This is my first attempt at a Bleach Fanfic, and I am only on the first arc of the manga/anime. Any information within the story is based on all the research and spoiling I did to accomplish this tale and hope you like it! Oh, and yes— the title of the story was inspired by Selena Gomez's song "Hands to Myself" of all things lol. Do not be afraid to help me with more accurate character traits as I love constructive criticism ^.^ As a warning, the time frame may not be perfectly based and I'm sorry. Also, the rating will change to M due to the content of future chapters.

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach

All of the Doubts and the Outbursts

"There is a lot to be said of Hitsugaya Yuuki," the Captain- Commander, Yamamato was saying to Chōjirō Sasakibe.

"Perhaps it was unwise to allow her to transfer to and from each squad," his Lieutenant replied as they watched the quirky woman they were talking about interrupt yet another argument her brothers were escalating.

"Yes. It does seem that I underestimated her abilities. She is quite talented at bending people into letting her get her way."

"What are your intentions for her? It is no secret that her talents have exceeded the other Captains, yet she has made no move to take any position to be one herself. Nor have I heard any speculation that she wants to."

"That is what concerns me the most. What could her possible motivations be in limiting herself to such low ranking seats? Isn't she currently sixth in the division she's in now? Granted, that is largely due to her lack of getting into physical confrontations. She'd rather surrender her rightfully earned spot than to fight someone to keep it."

"I believe you are correct. It's difficult to keep up with all her inconsistency. I remember when she first graduated and was elected as Lieutenant for Ōtoribashi's squad right off the bat. It didn't last long though. I vaguely recall her complaining about it being too much work for a newcomer and asked his permission to go to another squad."

"Ah, that's right! Then she tired of being in Squad One due to all the formalities and moved onto the Second, Fifth, Sixth, Seventh, Eighth, Ninth, Tenth; where she was Third Chair for her younger brother, Eleventh; which she seemed to loathe, and then to the Thirteenth Division where she promptly made her way to the Fourth. I really thought she would do well there in her second attempt at a Lieutenant position," the Captain-Commander remarked matter-of-factly.

"And you just let her move about like that without sparing it any notice until Unohana brought it to your attention rather angrily. She could not believe that anyone would want to leave her team, especially one that she had hoped would succeed her."

"She was very upset that her favorite officer would ask to transfer after we promoted Urahara as the Twelfth Captain. Yuuki seems to have grown the most in Twelve though. She is showing a less antsy attitude under Urahara's leadership than she did with all the other Captains."

"To think that she would not have even been allowed to leave Squad Four without Unohana's permission is laughable. Yuuki would never have a 'no' thrown her way," the Lieutenant scoffed.

"That is true, but the only way she was permitted to go was if she shared the abundance of research and such to Unohana when she felt ready to take the Captain's place from her."

"Young Yuuki has not been cooperative with that agreement lately though. "

The head of the Captains nodded in agreement before his partner continued with the discussion, "At this point in her career, she may have finally found solace where she is."

"I'm not ready to agree with that. She wasn't as steadfast at declining to transfer back to Squad Four until after Urahara's most recent recruitment from The Maggot's Nest. "

"I see. So you think her recent change to be left alone where she is has something to do with the heavily painted man the new Captain acquired?"

"Absolutely. Based on her past, we would expect her to hurriedly rush at the chance to return to the Squad she fit in the best at. It has been reported that she has declined Unohana's request for her to take her spot three times now despite passing the test required and even receiving a unanimous approval from the other Captains to do so, much to Unohana's irritation. Yuuki's excuses were that she wasn't finished studying, that she wasn't done gathering information, and that she needed more time for another project she was looking into for her current Captain. 10 years have passed since Unohana has reached out to Yuuki. She has never lasted in a squad this long and that is very worrisome."

"I still do not understand why it troubles you so," Sasakibe stated uncertainly.

"The reality is that we should assume that she knows every Captain's abilities up to the level of their Bankai since she has associated with all of them at some point in time. My fear is that her desire to stay put in the Shinigami Research and Development Institute has something to do with their new member abusing her for the data she has," Yamamato explained.

"That is a great concern, but I truly think her purpose for sticking with Urahara is less sinister," the man defended. He had never felt unease when he was around the girl which he believe he would, if she were being harmed that is.

"I certainly hope that is the case. I really wouldn't waste any thought on the matter if it wasn't for that Kurotsuchi fellow."

"We will get to that bridge when it is time to cross it, sir. For now, we have more important issues to discuss," his second hand stated, finalizing the conversation.

The two remained hidden while waiting for the Squad 9 Captain to arrive later that day about some troublesome events and continued to watch the heated dispute the odd siblings were sharing.

Yuuki could not fathom why today of all days her brothers would start a verbal scuffle. They both knew that it was her birthday. If she were angry at the two, she was even more so at herself for being surprised by their behavior. This always seemed to happen whenever the three were together.

