I don't own Ranma 1/2 or its characters and make no profit writing these stories.
Roll 'em...
Akane looked around the room "I know you're not all big fans of mine but the drama club is doing this in honour of my seventeenth birthday and I need your help" she appealed to those at large. "I don't want those perverts to spoil it like last time" she practically begged.
"Well Akane you did get to meet China because we won that contest" Ranma said. "I think it was all those Romeos" Ranma mused.
"That is not the point. You and I have been picked for the roles of Romeo and Juliet and I want no one else interfering this time" Akane snapped. "That's why we need your help especially yours, Kodachi. We need access to your home."
"And why should I go against my own brother's wishes?" she asked in her usual haughty voice.
"Because if you do, I'll take you on a date. Handholding only, no kissing" Ranma admonished her.
"I'm always happy to help a friend" Kodachi said enthusiastically.
Tatewaki Kuno got into 'his' idea of how Romeo should dress, looking a lot more like a scion of a noble house in the edo era of Japan than that of Rome, but it was Kuno so, oh well. He attached the fake ponytail and smiled at how handsome he looked and swore this time he would get a real kiss from Akane...and the Pigtailed Girl if she was also starring in the role of Juliet. He opened the door to his room to depart, when he ran into a wall of people, all glaring at him.
"Well if it isn't Romeo?" Ukyo asked him as she regarded him with her arms folded and next to her stood the three Amazons, Ryoga, his sister and a highly irritated looking Happosai. "Seize that scrawny Jackass" Ukyo ordered them and both Mousse's chains came around him while Ryoga grabbed him.
"Come on Scrawny" Ryoga said.
"What the hell is going on?" he demanded..."and I'm not scrawny; I'm muscular but lithe" he insisted.
"And as modest as the day is long" Ukyo mused. "Here's what's going on; Akane's playing Juliet and Ranma has been cast as Romeo and we promised Akane that you three Jackasses are not going to ruin the play this time. However, in fairness we will allow you to watch the play, but you're not getting on stage if we have to kill you all. Therefore you each get a lovely date to take to dinner first and then watch the play with.
"But I have no such date, Akane wants me to be her Romeo" Kuno objected.
"Well you do now. Cologne is with Happosai, your sister is with Gosunkugi. So you either get Shampoo or myself" Ukyo said.
"You take Kuno, I no want him" Shampoo suggested.
"Wait a minute. Why do I have get stuck with Kuno?" Ukyo demanded.
"Your idea, he's your problem" Shampoo said.
"Don't I get a say in the matter as to who is my date for the evening?" Kuno snapped in a cold sounding voice.
"You stay out of this Kuno; we have to decide who gets you as their date" Ukyo snapped at him.
"Oh don't let me interrupt you" he sarcastically said.
"I don't mind having Ukyo as my date" Mousse ventured.
"What you want to date her?" Shampoo cried.
"No, no I was just suggesting that it I don't mind escorting her as a friend if you want to be Kuno's date" Mousse explained in a highly nervous sounding voice.
"Oh you want to take Ukyo out on date to nice restaurant and romantic play? Is duck-boy now in love with Ukyo?" Shampoo said in a suspicious sounding voice.
Kuno and Ukyo couldn't help sharing a look at Shampoo's sudden jealousy display "okay Shampoo, you're with Mousse. I'll take Kuno" Ukyo said, rolling her eyes.
"You'll take Kuno? I so love being romanced" he spat at her.
"Whatever, get into clothes that you watch plays in and not star in them" Ukyo said, pointing at his room.
"You're not the boss of me!" he snapped.
"Well I'm your loving girlfriend tonight" she explained. "Tomorrow you can hate my guts all you want. Until then consider me part body guard, jailer and spouse all rolled into one and just so you know; I'll stop at nothing to prevent you from ruining this play, honey" she purred and he looked rather aghast at this idea.
He fumed as he stormed to his closet and randomly chose a black suit, grey shirt and a burgundy tie. He pretended to change his clothes, but sneaked to his window instead and opened it; only to be seized from below and marched protesting around the side of his house by Mousse and Ryoga.
"Scrawny tried to make a run for it" Ryoga explained to Ukyo. Kuno actually froze in shock when he realized in the short time he had been gone, Ukyo had changed her clothes; she now wore an almost 1950's halter style mini dress in a dark red rose pattern and black PVC belt and her hair had been styled into an updo. He didn't understand it as the chef normally seemed positively asexual, but now she appeared to have sex appeal to spare.
"Stop call me that!" he snapped.
"Oh honey, I'm starting to think you don't love me" she chided him.
