Things you need:
Lighter
Candy wrappers
Dry cereal
Flashlight
Coins
[Where do I begin?]
Mark:
We begin on Christmas Eve with me, Mark, and my roommate, Roger. [Bad grammar!]
We live in an industrial loft on the corner of 11th street and Avenue B, the top floor of what was once a music-publishing factory. Old rock 'n' roll posters hang on the walls. They have Roger's picture advertising gigs at CBGB's [sing: ABCDEFG . . .] and the Pyramid Club. We have an illegal wood burning stove; its exhaust pipe crawls up to a skylight. All of our electrical appliances are plugged into one thick extension cord that snakes [stretch the "s" into a hiss] its way out a window. Outside, a small [cover: leak] tent city has sprung up in the lot next to our building. Inside, we are freezing because we have no heat.
[What does the school photographer say?]
Smile!
[When were you last laid?]
Mark:
December 24th, Nine PM
Eastern Standard Time
From here on in
I shoot without a script
See if anything comes of it
Instead of my old shit
First shot - Roger
Tuning the Fender guitar
He hasn't played in a year
Roger:
This won't tune
Mark:
[echo] So we hear
He's just coming back
From half a year of withdrawal
Roger:
Are you talking to me?
[In a Stallone voice: You talkin' to ME?]
Mark:
Not at all
Are you ready? Hold that focus -- steady
Tell the folks at home what you're doing Roger ...
Roger:
I'm writing one great song - [sing the first line of OSG]
Mark:
The phone rings.
[Answer it!]
Roger:
Saved!
Mark:
We screen
Zoom in on the answering machine!
[Zoooooooooooom!]
Roger & Mark's Outgoing Message:
"Speak" ... [echo] ("Beeeep!")
Mom:
That was a very loud beep
I don't even know if this is working [it is]
Mark -- Mark -- are you there [he is]
Are you screening your calls --
It's mom
We wanted to call and say we love you
And we'll miss you tomorrow
Cindy and the kids are here -- send their love
Oh, I hope you like the hot plate
Just don't leave it on, dear
When you leave the house
Oh, and Mark
We're sorry to hear that Maureen dumped you
I say c'est la vie
So let her be a lesbian...
There are other fishies in the sea [sing: first line of song "Too Many Fish in the Sea"]
... Love Mom!
(Lights fade on Mom and answering machine)
Tune Up #2
Mark:
Tell the folks at home what you're doing Roger.
Roger:
I'm writing one great song - [sing first line of OSG]
Mark:
The phone rings.
[Answer it!]
Roger:
Yesss!
Mark:
We screen.
Roger & Mark's Answering Machine:
"Speak" ... [echo] ("Beeeep!")
(Lights fade up on the street: the front-door area of Mark and Roger's building. Nearby is a battered public pay phone. Tom Collins stands at the phone)
Collins:
"Chestnuts roasting ---" [on an illegal stove]
Roger & Mark:
(as Mark picks up the phone)
Collins!
Collins:
I'm downstairs...
Mark:
Hey!
Collins:
Roger picked up the phone??
Mark:
[echo] No, it's me.
Collins:
Throw down the key.
(Mark pulls out a small leather pouch and drops it off the apron downstage center as if from a window; a weighted leather pouch plops down from "upstairs." Collins catches it)
Mark:
A wild night is now pre-ordained.
(Two thugs appear from above, with clubs. They are obviously close to attacking Collins, who says back into the phone..)
Collins:
I may be detained.
(Thugs mime beating and kicking Collins, who falls to the ground as lights on him fade) [get up and pretend to be beaten]
Mark:
What does he mean...?
(Phone rings again)
What do you mean, "detained"?
(Lights come up on Benny, who's on a cellular phone)
Benny:
Ho ho ho.
Mark & Roger:
Benny! Shit. [cover: Santa! Shit.]
Benny:
Dudes, I'm on my way.
Mark & Roger:
Great! Fuck.
Benny:
I need the rent.
Mark:
What rent? [This RENT!]
Benny:
This past year's rent which I let slide.
Mark:
Let slide? You said we were 'golden
Roger:
When you bought the building
Mark:
When we were roommates
Roger:
Remember -- you lived here!?
Benny:
How could I forget?
You, me, Collins and Maureen [Moo!]
How is the drama queen?
Mark:
She's performing tonight
Benny:
I know.
Still her production manager?
Mark:
Two days ago I was bumped
Benny:
You still dating her?
Mark:
Last month I was dumped
Roger:
She's in love
Benny:
She's got a new man?
Mark:
Well -- no
Benny:
What's his name?
Both Roger & Mark:
[Echo] Joanne!
Benny:
Rent, my amigos, is due
Or I will have to evict you
Be there in a few.
(Roger defiantly picks out Musetta's theme from Puccini's La Boheme on the electric guitar. The fuse blows on the amp)
Mark:
The power blows ...
(The Company bursts into a flurry of movement. Then everyone except Mark and Roger freeze in a group upstage)
[As with any song in the show, feel free to sing along, dance, etc. I know I will.]
Mark:
How do you document real life
When real life is getting more
Like fiction each day
Headlines -- bread-lines
Blow my mind
And now this deadline
"Eviction -- or pay"
Rent! [cover: RANT! *all other lines are covers in this song]
Roger:
How do you write a song
When the chords sound wrong
Though they once sounded right and rare
When the notes are sour
Where is the power
You once had to ignite the air
Mark:
And we're hungry and frozen
Roger:
Some life that we've chosen
Roger & Mark Together:
How we gonna pay [How we gonna deal
How we gonna pay How we gonna deal
How we gonna pay How we gonna deal
Last year's rent Let's just rant!]
Mark:
We light candles
Roger:
How do you start a fire
When there's nothing to burn
And it feels like something's stuck in your flue [Achoo!]
Mark:
How can you generate heat
When you can't feel your feet
Both:
And they're turning blue!
Mark:
You light up a mean blaze
(Roger grabs one of his own posters)
Roger:
With posters --
(Mark grabs old manuscripts)
Mark:
And screenplays
Roger & Mark:
How we gonna pay [How we gonna deal
How we gonna pay How we gonna deal
How we gonna pay How we gonna deal
Last year's rent Let's just rant!]
(Lights go down on the loft and go up on Joanne Jefferson, who's at the pay phone)
Joanne:
(On the phone)
Don't screen, Maureen
It's me -- Joanne
Your substitute production manager
Hey hey hey! (Did you eat?)
Don't change the subject Maureen
But darling -- you haven't eaten all day
You won't throw up [You won't grow up
You won't throw up You won't grow up]
The digital delay ---
Didn't blow up (exactly)
There may have been one teeny tiny spark
You're not calling Mark!
Collins:
How do you stay on your feet
When on every street
It's 'trick or treat' [Trick or treat!]
(And tonight it's 'trick')
'Welcome back to town'
Oh, I should lie down
Everything's brown
And uh -- oh
I feel sick
Mark:
(At the window)
Where is he?
Collins:
Getting dizzy [cover: getting busy]
(He collapses)
Mark & Roger:
How we gonna pay [How we gonna deal
How we gonna pay How we gonna deal
How we gonna pay How we gonna deal
Last year's rent Let's just rant!]
Benny:
Alison baby -- you sound sad
I don't believe those two after everything I've done
Ever since our wedding I'm dirt -- They'll see
I can help them all out in the long run
Benny:
Forces are gathering
Forces are gathering
Can't turn away
Forces are gathering
Collins:
Ughhhhh--
Ughhhhh--
Ughhhhh-- I can't think
Ughhhhh--
Ughhhhh--
Ughhhhh-- I need a drink
Mark: (reading from a script page)
"The music ignites the night with passionate fire"
Joanne:
Maureen -- I'm not a theatre person
Roger:
"The narration crackles and pops with incendiary wit"
Joanne:
Could never be a theatre person
Mark:
Zoom in as they burn the past to the ground
Joanne (realizing she's been cut off)
Hello?
Mark & Roger:
And feel the heat of the future's glow
Joanne:
Hello?
Mark:
Hello? Maureen?
--Your equipment won't work?
Okay, all right, I'll go!
Mark & Half the Company:
How do you leave the past behind
When it keeps finding ways to get to your heart
It reaches way down deep and tears you inside out
Till you're torn apart
Rent!
Roger & the Other Half of the Company:
How can you connect in an age
Where strangers, landlords, lovers
Your own blood cells betray
All:
What binds the fabric together [Thread!]
When the raging, shifting winds of change
Keep ripping away
Benny:
Draw a line in the sand
And then make a stand
Roger:
Use your camera to spar
Mark:
Use your guitar
All:
When they act tough - you call their bluff
Mark & Roger:
We're not gonna pay [How we gonna deal]
Mark & Roger with half the Company:
We're not gonna pay [How we gonna deal]
Mark & Roger with the other half of the Company:
We're not gonna pay [How we gonna deal]
All:
Last year's rent [Let's just rant!]
This year's rent [We can rant!]
Next year's rent [Let's all rant!]
Rent rent rent rent rent [Rant rant rant rant rant!]
We're not gonna pay rent [everyone up and rant!]
Roger & Mark:
'Cause everything is rent ['Cause we all need to rant]
(The street in front of the pay phone. A homeless man appears above on the right. Across the stage, Angel Dumott Schunard is seated on the Christmas tree sculpture, with a plastic pickle tub balanced like a drum between his knees)
A Homeless Man:
Christmas bells are ringing
Christmas bells are ringing
Christmas bells are ringing
Somewhere else!
Not here
(The homeless man exits. Angel gets a good beat going on the tub, but is interrupted by a moan. He starts to drum again and sees Collins limp to downstage-left)
Angel:
You okay honey?
Collins:
I'm afraid so
Angel:
They get any money?
Collins:
No
Had none to get --
But they purloined my coat --
(Angel jumps down from the Christmas tree, kneels and wipes Collin's bloody knee) [He's touched by an Angel!]
Well you missed a sleeve! -- Thanks
Angel:
Hell, it's Christmas Eve
I'm Angel
Collins:
Angel..? Indeed
An angel of the first degree
Friends call me Collins -- Tom Collins
Nice tree ...
Angel:
Let's get a Band-Aid for your knee [I am stuck on Band-Aid brand. . .]
I'll change, there's a "Life Support" meeting at nine-thirty
Yes -- this body provides a comfortable home
For the Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome
Collins:
As does mine
Angel:
We'll get along fine
Get you a coat, have a bite
Make a night -- I'm flush
Collins:
My friends are waiting --
Angel:
You're cute when you blush
The more the merri -- ho ho ho
And I do not take no
(Angel and Collins walk off stage right)
(Lights come up on loft)
Roger:
Where are you going?
Mark:
Maureen calls... [Moo!]
Roger:
You're such a sucker!
Mark:
I don't suppose you'd like to see her show in the lot tonight?
