So, I wasn't exactly happy at how I have written the little one-shot; therefore, I decided to rewrite it, using the original as a foundation. It's some improvements here and there, added detail and information which I thought was missing.
Next, I don't own the following two songs: 1) Stand By Me - Ben E. King (Cover: Bootstraps) and 2) Carry You - Ruelle ft. Fleurie.
I won't be surprised if you all yell at me through the screen, of why I didn't add this scene instead. Suicide is a very sensitive subject and sometimes I don't like broaching it. So… yeah… you have been warned! Lastly, apologies for the tons of dialogue. It just happened.
Also, since this is rewritten, I realised in Never Stopped Loving You; in the middle of the Crisis On Another Earth Bonus Arc, I mentioned this one-shot for Earth-X Kimberly Hart; you can read this two ways. 1) As a deleted scene from NSLY, set within Chapter Ten - Talk To Me; before Kimberly meets her counsellor Dana. It was something I planned on putting in, but didn't; or: 2) It can be used as an explanation to explore the mind of Earth-X Kimberly before the Dino Thunder Rangers failed to free her of Firebird's control. When Earth-X Trini was speaking to Tommy about her friend who is lost forever.
Enjoy!
"But in the end one needs more courage to live than to kill himself."
- Albert Camus
17:25…
Saturday…
1st May 2004…
(Scene: Living Room, Tommy Oliver's House, Outside Reefside, Earth/Kimberly's POV)
I sat in the living room in total silence, trying to make sense of everything that has happened. It all came hurtling towards me after my panic attack in the classroom, forcing the kids to take control of the situation, which I have to say: they did an excellent job. They stayed calm and collected, Conor wasted no time in getting Tommy, Ethan and Trent ushered the students out and Kira… she tried to get through to me. I heard her voice, but it was distant, I wasn't sure whether it was real or not. All my ears were hearing was the sound of explosions from the mortars, laser rifles firing in all direction, the screams of both sides of the fight; as soldiers fell. I swear I could even feel the heat of the fire that blazed the battlefield, I was standing near a destroyed heavy artillery gun. There was also the explosions from the sky, as the Eltarian Air Force fought off the fighters from The United Alliance of Evil. I found myself trapped in the war again; I heard everything, felt everything… I wasn't in the classroom, I was on Eltar, being Lieutenant Kara. After the incident with my coma, fighting in the Spirit World to prove my will to live, Bohan begged me to move on, leave the fighting in the past… but how can I if the smallest things can bring me back to it? I have always felt that I'm trapped in this… never loop of the war. It may have concluded five years, but to me, it just keeps raging on; with no end in sight. I went off when Ethan banged the cupboard in Tommy's house. Hell! I couldn't even watch the fireworks with my friends on New Year's Day.
23:45…
Saturday…
31st December 2003…
(Flashback/Scene: The Plaza, City Centre, Reefside, Earth/Kimberly's POV)
Tommy, myself, Aegis and the kids stood in The Plaza waiting for our friends join us. We are all here for the New Year celebration, two-thousand-and-three will be gone soon and it'll be the first day of two-thousand-and-four. A year already gone, imagine that? I'm so glad Mesogog gave us a break, if he attacked now, we'll all be pissed. I'm surprised I made it through this up to now, everyone is searching for a therapist for me, since I admitted I have PTSD. I'm just like your typical solider, I ignored the problem until it was too late, Aegis openly talked to Cassie and she listened to him. What did I do? I buried my emotions, the true trauma I hid; instead, I put up a barrier, distanced myself and pushed those who loved me away… I tried to push Tommy away. There was a fear that none of them would understand, the pain, the suffering, the torture… watching those I meant to protect die or die for me, when I didn't ask for it. It wasn't just the war however, it was other events too.
While the process is slow, I am trying to be strong for everyone, for Tommy especially. It's getting hard though, my nightmares have started to pick up again. There are some nights I'm thrashing in the bed screaming in terror, waking Tommy and scaring Caesar to death; other times I'm not waking up in horror and… I find myself unable to sleep. I just keep myself awake and then I'm grouchy and nearly biting Tommy's head off. I admit, Tommy is not the only one who has been on the receiving end of my temper. I snapped at Hayley over something as small as getting my coffee or food order wrong, but she never complained. During a training session, I almost injured Conor, because I lost control; I thought I saw Darkonda and remembering what he did to me, I lashed out, out of both anger and fear. If Kira hadn't yelled for Tommy, who managed to calm me down; I might have gone further and killed a fellow ranger. My closest friends: Kat, Trini and Aisha caught me on a bad day, when they tried to ask me if I'm alright and I just yelled at them. One time, Jason tried to talk to me and when my nerves began to grate, I went off, eyes flashing red and punched Jason square in the jaw; he didn't even attempt to defend himself. The thing is: none of them blame me, or got scared to approach me, they knew it was my PTSD making me act like this.
Sometimes… I don't know if I'm seeing things or not, but I swear I see the ghosts of my dead comrades. Last time that happened, I saw Karone as Astronema and I attacked her. One time, I swore I saw Bohan, then Lieutenant Commander Charon; I see the squad I left behind on Edenoi to allow myself and others to retreat, to bring reinforcements. Fuck! Tommy had to stop me from morphing in public because I thought I saw Ivan Ooze. I'm going back into a state of being unable to perceive reality from illusion, hallucination, whatever you want to call it. I was brought out of my thoughts when I heard everyone call out to the veteran rangers as they joined us. Refusing to let anyone see what pain I'm in, I put on a show of acting like my normal self and walked up to hug my friends. The girls asking me their usual question of: 'Am I holding up'? Or: 'Am I OK'? And all that jazz. I won't be surprised if they are still recovering from witnessing my trigger, not long after I was discharged from the hospital. Something tells me they still are, I guess I am the last person on Earth they would think of, to suffer from PTSD. As usual, I tell them it's nothing to worry about, instead of my typical: 'I'm fine'. Aegis called it the predictable 'soldier's response'. It's primarily a way to throw off their suspicions and so far it has worked. They can read through it too; 'I'm fine' does not mean 'I'm fine'. It's an automatic default response I am trying to break myself out of.
