With You

by Shinsun1

After Goku's death at the hands of Cell, Gohan feels a lot of guilt and blame on his shoulders, and cant help but feel that his father is haunting him. His trepidation turns to terror when he thinks he's seeing Goku's ghost, and rules have to be bent to keep him from joining his father in death. A songfic for With You by Linkin Park. Song lyrics are in bold.

With You

DBZ songfic one-shot

**He smiled; turning in the eddying sparks and dust to face his son, battered by the recent violence that had ensued. His blonde hair caught the sunlight and bright, teal eyes brimmed with some unknown decision. His mouth moved, but the words were meaningless, slurred and useless. The intent behind them was what was important. He tipped his head in one last parting smile and his lips outlined the two words that froze time.

"Goodbye, Gohan," then he vanished forever. The world seemed to halt on its axis.**

"No!" Gohan shouted, sitting bolt upright in bed. Drenched in cold sweat and breathing hard, he glanced around his room, trying to shake off the cobwebs of the vivid dream. It was just a dream, he thought forcefully. But the dream was real; at least, it had been. It was more of an intense flashback in his sleep; one that still lingered fresh in his mind upon awakening. He was living the dream.

Gohan slid out of the bed, still shaking; his trembling legs unsteady as he put his bare feet on the cold tile floor that wasn't quite so cold as the feet themselves.

~~Woke up in a dream today
To the cold of the static and put my cold feet on the floor~~

It was still dark, the middle of the night. Gohan crept down the stairs, soundlessly crossing the distance to the kitchen and switching on the faucet, determined not to wake his mother.

The sink filled with cold water, and he gathered some of the liquid in his hands and splashed his face like people did in the movies. It did nothing for him, save eliciting a curse as his suddenly wet hair flopped in his face and a shiver as the water spilled down on his chest. Frustrated, he sat down, unable or unwilling to go back to bed. The dream would just be there, waiting for him.

It had been over a week since the Cell Game, and yet it haunted Gohan's thoughts constantly as though it had been yesterday. Sometimes he would close his eyes and see the monster's face, then his father's, then the faces of the smaller, blue Cell Juniors he himself had slaughtered. How did his father and the others deal with killing constantly? Did they see the faces of their victims flash before their eyes like ghosts? Was he weak because he couldn't make himself forget?

What kind of Saiyan are you? Of course you're weak. Getting all worked up over something that should be as natural as breathing; something you did to save the world.

Others had killed, his friends were just as much murderers as he was; some had even taken the fall for him, cleaned up his mistakes. Like Dad did… he shook his head quickly, refusing to think about it again.

But no matter how hard he tried to forget, the ghosts were still there.

~~Forgot all about yesterday
Remembering I'm pretending to be where I'm not anymore
A little taste of hypocrisy
And I'm left in the wake of the mistake ~~

Maybe if I fly around for a while it'll clear my head, he thought. He doubted it, but at least it would give him something to do.

He closed the door behind him stealthily as he slipped outside; then blasted off, soaring over the forests that covered his mountain home. His breath misted in the cool dawn air, and, wearing nothing but loose blue gi pants, the wind buffeted his bare chest and face, evaporating the lingering sweat and chilling his skin. Looking up, he watched the clouds scud across the cobalt sky. Supposedly, his father was up in Otherworld, above clouds like those. Maybe he was watching Gohan right now; so near and yet so far. He forgot to pay attention and flew through a cloud bank, drenching himself to the bone.

~~Slow to react
Even though you're so close to me
You're still so distant
And I can't bring you back~~

Shaking water from his hair for the record second time in less than an hour, he aimlessly circled the mountains, focusing in on the tallest peak and rocketing up to meet it. The air thinned and his lungs screamed as the oxygen drained and the cold intensified. The lingering moisture on his skin turned to ice; a thin sheet that crackled as he moved an arm or leg to adjust his steering.

The top of the mountain was capped with snow, and he landed, wincing as the crusty coldness inflamed his bare feet. Flaring his ki to keep himself warm and melt the ice from his body, he looked around.