(Roger shrugs)
Or come to dinner?
Roger:
Zoom in on my empty wallet.
Mark:
Touche. Take your AZT.
Close on Roger
His girlfriend April
Left a note saying "We've got AIDS"
Before slitting her wrists in the bathroom [Messy!]
I'll check up on you later. Change your mind [cover: underwear]. You have to get out of the house.
Roger:
I'm writing one great song before I...
One song
Glory
One song
Before I go
Glory
One song to leave behind
Find one song
One last refrain [what?]
Glory [good idea!]
From the pretty boy front man
Who wasted opportunity
One song
He had the world at his feet
Glory
In the eyes of a young girl [Mimi!]
A young girl [Mimi!]
Find glory
Beyond the cheap colored lights
One song
Before the sun sets
Glory -- on another empty life
Time flies -- time dies
Glory -- One blaze of glory
One blaze of glory -- glory
Find
Glory
In a song that rings true
Truth like a blazing fire
An eternal flame
Find
One song
A song about love
Glory
From the soul of a young man [Roger!]
A young man [Roger!]
Find
The one song
Before the virus takes hold
Glory
Like a sunset
One song
To redeem this empty life
Time flies
And then - no need to endure anymore
Time dies
The door
[Answer it!]
Roger:
What'd you forget? [Life!]
Mimi:
Got a light? [Flick on lighter]
Roger:
I know you? -- You're --
You're shivering
Mimi:
It's nothing
They turned off my heat
And I'm just a little
Weak on my feet
Would you light my candle? [You bet he would!]
What are you staring at?
Roger:
Nothing
Your hair in the moonlight
You look familiar
Can you make it?
Mimi:
Just haven't eaten much today
At least the room stopped spinning.
Anyway. What?
Roger:
Nothing
Your smile reminded me of --
Mimi:
I always remind people of -- who is she?
Roger:
She died. Her name was April
Mimi:
It's out again [Flick lighter off]
Sorry about your friend
Would you light my candle? [Flick it on]
Roger:
Well --
Mimi:
Yeah. [echo] Ow!
Roger:
Oh, the wax -- it's --
Mimi:
Dripping! I like it -- between my --
Roger:
Fingers. I figured...
Oh, well. Goodnight.
It blew out again?
Mimi:
No -- I think that I dropped my stash
Roger:
I know I've seen you out and about
When I used to go out
Your candle's out [Flick lighter off]
Mimi:
I'm illin' --
I had it when I walked in the door
It was pure --
Is it on the floor?
Roger:
The floor?
Mimi:
They say I have the best ass below 14th street
Is it true? [He thinks so!]
Roger:
What?
Mimi:
You're staring again.
Roger:
Oh no.
I mean you do -- have a nice - [Say it!]
I mean -- You look familiar
Mimi:
Like your dead girlfriend?
Roger:
Only when you smile.
But I'm sure I've seen you somewhere else --
Mimi:
Do you go to the Cat Scratch Club?
That's where I work - I dance - help me look
Roger:
Yes!
They used to tie you up -- [ kinky!]
Mimi:
It's a living
Roger:
I didn't recognize you
Without the handcuffs
Mimi:
We could light the candle
Oh won't you light the candle? [Flick lighter on]
Roger:
Why don't you forget that stuff
You look like you're sixteen
Mimi:
I'm nineteen -- but I'm old for my age
I'm just born to be [cover: wild] bad
Roger:
I once was born to be [cover: wild] bad
I used to shiver like that
Mimi:
I have no heat -- I told you
Roger:
I used to sweat
Mimi:
I got a cold [Achoo!]
Roger:
Uh huh
I used to be a junkie
Mimi:
But now and then I like to --
Roger:
Uh huh
Mimi:
Feel good
Roger:
Here it is -- um --
Mimi:
What's that?
Roger:
It's a candy bar wrapper [Throw wrappers]
(Roger puts it behind his back and into his pocket)
Mimi:
We could light the candle [Flick lighter off]
What'd you do with my candle?
Roger:
That was my last match
Mimi:
Our eyes'll adjust, thank God for the moon
Roger:
Maybe it's not the moon at all
I hear Spike Lee's shooting down the street
Mimi:
Bah humbug ... Bah humbug
Roger:
Cold hands
Mimi:
Yours too.
Big. Like my father's
You wanna dance?
Roger:
With you?
Mimi:
No -- with my father
Roger:
I'm Roger
Mimi:
They call me
They call me Mimi
Maureen:
Hi. You've reached Maureen and Joanne. Leave a message and don't forget "Over the Moon" -- My performance, protesting the eviction of the Homeless (and artists) from the Eleventh Street Lot. Tonight at midnight in the lot between A and B. Party at Life Cafe to follow (BEEP) [Moooooo!]
Mr. Jefferson:
Well, Joanne -- We're off
I tried you at the office
And they said you're stage managing or something
Mrs. Jefferson:
Remind her that those unwed mothers in Harlem
Need her legal help too
Mr. Jefferson:
Call Daisy for our itinerary or [Prince] Alfred [cover: in a can] at Pound Ridge
Or Eileen at the state department in a pinch
We'll be at the spa for new year's
Unless the senator changes his mind
Mrs. Jefferson:
The [cover: earrings] hearings
Mr. Jefferson:
Oh yes - Kitten [me-OW!]
Mummy's confirmation hearing begins on the tenth
We'll need you -- alone -- by the sixth
Mrs. Jefferson:
Harold!
Mr. Jefferson:
You hear that?
It's three weeks away
And she's already nervous
Mrs. Jefferson:
I am not!
Mr. Jefferson:
For Mummy's sake, Kitten [me-OW!]
No Doc Martens this time and wear a dress ...
Oh, and Kitten -- have a merry
Mrs. Jefferson:
And a bra!!
Mark:
Enter Tom Collins, computer genius, teacher, vagabond anarchist, who ran naked through the Parthenon.
Mark & Collins:
Bustelo -- Marlboro
Banana by the bunch
A box of Captain Crunch will taste so good [Throw cereal]
Collins:
And firewood
Mark:
Look -- it's Santa Claus [Ho ho- *if you time this right, it will go just like "ho ho ho-ld]
Collins:
Hold your applause
Roger:
Oh hi
Collins:
'Oh hi' after seven months?
Roger:
Sorry
Collins:
This boy could use some Stoli
Collins, Mark & Roger:
Oh holy night
Roger:
You struck gold [cover: on MTV] at MIT?
Collins:
They expelled me for my theory of Actual Reality
Which I'll soon impart
To the couch potatoes at New York University
Still haven't left the house?
Roger:
I was waiting for you, don't you know?
Collins:
Well, tonight's the night
Come to the Life Cafe after Maureen's show
Roger:
No flow
Collins:
Gentlemen, our benefactor on this Christmas Eve
Whose charity is only matched by talent, I believe
A new member of the Alphabet City avant-garde
Angel Dumott Schunard! [Golf claps!] [? Oblige the people who yell this]
Angel:
Today for you -- tomorrow for me
Today for you -- tomorrow for me
Collins:
And you should hear her beat!
Mark:
You earned this on the street?
Angel:
It was my lucky day today on Avenue A
When a lady in a limousine drove my way
She said, [echo] "Dahling -- be a dear -- haven't slept in a year
I need your help to make my neighbor's yappy dog disappear"
"This Akita-Evita just won't shut up
I believe if you play non-stop that pup
Will breathe its very last high-strung breath
I'm certain that cur will bark itself to death"
Today for you -- tomorrow for me
Today for you -- tomorrow for me
We agreed on a fee -- A thousand dollar guarantee
Tax-free -- and a bonus if I trim her tree
Now who could foretell that it would go so well
But sure as I am here that dog is now in doggy hell
After an hour -- Evita -- in all her glory
On the window ledge of that 23rd story
Like Thelma & Louise did when they got the blues
Swan dove into the courtyard of the Gracie Mews
Today for you -- tomorrow for me
Today for you -- tomorrow for me
Then back to the street where I met my sweet
Where he was moaning and groaning on the cold concrete
The nurse took him home for some mercurochrome
And I dressed his wounds and got him back on his feet
Sing it!
Today for you -- tomorrow for me
Today for you -- tomorrow for me
Today for you -- tomorrow for me
Today for you -- tomorrow for me
[As Benny enters, boo him profusely]
Benny:
Joy to the world--
Hey, you bum -- yeah, you, move over
Get your ass off that range rover
Mark:
That attitude toward the homeless is just what
Maureen is protesting tonight. [Moo!]
Close up: Benjamin Coffin the third, our ex-roommate who married Alison Grey, of the Westport Greys -- then bought the building and the lot next door from his father-in-law in hopes of starting a cyber-studio.
Benny:
Maureen is protesting [Moo!]
Losing her performance space
Not my attitude
Roger:
What happened to Benny
What happened to his heart
And the ideals he once pursued?
Benny:
The owner of that lot next door
Has a right to do with it as he pleases
Collins:
Happy birthday, Jesus! [How old is he?]
Benny:
The rent [That was a few scenes ago!]
Mark:
You're wasting your time
Roger:
We're broke
Mark:
And you broke your word -- this is absurd
Benny:
There is one way you won't have to pay
Roger:
I knew it!
Benny:
Next door, the home of Cyber Arts, you see
And now that the block is re-zoned
Our dream can become a reality
You'll see boys [I'll see what?]
You'll see boys [Oh boy!] [Oh girl!] [Oh shut up!]
A state of the art, digital, virtual interactive studio
I'll forego your rent and on paper guarantee
That you can stay here for free
If you do me one small favor
Mark:
What?
Benny:
Convince Maureen to cancel her protest [He won't]
Mark:
Why not just get an injunction or call the cops
Benny:
I did, and they're on stand by
But my investors would rather
I handle this quietly
Roger:
You can't quietly wipe out an entire tent city
Then watch 'It's a Wonderful Life' on TV!
Benny:
You want to produce films and write songs? [He does]
You need somewhere to do it!
It's what we used to dream about
Think twice before you pooh-pooh it
You'll see boys
You'll see boys
You'll see -- the beauty of a studio
That lets us do our work and get paid
With condos on the top
Whose rent keeps open our shop
Just stop the protest
And you'll have it made
You'll see -- or you'll pack
[Sing: Bye, bye Ben-ny-to the tune of Bye Bye Birdie]
Angel:
That boy could use some Prozac [Yay Prozac!]
Roger:
Or heavy drugs
Mark:
Or group hugs [Hug people nearby]
Collins:
Which reminds me --
We have a detour to make tonight
Anyone who wants to can come along
Angel:
Life support's a group for people coping with life
You don't have to stay too long
Mark:
First I've got a protest to save
Angel:
Roger?
Roger:
I'm not much company you'll find
Mark:
[echo] Behave!