I looked at my wrist watch that Tommy got me on Christmas Day. It's five minutes till midnight and it'll be January first, two-thousand-and-four. A new year, a new start huh? The main event of the countdown is happening near City Hall, myself and the others decided to keep from it. We'd all get lost in the crowd, anyways, we can hear the music from here and have a clear view of the fireworks. The Plaza is a nice sector of the city. I chuckled slightly, as I listened to the crowd singing away to whoever was performing right now. Deep down, my second guess is just to avoid me having a flashback trigger in the middle of a large crowd. It wasn't long when the countdown started at ten seconds. Myself and the gang joined in too, once we hit zero, we all cheered:
"HAPPY NEW YEAR!" Then the fireworks show started, I looked up to watch, then I suddenly wished I didn't. My gaze caught the red one, flying into the air and exploded in a shower of light, then another, and another, and another! The sound, explosions… it just kept repeating! I shut my eyes, covering my ears, but it did nothing to block out the noise. I hear it! The unforgettable, familiar sounds. The laser blasts, the soldiers yelling! Master Vile's laughter rings the air, Goldar, Rito, Scorpina. A blast from a mortar just barely missing me! I'm back on the battlefield again, I noticed I was dressed in the official uniform again; seeing the insignia of Eltar on my left arm: a black armband with a silver lightening bolt, simple, but conveys the might and power of Eltar. I can't! I'm not that same Lieutenant! I begin to hear voices, my communicator crackled to life; the Sniper Line has been breached and under attack. Bohan! I felt something or someone touch me, out of blind reaction, I caught the person's hand and judo flipped them. If that was Goldar or Scorpina, they are not stopping me! I have to save Bohan! He's one of the few friends I have left on my home planet! Pushing soldiers out the way, I ran, dodging laser blasts left and right. Without warning, I was pinned down, I tried to stuggle, but it was in vain and then I heard something.
"Come on Beautiful!" T- Tommy? "Come back to us, to me, please!",
"You're in Reefside Kara, you're safe." Safe? Reefside? "You are not there anymore." There's no battle? Is that you Aegis? I heard Rhea call out to me, telling me I am having another trigger, caused by the fireworks. The next thing I see is a flash of white, as a bright white falcon appears beside my crane. Caesar tells me the same thing, as he lets out a wave of calming aura, suppressing the demons that are attempting to surface through my stress.
"Kim, little sister, please open your eyes." Jason!? Big brother? Slowly, but surely, I began to open my eyes and look up; seeing all my friends surround me, then I felt Tommy's arms wrapped around me, like a security blanket. I held onto him tighter, as another set of fireworks go off, everyone saw me flinch. It quickly occurred to everyone that the fireworks triggered my flashback this time. Jason suggested we all head back to Tommy's house and pronto, before my flashbacks trigger once more. By pure chance, Billy pulled out a pair of noise-cancelling headphones. I can wear them until we reach the car and reach Tommy's place. By time I reached Tommy's jeep, I only realised one thing: I ruined everyone's New Year celebration.
(Flashback Ends)
Now I'm coming to the complete conclusion that I'm a burden on everyone. I'm a ranger veteran, a broken and traumatised soldier; my friends spend each and every extra time they can spare, to find a therapist for me. A therapist who is or was a ranger; past or present, it really narrows down the chances, all our options. There are days I feel… it sucks being a ranger, our parents finally know the truth though, after we keat it hidden from them for so long. With myself and my adoptive mother, it was a double-edged sword or walking on hot coals. I kept so many secrets from her, I couldn't tell her where I truly was between early ninety-six up to two-thousand-and-one. She would have a heart attack at the thought that I have played a prominent role during Countdown To Destruction. Though… she and Pierre were starting to get suspicious at the reunion in March during St. Patrick's Day. They may or may not have noticed me flinching when Jason popped open the champagne bottle and I had to excuse myself for a while; going outside for air, to calm myself. After that occurred, the two of them tried to ask me what happened, even Vanessa and Chris, but I couldn't bring myself to tell them. I pulled away from them, putting up a tough barrier, an emotional shield; like I did with everyone else and it hurt me to see the pained and betrayed looks on their faces. It was basically saying I don't trust them. The other parents tried to talk to me as well, but I gave them the same treatment. It pained my friends to see me pushing away from the parents who cared for me too.
I was broken out of my deep thoughts as the doorbell rang. I got up to answer it. It can't be Tommy already, he said he'll be a while, with what he is doing at the moment. Tommy explained to me, he is preparing for a Palaeontology Conference that is being held this coming Fall. Sounds interesting, he actually offered to take me as well, to try and mingle in, see what his job entails and new discoveries made. Tommy sees that his job is basically History in my opinion, it is just History on the creatures and plants that lived and ruled Earth before us. Thinking back, I did enjoy the three books Tommy loaned to me back in high school. One was on Palaeontology in general and the other focusing on more specific topics. It actually fascinated me. The two of us got unmerciful teasing by Jason and Zach for a whole week, with no saving by Trini or Billy, then mom was raising eyebrows too. She was surprised to see me reading about Palaeontology, a subject other than History.
I opened the door to see Aisha standing there. Rhea let out an excited screech, after seeing her Spirit Sister at the door, Artemis replied back with the same repose. I cracked a smile, hugging my best friend and then letting her into the house. Deciding to get the kettle on, Aisha settled herself at the kitchen table, as I began making tea. So far, it seems like Aisha and I are the only ones who don't like coffee. Aisha broke the silence between us as I made the tea.
"How are you feeling Kim?",
"I'm managing." I said to her, smiling a little. "So, what brings you here?",
"Hey! Am I not allowed to see my sister every once and in a while?",
"That same person who's a Mama Bear pain in the ass?" I teased. Aisha tried to counter my statement, but she came up with nothing, making her slouch in her chair. The speech skills I have improved during my stay on Eltar have really paid off and I'm proud of it.
"You are unbelievable Hart." Aisha muttered, causing me to playfully stick my tongue. So far, so good, she doesn't suspect anything, Aisha does not see how much I'm actually hurting. I don't want to put anymore of my problems on her or my friends.
"How's Adam and Tanya with Jade?" I asked,
"Last time I heard from Kat, their little terror is enjoying life." Answered Aisha, "Remember when you first met her, she began playing with your necklace?" I chuckled lightly, remembering that little bonding moment I had with Jade. When Tanya handed her to me to hold, the first thing the child's eyes laid on was my necklace and began to fiddle with it. She even laughed. That girl is a little trooper alright.
