I realize now, it was all a mysterious act of Fate. Fate, of course, still hates me, so why she would do this for me is beyond even my understanding. It began when Dean told me that I couldn't stay. That was the day my life as a human got immensely better. Not only because I got a job, a life, a new identity.
But because Sam Winchester came after me.
That day, it was raining, and I was in Portland, by the sea, with a hood pulled over my head. I'd gotten used to human responses to weather, so I tried to get out of the rain, arms folded, and found shelter in a church. The rain was pounding on the roof as I made my way to sit in a pew. It was a large church with high ceilings and stained glass windows.
I made my shelter there for a time, before I heard the low sound of the Impala's engine parking, and the squeak of its door opening, before the low creak of the church door.
I didn't turn around, I refused to.
The sound of large wet shoes on wood echoed through the church, and stopped next to me.
I didn't look up before I spoke, but I should have.
"If you're here to tell me to come back, you can stop."
Because the next thing I knew, it was Sam's voice echoing through the church, not Dean's.
"We need you there, Cas. You'd be safer with us." Amazing grace, how sweet the sound.
That made me look up, stand even.
"Sam?"
My shocked question rang through the church. He didn't know that his brother had cast me away. He looked back at me with mock confusion.
"Yeah?"
I stood watching him, gaping for a moment.
"Did you steal the Impala just to convince me to come back?"
He nodded.
"I know we hardly got off on the right foot, and that I stabbed you in the back once, but I trust you, and your trust me." Then he stood, towering over me.
"Why do you want me back? I'm not useful to you anymore." That's when he smiled.
"You're family, Cas, that's why I want you with us. That's why I need to know you're safe."
Then, it felt like we'd hit a climax, and I rushed forward and finally hugged Sam Winchester. And he hugged me back.
But when I stepped back and spoke, I saw all the ignited hope leave his eyes.
"I'm sorry, Sam. I can't come back."
His brow knit. "Why not?"
"It would be safer if I wasn't there."
"If this is about the Angels... Cas, they can't find the bunker."
"I can't let them even find you."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"If the Angels find you, Sam, you or your brother, they will kill you. I know that for a fact, and I can't let them do that." I turned away from him, then, filled with remorse. "I'm sorry, Sam." I told him, before leaving the church and stepping into the rain.