Angel:
He'll catch up later -- He's just got other things on his mind
You'll see boys
Mark & Collins:
We'll see boys
Roger:
Let it be boys!
Collins:
I like boys
Angel:
Boys like me
All:
We'll see.
[Look, it's a bird, it's a plane, it's SUPER MARK! There he goes to save the day!]
Mark:
And so into the abyss...The lot. Where a small stage is partially set up.
Joanne:
(playing with some wires)
"Line in"...
I went to Harvard for this? [You went to Harvard?]
Mark:
Close on Mark's nose dive.
Joanne:
"Line out"...
Mark:
Will he get out of here alive...?
(Joanne notices Mark approaching)
Joanne:
Mark?
Mark:
Hi.
Joanne:
I told her not to call you
Mark:
That's Maureen
But can I help since I'm here
Joanne:
I've hired an engineer ...
Mark:
Great!
Well, nice to have met you...
Joanne:
Wait!
She's three hours late
The samples won't delay
But the cable --
Mark:
There's another way
Say something -- anything
Joanne: (into the mike)
[Echo] Test -- one, two three --
Mark:
Anything but that
Joanne:
This is weird
Mark:
It's weird
Joanne:
Very weird
Mark:
Fuckin' weird
Joanne:
I'm so mad
That I don't know what to do
Fighting with microphones
Freezing down to my bones
And to top it all off
I'm with you
Mark:
Feel like going insane?
Got a fire in your brain?
And you're thinking of drinking gasoline?
Joanne:
As a matter of fact --
Mark:
Honey, I know this act
It's called the 'Tango Maureen'
The Tango Maureen
It's a dark, dizzy merry-go-round
As she keeps you dangling
Joanne:
You're wrong
Mark:
Your heart she is mangling
Joanne:
It's different with me
Mark:
And you toss and you turn
'Cause her cold eyes can burn
Yet you yearn and you churn and rebound
Joanne:
I think I know what you mean
Both:
The Tango Maureen
Mark:
Has she ever pouted her lips
And called you 'Pookie'
Joanne:
Never!
Mark:
Have you ever doubted a kiss or two?
Joanne:
This is ... spooky
Did you swoon when she walked through the door?
Mark:
Every time -- so be cautious
Joanne:
Did she moon over other boys --?
Mark:
More than moon --
Joanne:
I'm getting nauseous
[If you want, get up and tango! This is the perfect time to get a little closer with your seatmates!]
Mark:
Where'd you learn to tango?
Joanne:
With the French Ambassador's daughter in her dorm room at Miss Porter's. And you?
Mark:
With Nanette Himmelfarb, the Rabbi's daughter at the Scarsdale Jewish Community Center.
[Switch directions, if tangoeing]
It's hard to do this backwards.
Joanne:
You should try it in heels!
She cheated
Mark:
She cheated
Joanne:
Maureen cheated
Mark:
Fuckin' cheated
Joanne:
I'm defeated
I should give up right now
Mark:
Gotta look on the bright side
With all of your might
Joanne:
I'd fall for her still anyhow
Both:
When you're dancing her dance
You don't stand a chance
Her grip of romance
Makes you fall
Mark:
So you think, "Might as well'
Joanne:
"Dance a tango to hell"
Both:
"At least I'll have tangoed at all"
The Tango Maureen
Gotta dance till your diva is through
You pretend to believe her
Cause in the end -- you can't leave her
But the end it will come
Still you have to play dumb
Till you're glum and you bum
And turn blue
Mark:
Why do we love when she's mean?
Joanne:
And she can be so obscene
Mark:
Try the mike
Joanne:
My Maureen-een-een-een
Mark:
Patched
Joanne:
Thanks
Mark:
You know -- I feel great now!
Joanne:
I feel lousy
(The pay phone rings. Joanne answers)
Honey, we're... (pause) Pookie?
You never call me Pookie...
Forget it, we're patched.
Both:
The Tango Maureen!
Steve:
Steve
Gordon:
Gordon
Ali:
Ali
Pam:
Pam
Sue:
Sue
Angel:
Hi, I'm Angel
Collins:
Tom. Collins.
Paul:
I'm Paul. Let's begin
All:
There's only us
There's only this...
[Clumsy!]
Mark:
Sorry ... Excuse me ... oops
Paul:
And you are?
Mark:
Oh -- I'm not --
I'm just here to --
I don't have --
I'm here with --
Um -- Mark
Mark -- I'm Mark
Well -- this is quite an operation
Paul:
Sit down Mark
We'll continue the affirmation
All:
Forget regret or life is yours to miss
Gordon:
Excuse me Paul -- I'm having a problem with this
This credo -- My T-cells are low --
I regret that news, okay?
Paul:
Alright
But Gordon - How do you feel today?
Gordon:
What do you mean?
Paul:
How do you feel today?
Gordon:
Okay
Paul:
Is that all?
Gordon:
Best I've felt all year
Paul:
Then why choose fear?
Gordon:
I'm a New Yorker!
Fear's my life!
Look - I find some of what you teach suspect
Because I'm used to relying on intellect
But I try to open up to what I don't know
Gordon & Roger (who sings from his loft):
Because reason says I should have died
Three years ago
All:
No other road
No other way
No day but today
[Chant: Hump the bar! Hump the bar!]
Mimi:
What's the time? [Tool time!]
Well it's gotta be close to midnight
My body's talking to me
It says, "Time for danger"
It says "I wanna commit a crime
Wanna be the cause of a fight
Wanna put on a tight skirt and flirt
With a stranger"
I've had a knack from way back
At breaking the rules once I learn the games
Get up - life's too quick
I know someplace sick
Where this chick'll dance in the flames [Roast chicks! Yum!]
We don't need any money
I always get in for free
You can get in too
If you get in with me
Let's go out tonight
I have to go out tonight
You wanna play? [Yeah!]
Let's run away
We won't be back before it's Christmas day
Take me out tonight [Meow!]
When I get a wink from the doorman
Do you know how lucky you'll be?
That you're on line with the feline of Avenue B
Let's go out tonight
I have to go out tonight
You wanna prowl
Be my night owl?
Well take my hand we're gonna howl [Awooooooo!]
Out tonight
In the evening I've got to roam
Can't sleep in the city of neon and chrome
Feels too damn much like home
When the Spanish babies cry
So let's find a bar
So dark we forget who we are
And all the scars from the
Nevers and maybes die
Let's go out tonight
Have to go out tonight
You're sweet
Wanna hit the street?
Wanna wail at the moon like a cat in heat?
Just take me out tonight
Please take me out tonight
Don't forsake me -- out tonight
I'll let you make me -- out tonight
Tonight -- tonight -- tonight
[Kiss him!]
Roger:
Who do you think you are? [Sing: They call her, they call her-MIMI!]
Barging in on me and my guitar
Little girl -- hey
The door is that way
You better go you know
The fire's out anyway
Take your powder -- take your candle
Your sweet whisper
I just can't handle
Well take your hair in the moonlight
Your brown eyes -- goodbye, goodnight
I should tell you I should tell you
I should tell you I should -- no!
Another time -- another place
Our temperature would climb
There'd be a long embrace
We'd do another dance
It'd be another play
Looking for romance?
Come back another day
Another day
Mimi:
The heart may freeze or it can burn
The pain will ease if I can learn
There is no future
There is no past
I live this moment as my last
There's only us
There's only this
Forget regret
Or life is yours to miss
No other road
No other way
[Echo] No day but today
Roger:
Excuse me if I'm off track
But if you're so wise
Then tell me -- why do you need smack?
Take your needle
Take your fancy prayer
And don't forget
Get the moonlight out of your hair
Long ago -- you might've lit up my heart
But the fire's dead -- ain't never ever gonna start
Another time -- another place
The words would only rhyme
We'd be in outer space [Mission: Mimi!]
It'd be another song
We'd sing another way
You wanna prove me wrong?
Come back another day
Another day
Mimi:
There's only yes
Only tonight
We must let go
To know what's right
No other course
No other way
[Echo] No day but today
Mimi & Others:
I can't control
My destiny
I trust my soul
My only goal is just
To be
There's only now
There's only here
Give in to love
Or live in fear
No other path
No other way
No day but today...
Roger:
Control your temper
She doesn't see
Who says that there's a soul?
Just let me be...
Who do you think you are?
Barging in on me and my guitar
Little girl, hey
The door is that way
The fire's out anyway
All:
No day but today
No day but today
No day but today
No day but today
No day but today
Roger:
Take your powder; take your candle
Take your brown eyes, your pretty smile, your silhouette
Another time, another place
Another rhyme, a warm embrace
Another dance, another way
Another chance, another day
[Yay Steve!]
Steve:
Will I lose my dignity
Will someone care
Will I wake tomorrow
From this nightmare?
Group #1:
Will I lose my dignity
Will someone care
Will I wake tomorrow
From this nightmare?
Group #2:
Will I lose my dignity
Will someone care
Will I wake tomorrow
From this nightmare?
Group #3:
Will I lose my dignity
Will someone care
Will I wake tomorrow
From this nightmare?
Group #4:
Will I lose my dignity
Will someone care
Will I wake tomorrow
From this nightmare?
Three Homeless People:
Christmas bells are ringing
Christmas bells are ringing
Christmas bells are ringing --
Out of town
Santa Fe
Squeegieman:
Honest living, man!
[Watch it!]
Feliz Navidad!
Homeless Person:
Evening, officers
(Without answering, the first officer raises his nightstick again)
Mark (pointing his camera)
[Shine flashlight on officer and echo] Smile for Ted Koppel, Officer Martin!
(The first officer lowers his stick)
Homeless Person:
And a Merry Christmas to your family
Police Officers
Right!!
Blanket Person (To Mark):
Who the fuck do you think you are? [He's SUPERMARK!]
I don't need no goddamn help
From some bleeding heart cameraman
My life's not for you to
Make a name for yourself on!
Angel:
Easy, sugar, easy
He was just trying to --
Blanket Person:
Just trying to use me to kill his guilt
It's not that kind of movie, honey
Let's go -- this lot is full of
Motherfucking artists
Hey artist
You got a dollar?
I thought not
Angel:
[Cover: Nerelander Theater] New York City --
Mark:
Uh huh
Angel:
Center of the universe
Collins:
Sing it girl --
Angel:
Times are shitty
But I'm pretty sure they can't get worse [Yeah they will- YOU DIE!]
Mark:
I hear you
Angel:
It's a comfort to know
When you're singing the hit-the-road blues
That anywhere else you could possibly go
After New York would be a pleasure cruise
Collins:
Now you're talking
Well, I'm thwarted by a metaphysic puzzle
And I'm sick of grading papers -- that I know
And I'm shouting in my sleep, I need a muzzle
All this misery pays no salary, so
Let's open up a restaurant in Santa Fe
Oh sunny Santa Fe would be nice
Let's open up a restaurant in Santa Fe
And leave this to the roaches and mice
Collins:
Oh -- oh
All:
Oh --
Angel:
You teach?