"Many people; babies and children have a fascination with my necklace." I pondered, thinking back to the several times over my lifetime on the questions asked about my necklace. Who gave it to me? Where did I get it? Where was it bought? Did it belong to my mom or dad? They were questions I was unable to answer.
"Zordon spared no expense for his wife." I froze, upon hearing my father's name, I clutched the cup too tightly, causing to break. My Eltarian strength literally crushed the cup in my grip, spilling the hot water, scalding my hand. Aisha jumped to clean up the mess, as I ran my hand under cold water. It's not a serious burn and the Accelerated Healing is already taking effect. I don't know if the others realise… I miss my father more than they can imagine. I'm sure they miss him too but… I feel it to a greater degree being his daughter. We had too little time together, three years… it wasn't enough, I want my father back so bad! I miss him. I lost one father who inspired my strong interest in History, got me to think outside the box; Zordon left, because Andros found no other way to save the universe and went about to destroy his energy tube and… if I'm honest, I don't feel very close to my stepfather. I'm happy for my mom, that she found love again, but I can't bring myself to get close to Pierre. Why is it those closest to me always leave me!? Dad, mom, Bohan, Zordon… I've been asking myself that for a while now. I turned off the tap and dried by scalded hand with a towel. Aisha spoke again. "I'm sorry Kim. I should have put more thought into what I said.",
"It's OK Sha, you meant no harm by it.",
"I understand you miss him, we all do." Do you? Do you really? You all managed to move on, so why can't I? No matter how hard I try, the same is said for Bohan. You don't really understand what I'm feeling. "Do you want to talk it? I'm here for you Kim.",
"Aisha, I'm alright." My best friend, my second sister gave me a look, she's not convinced.
"Kimberly, is there something you aren't telling me?",
"I'm fine." I replied, only to realise my slip. It's my default answer, that essentially implies: 'No, I'm not'! And she read right through it. Fuck! "I think it's time for you to leave.",
"Don't push me away Kim!" Said Aisha, in an authoritative tone, "You've been putting up an act since your panic attack at the school! Let me help you! Let the others and Tommy help." I lost my patience, slamming the hand that I scalded onto the table, rattling it and I yelled.
"GET OUT!",
"Kim please!" My friend begged, seeing in an instant how agitated I was getting. I lost all self control I had on myself.
"LEAVE ME ALONE!" I picked up glass from the sink and threw it towards Aisha, in blind anger. She dodged it, as it smacked against the wall, shattering into pieces. She even got a glimpse of my eyes threateningly glowing. Aisha got the message and rushed out of the house, clearly scared of me. I didn't stop her, I didn't apologise, I just couldn't move. I hear her car engine go off and listened as the car left the driveway. Then, I realised what I have done and slumped into the chair. I just scared away my best friend. Then the tears came and cried. I can't continue on like this, I lost so much. I just… I can't carry on living, I'm lashing out at all my friends, I'm pushing them away, their parents and mine. I'm just… a burden. A liability, I'm a liability to Tommy. How can he love someone so broken? I promised Bohan I would live for him, now I can't, nor for the other soldiers. If I can't live for them, I may as well join them. Everyone will forget about me and Tommy will move on with someone else.
Getting up, I found some writing paper and a pen, to write a single letter for all my friends, then another for my cousin. I decided to start with my friends, it'll be easier. I hope none of them have developed a fear of letters since the infamous one.
"To my dearest friends," I started off, "If you are reading this, then it is already too late." And everything else flowed.
Meanwhile…
17:55…
(Scene: Woods, Few Miles From Tommy Oliver's House, Outside Reefside, Earth/Kira's POV)
I was grumbling to myself as Conor insisted we all walk to Dr. Oliver's house. Not to mention, it's getting a small bit late, the sun is beginning to lower and it's what? Close to six o'clock in the evening? The four of us are still reeling from Dr. Hart's PTSD trigger in class a few days ago. I can't believe Cassidy wanted to report this on the school newspaper and other students are asking questions. I swear, I wanted to Ptera Scream that girl through a window! They're all whispering if their History Teacher was in the US Army or a Marine. Jeez, does it have to be military based? You could suffer PTSD from other traumatising scenarios and it is not just limited to the military. Ask the Police, Fire Brigade or others. Back during the New Year celebration, the fireworks set her off and we had to leave the display early and she felt bad for ruining it. No matter how much we tried to convince her that we are not angry at her. There's still no luck on a therapist for her, our choices are extremely restricted. To be fair, Dr. Hart did tell us one or two things that happened during her service with the Eltarian Army, but she never went into any detail and her explanations were short and to the point. It was sort of frustrating, she was opening up, but not opening up in the way we have hoped. Even Mr. Callaghan was a little upset with his cousin. I have a feeling Dr. Hart is beginning to reach her breakdown point, PTSD is taking its toll on her. We saw that before, our teacher was close to killing to Conor during a ranger training session! Conor was scared, but he did recover though and attempted to convince our beloved History Teacher that he was not mad towards her.
"Dude!" Trent moaned, snapping me out of my thoughts. "Remind me why we decided to walk to Dr. O's house?",
"Exercise is not going to kill you man." Conor responded, turning around to face tour White Ranger. "Look! We burn more calories fighting Mesogog and his goons, and you complain about walking." Our Red Tyrannozord Ranger gave Trent a teasing look. The White Ranger retaliated with a death glare that said: 'You want my Dragozord to have you for lunch'? It was hard not to snicker at that. I heard the sound of a crashing waterfall fill the air, seems like we are passing one. The forest is filled with beautiful hiking trails and it is known for having the highest recorded waterfall in Reefside; standing at forty meters or a hundred-and-thirty-one feet. It's nowhere near Angel Falls but… it's treasured by Park Rangers here. What's special about it, is you don't see the river, it's underground. Ethan suddenly broke up the strange dynamic that Conor and Trent have between them. We all stopped in our tracks as he looked up.
"Um… guys, there's someone standing at the edge of the waterfall, at the top!" Our gazes followed where Ethan looked and to our shock, he wasn't joking! The sun maybe setting, but it was enough for us to identify the person. We have to do something!
