Lily's heart is racing. She shouldn't even be considering this. Astoria is her friend's mother.
Too old for her.
Wrong. All wrong. Everything about it screams for her to turn back. Screams for her to save herself the humiliation and rejection.
But the Gryffindor ignores the voice of sanity. She presses her lips to the older woman's, an explosion of butterflies overtaking her stomach at the contact.
At first there's confusion in Astoria's eyes, but she doesn't pull away, doesn't resist. Within seconds, she's returning the kiss, her pale eyes fluttering shut for just a moment.
And then it's over. Gasping for breath, both look at the other, wearing identical blushes and shocked expressions.
"I'm married, Lily."
"I-I know. I'm sorry," the teenager whispers. "I shouldn't have..."
She trails off, muttering something about being stupid.
With a frown, Astoria brushes her hand over the girl's cheek. "No, you're not," she says softly, tucking her fingers under Lily's chin and lifting her head so that their eyes meet. "You're a beautiful girl. Smart, funny. Amazing. You'll find someone who sees that. Someone who's right for you."
Lily nods and forces a smile. She doesn't voice what she thinks, what she's always felt. That Astoria is that someone, that perfect someone for her. Instead, she just offers a quiet mumble of thanks and rushes off to find Scorpius and Rose.
OoOoO
She's twenty, taking her place at the table, across from her husband.
Lysander is absorbed in this morning's edition of the Prophet, his face hidden behind the paper.
"Anything interesting?" Lily asks, peeling an orange to go with her toast.
She doubts it. The most exciting news all month has been the creation of a Muggle awareness club at Hogwarts.
"Draco and Astoria Malfoy are divorcing," he notes.
The orange drops from her hand, crashing against the plate. "You sure?"
He passes the newspaper over, and her eyes scan the article curiously, demanding more.
"Wow."
"I wonder how Scorpius is handling it."
But Lily isn't really listening. Her eyes find Astoria's face. The strong smile, the dark waves of hair.
It hurts. The pit of her stomach burns, turning acidic. After all these years of hiding them away, of settling for the boy who has always been crazy about her, of making a life, those old emotions flood through her once again.
Her finger traces over the photo, her heart heavy.
A set of lips peck her cheek. "I've got an early meeting," Lysander tells her. "Gotta run."
OoOoO
It's hard to believe Astoria is going through a tough time. She looks as polished as ever, not a hair out of place. On the surface, she looks so calm and collected as she pours Lily a drink.
"I read about your marriage, Lily," she says, refilling her own glass with a generous serving of wine. "Congratulations."
Lily is surprised to find herself the topic of conversation, and she shifts slightly. "Thank you."
"Good family," the older woman continues. "If you care about blood. Though, knowing your parents, I'd assume you don't."
This isn't at all what Lily had expected. She nods her head absently. "What happened?"
There's a hint of sadness in Astoria's eyes, and her smile shakes ever so slightly. "Some differences can't be fixed," she answers vaguely, waving her hand dismissively. "Or, rather, similarities."
Before Lily can press the subject, Scorpius emerges from the fireplace. "Mother?" he calls. "Oh, hey, Lils."
The young woman climbs to her feet with a polite smile and quick greeting. "It was lovely talking to you again, Astoria. We should have tea together soon."
OoOoO
She's twenty-two, and she's living a lie.
Her cousins talk about their husbands and boyfriends, as well as the men they fancy. Lily talks about Lysander, but it feels so wrong. She loves him, but not the way she should. Not the way Lucy loves Lorcan or Victoire loves Teddy.
Lysander is her best friend. She's tried so hard to love him back, to feel the way he does. Maybe if she pretends, it will work. She can be happy, the way her cousins are happy.
But she knows it's impossible.
OoOoO
She's twenty-four, and he's leaving.
"Lysander, please!"
She's begging. Lily never begs, too proud and stubborn to even consider it. But now, she can't help it. He knows the truth, and it's broken him, broken them.
"It's for the best," he says quietly.
Why is he so calm and collected? Why won't he scream at her, tell her he's disgusted? It would hurt so much less if he'd act angry with her.
"I love you." It's the truth. Even if it's the wrong kind of love, it's still love.
"I know. But it isn't enough. Not for you." He kisses her forehead before disappearing out the door and into the night.
OoOoO
Three shots of firewhiskey, and the hole in her heart is still aching. She's lost everything, and there's no way to make this right.
"I do hope you have a way home," comes a familiar voice.
Lily looks up in confusion, almost smiling when she sees Astoria. "What?" she slurs.
"You're a mess. You'd fall off your broom or land in the wrong fireplace," the woman answers, sitting beside her at the bar. "I know that look. He catch you with another woman?"
The younger of the two blushes, looking down. "Is that what happened with you and Draco?"
"Yes. It can't be helped. A man's touch feels wrong. I always felt so violated, so I found what was right for me."
"What happened to her?"
"Pansy?" Astoria asks, shrugging. "She decided I was a phase. Married a very powerful German wizard and moved on."
Lily looks up at her, frowning. "I'm sorry," she whispers.
Astoria reaches out a hand, caressing Lily's cheek. "Don't be. Everything happens for a reason. Just like with you and Lysander."
The young witch gives a bitter laugh. "What reason?" she demands, knowing she sounds childish.
"To give you the opportunity to find yourself."
OoOoO
She's twenty-five, and she wakes up beside Astoria as she always does. Lily places a peck on the sleeping woman's cheek before tossing aside the blankets and climbing out of bed.
In the kitchen, she starts a pot of coffee. After coming out, her family had been supportive. Even Scorpius was okay with everything after the initial shock faded.
"No way in hell am I calling you Mum, though," he had assured her.
She's finally herself. After so many obstacles in her way, Lily is free, and, for once, everything feels right.