Hi I decided to start a Friends/Torchwood fic. Not sure how it will turn out yet so Enjoy!
Pilot:
The Torchwood team were sat by the sofa's in the Hub drinking Ianto's coffee. They were discussing the new guy Gwen was "dating".
"There's nothing to tell! He's just some guy I work with! Gwen protested.
"Come on your going out with the guy! There has to be something wrong with him!" John laughed.
"So does he have a hump? A hump and a hairpiece?" Owen asked keeping a straight face.
"Wait, does he eat chalk?" Tosh suddenly asked.
The team all look at her bemused.
"Just cause I don't want her to go through what I went through with Tommy." Tosh added.
Gwen brought everyone back from the memory of Tommy. "Relax. This is not even a date. It's just two people going out to dinner and not having sex."
"Sounds like a date to me." Owen mumbled.
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The next day the team are in the same place drinking coffee again. Jack walked in look very upset.
"Hi." He practically moaned.
"This guy says hello. I wanna kill myself." John tried to laugh of Jack's unhappiness.
"You okay sweetie?" Gwen soothed.
"I just feel like someone reached down my throat, grabbed my small intestine, pulled it out of my mouth and tied it around my neck." Jack said. The team were silent.
"Cookie?" John asked.
"Martha moved her stuff out today." Gwen explained to the others. "Let me get you some coffee." She said to Jack moving away.
"Ohh. Ohh." Tosh started to pluck the air around her.
"No! No don't! Stop cleansing my aura! No, just leave my aura alone okay? I'll be fine alright? I hope she'll be very happy." Jack said flopping into a chair.
"No you don't." Gwen said coming back with coffee.
"No I don't, to hell with her she left me!" Jack said.
"And you never knew she was a lesbian?" John asked.
"No! Okay?! Why does everyone keep fixating on that. She didn't know, how should I know?" Jack sighed.
"It's seems a shame as well considering you had the decency to tell her you were bi." John said to Jack.
"Sometimes I wish I were a lesbian." Owen pondered aloud. The others stared at him. "Did I say that out loud?"
The team focused on John as he started speaking. "Alright Jack look, You're feeling a lot of pain right now, your angry, your hurting. Can I tell you what the answer is?"
"What?" Jack asked.
"Strip-joint! C'mon your single. Have some hormones!" John exclaimed.
I don't wanna be single okay? I just.. I just.. I just wanna be married again! Jack sighed again just as Ianto burst into the Hub soaking wet in his wedding suit. He began searching around the Hub.
"And I just want a billion dollars!" Owen extended his hand hopefully.
"Ianto!?" Gwen exclaimed.
"Oh God Gwen hi! I just went to your building and this guy with a hammer said you were here so I ran over! Ianto rushed.
"Okay everybody this is Ianto another Torchwood High survivor." Gwen speaks to Ianto again. "Ianto this is everybody. Owen, John, Tosh and you remember my brother, Jack?
"Hi sure." Ianto goes to shake Jack's hand but Jack's umbrella opens. Jack sit's down again embarrassed.
There was a moments silence. "So you wanna tell us now?" Gwen asked breaking the silence.
"Ermm.. oh God where do I start? Well I guess it was half an hour before the wedding. I was in the room where they keep all the presents. And I looked at this gravy boat before a realised that the gravy boat turned me on more than Barry did! Then I started to freak out and I wondered why I was doing this and who was I doing it for. So well I just got the hell out of there and came to the only person I knew wouldn't look down on me for doing this. Ianto explained.
"Aww. You can always count on me Ianto." Gwen smiled.
"Thanks."
"He is really, really hot." Jack whispered to Tosh.
"Shhh! He's only just broken up with someone! As have you!" Tosh said in a shushed whisper.
"Only saying." Jack mumbled.
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Gwen's apartment:
Ianto is on the phone to his dad. "Look dad, listen to me. All my life people have been telling me what to do. And it's time I did what I think is best and I think getting along by myself is what's best. Well I guess I could stay here with Gwen."
"I guess we've established who's staying here with Gwen!" Gwen exclaimed.
"You know who Gwen is! High school best friend. Well maybe I don't need your money. Wait! I said maybe!"
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Gwen's apartment:
Ianto is sitting on the sofa. "Breathe, breathe. Just try to think of nice calm things." Gwen soothed.