I quickly went on autopilot, finding the quickest path to the waterfall. The boys were not far behind me. As we ran, I silently prayed to God, if there actually is one, to not take our teacher and mentor away from us. Please don't jump, don't jump yet! Nearing the location, I silently slowed my pace, as did my friends. Conor and Ethan ducked behind a thick undergrowth, while myself and Trent took cover behind a tree. Trent heard me breathe a sigh of relief, we all were, she hasn't done anything yet; just… looking out over the waterfall and even looking down at the dizzying height. I've heard stories of people, who couldn't cope with life or no one listened to them… they threw themselves over the waterfall. Every now and then, there's been reports on the papers about bodies being recovered or found at the bottom of the fall by hikers. There was no way any of us could tell that Dr. Hart was suicidal or had any suicidal thoughts, we could never have predicted this. Neither myself or the boys knew how to approach someone in this sort of state, so I did the best next thing: attempt contact with Dr. O or her cousin Mr. Callaghan. I activated my bracelet, which doubles as a communicator and prayed Dr. Hart won't hear it.
"Dr. O? Dr. Oliver, do you read me?" There was a few minutes of silence before there was sound. It seemed like Dr. O was running? What's going on?
"Kira?" He voiced, I quickly slapped my hand over the bracelet and peered from the tree trunk in case our History Teacher heard us. Thankfully, she hasn't yet.
"What do we do Dr. O? Dr. Hart is standing near the edge of the waterfall!" I replied to him in a panicked, hushed voice.
"The waterfall!?" He huffed, "Are you sure?",
"We're certain!" I hissed, "Dr. O," I felt tears were starting to well up in my eyes and Trent noticed, putting his hand on my shoulder in an attempt to comfort me. "We think Dr. Hart is going jump. How do we convince her not to?",
"I'll get to your location as quickly as possible. I'll have everyone know of your location." He answered, "Just reveal yourselves slowly to Kim, talk to her and try to get her to step away from the ledge." He began to advise. Shit! This is our first time trying to deal with someone in this situation. Dr. O spoke to us again. "Listen to her, you guys. Whatever you do; do not chastise or yell at her. Try and understand her. Please hang on kids, we're coming!" And Dr. O disconnected. I looked at Trent, Conor and Ethan, we are all scared, but we have to do this for our Science Teacher. All we have to do is stall her until he, her cousin and the other veteran rangers reach our location. Conor gave a firm nod, insisting I show myself first. Dr. Hart and I get on very well, bonding over the fact we're the only two active females on the team and our love for music. Ethan promised he, Trent and Conor are right behind me. I took a deep breath, here goes nothing. I stepped out from behind the tree, with boys behind me.
"Hey Dr. Hart." I said and she turned, her eyes widened, surprised.
18:00…
(Scene: Forest Trail, Woods, Few Miles From Tommy Oliver's House, Outside Reefside, Earth/Tommy's POV)
I raced through the forest, figuring out the quickest way to the waterfall as I go. I have already contacted the others, so they're making their way towards the kids too. Damn it, damn it! Fuck! How did I not see it!? How did I not see Kim was hurting more than she led us to believe? I… she's the last person I would think of to commit suicide. Caesar was stressed and anxious, I could feel it, as he listened to the Crane Spirit: Rhea cry out, to save her champion from herself. She's been trying to talk her human down, but Kim shut her off. It's practically a race against time, the kids will only be able to stall for so long. My mind raced back to when I read her letter and Aegis read his; well actually, he didn't. He was too scared. It was a goodbye letter, a suicide letter.
Moments Before…
17:35…
(Flashback/Scene: Living Room, Tommy Oliver's House, Outside Reefside, Earth/Tommy's POV)
I brought my jeep up to the drive outside my house. Next to me was a bag of Chinese take-out for tonight. Today has been long, I've been invited to speak at a Palaeontology Conference this August and I needed to collect my research at the museum. Kim wasn't up to coming out with me, so she stayed inside, I also decided to ask her if she wanted to come to the conference with me, also the fact… neither of us will want be on our own. Kimberly… I'm actually worried for her, I know Beautiful has been wearing a mask, she says she's fine when she's not! How can someone be fine when they had a PTSD triggered panic attack during the fireworks display on New Year's Day, before that, it happened when Ethan banged shut my cupboard in the kitchen. After that, she had a third trigger when an experiment involving Alkaline Metals, set her off in the classroom! No one can't be fine after three triggers. She then flinched at a reunion in March, when Jason opened the champagne. The pop from the bottle was loud, almost similar to a gunshot; Kim flinched and had to leave for a while. Even Aegis knows and he can read Kim off the hook, just like Jason. Fuck! She's even hallucinating and that's bad!
Not to mention, none of us are close to finding a therapist for Kim, the last person we are all thinking of is her biological mother Aria. She could get her daughter to talk, or even her aunt and uncle. Although… the thought came to me that Kim may have been pushing her biological family away from her too. They could help. I pulled the handbrake on, reached out for the food and exited the jeep. Pulling out my keys, I let myself in, closing the door behind me. I placed the food on the kitchen table, then walked back out to the living room and called out.
"Kim!? Are you there?" Silence, nothing. "Kim!?" Suddenly, I heard a group of vehicles parking outside my house. I opened the door, only to see Aegis, Cassie, Jason, Trini, Aisha and Rocky approaching me. I looked at Aisha, it appeared that she was crying, I heard Caesar console Artemis, asking what happened. I brought everyone inside and sat Aisha down, as Rocky comforted his wife. "Aisha, what happened? Did someone upset you?",
"It was my fault. I set her off, she didn't mean it." I was slightly confused, who or what was she talking about?
"Hey, Mama Bear," Rocky soothed, "We need you to be a little more specific." Aisha collected herself and began to explain everything to us.
"While Rocky was in town, I decided to visit Kim. We talked, everything was all normal until I dropped Zordon's name." We all shifted with unease, Zordon is still a sore point for Kim; she feels the pain of our loss, greater than any of us. She still hasn't come to terms with his passing, five years seems like nothing in her grieve; in her mind, it's still recent, still fresh. Their time together as father and daughter was too short. Now, that's two fathers she has lost: Zordon and her adoptive father Mr. Hart. "I may have pushed too much, Kim yelled at me, telling me to leave. When I wouldn't listen, she threw a glass at me." Hearing that part surprised us all. I think Kim has hit her boiling point with her PTSD. She tried to stay strong for all of us, but it has come to the point she can no longer handle it. We all know Kim, she would never intend to harm any of us! Jason wasn't angry at her that she punched him a while back, because all he tried to do was talk to her. That was when Cassie's voice got our attention.
