I was with Edward, lying on his bed. His family were away, hunting – except for Alice, on yet another shopping trip, probably stocking up on beauty products in anticipation of my wedding…

I still didn't want to get married. I associated the word "marriage" with a staid, normal husband, an over-30 woman, and the desire to have a family, to have children and a house and a dog. My vision of life with Edward, in the future, contained none of these things. I was not ready to be a wife. I didn't want to feel…old, or normal, or small-town. I didn't want the whole town to disapprove of me because they wondering how far along into pregnancy I was, it was made worse by knowing that if any of my girlfriends got married at my age, I would wonder the same thing. I would disapprove as well, and I would be the one staring. I especially did not want to make a spectacle of my wedding – but since this wedding was for Edward, he may as well have it his way, which corresponded well with Alice's version of a wedding. Unfortunately for me. But since I loved her too, I would put up with it. I knew that soon I would be leaving this town behind anyway. I would only have to put up with a few months of enduring stares due to having an engagement ring on my finger. And then the wedding itself – with me as the focus of all attention.

But I wasn't going to take it off, not ever. It was a reminder that Edward and I were something so much more than boyfriend and girlfriend. A reminder of his love, and a reminder of our intention to spend our lives together. All eternity together, actually.

"Bella?"

I hadn't realised that I had been lost in thought for so long. Edward propped himself up on his elbow to look at me, and slid the rest of his fingers into my hair.

"What is it that you're thinking about, to make you so lost in thought?" He continued.

"I was thinking that I'll never take this ring off, and that you and I are forever."

He didn't answer with words. Edward leaned down and softly, tenderly, kissed my lips. Just once. As he kissed me, I felt the familiar and yet still shocking surge of sexual excitement that refused to go away – despite the fact that it only caused us pain. Pain for me because no matter how many times and ways that I tried, he would not make love to me while I was human. Pain for him because he had to control himself, he believed he could not give in to me, pain because he could not give me what I needed. And so I decided to ease his pain, and held still instead of crushing him back to me.

But I needed him. And I needed all of him. And I was getting more and more frustrated at him and at myself every day that he inevitably turned me down. Yet every time I decided to try yet again. I hoped that one day I could cause a lapse in his self control, and then have the opportunity to make the most of it. And this was all in spite of the fact that as soon as I was changed, we would be able to consummate our marriage. But it was months till the marriage, and then possibly a year after my changing until I would again feel the way that I did now – passionately in love. I knew that this was the one part about being human that I would really miss. Apart from being cut off from my family and friends, of course.

"You're so distracted today, Bella. I'm not used to you reacting my kissing this way. Are you worrying about something?"

"No. I'm frustrated."

"Ah. You know its impossible Bella – have patience."

"But I don't know how long I'll have to be patient for!"

"You will have all eternity with me. What does a year matter, really, in comparison?"

"It could be more than that."

"That's very unlikely."

"But every day I get more and more frustrated! I love you, you know that, but it's getting harder and harder to deal with. I need you. All of you."

"Patience. You will have me. You do have me."

"Not in the way that I really want. You know that this is the hardest thing for me to give up about being human."

"Bella…"

"Please?"

"No. Not yet."

I pulled his hand out of my hair and rolled over, so I faced away from him. He pulled me back, so I was pressed against the full length of his body, and then he wrapped his arm around me.

"Bella I'm sorry. I just can't. I can't risk hurting you."

It was torture to be pressed so hard against him and then have to deal with my sexual frustration. As much as I wanted to be with him, I began to think that it would be easier not to be alone with him until our wedding.

"I think I'll go now, Edward."

"Have I upset you? You know I want to Bella – I'm not rejecting you. I want you as much, if not more, than you seem to want me."

"I know you do. But I think it might be easier for me if we didn't see each other alone until the wedding. Please let me go now. I love you, though."

"Do you really want this Bella?"

"I think I do, yeah." He hugged me harder to him. And then he turned me over to face him. He looked into my eyes and I was sure he could see the frustration in them, just as I could clearly see the war raging behind his – a war between his self control and his desire. As always, his self control appeared to win out. He kissed me again, just once, and then released me. I got up and picked up my school bag, and he took my hand and we walked out of his bedroom. The closer we got towards the front door, the slower he walked. He would look at me at intervals, battle raging…

When we finally got to the door, I stumbled into it, mesmerised as I was by his eyes. Unexpectedly he pushed me harder into it, pressing himself up against me.

"I don't want to let you go."

Breathing hard, I said "If you're not going to go through with your actions, don't start them. I can't take you stopping anymore."

With a herculean effort, I started to push him away. At first, he did move away from me, but then, completely unexpectedly, he pushed back into me again, harder this time. With a look of unadulterated desire, he stared into my eyes, and as he got closer I closed mine, and I leaned forward to kiss his lips. They were as cold as ever despite the warmth of his eyes and his desire. But the way they moved…their smoothness…how my lips moulded to his so perfectly...that his lips were so cool didn't take from the sensation, rather, it added to it. And the taste – nothing could compare. It was almost incomprehensible – but he tasted even better than he smelt. And he wasn't stopping, could it really be possible that he was giving in?

