One Big, Happy, Crowded Superpowered Family
Chapter 1
"Good morning my darlings" Hippolyta said cheerfully, coming into the living room
"Morning Mommy" Dinah said sweetly, giving Hippolyta a kiss on the cheek
"So… has anyone noticed what Saturday is?" Hippolyta asked
"Uh… I don't know. The new episode of SNL?" Hal asked
"no silly. Your father's birthday" Hippolyta said, giggling
"oh. Well last night Daddy didn't seem very happy about turning a year older" Jade remarked
"well your father does tend to get a little pessimistic about his birthday, so that's why it's our job to cheer him up" Hippolyta said
"hey honey, hey kiddos" Harvey said, coming into the room
"hi Daddy" Kara and Alex said, both giving him a hug
"so… anyone got any plans for today?" Two-Face asked
"well… I got my workout later" Kyle answered
"I get audited by the IRS" Hush piped up
"I have to teach art class again" Jade chimed in
"well honey, the twins really wanna buy that new Star Wars movie later" Hippolyta said
"ok, after school, I'll go pick 'em up and take 'em to the store so we can get it" Two-Face replied
"guys, Jason's locked himself in the bathroom again!" Nightwing hollered
"with the meds and stuff?" Helena asked
"yup" Nightwing answered
"don't worry, I got this" Black Mask said, getting up as he went over to console his demented nephew
"oy… I have such a hangover" Question slurred, slumping down on the couch
"I TOLD you having that beer bong contest last week was a bad idea" Wally remarked
"well it's instinct, you know? You gotta get it over with quick. It's like getting hit in the head with a crowbar" Question said
"I HEARD THAT" Red Hood bellowed
"hey guys" Hawkgirl yawned, staggering in
"about time you got up. What took ya so long?" Giganta asked
"well, John and I had, well…" Hawkgirl started
"ok, ok, say no more" Hal quickly said, not wanting Shayera to discuss this inappropriate subject in front of the younger siblings
…
"well Dinah and the twins are down for their nap" Helena said
"oh good. I can hear them snoring" Hippolyta said, reading her latest parenting magazine
"oy, it's so hot in here" Helena panted, fanning herself with her hat
"well darling, you can always turn up the AC" Hippolyta replied
"yes, but keep in mind that we DO have a fire-lover in the house and…" Huntress started
"oh, I see what's troubling you dear" Hippolyta realized, turning down the heat
"thanks Mommy" Huntress said, hugging Hippolyta
"you're welcome big girl" Hippolyta cooed, kissing Helena on the forehead
"I better go check on the girls, see that they're still asleep" Helena said, going upstairs
"oh hi Linda, how was your day?" Hippolyta asked
"exhausting. Very, very, VERY exhausting. Meetings, audits, bill paying, ugh… it was a total zoo in there" Linda panted, plopping down on the sofa
"here honey, drink this" Hippolyta said, pouring Linda a glass of water
"thanks Ma" Linda replied, drinking her water and putting the glass as Linda closed her eyes and fell asleep, snoring
"ok, I'm back" Two-Face said, coming back from the grocery store
"hey honey. Did you get the pizza the kids ordered?" Hippolyta asked
"you betcha, plus Bruno threw in some cinnamon breadsticks" Two-Face replied
"alright, now we're talking" Green Arrow said excitedly, Star Sapphire holding him back from the food
"not so fast, Mr. Eager McEater" Star Sapphire said, before giggling
"I just made a joke" Star Sapphire said to the camera
"Yeah, yeah hahaha very funny" Green Arrow quipped sarcastically
…
"happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Harvey, happy birthday to you" everyone sang happily as Two-Face blew out the candles on his birthday cake, now officially 33 years old
"happy birthday dear" Hippolyta said, kissing her husband on the cheek
"happy birthday Dad, I'm so glad you got custody of me in that lawsuit" Robin said, earning a glare from his sisters
"he is such a kiss-ass" Kara whispered to Alex
"tell me about it" Alex smirked
"gee thanks a lot son. By the way, why are you wearing a Steven Universe shirt?" Two-Face asked
"uh-oh" Robin whimpered
"he's gonna slap him" Dinah giggled
"how many times have I gotta say it, son? You just need to ACT LIKE A MAN" Two-Face hollered, slapping Robin
"hey! That's MY running… oh wait, it's your birthday. Ok, ok you can do that" Black Mask said
"thanks Roman" Harvey said, handing his brother a slice of his cake
"gee, thanks bro. you got any wine?" Roman asked
"here. Got some Chianti" Hippolyta said, handing Roman an expensive bottle of Chianti
"gee, I wonder if this was drank by Hannibal Lecter…" Black Mask joked, everyone cracking up
"what the hey is all this?" Batman asked curmudgeonly
"Aaand now the party's over" Green Arrow smirked, earning a slap up the head from Huntress
"it's my birthday Bats. By the way, you missed the cake" Two-Face said
"eh, that's alright. I just wanna thank you again" Batman said
"sure, for what?" Two-Face asked
"for taking that pathetic, nerdy sissy mary Drake in that lawsuit" Batman said
"wow… as I recall, you were really upset about it at first. You, uh… you blew up the judge's car" Two-Face added
"he did WHAT?" Catwoman gasped
"hey you weren't there Selina! You was out in Cancun havin that fling" John retorted
"oh, right" Catwoman realized
"ok who wants presents?" Hippolyta asked in her cheerful sing-song voice
"Is it the cyanide I ordered?" Bats asked
"Ohhoho you're such a kidder!" Hippolyta chuckled, Batman's blank expression now an irritated glare
"I wanna die. Why wont somebody shoot me?" Batman groveled as Hush dragged him to the living room
…
"wow! The complete collection of Law & Order! Thanks a bunch, Hush" Two-Face replied
"well, we all know how much you admire Sam Waterson" Hush commented
"and well, how about that? The complete collection of House MD" Two-Face exclaimed
"wait a second, didn't you get that for me after I got my medical diploma?" Hush asked
"yeah" Two-Face answered honestly
"eh, that's ok" Hush said
"and I got you something, dear" Hippolyta said, Harvey opening the gift to reveal a brand new dual-colored suit
"this…this is beautiful! Honestly, this is the best family party ever! I wanna thank all of you for doing this. It… it really makes me happy" Two-Face said, shedding joyful tears as everyone gave him a group hug
"I feel squashed" Robin squeaked
"hush up Drake. We're having a family moment" Roy hissed
…
"well dear? Are our wild untamed teenage daughters down?" Hippolyta asked
"yes. After an agonizing two hour period, yes" Two-Face sighed, getting under the covers
"happy birthday Mr. Attorney" Hippolyta said sexily, kissing her husband
"thank you Ms. Social Worker" Two-Face replied back, kissing his wife lovingly on the lips
"Mom! Dad! Jason's locked himself in the bathroom again with all the cold medicine" Batgirl shouted
"you wanna handle this, dear?" Hippolyta asked
"eh, why not? I am man of the house, after all" Two-Face said, getting out of bed, unaware that his wife was admiring his rear end
"hehehehe I got him all to myself" Hippolyta chuckled, as she went to sleep with a lustful smile on her face