"Guys, I think Kim left these for you." Cassie passed one envelope to Jason and the other to Aegis. What did Kim leave behind for us? I looked over Jason's shoulder, to see 'For Father's Original Twelve' written on the front, Aegis' envelope simply had his name on it, written in Eltarian. Aegis insisted Jason open the envelope first, which he nodded to and with shaky hands, Jason's hand ran through the paper and pulled out a single sheet. He stayed quiet for a moment, only for his tears to begin rolling down his cheek. Clearly not in a state to read the letter for us, Cassie took it from him, as he sat down, Trini holding him close to her. I see the worry written on her face, she's scared of what Kim has written in thus letter. The former Pink Astro Ranger gasped, but began to read Kim's letter, albeit, with a shaky voice.
"To my dearest friends," She started, "If you are reading this, then it is already too late. By the time you finish reading this letter, I am already dead. I just want to say thank you for being my best friends, my family. A better family than what I lived through, you were all there through my rough patches, the good and bad. I honestly don't know what I did to earn to such friendship." Cassie had to pause for a moment, before continuing again. "Jason, you were my big brother in every single way, even to the point my surname was mixed up." We heard Jason snort, but his lightheartedness was short lived. "You and your family were there for me, when I couldn't cope with things at home, gave me a safe house when my mom became too overbearing. Sometimes, I felt the Scotts were the better family than my own and most importantly, you protected me." It's too bad the others couldn't be here, they're busy with work commitments, it just so happened that these guys here have a day off. "Tommy, I'm so sorry for breaking your heart again, emotionally, spiritually and mentally. I know my death is going to be hard for you, but I know you, my White Falcon, you will soar again and find love once more. Find someone who is not broken, traumatised by war or a liability in your life. I am just holding you back. You can spread your wings now." We don't even need to hear the rest of the letter. Everyone knows what it is… it's a suicide note. In my head, Caesar wailed out in despair, along with Loki and Artemis. My gaze turned to the former Pink Astro Ranger; Cassie was on the verge of tears herself, I knew she couldn't read any more of it and so, Aegis took it. No doubt his letter will say something similar, but he's too scared to read it. I don't blame him. How could Kim think I would see her as a liability? That I couldn't love her because she's broken. It's not true! I refuse to accept that! I love her regardless! Aegis began to read our letter.
"I would write to everyone else, but it would make this letter far too long. To everyone, I am so sorry for leaving you all with this pain. The easy way out was a cowardly one, I know, but it just got too hard. I find myself unable to live as a promise I made to a close friend," Bohan, she's referring to Bohan, another friend, brother almost; that she lost. Kim has suffered so much, more than we could have realised. If she opened up to us, we might have… figured out a way to help her. "I can't live with the thought of the soldiers who died under my command. As their Lieutenant, it only feels right to join them and maybe… I'll see father again and Bohan too. I hope someday, you will all forgive me for leaving you, leaving this great void in you all; but one day, you'll understand why I did this. Also, make sure Caroline and Pierre are made aware of my passing. Once again, I'm sorry and I pray you will forgive me. I love you all, my friends, forever. May the Power protect you, always. Kimberly 'Kara' Hart."
Aegis put the letter on the coffee table and stood there, trying to take all of this in, as Cassie held him in her arms. The silence in the room thickened, as the tension grew heavier. The clock on my fireplace was the only sound heard. I kept staring at the photo frame of myself and Kim. She looks so happy, carefree and innocent; the girl I first fell in love with. How she has changed so much, but I don't care, I still love her. How can I live a life without her? I don't see myself falling in love with anyone else. No other girl could ever replace Kimberly, she's more than just my girlfriend, she's my soulmate. I just don't see myself giving my heart to anyone but her. It wasn't long till Jason snapped and got up from his seat.
"We have to find her now! There may still be a chance!",
"He's right." Trini supported, as a single tear fell down her cheek. "If we find Kim now, there'll be a chance we can save her from killing herself.",
"Alright, let's split up to cover the forest." Too bad Hayley isn't here, she could track Kim using her morphing energy. Looks like we are doing it the old fashioned way. "Rocky, Aisha, take the south side of the forest. Jason and Trini, search the east sector." I turned to Aegis and Cassie, "You two, scour the west and I'll take the north." They nodded firmly, "Let's move! We may have not a lot of time!" We burst out of my house, not bothering to lock it and scattered in different directions.
18:30…
(Scene: Forest Trail, Woods, Few Miles From Tommy Oliver's House, Outside Reefside, Earth/Tommy's POV)
My chest heaved as I sprinted through the woods. Caesar materialised and took to the skies to find his mate. So far, I haven't felt our connection shatter, that's a good sign. I hope, there's a chance she hasn't done what her letter has revealed, the intention that her PTSD has pushed her to. I can't believe this! I lost Kim once, I'm not losing her again! Not this time! I kept running, ignoring the smacks I was getting from the tree branches and even stumbling over a few roots, I need to keep moving! All of a sudden, my communicator went off. I swear, if it's the kids saying Mesogog is attacking, he picked the wrong fucking time! Or he is that much of a god damn, heartless motherfucker. If that's the case, I'm letting Dragon out and it will not be pretty. My bracelet kept beeping, so I had no choice but to answer, while I ran. I brought the bracelet towards me. All I heard coming through was:
"Dr. O? Dr. Oliver, do you read me?" Wait a second… it is the kids, more specifically: Kira? Why is she whispering? I kept running and responded.
"Kira?",
"What do we do Dr. O? Dr. Hart is standing near the edge of the waterfall!" She said in a quiet, panicked voice. Oh shit! Kim, you really are attempting to end your life. I won't have it!
"The waterfall?" I asked, "Are you sure?" Just to clarify.
"We're certain!" She practically hissed at me. "Dr. O, we think Dr. Hart is going jump. How do we convince her not to?" Fuck me! I have never been in this kind of situation either! I never dealt with anyone who is suicidal.