Collins:
-- I teach -- Computer Age Philosophy
But my students would rather watch TV [Yay TV!]
Angel:
America
All:
America!
Collins:
You're a sensitive aesthete
Brush the sauce onto the meat
You could make the menu sparkle with rhyme
You could drum a gentle drum
I could seat guests as they come
Chatting not about Heidegger, but wine!
(with homeless people in the shadows)
Let's open up a restaurant in Santa Fe
Our labors would reap financial [cover: grains] gains
All:
[cover: grains, grains, grains] Gains, gains, gains
Collins:
We'll open up a restaurant in Santa Fe
And save from devastation our brains [Yay brains!]
Homeless:
Save our brains
All:
We'll pack up all our junk and fly so far away
Devote ourselves to projects that sell
We'll open up a restaurant in Santa Fe
Forget this cold Bohemian hell
Oh--
All:
Oh--
Collins:
Do you know the way to Santa Fe?
You know, tumbleweeds...prairie dogs...
Yeah
Mark:
I'll meet you at the show.
I'll try and convince Roger to go.
(Mark exits)
Angel:
Alone at last...
Collins:
He'll be back, I guarantee.
Angel:
I've been hearing violins all night!
Collins:
Anything to do with me? Are we a thing?
Angel:
Darling... we're everything!
Live in my house
I'll be your shelter
Just pay me back
With one thousand kisses
Be my lover -- I'll cover you
Collins:
Open your door
I'll be your tenant
Don't got much baggage
To lay at your feet
But sweet kisses I've got to spare
I'll be there -- I'll cover you
Both:
I think they meant it
When they said you can't buy love
Now I know you can rent it
A new lease you are, my love,
On life -- be my life
[Dance, dammit!]
Just slip me on
I'll be your tenant
Wherever -- whatever -- I'll be your coat
Angel:
[Cover: You're Burger King] You'll be my king
And I'll be your castle
Collins:
[Cover: No, You're Dairy Queen] No you'll be my queen
And I'll be your moat
Both:
I think they meant it
When they said you can't buy love
Now I know you can rent it
A new lease you are, my love,
On life -- all my life
I've longed to discover
Something as true as this is
Collins:
So with a thousand
sweet kisses
I'll cover you
With a thousand sweet kisses
I'll cover you
When you're worn out
And tired
When your heart has expired
Angel:
If you're cold
And you're lonely
You've got one nickel only
With a thousand sweet kisses
I'll cover you
With a thousand sweet kisses
I'll cover you
Both:
Oh lover I'll cover you
Oh lover I'll cover you
Joanne:
(on cellular phone)
Steve -- Joanne
The Murget case?
A dismissal!
Good work counselor
[Answer the phone!]
We're okay
Honeybear -- wait!
I'm on the other phone
Yes, I have the cowbell
We're okay
So tell them we'll sue
But a settlement will do
Sexual harassment -- and civil rights too
Steve, you're great
No you cut the paper plate
Didja cheat on Mark a lot would you say?
We're okay
Honey hold on...
Steve, hold on...
[Answer the phone!]
Hello?
Dad -- yes
I beeped you
Maureen is coming to Mother's hearing
We're okay
Honeybear - what?
Newt's lesbian sister
I'll tell them
You heard?
They heard
We're okay
And to you dad
Yes -- Jill is there?
Steve gotta --
Jill with the short black hair?
The Calvin Klein model? [CK one- for a man or a woman]
Steve, gotta go!
The model who lives in Penthouse A???
We're [Big note coming up, breathe!]
We're okay
I'm on my way
Five Homeless People:
Christmas bells are ringing
Christmas bells are ringing
Christmas bells are singing
On TV - at Saks
Squeegieman:
Honest living, honest living [Squeegee, squeegee, squeegee, squeegee
Honest living, honest living Squeegee, squeegee, squeegee, squeegee
Honest living, honest living Squeegee, squeegee, squeegee, squeegee]
All Five Homeless:
Can't you spare a dime or two
Here but for the grace of God go you
You'll be merry
I'll be merry
Tho merry ain't in my vocabulary
No sleighbells
No Santa Claus
No yule log
No tinsel
No holly
No hearth
No
Soloist:
'Rudolph the red nosed reindeer'
All Five Homeless:
Rudolph the red nosed reindeer
No room at the Holiday Inn -- oh no
And it's beginning to snow
Vendors:
Hats, bats, shoes, booze
Mountain bikes, potpourri
Leather bags, girlie mags
Forty-fives, AZT
Vendor #1:
No one's buying
Feel like crying
All:
No room at the Holiday Inn, oh no
And it's beginning to snow
Vendor #2
How about a fur --
In perfect shape
owned by an MBA from uptown
I got a tweed
Broken in by a greedy
Broker who went broke
And then broke down [A broken, broke broker coat!]
Collins:
You don't have to do this
Angel:
Hush your mouth, it's Christmas
Collins:
I do not deserve you, Angel
Collins:
Give -- give
All you do
Is give
Give me some way to show
How much you've touched me so
Angel:
Wait -- what's on the floor?
Let's see some more...
No - no - no...
Kiss me -- it's beginning to snow
Mark:
... She said, "Would you light my candle?" [Flick lighter on, then off]
And she put on a pout
And she wanted you
To take her out tonight? [Sing: Owwwww-uuuut tonight!]
Roger:
Right
Mark:
She got you out!
Roger:
She was more than okay
But I pushed her away
It was bad -- I got mad
And I had to get her out of my sight
Mark:
Wait, wait, wait -- you said she was sweet
Roger:
Let's go eat -- I'll just get fat
It's the one vice left when you're dead meat
There -- that's her
Mark:
Maureen? [Moo!]
Roger:
Mimi!
Mark:
Whoa!
Roger:
I should go
Mark:
Hey -- it's beginning to snow
Police Officers:
I'm dreaming of a white, right Christmas
Mimi & Junkies:
Follow the man -- follow the man
With his pockets full of the jam
Follow the man -- follow the man
Help me out, daddy
If you can
Got any D man?
The Man:
I'm cool
Mimi & Junkies:
Got any [cover: semen] C man?
The Man:
I'm cool
Mimi & Junkies:
Got any X?
Any smack?
Any horse?
Any jugie boogie boy?
Any blow?
Roger:
Hey
Mimi:
Hey
Roger:
I just want to say
I'm sorry for the way --
Mimi:
Forget it
Roger:
I blew up
Can I make it up to you?
Mimi:
How?
Roger:
Dinner party?
Mimi:
That'll do
The Man:
Hey lover boy -- cutie pie
You steal my client -- you die [Drag finger across throat and make noises]
Roger:
You didn't miss me -- you won't miss her
You'll never lack for customers
Junkies:
I'm willin'
I'm illin'
I gotta get my sickness off
Gotta run, gotta ride
Gotta gun, gotta hide -- gotta go
The Man:
And it's beginning to snow
Benny:
Wish me luck, Alison
The protest is on
Coat Vendor:
L.L Bean
Geoffrey Beene
Burburry zip out
Lining
Junkies:
Got any C man?
Got any D man?
Got any B man?
Got any crack?
Got any X?
Squeegieman:
Honest living --
Roger:
Mark, this is Mimi --
Mark/Mimi:
Hi
Roger:
She'll be dining -- (with us)
Coat Vendor:
Here's a new arrival
The Man:
That is an ounce
Vendors:
Hats, dats, bats
Collins:
That's my coat!
Coat Vendor:
We give discounts
Mark:
I think we've met
Angel:
Let's get a better one
Collins:
It's a sham
Mimi:
That's what he said
The Man:
I said it's a gram!
Collins:
But she's a thief!
Angel:
But she brought us together
Benny:
Which investor is coming??
Collins:
I'll take the leather
Benny:
Your father? -- Damn!
(The following is sung simultaneously)
Homeless & Vendors:
Christmas bells are swinging
Christmas bells are ringing
Christmas bells are singing
In my dreams -- next year
Once you donate you can go
Celebrate in Tuckahoe
You'll feel cheery
I'll feel cheery
Tho' I don't really know that theory
No bathrobe
No steuben glass
No cappucino makers
No pearls, no diamonds
No 'Chestnuts roasting on an open fire'
Chestnuts roasting on an open fire
No room at the Holiday Inn, oh no --
Police Officers:
I'm dreaming of a white Christmas
Just like the ones I used to know
Jingle bells -- prison cells
Fa la la la -- fa la la la
You have the right to remain
Silent night holy night
Fall on your knees oh night divine
You'll do some time
Fa la la la la
Fa la la la la
Junkies:
Got any C man?
Got any D man?
Got any B man?
Got any X? -- Crack?
I'm willin' -- I'm illin'
Gotta get my sickness off
C-D help me
Follow the man -- follow the man
Follow the man
Jugie boogie -- jugie boogie
Follow the man -- follow the man
Any crack any X any jugie boogie boy
Any blow any X any jugie boogie boy
Got any D man, got any C man
Got any crack -- any X -- any jugie boogie?
Coat Vendor:
Twenty-five
Angel:
Fifteen
Coat Vendor:
Twenty-five
Angel:
Fifteen
Coat Vendor:
No way
Twenty-four
Angel:
Fifteen
Coat Vendor:
Twenty-four
Angel:
Fifteen
Coat Vendor:
Not today
Twenty-three
Angel:
Fifteen
Coat Vendor:
Twenty-three
Angel:
Fifteen
It's old
Coat Vendor:
Twenty-two
Angel:
Fifteen
Coat Vendor:
Twenty-one
Angel:
Fifteen
Coat Vendor:
Seventeen
Angel:
Fifteen
Coat Vendor:
Fifteen
Angel & Coat Vendor:
Sold!
Mark & Roger:
Let's
Go
To
The lot -- Maureen's performing
Mimi:
Who's Maureen?
Roger:
His ex
Mark:
But I am over her
Roger:
Let's not hold hands yet
Mimi:
Is that a warning?
All Three:
He/You/I
Just
Need(s)
To take it slow
I should tell you I should tell you
I should tell you I should tell you
I should tell you I ...
All:
And it's beginning to
And it's beginning to
And it's beginning to ---
[Biker momma!]
Maureen:
Joanne, which way to the stage?
All:
Snow!!!
Mark:
Maureen's performance. [Finally!]
Maureen (in front of a microphone):
Last night I had a dream. [So what?} I found myself in a desert called Cyberland. [Isn't that . . .?] [Shut up!]
It was hot. My canteen had sprung a leak and I was thirsty.
Out of the abyss walked a cow -- Elsie.
I asked if she had anything to drink.
She said, "I'm forbidden to produce milk.
In Cyberland, we only drink Diet Coke." [Trademark!]