"Because I don't" he snapped.
"You only have one choice. I can ask the boys to let you go and you will get changed quietly...or I can come in there with you and make you" she threatened, cocking her hip at him and placing her hand on it.
"You wouldn't" he said in a dubious sounding tone
"You seriously want to make that bet?" Ukyo asked.
"Fine" he said through gritted teeth and got changed. He was still fuming when he rejoined them as he straightened his tie.
"Well don't you clean up well sugar pie?" Ukyo said and everyone laughed. He snarled as she untucked his shirt on one side and nodded her head in satisfaction when she saw only bare flesh beneath.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" he snapped.
"Making sure you didn't try and sneak that ridiculous costume underneath your clothes, Clark Kent" she said.
"Oh Happy, don't they remind you of how we used to be when we were young?" Cologne said from where she had her grip on Happosai as she rubbed her face against his shoulder.
"But I don't want to date with you, I wanna go kiss Akane" he sobbed.
"You have any complaints about your date?" Kodachi asked in a menacing voice to Gosunkugi.
"No, had I realized that Kuno had so beautiful a sister, I would have begged him on my knees for an introduction" he said in a way that made Kodachi smile and take his arm and everyone else wondering how he had suddenly gotten so smooth with the ladies.
"You ready to go?" Cologne asked Happy.
"I guess so" he said sourly.
She took his arm, "oh it feels like we're in China again. This is so romantic" she sighed.
"China was a long, long time ago and you show every year" Happy snapped.
"Ready to go, my darling?" Ukyo sweetly asked Kuno.
"Yeah, whatever" he snapped as she took his arm and he fumed all the way to the restaurant while she had her head on his shoulder as she looked up at him, giving him large-eyed adoring looks in response to his frosty glares.
Kuno blushed at the restaurant when the people at the next table turned out to be from their school. "We've been going out for over a month" Ukyo gushed as she held his hand in a death grip. "It all started when he gave me a box of chocolates for valentine's day and begged me to be his."
"That's so romantic" she girl sighed.
"Yeah it was really romantic" he muttered.
"You lucky dog, she's gorgeous" the guy said.
"He cried when I said yes" Ukyo sighed.
"I never..." he protested.
"Aw he's so shy about displays of public affection" she said and he jumped when she squeezed his thigh.
He narrowed his eyes at her and she suddenly looked nervous. Picking up the menu, he indicated to the waiter that they were ready to order. "The lady will have the green salad with no dressing and the chicken breast with no sauce and only boiled vegetables" he said. "After all she's watching her figure. In fact is it that time of the month, sweetie? You look a little bloated, oh well I guess I shall find that out for myself later" he said in a sickeningly sweet voice.
Ukyo temper flared at the insult, as if she had a weight problem! Quite the opposite in fact, she could have eaten an entire chocolate cake each night and never gained an ounce. She caught the look of shock her schoolmates shared and said, "Ah he's just kidding, he thinks I look perfect the way I am," pretending to give him a light smack on the wrist that actually was pretty hard.
"Of course, darling" he cooed then continued with his order, "I'll have the oysters to start with and then the Chateaubriand steak" he finished.
"The steak is intended for two people" the waiter pointed out.
"I can eat it all, I'll need all my strength for later tonight" he said, putting his arm around her and he winced when she stomped on his foot, irritated at him for first implying she had a weight problem...and now apparently she was a nymphomaniac!
They waved goodbye to the couple. "Having fun?" he asked her in a voice dripping with sarcasm.
"Yes you're the greatest date in the entire world" she snapped back.
"I don't get you. Why are you doing this?" he asked her.
"Let's just say I'm giving you a little taste of your own medicine when it comes to pawing women and claiming what isn't yours" she said. "Don't you like my forced attention?" she asked, stroking his cheek and he caught her wrist and his eyes bore into hers.
"No I don't as a matter of fact, but what I mean by I don't get you is; what you are getting out of any of this if Ranma and Akane fall in love because they kiss tonight? What becomes of you? You're the one with the weakest claim to him besides my sister and I'm not worried about Kodachi, she's always been fickle when it comes to boys. She'll meet someone else and move on. Shampoo is here because of those ridiculous laws of hers, but her backup, Mousse is here with her. Ranma needs Akane for her dojo, so she's the most likely match for him and they are always together; you notice that? So that leave you; Ranma's Ucchan. His oldest friend that he thought was guy growing up, who he dumped a long time ago...and still treats like she's a guy. You've based your life around him and your financial future following him. If they marry; are you going to be an aunt to their children and their little old maid friend?" he asked her. "So are you enjoying your first date?" he coldly asked her at her indignant look.