"I'll get to your location as quickly as possible. I'll have everyone know of your location." I promised, "Just reveal yourselves slowly to Kim, talk to her and try to get her to step away from the ledge." I threw in last piece of advice, before I contact the others. "Listen to her, you guys. Whatever you do; do not chastise or yell at her. Try and understand her. Please hang on kids, we're coming!" With that, I disconnected from them. Thank god for the kids! If it weren't for them, we wouldn't know where Kim is! I activated my communicator once more to contact everyone. "Guys! Waterfall, pronto!" At the same time, I heard them all say:
"Got it!" Hang on Kim and I picked up my running speed. What I would give to have the Turbo Powers again, the enhanced speed would be useful now.
(Flashback Ends)
Back With The Kids…
20:00…
(Scene: Waterfall, Woods, Few Miles From Tommy Oliver's House, Outside Reefside, Earth/Kira's POV)
I took a deep breath, OK, just try to understand our History Teacher, listen to her and don't lose our cool. Yeah, no problem, no pressure, like any of us have experience in dealing with someone who wants to commit suicide! Here goes nothing. I stepped out from behind the tree, with boys behind me.
"Hey Dr. Hart." I said and she turned, surprised to see us.
"Kids! What are you four doing here?" She asked us,
"Jock here, decided it was great idea to walk to our mentor's house." I chuckled, "What brings you here?",
"Taking a walk." Dr. Hart lied. I'm sure I am not the only one who sees the pain her eyes. "I had cabin fever." She turned her head to look down at the bottom of the forty metre drop. Please stay with us Dr. Hart! Dr. O and all your friends will be devastated if you leave us! "You should all get to Tommy's house. I'll catch up." We all shook our heads.
"How about you come with us teach?" Said Ethan, "You know the way back right?" Dr. Hart still hasn't moved an inch from the edge! We have to get her far away enough from it for Dr. O and the others. I guess it's time to be a little straight, in an indirect way. Let's try to keep it indirect for now.
"The waterfall is beautiful, huh?" I smiled, a little weakly, "Though, if I were you, I wouldn't stand so close to the ledge. You might fall.",
"Maybe I want to." She whispered. We tried to interject, but she spoke. "Living has… become so hard. I… I tried to make it look that I'm OK, but I'm not.",
"Dr. Hart, please just… step away from the edge, we can help you. Your friends can help too, do you think you can just leave a group of a one-in-a-million friends?",
"I left them. I left them because I chose Eltar first and left them second. I wrote a letter to stop Tommy from following me." Dr. Hart was on the verge of crying, taking a step back! The opposite of what we wanted, her foot met the edge, almost losing her balance! Conor was ready to super speed towards her, but surprisingly, our History Teacher regained equilibrium. We heard some loose rocks and earth fall into the water below. "What kind of 'friend' am I? Now, they just see how broken I am. How can they remain friends with someone like me!? I'm a soldier, I have blood on my hands! I'm no better than the monsters you fight." I began to take three, careful steps forward, as the boys held their position. It maybe true our teacher is a soldier and the four of us accept that she will always be one; and it's something Dr. O and the veterans need to come to terms with, they haven't exactly been forthcoming in their friend's change. Dr. Hart is a soldier, but she is no monster, she had to make hard choices; choices she hopes we never have to make in our lives, in order for her to survive and protect her home planet.
"Why do you ask, when you know the answer already?" Dr. Hart looked at me with a hard stare. Dr. Oliver! Where are you!? Get your ass here ASAP! "You said it before, they are more than just your friends, they're family. All the Originals are your family!",
"Then I abandoned them, so I could fight in the war. I'm not their sister. You kids don't understand and you are too young to understand." I could tell Conor was about to say something stupid, I saw he was getting frustrated; however, it won't help the situation, except makes things worse. He was in the verge of patronising Dr. Hart. I stepped in before he made that mistake and seeing Ethan catch his arm, shaking his head.
"You know we are more mature than our age leaves people to believe." I guess there's no choice but to be straight. The four of us danced around the situation and it's not working! "Please Dr. Hart, don't leave us!",
"Kira's right." Trent joined in, walking up beside me. "We'll never have another awesome History Teacher like you; and an amazing ranger and mentor!",
"Exactly what Trent said." Smiled Ethan, "You bring a nice balance to what Dr. O taught us, to be better rangers." Out teacher's face changed to a weak, but peaceful smile.
"Thanks for the kind words kids, but… it's better this way. I'm holding everyone back. I can't stand the suffering I'm going through any longer. It's best for everyone if I'm out of their lives." Does she hear herself!? The best for everyone? This is going to break our Science Teacher and his friends! They'll never forgive themselves!
"Is it for the best Dr. Hart?" I questioned her, "All I can see, is that it will do the exact opposite.",
"Dr. Hart, we beg you! Don't leave us or your friends." Conor pleaded, "Think about what's it going to do to them, to us!",
"Then you four don't understand." She gritted, anger coming through her voice. Shit! "I can't handle loud noise, I'm fucking hallucinating! I'm having fucking panic attacks! And I can't deal with it! I just want to end this pain." We watched as her eyes flashed red. Not good! She managed to calm herself down though. "I just can't live like this."
"There are other ways to deal with the pain." Trent comforted, "But this is not one of them!" Just as I going to say something else, we all hear the sound of a twig snap. Then out of nowhere, Dr. Oliver comes running, skidding to a stop beside myself and the other rangers. If he's here now and just in the nick of time, then Mr. Callaghan and the rest of the veteran rangers are not far behind. I looked back at our History Teacher, it seems like she is stuck between a rock and hard place. It was obvious, she didn't want him here, she didn't want any of us here. Dr. O took control of the situation.
"Tommy, just take the kids and go." Dr. Hart said to him. Our mentor shook his head and replied.