She said, "Only thing to do is jump over the moon"
"They've closed everything real down ... like barns, troughs, performance spaces ...
And replaced it all with lies and rules and virtual life.
But there is a way out...
Backups:
Leap of faith, leap of faith
Leap of faith, leap of faith
Maureen:
"Only thing to do is jump over the moon"
I gotta get out of here! It's like I'm being tied
to the hood of a yellow rental truck, being packed
in with fertilizer and fuel oil, pushed over a cliff
by a suicidal Mickey Mouse! [Copyright!]
I've gotta find a way
To jump over the moon
Only thing to do is jump over the moon
Backups:
Leap of faith, leap of faith...
Maureen:
Then a little bulldog entered. His name (we have learned) was Benny. [Isn't that . . .?] [Shut up!]
And although he once had principles,
He abandoned them to live as a lap dog to a wealthy daughter of the revolution.
"That's bull," he said.
"Ever since the cat took up the fiddle, that cow's been jumpy.
And the dish and the spoon were evicted from the table -- and eloped ...
She's had trouble with that milk and the moon ever since.
Maybe it's a female thing.
'Cause who'd want to leave Cyberland anyway?
Walls ain't so bad.
The dish and the spoon for instance.
They were down on their luck - knocked on my doghouse door.
I said, "Not in my backyard, utensils! Go back to China!"
"The only way out is up," Elsie whispered to me.
"A leap of faith. Still thirsty?" she asked.
Parched. "Have some milk."
I lowered myself beneath her and held my mouth to her swollen udder
And sucked the sweetest milk I'd ever tasted."
[Slurping noises]
"Climb on board," she said.
And as a harvest moon rose over Cyberland,
We reared back and sprang into a gallop.
Leaping out of orbit!
I awoke singing
Backups:
Leap of faith, leap of faith...
Maureen:
Only thing to do
Only thing to do is jump
Only thing to do is jump over the moon
Only thing to do is jump over the moon
Over the moon -- over the
Moooooooo
Moooooooo
Moooooooo
Moooooooo
Moo with me. [Moo with her- of course!]
Thank you!
Restaurant Man:
No please no
Not tonight please no
Mister -- can't you go --
Not tonight -- can't have a scene
Roger:
What?
Restaurant Man:
Go, please go;
You -- Hello, sir --
I said, "No"
Important customer
Mark:
What am I -- just a blur? [He's SUPERMARK!]
Restaurant Man:
You sit all night -- you never buy!
Mark:
That's a lie -- that's a lie
I had a tea the other day
Restaurant Man:
You couldn't pay
Mark:
Oh yeah
Collins:
Benjamin Coffin III -- here?
Restaurant Man:
Oh no!
All:
[Echo] Wine and beer!
Maureen:
The enemy of Avenue A
We'll stay
Restaurant Man:
Oy vey!
Collins:
What brings the mogul in his own mind to the Life Cafe?
Benny:
I would like to propose a toast
To Maureen's noble try
It went well
Maureen:
Go to hell [Flick Benny off]
Benny:
Was the yuppie scum stomped?
Not counting the homeless
How many tickets weren't comped?
Roger:
Why did Muffy --
Benny:
Alison
Roger:
Miss the show?
Benny:
There was a death in the family
If you must know
Angel:
Who died?
Benny:
Our Akita
Benny, Mark, Angel & Collins:
Evita! [Sing: Don't cry for her, Argentina!]
Benny:
Mimi -- I'm surprised
A bright and charming girl like you
Hangs out with these slackers
(Who don't adhere to deals)
They make fun -- yet I'm the one
Attempting to do some good
Or do you really want a neighborhood
Where people piss on your stoop every night?
Bohemia, Bohemia's
A fallacy in your head
This is Calcutta
Bohemia is dead
[Fake crying, loud sobbing]
Mark:
Dearly beloved we gather here to say our goodbyes
Collins & Roger:
Dies irae -- dies illa
Kyrie eleison
Yitgadal v' yitkadash, etc.
Mark:
Here she lies
No one knew her worth
The late great daughter of mother earth
On this night when we celebrate the birth
In that little town of Bethlehem
We raise our glass -- you bet your ass to - [Yay ass!]
La vie Boheme
All:
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme
[Dance Marky dance!]
Mark:
To days of inspiration
Playing hooky, making something out of nothing
The need to express --
To communicate,
To going against the grain,
Going insane
Going mad
To loving tension, no pension
To more than one dimension,
To starving for attention,
Hating convention, hating pretension
Not to mention of course,
Hating dear old mom and dad
To riding your bike,
Midday past the three piece suits
To fruits -- to no absolutes --
To Absolut -- to choice --
To the Village Voice --
To any passing fad
To being an us for once
Instead of a them
All:
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme
Maureen:
Is the equipment in a pyramid?
Joanne:
It is, Maureen
Maureen:
The mixer doesn't have a case
Don't give me that face
[Spank it!]
Mr. Grey:
Ahhemm
Maureen:
Hey Mister -- she's my sister
Restaurant Man:
So that's five miso soup, four seaweed salad
Three soy burger dinner, two tofu dog platter
And one pasta with meatless balls
A Boy:
Eww [Don't knock it until you try it!]
Collins:
It tastes the same
Mimi:
If you close your eyes
Restaurant Man:
And thirteen orders of fries
Is that it here?
All:
Wine and beer!
Mimi & Angel:
To hand-crafted beers made in local breweries
To yoga, to yogurt, to rice and beans and cheese
To leather, to dildos, to curry vindaloo
To huevos rancheros and Maya Angelou
Maureen & Collins:
Emotion, devotion, to causing a commotion
Creation, vacation
Mark:
Mucho masturbation [Yay masturbation!]
Maureen & Collins:
Compassion, to fashion, to passion when it's new
Collins:
To Sontag
Angel:
To Sondheim
Four People:
To anything taboo
Collins & Roger:
Ginsberg, Dylan, Cunningham and Cage
Collins:
Lenny Bruce
Roger:
Langston Hughes
Maureen:
To the stage!
Person #1:
To Uta
Person #2:
To Buddha
Person #3:
Pablo Neruda, too
Mark & Mimi:
Why Dorothy and Toto went over the rainbow
To blow off Auntie Em
All:
[Echo] La vie Boheme
Maureen:
And wipe the speakers off before you pack
Joanne:
Yes, Maureen
Maureen:
Well -- hurry back
Mr. Grey:
Sisters?
Maureen:
We're close
Angel, Collins, Maureen, Mark & Mr. Grey:
Brothers!
Mark, Angel, Mimi & Three Others:
Bisexuals, trisexuals, homo sapiens,
Carcinogens, hallucinogens, men, Pee Wee Herman
German wine, turpentine, Gertrude Stein
Antonioni, Bertolucci, Kurosawa
Carmina Burana
All:
To apathy, to entropy, to empathy, ecstasy
Vaclav Havel -- The Sex Pistols, 8BC,
To no shame -- never playing the Fame Game
Collins:
To marijuana
All:
To sodomy,
It's between God and me
To S & M
Benny
Waiter...Waiter...Waiter
All:
[Echo] La vie Boheme
Collins:
In honor of the death of Bohemia an impromptu salon will commence immediately following dinner. Mimi Marquez, clad only in bubble wrap, will perform her famous lawn chair-handcuff dance to the sounds of iced tea being stirred.
Roger:
Mark Cohen will preview his new documentary about his inability to hold an erection on high holy days.
Mark:
Maureen Johnson, back from her spectacular one-night engagement at the eleventh street lot, will sing Native American tribal chants backwards through her vocoder, while accompanying herself on the electric cello -- which she has never studied.
[Let go of her!]
Benny:
Your new boyfriend doesn't know about us?
Mimi:
There's nothing to know
Benny:
Don't you think that we should discuss --
Mimi:
It was three months ago
Benny:
He doesn't act like he's with you
Mimi:
We're taking it slow
Benny:
Where is he now?
Mimi:
He's right -- hmm
Benny:
Uh huh
Mimi:
Where'd he go?
Mark:
Roger will attempt to write a bittersweet, evocative song. That doesn't remind us of "Musetta's Waltz".
Collins:
Angel Dumott Schunard will now model the latest fall fashions from Paris while accompanying herself on the 10 gallon plastic pickle tub.
Angel:
And Collins will recount his exploits as an anarchist --
Including the successful reprogramming of the M.I.T. virtual reality equipment to self-destruct, as it broadcast the words:
All:
"Actual reality -- Act Up -- Fight AIDS"
Benny:
Check!!
Mimi:
Excuse me -- did I do something wrong? [You tell him, sister!]
I get invited -- then ignored -- all night long
Roger:
I've been trying -- I'm not lying
No one's perfect. I've got baggage
Mimi:
Life's too short, babe, time is flying [Pan-Am]
I'm looking for baggage that goes with mine
Roger:
I should tell, you --
Mimi:
I've got baggage too
Roger:
I should tell you --
Mimi:
I got baggage, too
Roger:
I should tell you --
Both:
Baggage - wine
Others:
And beer!
Mimi:
AZT break
Roger:
You?
Mimi:
Me. [Tarzan] You? [Jane]
Roger (nods):
Mimi
Roger:
I should tell you I'm disaster
I forget how to begin it
Mimi:
Let's just make this part go faster
I have yet -- to be in it
I should tell you
Roger:
I should tell you
Mimi:
I should tell you
Roger:
I should tell you
Mimi:
I should tell I blew the candle out [No shit!]
Just to get back in
Roger:
I'd forgotten how to smile
Until your candle burned my skin
Mimi:
I should tell you
Roger:
I should tell you [Awww, just tell her, dammit!]
Mimi:
I should tell you
Both:
I should tell
Well, here we go
Now we --
Mimi:
Oh no
Roger:
I know -- this something is
Here goes --
Mimi:
Here goes
Roger:
Guess so
It's starting to
--Who knows?
Mimi:
Who knows
Both:
Who knows where
Who goes there
Who knows
Here goes
Trusting desire -- starting to learn
Walking through fire without a burn
Clinging -- a shoulder, a leap begins
Stinging and older, asleep on pins
So here we go
Now we --
Roger:
Oh no
Mimi:
I know
Roger:
Oh no
Both:
Who knows where -- who goes there
Here goes -- here goes
Here goes -- here goes
Here goes -- here goes
Maureen:
Are we packed?
Joanne:
Yes and by next week
I want you to be [Talk about harsh!]
Maureen:
Pookie?!
Joanne:
And you should see
They've padlocked your building
And they're rioting on Avenue B
Benny called the cops
Maureen:
[Cover: Good] That fuck!
Joanne:
They don't know what they're doing
The cops are sweeping the lot
But no one's leaving
They're just sitting there, mooing!
All:
Yeah!!!
To dance!
A Girl:
No way to make a living, masochism, pain, perfection
Muscle spasms, chiropractors, short careers, eating disorders!