"Oh baby, our date is just getting started" she said with a sneer.
DOWN THE TABLE
Gosunkugi was chuckling over the antics of the chef and kendoist. "What's so funny?" Kodachi asked him.
"Let's just say that if Ukyo and your brother could switch clothes and Ukyo wore his usual attire; it would be like they switched roles" Gosunkugi explained.
"My brother would look stupid in my dress. I leant it to Ukyo for the night" she explained.
"Oh that's a pretty dress. It would look great on you. Mind you, I like what you're wearing now" he said with a blush.
"Thank you" she said, finding herself being amused by his company.
"Just wondering where you brother has been hiding you" he said.
"In the basement under lock and key" she replied with a laugh.
"It's just you're so pretty. If you were my sister, I sure would too to keep boys from hitting on you " he replied.
"No I go to an all girl's private school while my brother goes to your school. I don't know why" she said with a shrug.
Gosunkugi knew the exact reason; that being her father was Principal there, but refrained from saying so. "So why does your brother pursue girls who don't like him rather than the ones who do?" he asked her.
"I think he takes after our father that way. Our mother was a society beauty and the most popular girl in school and she thought our father was a total dork and seemed to hate him; yet they married. My father likes to say we Kunos' are an acquired taste. Once we get together with our intended; we mate for life" she explained.
"Don't worry, I won't try and acquire you" Gosunkugi promised her.
"What a strange statement. What do you mean by that?" she asked him.
"A pretty girl like you wouldn't normally want to be seen with a guy like me" he replied.
"I hang out with anyone I wish to and I happen to be enjoying your company. You're perfectly polite, not hitting on me or boring me by bragging about yourself or talking down to me like I'm a stupid brainless twit" she said.
"Well it's not like you'll be wanting to come over to my place and meet my parents" he said feeling flattered at her attention.
"I would be happy to" she said. "Would they care to meet me?" she asked him.
"They would be happy to meet any female at this point" he said flatly and she laughed at that.
ACROSS THE TABLE FROM THERE
"Come on? Admit it's fun to be on a date with me after soon many years, Happy" Cologne said.
"Yes it was fun back when you were young and beautiful" he said with a pout.
"I'm still the same person, we used to have so much fun together" she said putting her hand over his, she smiled shyly as he glanced around to make sure no one was looking and gave her hand a slight squeeze.
"You were only person I would have ever considered marrying" he whispered to her.
"Life got in the way of that, but I never really got over you" she whispered back and with another glance around, they quickly kissed, causing both Shampoo and Mousse to blush deeply when they observed this.
BACK TO THE HEAD OF THE TABLE
Ryoga dropped Kuno back into his seat. "He tried to bolt when he went to the washroom. Good thing you told me to follow him" he said.
"Honestly honey, I'm starting to think you don't like me" she admonished him, shaking her finger at him.
"I'm starting to detest you" he snapped at being thwarted again, he had almost gotten cleanly away to retrieve his costume when Ryoga had caught him in a flying tackle that had dropped him right onto the ground. Then there was the embarrassing trek back to the restaurant where the lost boy carried him bridal style while he was still too winded to walk.
"Oh I'll start grow on you" she said playfully rubbing her nose against his.
"So would fungus if I didn't adhere to a regiment of proper foot care" he snapped back.
"Aw stop pouting, you'll have the best looking date at the play tonight" she said.
"I'm not pouting and I shall kiss Akane, mark my words" he said.
"Oh as I said, I'm prepared to go to any lengths to prevent that" she admonished him.
AT FURINKAN HIGH SCHOOL
"Must you walk so close to me?" he complained, the girl had a hold of his arm like a barnacle.
"Yes I must, I know how OCD you get about your plans and how you practically can't help yourself from carrying them out, therefore I have to keep you distracted by being your beautiful date" she said, beaming at him.
"If I had wanted to take you on a date. I would have asked you a long time ago" he said through gritted teeth.
"Guess you just didn't know what you were missing, lover" she purred.
"I should go wish Akane luck" he said, attempting to break away from her.
"I don't think so" she said holding his hand in a death grip as she guided them to their seats and Mousse and Ryoga sat on either side of them, glaring at him as if challenging him to try and get away from them.