"Not without you Beautiful. Don't do this!",
"There's no other way." Answered Dr. Hart. "I'm just holding you all back.",
"You're wrong Kim, there is a way. There's always a way, but not the one you are choosing!" We could hear the conviction in Dr. Oliver's voice, he's determined to save her, even if it means jumping over the waterfall too. True soulmates will go to the ends of the Earth for each other. Actually, I really hope it does not come to that, as I silently prayed to God; if He does listen. I think I have more faith in The Morphing Grid than God himself. "Please Beautiful, I lost you once, I'll be damned if I lose you again!" He took some steps to reach our teacher, stretching out his hand. "Take my hand Kim, you are not alone and you are not a liability; not to any of us." Dr. Oliver's hand was still outstretched, while Dr. Hart was contemplating her choice: live and persevere over her Post-traumatic Stress Disorder with support from her friends, or die and join those who died for her, so she could live to see another day. As selfish as it sounds, if she dies, then her comrades' deaths were all in vain.
I turned my head, to seeing Mr. Callaghan and the veteran rangers. They finally caught up. They were all scared, Jason especially, being our teacher's surrogate brother and our Maths Teacher as her biological cousin. The Red Ape Ninjetti, Rocky held his wife Aisha, in an effort to calm her down. Cassie was also consoling Trini, but she was terrified too. Mr. Callaghan stood next to Jason, both are ready to leap if they have to. Come back to us Dr. Hart, everyone will be broken without you, do you really want to leave them in that state? The minutes that passed were slow and tense, as Dr. Hart looked at us all, then to the waterfall's edge. We heard her sigh, only to give a weak, but small smile. We held our breath as she… stepped towards Dr. O. It made us all sigh in relief. She reached out for his hand, but then… due to her shift in weight, the ground she stood on gave way! It looks like erosion took its gradual course! The ground beneath Dr. Hart's feet collapsed, taking her with it. I couldn't help but scream, as Trent held me. Trini, Aisha and Cassie screamed in horror too.
(No POV)
"TOMMY!" She yelled out. Not giving a second thought, Tommy made a leap of faith, diving for his lover's hand.
"KIMBERLY!" He skidded across the ground, not caring that his clothes are getting dirty; and by some miracle, along with his ranger reflexes, Tommy caught Kim's hand. The only problem is now: his body is halfway over the ledge and Kimberly is literally hanging for dear life.
"When the night has come
And land is dark
And the moon is the only light we see
No I won't be afraid
Oh, I won't be afraid
Just as long as you stand, stand by me."
"Come on! We need to pull them up!" Jason shouted, as he ran towards his close friends, with the others behind him. He reached for his little sister, getting onto his knees, next to Tommy. He glanced over, to see his brother figure hold onto Kim like his life depended on it; well actually it does. Jason lent out his hand towards Kimberly, who was dangling, gripping her own one hand on Tommy's. Jason needs her to catch his hand with her free one, to distribute her weight. Then they'll both be able to pull her up. "Give me your hand little sis!" He felt someone's arms wrap around his waist, and saw the others doing the same with Tommy, linking their arms. They acted like a counterweight to prevent both of them toppling into the deep water below. Kim attempted to reach his grip, but her fingers just barely grazed his. Jason felt it, but he couldn't grab her hand.
"I… I can't make that reach!" She said to them.
"So darling, darling
Stand by me, oh stand by me
Oh stand,
Stand by me!"
"You can cousin!" Aegis encouraged, "You're not leaving us that easily! If you do, Zordon will beat your ass out of the Spirit World! And so will Bohan!" To the other rangers, they won't be surprised if their mentor is somehow able to that. For Aegis, he figured if Bohan sees her, he'll kick her out too. Jason returned his attention to Kim, as reached out once more for his hand. The Pink Ranger tried again, this time, she put a bit more swing into it and it was enough. Kimberly caught Jason's hand and his grip tightened, as well as Tommy's.
"Come on Beautiful." He grunted,
"Alright everyone! PULL!" Jason yelled, feeling the combined weight from everyone as they pulled their friend back.
"If the sky we look upon
Should tumble and fall
Or the mountain should crumble to the sea
I won't cry, I won't cry
No, I won't shed a tear
Just as long as you stand, stand by me.
So darling, darling
Stand by me, oh stand by me
Oh stand,
Stand by me!"
All the rangers and former rangers successfully pulled their troubled Pink Ranger from the ledge, all landing in a heap. Kim landed on Tommy's chest, as he held onto her, not wishing to let her go. He managed to sit her up with him, holding Kim close to him as she cried. Everyone's heart was racing, realising what they have managed to do: save their friend from ending her life. Jason and Trini were originally planning to tell Kim they found a therapist for her: Dr. Dana Mitchell-Grayson, former Lightspeed Ranger and a fellow pink to make it much better. It looks like it will have to wait, until Kim is in a better place. All the Rangers sat on the cold ground, the moon illuminating the environment for what felt like forever, waiting for Kimberly to regain composure. None of them rushed her, they just waited. Tommy still refuses to let go of his crane, Caesar and Rhea appeared, the two of them, snuggling together. The crane whispering 'Thank you' to her mate.
"Oh my love! Stand by me.
Save my love! Stand by me.
Oh my love! Stand by me, stand by me."
"Handsome." Kimberly whispered, "Let's go home.",
"Sure." He replied and took his girlfriend. Everyone walked side by slide, back to his house. If anyone have witnessed such a scene, they would see how close they all are, one, big close knit family. They also prayed to themselves, that they'll never come across a scenario like this again.
Three Days Later…
18:30…
Tuesday…
4th May 2004…
(Scene: Hayley's Cyberspace Café, City Centre, Reefside, Earth/Kira's POV)
It's been three days since Dr. Hart's attempted suicide in the woods. That situation was… terrifying, it reminded that we are all still human; despite the fact we have ranger powers, regardless of which type; it does not make you feel… invincible. After we all returned to Tommy's house, our teacher was exhausted and Dr. O had to carry her, bridal style. If I'm honest, I am such a sap, seeing our Science Teacher hold onto his loved one… it was beautiful to look at. I couldn't believe we almost lost her, if she did what she did… there would be so many repercussions. All her friends would be devastated, myself and the boys too, her parents and her biological mother, aunt and uncle. Oh god! There'll be a cultural clash between here and Eltar, on where they might have want to bury her; and no doubt Eltar's burial customs are very different to here. Out of everyone, Dr. Oliver would be most… broken and it doesn't help he and Dr. Hart are connected thanks to the Ninjetti Powers. Oh shit! If our teacher did die, their connection would have snapped and even Billy and Adam would have felt it too! Dr. O would feel it the worst though, I'm sure it would've been like… someone ripped a piece of his heart and soul out. Worst case scenario, he might have retreated so far back into his grief, his alter ego Dragon would take over and we may never get him back. The near-to loss of his soulmate might have sent him on an unstoppable rampage, one driven purely by grief.