All:
Film!
Mark:
Adventure, tedium, no family, boring locations,
Dark rooms, perfect faces, egos, money, Hollywood and sleaze!
All:
Music!
Angel:
Food of love, emotion, mathematics, isolation,
Rhythm, feeling, power, harmony, and heavy competition!
All:
Anarchy!
Collins & Maureen:
Revolution, justice, screaming for solutions,
Forcing changes, risk, and danger
Making noise and making pleas!
All:
To faggots, lezzies, dykes, cross dressers too
Maureen:
To me
Mark:
To me
Collins & Angel:
To me
All:
To you, and you and you, you and you
To people living with, living with, living with
Not dying from disease
Let he among us without sin
Be the first to condemn
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme
Mark:
Anyone out of the mainstream
Is anyone in the mainstream?
Anyone alive--with a sex drive
Tear down the wall
Aren't we all?
The opposite of war isn't peace...
It's creation!
Others:
La vie boheme
La vie boheme
La vie boheme
All:
La vie Boheme
Mark:
The riot continues. The Christmas tree goes up in flames. The snow dances. Oblivious, Mimi and Roger share a small, lovely kiss.
All:
Viva la vie Boheme!
Seasons Of Love
The Company:
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
Five hundred twenty-five thousand moments so dear
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
[Cover: When will this song-when will it end?] How do you measure -- measure a year?
In daylights -- In sunsets
In midnights -- In cups of coffee
In inches -- In miles
In laughter -- In strife
In -- Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
How do you measure a year in the life?
How about love?
How about love?
How about love?
Measure in love
Seasons of love
Seasons of love
[Sing it sister!]
Soloist #1:
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Journeys to plan
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
How do you measure the life
Of a woman or a man?
Soloist #2:
In truths that she learned
Or in times that he cried
In bridges he burned
Or the way that she died
All:
It's time now - to sing out
Tho' the story never ends
Let's celebrate
Remember a year in the life of friends
Remember the love
Remember the love
Remember the love
Measure in love
Soloist #1:
Measure, measure your life in love
Seasons of love ...
Seasons of love
Mark (carrying mock door):
Pan to the padlocked door. New Year's Rocking Eve. The breaking-back-into-the-building party.
Mimi:
How long till next year?
Roger:
Three and half minutes...
Mimi:
I'm giving up my vices
I'm going back -- back to school [Oh, sure]
Eviction or not
[Cover: And I've] This week's been so hot
That long as I've got you
I know I'll be cool
I couldn't crack the love code, dear
'Til you made the lock on my heart explode
It's gonna be a happy New Year
A happy new year
Mark:
Coast is clear
You're supposed to be working
That's for midnight
Where are they?
There isn't much time
Mimi:
Maybe they're [un]dressing
I mean what does one wear that's apropos
For a party -- that's also a crime
Maureen:
Chips, anyone?
Mark:
You can take the girl out of Hicksville
But you can't take the Hicksville out of the girl
[Hey, I'm FROM Hicksville!]
Maureen:
My riot got you on TV
I deserve a royalty
Mimi:
Be nice you two
Or no god awful champagne
Maureen:
Don't mind if I do
No luck?
Roger:
Bolted plywood, padlocked with a chain
A total dead end
Maureen:
Just like my ex-girlfriend
Honey...?
I know you're there ...
Please pick up the phone
Are you okay?
It's not funny
It's not fair
How can I atone?
Are you okay?
I lose control
But I can learn to behave
Give me one more chance
Let me be your slave
I'll kiss your Doc Martens
Let me kiss your Doc Martens
Your every wish I will obey
Joanne:
That might be okay
Down girl
Heel...stay [Good bitch]
I did a bit of research
With my friends at legal aid
Technically, you're squatters
There's hope
But just in case
Mark & Joanne:
Rope!
Mark:
We can hoist a line --
Joanne:
To the fire escape --
Mark:
And tie off at...
Mark & Joanne:
That bench!
Maureen:
I can't take them as chums!
Joanne:
Start hoisting...wench!
Roger:
I think I should be laughing
Yet I forget
Forget how to begin
I'm feeling something inside
And yet I still can't decide
If I should hide
Or make a wide open grin
Last week I wanted just to disappear
My life was dust
But now it just may be a happy new year
A happy new year
Collins:
Bond -- James Bond
Angel:
And Pussy Galore -- in person
Mimi:
Pussy -- you came prepared
Angel:
I was a Boy Scout once
And a brownie [Transvestite from the womb!]
'Til some brat got scared
Collins (to MIMI):
Aha! Moneypenny -- my martini!
Mimi:
Will bad champagne do?
Roger:
That's shaken -- not stirred
Collins:
Pussy -- the bolts
Angel:
Just say the word!
Mimi:
Two minutes left to execute our plan
Collins:
Where's everyone else?
Roger:
Playing Spiderman
Mark:
Ironic close up: tight
On the phone machine's red light
Once the Boho boys are gone
The power mysteriously comes on
Mrs. Cohen:
Mark, it's the wicked witch of the west your mother [Wicked witch laugh]
Happy new year from Scarsdale
We're all impressed that the riot footage
Made the nightly news
Even your father says Mazeltov
Honey -- call him
Love, Mom
Alexi Darling:
Mark Cohen
Alexi Darling from Buzzline
Mark:
Oh, that show's so sleazy.
Alexi Darling:
Your footage on the riots: A-one
Feature segment -- network - [Cover: meal time!] dealtime
I'm sending you a contract
[Echo] Ker-ching ker-ching [Throw coins]
Marky give us a call 970-4301
Or at home try 863-6754
Or -- my cell phone at 919-763-0090
Or -- you can e-mail me
At Darling Alexi Newscom dot net
Or -- you can page me at --
Maureen:
I think we need an agent!
Mark:
We?
Joanne:
That's selling out
Mark:
But it's nice to dream
Maureen:
Yeah -- it's network TV
And it's all thanks to me
Mark:
Somehow I think I smell
The whiff of a scheme [It's her cheap perfume]
Joanne:
Me too
Maureen:
We can plan another protest
Joanne:
We?
Maureen:
This time you can shoot from the start...
You'll direct
Starring me!
All:
5, 4, 3... Open sesame!!
Happy new year
Happy new year
Happy new...
Benny:
I see that you've beaten me to the punch
Roger:
How did you know we'd be here?
[He locked it, asshole!]
Benny:
I had a hunch
Mark:
You're not mad?
Benny:
I'm here to end this war
It's a shame you went and destroyed the door
Mimi:
Why all the sudden the big about face
Benny:
The credit is yours
You made a good case
Roger:
What case?
Benny:
Mimi came to see me
And she had much to say
Mimi:
That's not how you put it at all yesterday
Benny:
I couldn't stop thinking about the whole mess
Mark -- you want to get this on film
Mark:
I guess
Benny:
I regret the unlucky circumstances
Of the past seven days
Roger:
Circumstance? You padlocked our door
Benny:
And it's with great pleasure
On behalf of Cyber Arts
That I hand you this key
Angel:
Golf claps [Polite clapping]
Mark:
I have no juice in my battery
Benny:
Reshoot
Roger:
I see -- this is a photo opportunity
Maureen:
The benevolent god
Ushers the poor artists back to their flat
Were you planning on taking down the barbed wire
From the lot, too?
Roger:
Anything but that!
Benny:
Clearing the lot was a safety concern
We break ground this month
But you can return
Maureen:
That's why you're here with people you hate
Instead of with Muffy at Muffy's estate
Benny:
I'd honestly rather be with you tonight than in Westport --
Roger:
Spare us old sport, the soundbite
Benny:
Mimi -- since your ways are so seductive
Mimi:
You came on to me!
Benny:
Persuade him not to be so counterproductive
Roger:
Liar!
Benny:
Why not tell them what you wore to my place?
Mimi:
I was on my way to work!
Benny:
Black leather and lace!
My desk was a mess
I think I'm still sore
Mimi:
Cause I kicked him and told him I wasn't his whore! [Go girl!]
Benny:
Does your boyfriend know
Who your last boyfriend was?
Roger:
I'm not her boyfriend
I don't care what she does
Angel:
People! Is this any way to start a new year?
Have compassion
Benny just lost his cat
Benny:
My dog -- but I appreciate that
Angel:
My cat had a fall
And I went through hell
Benny:
It's like losing a --
How did you know that she fell?
Collins:
Champagne?
Benny:
Don't mind if I do
To dogs!
All but Benny:
No, Benny -- To you!
Angel:
Let's make a resolution
Mimi:
I'll drink to that
Collins:
Let's always stay friends
Joanne:
Tho' we may have our disputes
Maureen:
This family tree's got deep roots
Mark:
Friendship is thicker than blood [Blood is thicker than water!] [Water for chocolate!]
Roger:
That depends
Mimi:
Depends on trust
Roger:
Depends on true devotion
Joanne:
Depends on love
Mark (to Roger):
Depends on not denying emotion
Roger:
Perhaps
All:
It's gonna be a happy New Year
Roger:
I guess
All:
It's gonna be a happy new year
Roger:
You're right
Angel:
It's gonna be a happy New Year
Roger & Mimi:
I'm sorry
Roger:
Coming?
Mimi:
In a minute -- I'm fine -- go
The Man:
Well, well, well. What have we here?
It's gonna be a happy new year [DON'T DO IT MIMI!]
There, there...there
Mark:
Valentine's Day...Pan across the empty lot. Roger's down at Mimi's, where he's been for almost two months now -- although he keeps talking about selling his guitar and heading out of town...Still jealous of Benny... God knows where Collins and Angel are...Could be that new Shanty Town near the river or a suite at the Plaza...Maureen and Joanne are rehearsing...
Joanne:
I said once more from the top!
[Stage Nazi!]
Maureen:
I said no!
Mark:
That is, if they're speaking this week. Me? I'm here. Nowhere.
Joanne:
The line is 'Cyber Arts and its corporate sponsor, Grey Communications, would like to mitigate the Christmas Eve riots.' What is so difficult...?
Maureen:
It just doesn't roll off my tongue. I like my version.!
Joanne:
You -- dressed as a ground hog. To protest the ground breaking!
Maureen:
It's a metaphor!
Joanne:
Well, it's less than brilliant!
Maureen:
That's it, Ms. Ivy League!
Joanne:
What?!
Maureen:
Ever since New Year's, I haven't said boo. I let you direct, I didn't pierce my nipples because it grossed you out! I didn't stay and dance at the Clit Club that night, 'cause you wanted to go home...
Joanne:
You were flirting with the woman in rubber!
Maureen:
That's what this is about!? There will always be women in rubber, flirting with me... Gimme a break. [Sing: Gimme a break, gimme a break, break me off a piece of that Mooing bitch!]