Fading stars were sprinkled across the sky, the horizon paling to herald the approach of the sun. He sat on the edge of the peak, dangling his legs over a sheer thousand-odd foot drop below. The thrill was diminished by the fact that he could fly, but the height itself made his pulse race, nonetheless.

He listened to the beat of his heart, stanchly pumping blood through his veins with every steady thump. His dad didn't have a heartbeat anymore; and as far as Gohan was concerned, it was his entire fault. If he hadn't gotten cocky and had just finished Cell while he had the chance, his father might not have died.

"Dad," he murmured, his breath condensing into a cloud before his face, "Why did you have to leave me? It's my fault. It's all my fault…"

He missed his father more than he could say. It had only been a week or so, but it felt like a lifetime away. His tangible dreams kept him close, forcing Gohan to memorize every little detail, every line in his father's face, the rich timbre of his voice as he spoke his final words; he could probably even count the hairs on his golden head if he bothered, so vivid were the visions. He wondered if his dad could recall his son's face and voice in such detail. Probably not. Even if you're not with me, I'm with you, he thought. His father was gone, but to Gohan he was still there; in a taunting, unrequited way.

~~It's true
The way I feel
Was promised by your face
The sound of your voice
Painted on my memories
Even if you're not with me
I'm with you
You
Now I see
I'm keeping everything inside
(With You)~~

Sighing, he leaned back, closing his eyes. He'd been spending a lot of time alone or mostly alone lately, shutting out his wide circle of friends in favor of a few, closer individuals. Piccolo was one. Gohan spent more time with his old mentor than with his own mom. Surprisingly, Vegeta was another. The stoic prince was somehow a comfort as he all but reflected Gohan's own black mood. He didn't try to cheer him up or ask what was wrong like everyone else. Like his dad probably would.

Cursing, Gohan snapped his eyes open. Why won't he just leave me alone? No matter what he did, his thoughts always returned to his father.

~~You
Now I see
Even when I close my eyes~~

This is turning into an obsession, isn't it? He thought ruefully. He knew he was coming off as depressed, but really it was more like he was running in circles. He didn't want to kill himself or anything; he wasn't that far gone, he almost felt like he was sparring. He would think or do something, and, without him realizing it, it would have an adverse effect on what happened next. And if thoughts were punches, he'd have been knocked down long ago. His father's "punches" always seemed to hit him hardest.

Whether literally or metaphorically.

~~I hit you and you hit me back
We fall to the floor
The rest of the day stands still
Fine line between this and that~~

Maybe he should be angry that his father had left him. Almost everyone else seemed to be. But he wasn't nearly as mad at his father as he was at himself. If he hadn't screwed up by getting carried away with Cell, his father wouldn't have had to step in to save everyone.

And wasn't that always how it went? His dad was the perfect hero, the one to stand up and face the danger, to sacrifice himself for a bigger cause. That's the second time he'd died to save me, Gohan realized. The first had been against Radditz. True, Gohan hadn't messed up with his uncle like he had with Cell, but the principle was the same. He smirked humorlessly; self-sacrifice kind of lost its touch if you used it in every fight. The first time it had seemed selfless, the second it just seemed reckless, like his father had a death wish. Maybe he did. He shrugged, shaking off the past. It didn't matter. It almost didn't seem real.

~~When things go wrong I pretend that the past isn't real
Now I'm trapped in this memory
And I'm left in the wake of the mistake ~~

He stood, standing on the razor-edge of space at the edge of the mountain. The instant he put his weight on his foot, there was a crumbling roar and the side of the peak collapsed, and Gohan, lost in thought, tumbled off the cliff with it. He righted himself with a growl. Careless, you almost got yourself killed. He thought as he watched the rubble and snow disappear down the side of the mountain. He almost expected his father to pat him on the shoulder and tell him to be more careful.

~~Slow to react
So, even though you're close to me
You're still so distant
And I can't bring you back~~

By now, the sun had peeked over the horizon, painting the sky different shades of pink and gold. The clouds were stained orange and yellow, and with a little imagination, Gohan could picture the scenery as a flipped version of Otherworld. The Hell to balance Heaven. Pretty appropriate that I got stuck in "Hell", after all, I deserve it. Still, the idea seemed to conjure an image of his dad before his face, all smiles with a halo perched over his tangled black spikes of hair. Gohan's eyes burned and he snarled, No, I won't cry. I can't.