As I set up the stage to sing in front of the audience, my eye caught the gang with our teachers. The veteran rangers managed to take some time off, telling their bosses a close friend of theirs needed help, they bought it. Jason and Aegis found it extremely difficult to sleep, they feared if they closed their eyes, Dr. Hart may not be there next morning. They all took extra precaution to make sure that she did nothing to hurt herself in any shape or form, and check up on her often. None of them contacted Mr. and Mrs. Dumas, they were scared in how they would react, hearing their daughter tried to take her own life. However, there was a fear that they would figure out she was on Eltar and her involvement in Countdown To Destruction, leading an army on her birth planet. It would definitely send Mrs. Dumas into a worried frenzy. It was also the final straw that ticked off her PTSD. We needed to respect Dr. Hart's wish that she will tell her mom and stepfather the truth, when she is ready.
In the middle of the three day gap, I've been working on a song that I finished this morning. I wrote it after Dr. Hart's suicide attempt. I am no psychologist, but I think I have captured her emotions, trying to live with PTSD. The song is to remind her that she has friends who want to help her, if she doesn't push them away. It took us all a fair effort to get Kim to come with us to Cyberspace. Despite the fact she was adamant to teach today and yesterday, but neither Dr. O, Mr. Callaghan or Jason were not having, especially Aisha and Trini. Hell! Even Conor, Ethan, Trent and myself were against the idea; Dr. Hart is in no state to teach. It took a fair effort to persuade Principal Randall, but we got her to concede; therefore, we had a free period. Hayley was told about the incident that happened and she promised to look out for our History Teacher too, not just for her sake, but for Dr. Oliver's too. To him and the other veterans, Dr. Hart is like their meaning in life, they are so close and she keeps them together like glue. If she is taken from them or something happened to her, they… fall apart and Dr. O gets it bad, really bad. Jason showed us the footage during our teachers' time as the Original Pink and White Ranger, Dr. O was… so protective of our teacher and it was ten fold when her Pink Ninja Power Coin was stolen; then on top of that, captured by Lord Zedd. We were surprised Dragon did not take over at that time, so perhaps… Dr. Oliver's alter ego is not totally evil.
Snapping myself out of my thoughts, once everything was set up, I turned on the microphone, with my guitar in hand. The crowd noticed my set up was a lot more simpler than normal: it was just the pianist, myself and my guitar. Ever since I wrote the song Like Morning Follows Night, I knew writing songs with hidden meaning was my forté, my niche. I even had Cassie with me to sing with me, I asked because it was another song, where needed a second vocalist and she was more than happy to contribute; after I showed her the song.
"Good evening everyone, I'll keep this brief. Cassie Chan is my guest singer for tonight. Now, this song is slightly different, you may or may not relate to it, but… I hope you all like it." I turned to the lead pianist, nodding to him. He played the opening notes, which were soft, flowing; sad almost. Once the instrumental opening finished, I sang, keeping in tune with the notes.
[Kira]
"I know it hurts
It's hard to breathe sometimes
These nights are long
You've lost the will to fight
Is anybody out there?
Can you lead me to the light
Is anybody out there?
Tell me it'll all be alright
You are not alone
I've been here the whole time singing you a song
I will carry you, I will carry you."
The first verse describe's our History Teacher's pain, it hurts so much for her, the past; it's almost suffocating and she can't breathe. Every single day that passes, lives through, it just drags. A normal day for us goes by so quickly, before we'd even blink, to Dr. Hart, time seems to have slowed down for her. PTSD has done that, ever since she admitted it to us, after denying it for so long, Dr. Hart tried to be so strong for us; tried to hold on while we looked for a therapist. It was too much for her, PTSD became too overbearing for her and her fight… it just extinguished, like a candle being outed. Dr. Hart suffered so much, she thought no one out there would listen to her, help her find the light in the darkness she is trapped in. Our teacher thought there was no one to tell it is going to be alright. It's not true though, behind her, are great friends, who are her family; they've been with her no matter what.
[Cassie]
"I know you can't remember how to shine
Your heart's a bird without the wings to fly
Is anybody out there?
Can you take this weight of mine?
Is anybody out there?
Can you lead me to the light?"
This verse always touched me, I'm sure our teacher will relate. After everything she been through, the trauma of a war that could have ended the entire universe, it made her close up. Jason saw his little sister has become more reserved and withdrawn. I was actually shocked when we saw the footage of Dr. Hart, it was hard think that this was the same person. The one we saw in the video was more carefree, open and even innocent; now, she has changed to the point some of her friends don't think this is the person. The crane has simply forgotten how fly.
[Kira]
"You are not alone
I've been here the whole time singing you a song
I will carry you, I will carry you."
[Kira]
"You are not alone
I've been here the whole time
You are not alone
I've been here the whole time singing you a song
I will carry you, I will carry you."
[Cassie]
"Is anybody out there?"
[Kira]
"I will carry you, I will carry you."
[Cassie]
"Is anybody out there?"
[Kira]
"I know it hurts
It's hard to breathe sometimes."
It's shorter than my normal song, but it was so deep. Everyone in the café clapped, praising the song and my guest singer, who made quite a name for herself. This song was sort of a different style to my usual upbeat ones, but it shows I am open to any genre and the song I wrote, is not just personal to me, but to Dr. Hart and all her friends, because it's something they can relate too. I glanced over at my teacher, who was giving me a subtle smile and mouthed: 'Thank you'. It was clear she got the message. I returned the answer with a thumbs up. We all learned today that suicide is not an answer, it never is and we learned it the hard way.
Fin
That's it! Hope you liked the rewrite! I hope I did not have any of you in tears again, I don't know if I should be proud of that or not.
For anyone who's going through a rough time, or suspect someone might have intent of harming oneself, help them. Listen to them, get a trusted adult if you have to. There's no shame in talking, it takes great courage to talk. There are support services willing to listen and are completely confidential. Reach out if you think you or someone you know needs help. Suicide is not an answer to resolve problems.