Every single day
I walk down the street
I hear people say,
"Baby's so sweet"
Ever since puberty
Everybody stares at me
Boys - girls
I can't can't help it baby
So be kind
Don't lose your mind
Just remember that I'm your baby
Take me for what I am
Who I was meant to be
And if you give a damn
Take me baby or leave me
Take me baby or leave me
A tiger in a cage
Can never see the sun
This diva needs her stage
Baby - let's have fun!
You are the one I choose
Folks'd kill to fill your shoes
You love the limelight too, baby
So be mine
Or don't waste my time
Cryin' -- "Honeybear -- are you still my baby?"
Take me for what I am
Who I was meant to be
And if you give a damn
Take me baby or leave me
No way -- can I be what I'm not
But hey -- don't you want your girl hot!
Don't fight -- don't lose your head
Cause every night -- who's in your bed?
Who's in your bed, baby?
Kiss, Pookie.
Joanne:
It won't work.
I look before I leap
I love margins and discipline
I make lists in my sleep
Baby what's my sin?
Never quit -- I follow through
I hate mess -- but I love you
What to do
With my impromptu baby?
So be wise
This girl satisfies
You've got a prize
But don't compromise
You're one lucky baby
Take me for what I am
Maureen:
[Cover: Remote] A control freak
Joanne:
Who I was meant to be
Maureen:
A snob -- yet over-attentive
Joanne:
And if you give a damn
Maureen:
A lovable, droll geek
Joanne:
Take me baby or leave me
Maureen:
And anal retentive!
Both:
That's it!
Joanne:
The straw that breaks my back! [So you're a camel?]
Both:
I quit
Joanne:
Unless you take it back
Both:
Women
Maureen:
What is it about them?
Both:
Can't live --
With them --
Or without them!
Take me for what I am
Who I was meant to be
And if you give a damn
Take me baby or leave me
Take me baby
Or leave me
Guess I'm leavin'
I'm gone!
The Company:
In diapers -- report cards
In spoke wheels -- in speeding tickets
In contracts -- dollars
In funerals -- in births
In -- five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
How do you figure
A last year on earth?
Figure in love
Figure in love
Figure in love
Measure in love
Seasons of love
Seasons of love
Roger:
Where were you?
Mimi:
I'm sorry I'm late...
Roger (interrupting):
I know. You lost your keys. No, you went for a walk; you had to help your mother. (As he picks up the guitar) And how's Benny? I'm gonna work upstairs tonight.
Mimi:
Wait...
I should tell you [Tell him already! We've been waiting the whole play for this!]
I should ...
Never mind...
Roger:
Happy Spring
Mimi:
Without you
The ground thaws
The rain falls
The grass grows
Without you
The seeds root
The flowers bloom
The children play
The stars gleam
The poets dream
The eagles fly
Without you
The earth turns
The sun burns
But I die
Without you
Without you
The breeze warms
The girl smiles
The cloud moves
Without you
The tides change
The boys run
The oceans crash
The crowds roar
The days soar
The babies cry
Without you
The moon glows
The river flows
But I die
Without you
Roger:
The world revives
Mimi:
Colors renew
Both:
But I know blue
Only blue
Lonely blue
Within me, blue
Without you
Mimi:
Without you
The hand gropes
The ear hears
The pulse beats
Roger:
Without you
The eyes gaze
The legs walk
The lungs breathe
Both:
The mind churns
The heart yearns
The tears dry
Without you
Life goes on
But I'm gone
Cause I die
Roger:
Without you
Mimi:
Without you
Roger:
Without you
Both:
Without you
Roger & Mark's Answering Machine
"Speak" ... [Echo] ("Beeeep!")
Alexi Darling:
Mark Cohen
Alexi Darling
Labor Day weekend
In East Hampton
On the beach
Just saw Alec Baldwin
Told him you say hi
Just kidding
We still need directors
You still need money
You know you need money
Pick up the phone
Don't be afraid of [Echo] ker-ching ker-ching [Throw coins]
Marky -- sell us your soul
Just kidding
We're waiting...
Group A (Roger, Mark, Joanne, Benny):
Hot-hot-hot-sweat-sweet
Wet-wet-wet-red-heat
Hot-hot-hot-sweat-sweet
Wet-wet-wet-red-heat
Please don't stop please
Please don't stop stop
Stop stop stop don't
Please please please please
Hot-hot-hot-sweat-sweet
Wet-wet-wet-red-heat
Sticky-licky-trickle-tickle
Steamy-creamy-stroking-soaking
Group B (Mimi, Collins, Maureen, Angel):
Hot-hot-hot-sweat-sweet
Wet-wet-wet-red-heat
Collins:
Touch!
Maureen:
Taste!
Mimi:
Deep!
Collins:
Dark!
Maureen:
Kiss!
Collins:
Beg!
Mimi:
Slap!
Mimi, Maureen & Collins:
Fear!
Collins:
Thick!
Collins, Mimi & Maureen:
Red, red
Red, red
Red, red -- please
Maureen:
Harder
Angel:
Faster
Maureen:
Wetter
Mimi:
Bastard!
Collins:
You whore!
Maureen:
You cannibal!
Mimi & Angel:
More!
Maureen:
You animal!
Maureen, Collins & Mimi:
Fluid no fluid no contact yes
No contact
All:
Fire fire burn--burn yes!
No latex rubber rubber
Fire latex rubber latex bummer
Lover bummer
[Dance Angel dance!]
Angel
Take me
Take me
Today for you
Tomorrow for me
Today me
Tomorrow you
Tomorrow you
Love
you
Love you
I love
You I love
You!
Take me
Take me
I love you
Roger's Voice:
Um
Joanne's Voice:
Wait
Mimi's Voice:
Slipped
Collin's Voice:
Shit
Joanne's Voice:
Ow!
Roger's Voice:
Where'd it go?
Mimi's Voice:
Safe
Collin's Voice:
Damn
Maureen's Voice:
I think I missed
Don't get pissed
All:
It was bad for me -- was it bad for you?
Joanne:
It's over
Maureen:
It's over
Roger:
It's over
Mimi:
It's over
Collins:
It's over [Poor baby.]
Mimi:
Angel was one of my closest friends. It's right that it's Halloween, because it was her favorite holiday. I knew we'd hit it off from the moment we met. That skin head was bothering her, and she said she was more of a man than he'd ever be, and more of a woman than he'd ever get...
[He was just a sweet transvestite!]
Mark:
...and then there was that time that he walked up to this group of tourists... and, they were petrified, because, a) they were obviously lost, and b) they had probably never spoken to a drag queen before in their lives...and he...she just offered to escort them out of Alphabet City, and then she let them take a picture with her, and then she said she'd help 'em find the Circle Line...
Maureen:
...so much more original then any of us...you'd find an old table cloth on the street and make a dress...and next year, sure enough -- they'd be mass producing them at the Gap. You always said how lucky you were that we were all friends.
But it was us, baby, who were the lucky ones.
Collins:
Live in my house
I'll be your shelter
Just pay me back
With one thousand kisses
Be my lover
And I'll cover you
Open your door -- I'll be your tenant
Don't got much baggage to lay at your feet
But sweet kisses I've got to spare
I'll be there -- I'll cover you
I think they meant it
When they said you can't buy love
Now I know you can rent it
A new lease you were, my love, on life
All my life
I've longed to discover
Something as true
As this is
Joanne & Soloist:
So with a thousand sweet kisses
I'll cover you
With a thousand sweet kisses
I'll cover you
With a thousand sweet kisses
I'll cover you
With a thousand sweet kisses
I'll cover you
Collins:
If you're cold and you're lonely
You've got one nickel only
When you're worn out and tired
When your heart has expired
The Company:
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
Five hundred twenty-five thousand moments so dear
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred -- measure a year
Oh lover I'll cover you
Oh lover I'll cover you
Collins & Company:
Oh lover
I'll cover you
Oh lover
Collins:
I'll cover you
The Company:
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
Five hundred twenty-five thousand seasons of love
Collins:
I'll cover you
Mark:
(on the pay phone)
Hi. It's Mark Cohen. Is Alexi there?...No, don't bother her. Just tell her I'm running a little late for our appointment...Yes, I'm still coming... Yes, I signed the contract... Thanks...
How did we get here?
How the hell...
Pan left -- close on the steeple of the church
How did I get here?
How the hell...
Christmas
Christmas Eve -- last year
How could a night so frozen be so scalding hot?
How can a morning this mild be so raw?
Why are entire years strewn
On the cutting room floor of memory
When single frames from one magic night
Forever flicker in close-up
On the 3D Imax [Trademark] of my mind
That's poetic
That's pathetic
Why did Mimi knock on Roger's door
And Collins choose that phone booth
Back where Angel set up his drums
Why did Maureen's equipment break down [Moo!]
Why am I the witness
And when I capture it on film
Will it mean that it's the end
And I'm alone
Mimi (to Roger):
It's true you sold your guitar and bought a car?
Roger:
It's true -- I'm leaving now for Santa Fe
It's true you're with this yuppie scum?
Benny:
You said you'd never speak to him again
Mimi:
Not now
Maureen:
Who said that you have any say
In who she says things to at all?
Roger:
Yeah!
Joanne:
Who said that you should
Stick your nose in other people's ...
Maureen:
Who said I was talking to you?
Joanne:
We used to have this fight each night
Mark:
Calm down
Joanne:
She'd never admit I existed
Mark:
Everyone please!
Mimi:
He was the same way -- he was always
"Run away -- hit the road
Don't commit" -- you're full of shit!
Joanne:
She's in denial
Mimi:
He's in denial
Joanne:
Didn't give an inch
When I gave a mile
Mark:
Come on
Mimi:
I gave a mile
Roger:
Gave a mile to who?
Mark & Benny:
Come on guys, chill!
[Jer-RY! Jer-RY!]
Mimi & Joanne:
I'd be happy to die for a taste of what Angel had
Someone to live for -- unafraid to say I love you
Roger:
All your words are nice Mimi
But love's not a three way street
You'll never share real love
Until you love yourself -- I should know
Collins:
You all said you'd be cool today
So please -- for my sake...
I can't believe he's gone
(to Roger) I can't believe you're going
I can't believe this family must die
Angel helped us believe in love
I can't believe you disagree
All:
I can't believe this is goodbye [Sing: So long, farewell, aviedusae, adieu!]
Maureen:
Pookie...
Joanne:
Honeybear...
Joanne:
I missed you...
Maureen:
I missed your smell...
Joanne:
I missed your mouth...Your...
Maureen:
Ow!
Joanne:
What?
Maureen:
Nothing, Pookie.
Joanne:
No, baby, you said ow...What?
Maureen:
Well, you bit my tongue...
[S&M all the way!]
Joanne:
No, I didn't.
Maureen:
You did -- I'm bleeding.
Joanne:
No, it isn't...
Maureen:
I think I should know
Joanne:
Let me see--
Maureen:
She doesn't believe me!