~~It's true
The way I feel
Was promised by your face
The sound of your voice
Painted on my memories
Even if you're not with me
I'm with you~~

Hovering in the sky, suspended over the mountain, he felt a gentle breeze ruffle his hair. He could almost hear a voice whispering in his ear. A rich timbre of a voice that he recognized very well. A chill slithered down his shoulders.

~~You
Now I see
I'm keeping everything inside
(With You)
You
Now I see
Even when I close my eyes
(With You)~~

He's haunting me, Gohan realized. He whirled around, facing the sunrise and threw back his head, shouting at the heavens.

"Why can't you just leave me alone? You already haunt my dreams; do you have to haunt my waking hours too?"

Then he froze. He had seen a flash of movement out of the corner of his eye. A blur, the glint of onyx eyes, of raven hair. He jumped as it appeared again, a blink of color, just outside his field of vision. Was it really there? I'm losing my mind.

~~You
Now I see
I'm keeping everything inside
(With You)
You
Now I see
Even when I close my eyes~~

Squeezing his eyes shut, away from the hallucination, he fisted his hands in his hair. This is driving me insane. I'm seeing things… hearing things… What is wrong with me?

He couldn't bear to open his eyes again, couldn't bear to see what he knew wasn't real. It would just make the heartache worse. Tears slipped out of his tightly closed eyes and traced down his cheeks.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, "I'm sorry…"

And he aimed a ki blast at his chest, over his aching heart, aiming to kill.

I'll see you tomorrow, Dad. In Otherworld…Wait for me there.

~~No
No matter how far we've come
I can't wait to see tomorrow
No matter how far we've come I
I can't wait to see tomorrow
With you~~

Goku watched his son form a ball of ki in his hand and hold it over his heart, just close enough to touch the bare skin of his chest, licking at the exposed flesh, promising death.

"No! Gohan!" he shouted, but his son couldn't hear.

King Kai must have seen the glint in Goku's eye because he straightened and said, "Goku, don't you dare…"

He didn't listen. Placing two fingers on his forehead, he vanished, then reappeared in front of his son, slapping the armed hand away from Gohan's chest just as the ki blast fired. The energy hit the side of the mountain, knocking loose a shower of rocks. Goku dragged his son away from the falling debris and hugged him to his chest, burying his face in the young half-Saiyan's black hair.

"D-Dad?" the demi stammered into his father's shirt.

"I'm here, son." He murmured.

"But… but how?" Gohan's voice cracked as he spoke, and he still didn't hug his father back, "Am I dead?"

Goku released him, "No, but you were damn close," Gohan still didn't open his eyes, and Goku prayed that he'd keep it that way. If his son saw him, he'd only get one glimpse before Goku was forced to return to Otherworld, like it or not. The only time Gohan would get to look his fill would be when he joined his father in Heaven, hopefully a long while from now.

~~No
No matter how far we've come
I can't wait to see tomorrow
No matter how far we've come I
I can't wait to see tomorrow
With you~~

"Dad, don't leave again, okay?" the request sounded childish, and Gohan seemed to realize it, for he blushed and opened his eyes.

Not yet! Goku pleaded silently, Give me just a moment! He vanished before his son could see him and reappeared behind him.

"I have to, Gohan, but I'll still be with you, in here," he placed a hand over the demi's shoulder and laid it over his still-beating heart.

Gohan turned and looked at him. Instantly, Goku began to fade, but he'd said what he needed to.

"Why are you haunting me?" Gohan asked the thinning air.

Goku couldn't speak, but he hoped his fading eyes would give answer.

So I could see you again, one last time.

~~ You
Now I see
I'm keeping everything inside
(With You)
You
Now I see
Even when I close my eyes
(With You)

You
Now I see
I'm keeping everything inside
(With You)
You
Now I see
Even when I close my eyes
(With You)~~

-Shinsun