Kuno was getting frustrated as each time he attempted to sneak away, Ukyo either followed him or Mousse and Ryoga flanked him and he noticed the former other Romeos seemed to be too involved with their dates to even help cause a disturbance for him. Finally Sasuke caused one for him during intermission and he smirked at Ukyo as he sprinted towards the backstage to take Ranma's place for the kiss scene, she looked back at him and burst into loud quavering sobs that rivaled those of Soun Tendo and wailed "Kuno you said you loved me when I gave myself to you but here you are now running away from me." This caused him to freeze in place as every man in the room blocked his path.
"It is true, Kuno? Did you take advantage of Ukyo and then try and dump her?" the captain of the Sumo wrestling club asked him, snapping his knuckles at him threateningly.
"What, no...we've never!" he protested.
"Oh darling did our time together really mean so little to you?" she sobbed out loud from where she was being held theatrically in Shampoo's arms.
"You cad!" another boy hissed.
"I tried to please him" Ukyo sobbed.
"Apologize!" another hissed and Kuno could only look on as his fellow jocks, who he normally could always manipulate, seemed to be bent on murdering him.
He sighed and then walked back to Ukyo and took both her hands in his, she shivered slightly at the evil gleam in his eyes. "Of course I love you, I have just been confused about my feelings since you seduced me away from my two virginal loves. How could a man with such limited experience as myself with love, truly know how to connect with someone who is so knowledgeable? Oh sweetie, it must be the pregnancy hormones that have you all upset" he said in a sickeningly sweet voice.
Ukyo blushed so deep she was practically glowing when he added slut and possibly knocked up...to weight problems and her being a nymphomaniac, for topics for people to gossip about the next day. "But..." she stammered as everyone looked on in astonishment.
"Marry me" he said getting on his knees. "I do have a ring to give you at home but you kind of sprung this on me, please say yes" he said, giving her a triumphant smile.
"Of course I'll marry you" she enthused with barely even a pause. "Oh so much to decide; whether to do it traditionally or have a western style wedding? I do so love those white dresses" she cried.
"What bridesmaids dresses Kodachi and I are going to wear?" Shampoo asked, hugging them both, noting that Kuno looked like he was about to be sick.
"Of course and veil or no veil? What the theme? Oh and don't forget wedding colours and flowers. I know that you're partial to red roses, but I prefer lilies. What do you think darling?" she asked him.
"I think we should go sit down and watch the rest of the play" he said in a faint sounding voice, abruptly pulling her back into the auditorium and away from everyone's sappy expressions. She smiled at his glare.
Ukyo tried to enjoy the rest of the play but she could feel Kuno tensing as as the kiss scene approached and felt a slight twinge of sympathy for him, knowing how much it must be killing him to have another guy about to kiss his supposed girlfriend, even if they used tape again this time.
She found herself stroking his arms and shoulders until he looked at her questioningly and she couldn't help notice how beautiful his eyes were, even if he was a jerk. She could sense the play coming to an end and reminded herself that she had said she would do anything to prevent him from wrecking it...and settled into his lap. He froze in shock as she started softly nibbling on his neck, working her way up his jaw in soft kisses and brushed her lips against his own.
She looped her arms around his neck, angling her face so that her plush lips quested against his own. She softly gasped as he started kissing her back as he surrendered to her kiss.
Light exploded behind his closed eyelids and a wave of feeling coursed through his body as her kiss stole the strength from him and robbed him of his senses. His own arm came around her and he stroked her soft legs with his other hand while he panted against her mouth.
Ukyo herself fought her arousal as Kuno's hand softly stroked her thighs, not attempting to get beneath her skirt due to their public location, but it was enough to make her hormones jump with glee and her tongue met his and wrestled for dominance.
Until a voice rang out. "Cut that out you two, we have a play to finish here" and they both pulled away as if a bucket of cold water had been upended on them and they realized no one was watching the play, only them and the person who had raged at them was Ranma as he had tape in hand, and a very much alive Akane glared at them from her bed of roses, where they were about kiss.
Realizing they had not only interrupted their kiss but had taken attention away from the play itself, "let's get out of here" Ukyo hissed to Kuno.
"Um, yeah" he said and they both left with blushes covering them.
"It looks like we wrecked their play after all" she observed.
"So it would seem" Kuno said with a chuckle.
"Come on it isn't funny. I wonder if they'll ever forgive me?" she questioned.
"That was damn funny, I couldn't have planned it better myself" he said and laughed until Ukyo joined him.
"It's so early. So what should we do the rest of the night?" she asked him.
"Go to my place and pick up where we left off?" he suggested and she just blushed at the idea and then gave him an appraising grin and he captured her lips as his limo caught them in a perfect lover's clinch in its headlights, illuminating the beautiful couple as it had been planned in advance and with a couple pins taken from her hair, it fell down around their entwined arms.