Her older brother, Ichimaru Gin, shared the same father although she had never met the man that made her and had no idea of Gin's existence until she applied for the academy. Her younger brother, Hitsugaya Tōshirō, shared the same mother as she. Even though Yuuki had the same last name as the latter, she did not grow up alongside him.

It was true that she was much closer to her younger sibling, but that was only due to them graduating around the same time as well as her odd unease around the oldest. Gin seemed envious of that bond and insisted on seeing her at least once a month regardless of them being in separate divisions. Gin's discouragement of having to share his half-sister was never hidden whenever Tōshirō was around.

"We agreed that I would celebrate today with her and that you would get to see her tonight!" Tōshirō yelled. He rarely had any time to see the girl he was related to thanks to the responsibilities he had.

"No, you have that reversed," Gin coldly responded, twitching a hand at his zambakutō. His eyes opened to reveal the ice blue beauties he seldom displayed.

The sudden move to his weapon alerted Yuuki's younger brother so that he completely withdrew his own, casually arching it down towards Gin. Yuuki sighed before slapping the blade away and forcing herself between the two idiots.

She was clearly embarrassed at the predicament. Gin, Lieutenant for Aizen, and Tōshirō, a full-fledged Captain, were about to raise an alarm by attacking one another over something as futile as sharing time with a sister that neither knew much about. She knew she arranged a message to be sent to both with the details of the events for today and was losing patience with their disregard at reading it. She could only imagine how the trio looked like in the middle of the city, surrounded by Shinigami officers that appeared terrified for what was to come.

It only took one glance to believe that the family was cut from the same cloth. The three possessed pale silver-white hair, ivory skin, and striking eyes; with each bearing a different shade of blue. It was unusual to see them together, but when they were seen among one another, it was easy to mistake them for full-blood siblings.

Yuuki was always found wearing her long hair tied into a fishtail braid that draped over her left shoulder. Her eyes lacked pupils and are an intensely darker hue of turquoise than Tōshirō's that many found intimidating. At least, that was what she thought as she had zero luck with attracting lovers. Maybe it wasn't her but the two she was pushing towards a canopied area to hide from curious eyes that prevented her from being approachable.

Her mouth didn't curl up as dramatically as Gin's, but if one looked close enough, they would see that her lips always appeared to be perpetuated in a pleasant smile. She was of average height, 5'3" to be exact. Her wardrobe today consisted of a black one sleeved shihakushō that stopped at mid-thigh. She felt that the standard length was too overbearing and didn't like it being in the way.

It never failed that she was barefoot most of the time since she was usually cooped up in a lab, but today she opted to wear a warm shade of yellow sandals that tied into a flower at the top of each foot. They matched the honey colored nail polish she was getting fond of lately. Her zambakutō, though only seen used once before by Kuchiki Byakuya for an incident that happened in the Human World, consisted of two sai that she was never seen carrying as she never used them. She had a white bow resting around her waist. The way she knotted the bow exaggerated her hour glass frame.

"Tōshirō, as a leader you shouldn't be so hot tempered. People are staring," she teased before reminding them of her plans for the day and de-escalating the fight. "You're both wrong anyway. We all agreed today would be shared by not only the two of you, but with Momo, Rukia, Rangiku, Hiyori and possibly even Mayuri if he isn't too busy dissecting who knows what."

"I still can't believe you invited him. He gives me chills," Tōshirō mentioned as they waited for the others to meet up.

"It would have been rude not to include him when I asked Hiyori to tag along because he was with us at the time. Besides, I find him enchanting and would like to see his reaction for what a party is like," she explained with a failed attempt at hiding a blush.

"If I didn't know better, I'd say there is more to it than that," Gin whispered, not wanting to include Tōshirō in his speculation.

"I seriously doubt that weirdo would show any interest in her, so don't get her hopes up," Tōshirō interjected much to Gin's annoyance.

"Why not?" Yuuki asked, trying to sound uncaring.

"Because you aren't something he can rip apart and play with," Tōshirō responded casually as if it was a normal thing to do.

"How do you know she isn't willing to be? Unlike you, I have noticed bruising here and there on her exposed shoulder and neck. Oh my, and is that a bite?" Gin remarked and pointed at the base of Yuuki's neck. He enhanced his malicious smile to aggravate the shorter man.

Yuuki slapped a palm over her older brother's big mouth and stared anxiously at Hitsugaya. The little brother only shrugged his shoulders.

"Ha Ha, very funny you two. Like I would ever believe Yuuki would be okay with being a guinea pig."

Yuuki relaxed; relieved that the Captain thought he was being teased again.

"What are you all doing under here?" A tough voice questioned.

Yuuki smiled at Rangiku before pulling her into a tight hug and resting her head on the massive chest her dear friend possessed.

"They're just like pillows!" Yuuki exclaimed as she released her hug and pushed Gin's head into them so that he could agree with her comparison.