Tosh starts to sing. "Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens, bluebells and sleighbells and something with mittens.. la la la la..."
"I'm better now." Ianto interrupted.
Tosh turned to John and Owen. "I helped!"
Suddenly the door buzzer sounds. Owen goes to get it. "Please don't do that again it's a horrible sound." He said into the receiver.
"It's uh, it's Rhys." The other end said.
"Buzz him in!" Gwen hurried.
"Who's Rhys?" John asked.
"Rhys the wine guy, Rhys?" Jack asked suddenly interested.
"Wait, your not-real-date tonight is with Rhys the wine guy?" John laughed.
"Yes!" Gwen said.
"Oohh. This is a Dear Diary moment." Owen said.
Rhys enters the room and Gwen introduces everyone.
"Hey! Rhys! Hi! The wine guy! Hey!" Everyone says.
"I'm sorry I didn't catch your name, Rhys was it?" Owen asks sarcastically.
Gwen and Rhys leave the room for their date. Jack slides up to Ianto by the sofa.
"So Ianto. What're you up to tonight?" He asked.
"Well I was supposed to be heading for Aruba for my honeymoon so nothing!" Ianto sighed.
"No.. no ermm.. Aruba, this time of year. Talk about your..." Jack stops to think. "Big lizards... anyway I wondered do you wanna come over see if you can help me put some furniture up in my new apartment?"
"Thanks but I would rather just hang out here." Ianto said.
"Ok." Jack walked away from Ianto.
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Gwen and Rhys are eating dinner in a restaurant:
"Oh my God!" Gwen laughed.
"I know, I know, i'm such an idiot. I should've caught on when she started going to the dentist's four times a week! I mean how clean can teeth get!?" Rhys laughed as well.
"My brother's going through that right now. How did you get through it?" Gwen asked.
"Well you might wanna try breaking something valuable of hers. I went for her watch." Rhys grinned.
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Ross's apartment:
"You know what the scariest part is? What if there's only one woman for everybody, y'know? I mean what if you get one woman- and that's it? Unfortunately in my case, there was only one woman- for her..." Jack never really finished his sentence.
"What are you talking about? 'One woman'? That's like saying there's only one flavour of ice cream for you. Lemme tell you something, Jack. There's lots of flavours out there. There's Rocky Road, and Cookie Dough, and Bing! Cherry Vanilla. You could get 'em with Jimmies, or nuts, or whipped cream! This is the best thing that ever happened to you! You got married, you were, like, what, eight? Welcome back to the world! Grab a spoon!" John exclaimed.
"I honestly don't know whether i'm hungry or horny." Jack grinned.
"Stay out of my freezer!" Owen said slightly scared.
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Gwen's apartment the next day:
"Morning!" Gwen called to everyone coming from her room.
"Morning!" The team replied.
Rhys suddenly walked out of Gwen's room. "Morning." He said.
"Morning Rhys." John said.
"Hello Rhys." Ianto smiled.
"Hi, Rhys, was it?" Owen asked again sarcastically.
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Gwen's work:
"Hey Fran!" Gwen said to her friend from work.
"You had sex didn't you?" She asked.
"How do you do that?" Gwen asked her back.
"So who was it?" Fran said smiling.
"Rhys. You know. Rhys the wine guy." Gwen said smiling.
"Oh yeah. I know Rhys." Frannie replied grinning.
"You mean, you know Rhys like I know Rhys?" Gwen asked.
"Are you kidding!? I take credit for Rhys!" Franna said.
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Gwen's apartment:
Jack, Ianto and Gwen had just finished watching a movie. "Well I'm off to bed." Gwen said.
"Okay. Are you gunna crash on the sofa?" Ianto asked Jack.
"No I gotta go home some time." Jack sighed. "Hey erm.. Ianto?"
"Yeah?"
"Say would it be okay if I asked you out sometime?" Jack asked.
"Yeah.."
"Maybe I will." Jack coughed.
"Goodnight."
"Night."
Ianto walked towards his room and closed the door. Gwen came out ready for bed. "What you grinning about?" She asked Jack.
"I just grabbed a spoon." Jack said still grinning as he left the apartment.
Did you like it? Many more to come but they take so long to write! Review please! Thanks!