Joanne:
I was only trying to...
Pastor:
Thomas B. Collins...
Collins:
Coming.
Mark:
I hear there are great restaurants out west
Roger:
Some of the best. How could she?
Mark:
How could you let her go?
Roger:
You just don't know ... How could we lose Angel?
Mark:
Maybe you'll see why when you stop escaping your pain
At least now if you try -- Angel's death won't be in vain
Roger:
His death is in vain [Is not!]
Mark:
Are you insane?
There so much to care about
There's me -- there's Mimi
Roger:
Mimi's got her baggage, too
Mark:
So do you
Roger:
Who are you to tell me what I know, what to do
Mark:
A friend
Roger:
But who, Mark, are you?
"Mark has got his work"
They say "Mark lives for his work"
And "Mark's in love with his work"
Mark hides in his work
Mark:
But from what?
Roger:
From facing your failure, facing your loneliness
Facing the fact you live a lie
Yes, you live a lie -- tell you why
You're always preaching not to be numb
When that's how you thrive
You pretend to create and observe
When you really detach from feeling alive
Mark:
Perhaps it's because I'm the one of us to survive
Roger:
[Echo] Poor baby!
Mark:
Mimi still loves Roger
Is Roger really jealous
Or afraid that Mimi's weak
Roger:
Mimi did look pale
Mark:
Mimi's gotten thin
Mimi's running out of time
Roger's running out the door
Roger:
No more! Oh no!
I've gotta go
Mark:
Hey, for somebody who's always been let down
Who's heading out of town?
Roger:
For someone who longs for a community of his own,
Who's with his camera, alone?
(Roger takes a step to go, then stops, turns)
I'll call
I hate the fall
(Roger turns to go and sees Mimi)
You heard?
Mimi:
Every word
You don't want baggage without lifetime guarantees
You don't want to watch me die
I just came to say
Goodbye, love
Goodbye, love
Came to say goodbye, love, goodbye
Mimi:
Just came to say
Goodbye love
Goodbye love
Goodbye love
Goodbye!
Roger:
Glory
One blaze of
Glory
Have to find...
Mimi:
Please don't touch me
Understand
I'm scared
I need to go away
Mark:
I know a place -- a clinic
Benny:
A rehab? [Yay rehab!]
Mimi:
Maybe -- could you?
Benny:
I'll pay
Mimi:
Goodbye love
Goodbye love
Came to say goodbye, love, goodbye
Just came to say
Goodbye love
Goodbye love
Goodbye love
Hello disease
Pastor:
Off the premises now, we give no handouts here!
Mark:
What happened to Rest In Peace?!
Pastor:
Off the premises, queer! [Ouch!]
Collins:
That's no way to send a boy to meet his maker!
They had to know we couldn't pay the undertaker.
Benny:
(To Collins) Don't you worry 'bout him.
(To Pastor) Hey, I'll take care of it!
Mark:
Must be nice to have money.
All Three:
No shit!
Collins:
I think it's only fair to tell you, you just paid for the funeral of the person who killed your dog.
Benny:
I know... I always hated that dog...
Let's pay him off, and then get drunk.
Mark:
I can't... I have a meeting.
Benny & Collins:
Punk! Let's go.
Mark (imagining):
Hi. Mark Cohen here, reporting for Buzzline. Back to you, Alexi! Coming up next, vampire welfare queens who are compulsive bowlers... Oh my God, what am I doing? [No shit!]
Don't breathe too deep
Don't think all day
Dive into work
Drive the other way
That drip of hurt
That pint of shame
Goes away
Just play the game
You're living in America
At the end of the millennium
You're living in America
Leave your conscience at the tone
And when you're living in America
At the end of the millennium
You're what you own
Roger:
The filmmaker cannot see [Mark's blind!]
Mark:
And the songwriter cannot hear [Roger's deaf!]
Roger:
Yet I see Mimi everywhere
Mark:
Angel's voice is in my ear
Roger:
Just tighten those shoulders
Mark:
Just clench your jaw till you frown
Roger:
Just don't let go
Both:
Or you may drown
You're living in America
At the end of the millennium
You're living in America
Where it's like the Twilight Zone
And when you're living in America
At the end of the millennium
You're what you own
So I own not a notion
I escape and ape content
I don't own emotion -- I rent
Mark:
What was it about that night
Roger:
What was it about that night
Both:
Connection -- in an isolating age
Mark:
For once the shadows gave way to light
Roger:
For once the shadows gave way to light
Both:
For once I didn't disengage
Mark:
Angel -- I hear you -- I hear it [Angel's on the phone?]
I see it -- I see it
My film!
Roger:
Mimi I see you -- I see it
I hear it -- I hear it
My song!
Mark (on the phone):
Alexi -- Mark
Call me a hypocrite
I need to finish my own film
I quit!
Roger:
One song -- glory
Mimi
Your eyes...
Both:
Dying in America
At the end of the millennium
We're dying in America
To come into our own
And when you're dying in America
At the end of the millennium
You're not alone
I'm not alone
I'm not alone
Roger & Mark's Answering Machine:
"Speak..." [Echo] (Beep)
Roger's Mother:
Roger, this is your mother
Roger, honey, I don't get these postcards
"Moving to Santa Fe"
"Back in New York
Starting a rock band"
Roger, where are you? -- Please call
Mimi's Mother:
Mimi, chica, donde estas?
Tu mama esta llamando
Donde estas Mimi -- Call
Mr. Jefferson:
Kitten -- wherever are you -- Call
Mrs. Cohen:
Mark -- are you there -- are you there
I don't know if he's there
We're all here wishing you were here too
Where are you Mark are you there are you where are you
Mark -- are you there -- are you there
I don't know if -- Please call your mother
All Seven Homeless People:
Christmas bells are ringing
Christmas bells are ringing
Christmas bells are ringing
How time flies
[Cover: When you're watching RENT] When compassion dies
No stockings
No candy canes
No gingerbread
No safety net
No loose change
No change no
One Homeless Man:
"Santy Claus is coming"
All:
Cause Santy Claus ain't coming
No room at the Holiday Inn -- again
Well, maybe next year --
Or - when
[Back where we began]
Mark:
December 24th, ten p.m. Eastern standard time
I can't believe a year went by so fast
Time to see what we have time to see
Turn the projector on
First shot Roger
With the fender guitar he just got out of hock
When he sold the car
That took him away and back
Roger:
I found my song
Mark:
He found his song
If he could just find Mimi
Roger:
I tried -- you know I tried
Mark:
Fade in on Mark
Who's still in the dark
Roger:
But he's got great footage
Mark:
Which he's cut together
Roger:
To screen tonight
Mark:
In honor of Benny's wife
Roger:
Muffy
Mark:
Alison
Pulling Benny out of the East Village location
(The projector blows a fuse. Blackout)
Roger:
Then again, maybe we won't screen it tonight.
Mark:
I wonder how Allison found out about Mimi?
Roger:
Maybe a little bird told her. [Or he was watching the show!]
Collins:
Or an angel.
I had a little hunch that you could use a little flow
Roger:
Tutoring again?
Collins:
Negative
Mark:
Back at N.Y.U.?
Collins:
No, no, no
I rewired the ATM at the food emporium
To provide an honorarium to anyone with the code
Roger & Mark:
The code --
Well...?
Collins:
A-N-G-E-L [Cheerleader-like actions while spelling Angel]
Yet Robin Hooding isn't the solution
The powers that be must be undermined where they dwell
In a small, exclusive gourmet institution
Where we overcharge the wealthy clientele
All Three:
Let's open up a restaurant in Santa Fe
With a private corner banquette in the back
Collins:
We'll make it yet, we'll somehow get to Santa Fe
Roger:
But you'd miss New York before you could unpack
All:
Ohh-
Maureen:
Mark! Roger! Anyone -- help!
Mark:
Maureen?
Maureen:
It's Mimi -- I can't get her up the stairs
Roger:
No!
[This is a job for SUPERMARK!]
Mauren:
She was huddled in the park in the dark
And she was freezing
And begged to come here
Roger:
Over here
Oh, God --
Mimi:
Got a light -- I know you -- you're shivering...
Joanne:
She's been living on the street
Roger:
We need some heat
Mimi:
I'm shivering
Mark:
We can buy some wood and something to eat
Collins:
I'm afraid she needs more than heat
Mimi:
I heard that
Maureen:
Collins will call for a doctor, honey
Mimi:
Don't waste your money on Mimi, me, me
Collins:
Hello -- 911?
I'm on hold! [Is that possible?]
Mimi:
Cold...cold... would you light my candle? [Flick lighter on and then off]
Roger:
Yes -- we'll -- oh God -- find a candle
Mimi:
I should tell you
I should tell you
Roger:
I should tell you
I should tell you
Mimi:
I should tell you
Benny wasn't any --
Roger:
Shhh -- I know
I should tell you why I left
It wasn't cause I didn't --
Mimi:
I know
I should tell you
Roger:
I should tell you
Mimi (whispering):
I should tell you
I love you - [That's IT?]
Roger:
Who do you think you are?
Leaving me alone with my guitar
Hold on there's something you should hear
It isn't much but it took all year
[Sing: One song, glory...]
Roger:
Your eyes
As we said our goodbyes
Can't get them out of my mind
And I find I can't hide
From your eyes
The ones that took me by surprise
The night you came into my life
Where there's moonlight I see your eyes
How'd I let you slip away
When I'm longing so to hold you
Now I'd die for one more day
'Cause there's something I should have told you
Yes there's something I should have told you
When I looked into your eyes
Why does distance make us wise?
You were the song all along
And before this song dies
I should tell you I should tell you
I have always loved you
You can see it in my eyes
[echo] Mimi!
Mimi:
I jumped over the moon!!
Roger:
What?
Mimi:
A leap of mooooooooooooooo-[moooooooooo]
Joanne:
She's back!
Mimi:
I was in a tunnel. Heading for this warm, white light...
Maureen:
Oh my god!
Mimi:
And I swear, Angel was there -- and she looked good! And she said, "Turn around, girlfriend, and listen to that boy's song..."
Collins:
She's drenched
Maureen:
Her fever's breaking
Mark:
There is no future -- there is no past
Roger:
Thank God this moment's not the last!
Mimi & Roger:
There's only us
There's only this
Forget regret or life is yours to miss
All:
No other road no other way
No day but today
Women:
I can't control
My destiny
I trust my soul
My only goal is just to be
Without you
The hand gropes
The ear hears
The pulse beats
Life goes on
But I'm gone
'Cause I die
Without you
I die without you
I die without you
No day but today
Men:
Will I lose my dignity?
Will someone care?
Will I wake tomorrow
From this nightmare?
There's only now
There's only here
Give in to love
Or live in fear
No other path
No other way
No day but today
No day but today
No day but today
No day but today
All:
[echo] No day but today!