The two Lieutenants exchanged mixed expressions of horror and eagerness. They knew of Yuuki's obvious desire to have them be a couple and that she took every chance to show it. Secretly, they enjoyed it too. Hitsugaya was not impressed and gave Yuuki a look of disapproval.

"What is going on in this hideout of yours Yuuki?" Rukia asked curiously as she and Momo joined in on the birthday girl.

They had spent several minutes circling the area for her until they heard her scream out something involving pillows.

"It's a long story. Let's head on to the sweet shop I wanted to go to, to start today's festivities. I don't expect the other two I invited to show up until later. Some kind of investigation and what not," Yuuki explained, taking Rukia's hand in her own and leading them all to the candy store.

Yuuki was sincerely happy that her guests appeared to be enjoying themselves with the endless supply of donuts, sweet dumplings, and candy they snacked on while following her around doing whatever she deemed necessary. She was currently linked with Gin and Tōshirō with an arm intertwined with each brother. She felt as if she were being followed throughout the day, but tried to let the feeling go.

The sun was setting while they finished up a picnic she prepared the day before. This was the final destination before they called it a night. Rukia asked what was saved for last, so Yuuki stood up to show them. She said a few chants before a pale pink square glowed before her, dropping a Karaoke stand she borrowed from the Human World. The teleportation of items from one place to another was one of the few tricks many knew she could do since she found it necessary to use on a daily basis to aid in her laziness. It was also the tool she used to summon her sai if the need ever arose.

She adored the other side of life and the entertainment they had. She never missed an opportunity to visit the living because while she was there, she would participate in the activities they had like theme parks and carnivals. She never caused any trouble since no one would see her there…well except for that one time she actually had to draw her sai out. Byakuya still refused to let the incident go and would jibe at her whenever the opportunity arose. She could have been condemned for that day, but for some reason he decided to keep it between the two.

Regardless of that isolated incident, she discovered that her favorite past time was going to the bars those on the outside had during what they called "Karaoke Nights." She never laughed as hard as she did when watching the poor souls that sung out of key drunkenly. It was one of the few places she felt free enough to be herself. She knew the sing along fun would ease the tension that had been tickling her nerves all day. Her worry grew tenfold when she thought about little Hiyori. She never expected to see Mayuri out and about having fun, but she knew the pint sized snaggle tooth had really looked forward to it. She shook physically to get rid of her stress.

Rangiku took lead in choosing a song enthusiastically after Yuuki explained what it was that they were going to do. Gin and Tōshirō bashfully declined to participate, which she anticipated. All for the best, as this was intended for her girlfriends. Her brothers stood close to the stage to support the girls as a crowd of rowdy and apparently intoxicated officers neared it. Naturally, the robust red head selected an inappropriate song to start with which only caught more attention from those nearing the performance. This thrilled Yuuki as she would have done the same and secretly liked the attention it would bring about. The four ladies dramatically head banged, punched the air, made a few flips, and many other outrageous gestures for the cheering and overcrowding fans.

It was in the middle of the last song that Yuuki's overwhelming sense of dread took over. She saw her Captain quickly walking towards her performance and only paused for a moment to speak with someone leaned against a nearby tree. She felt as if she were going to be sick when she realized that the Captain was talking with Mayuri. She wasn't prepared to make a fool of herself in front of him so soon and only acted irrationally and silly when she settled on him not coming at all. The entire time she spent working alongside the cryptic and dangerous newbie was usually in silence and she wanted him to think that she was equally as mysterious. She blew her cover as the imperceptible, cold-hearted type by acting as Mary Sue as possible tonight. Now she wondered if he would even think twice about her.

She dismissed that thought knowing full well that he would never acknowledge her being anything other than his experimentation toy no matter how she behaved in public. The rumors many started about the two were relatively accurate. She did willingly allow him to test poisons and remedies on her unknowingly to their Captain. She made any excuse to stay within the Twelfth district even though Unohana harassed her multiple times to see if she would go back to her squad. Why would she happily stick around someone that tortured her almost on a daily basis? It was simple. Her heart stopped beating every time she was in close proximity of the scientist and she wanted to know find out why the sadistic man intrigued her.

None she had ever come in contact with listened as intently as he did the few times she spoke around him. She knew it was only because he was studying her face and actions and wondering what it would be like to butcher her, but she sometimes pretended otherwise. Most males she would confront ran away from her when she tried to take the next step in a relationship, or when they did stay to use her for their own needs, they wouldn't make eye contact with her and kept her distant afterwards. She never found herself to be scary or unwanted, but she failed to impress a man enough that he would amuse her into marriage. It was starting to hurt her pride.

As a result, she stopped trying and that was the day Captain Urahara asked her to join him and Hiyori for a recruitment mission. The song finished and she sent the stage back to where it had been taken from before saying goodbye to her friends. Urahara had just finished speaking to his Third Chair and returned his attention back to where she was.

"Captain Hitsugaya, there is an emergency meeting. We must go now," he said worriedly before running to where he came from.

"Oh no," Yuuki whimpered inwardly before running after him.