But even if he did intend to stop soon, I didn't have the will power to push him away again. So I let go of thought. And focused on how I felt. I wrapped my arms around his neck and buried my fingers into his hair.

One of Edward's hands were on the door, the other cupped the side of my face, his thumb stroking my cheek, pulling him closer to me. He kissed me softly, slowly. He kissed my top lip, the corners of my mouth, my bottom lip, and then started sucking on it. But I soon picked up the pace, parting my mouth and sliding my tongue around his. At first I concentrated on re-exploring every corner of his mouth, tasting him. And then he returned the gesture, faster this time. I pulled on his hair. Soon there was neither rhyme nor reason to our kissing; we stopped thinking at all – focussed ourselves on being together. And my hands wandered…down from his head to his shoulders, grabbing them, I pressed him even harder into me. Then I moved down to his hips, and pulled them harder to me also. Soon we were moving our hips together in synchronisation, as we kissed, or more accurately, ravaged each other orally. His mouth then moved down from my mouth, to my neck, and Edward kissed and sucked his way down to my shoulders, nipping them, sucking them. Hard, yet not enough to hurt. Much. Though the pain it did cause only stoked the fire of my desire for him. I moaned, softly, and he answered by biting just a little harder. He then kissed his way back up my neck, and resumed kissing my mouth as my hands slide under his sweater, making it ride up his back.

I pulled away from his kiss, and slowly, deliberately, pulled his sweater further up his body. He leaned back and removed his hands from both me and the door, and staring back at me, he raised his arms up, allowing me to pull his sweater over his head. I dropped it on the floor and leaned my head into his shoulder. I returned what he had done to me, and started kissing what I could reach of his neck, and then his shoulders, until I moved down to his chest. I kissed his hard nipple, and bit it softly. He groaned. And so I moved to the other one, and did the same thing. Almost roughly he pulled my head up, kissed me quickly, and pulled my sweater off. Then my t-shirt. He leaned in to push me back into the door, and kissed my lips.

"Perhaps we should return to my room, Bella."

"Mmmm…"

And suddenly I was in his arms, and then he was racing us to his room. When we got to the door, he opened it slowly, and then walked me to his bed, gently laying me down on it, whilst leaning down over me. He started kissing me slowly, and then resumed kissing his way down my neck…over my shoulders…down to my chest. He pulled me over so that I was on top of him, and then reached around my back to unhook my bra. While he did this I sucked on his earlobe, and nibbled it, I knew it tickled him, and I loved that he wasn't stopping me. Slowly, sensuously, he pulled the straps off my arms, and then threw the bra onto the floor. He resumed kissing me, and as he did, he rolled me over onto my back again. He then slid down my body…

He started kissing around my breasts, then licked in slow circles around one, coming closer and closer to my nipple. I started moaning, it felt so good. I was so hot, and his lips were so cool. Finally he came to my nipple. It was hard already, and when he took it in his mouth, I pressed up into it. I buried my fingers in his hair again, and tried to push it down harder to my breast. His hand was on my other breast, squeezing it, fondling it, and then rolling my nipple between his fingers. My back arched and I pressed myself into him. He sucked it hard in his mouth, he bit it, and he blew on it and then sucked it again, until I was moaning loudly, moaning his name and telling him to do it harder. He released my nipple and moved to the other one, and repeated his ministrations.

My hips began moving in circles underneath him, and so he raised himself up to kiss me, and as he did, his knee came to rest between my thighs, pressing against me. I couldn't help myself, I pushed down on him, I rubbed myself against him. I was way too engrossed in the sensations to even think about how I should have been embarrassed. I felt his cock hard and upright pressing into my stomach. As I moaned, I felt it twitch. I pushed him over onto his back, and rolled on top of him, kissing his mouth.

I could feel his cock again, hard against my pubic bone, twitching. I pulled away from his mouth, and kissed my way down his body, sucking his nipples on the way. As I approached his cock, I bit and sucked the creases where his thighs met his torso. I could feel him, hard and cool, against my cheek. Crouching between his legs, I started licking from the base of his cock towards the top. I licked every part of it, slowly. Until I got to the head. I licked all around the underside, and then flicked my tongue over the hole, the liquid pooling there was salty, and I licked it all up. He was groaning, and as I started to return to licking him, he pulled my head up and towards the head again, and pushed my head down on it. It turned me on that he just couldn't wait for me to have him in my mouth. So I slowly took his head into it. I sucked on just his head, moving it between my lips, and then rubbing my lips against it. But he pushed my head down farther on his cock. I pulled him in and out of my mouth, taking more of him into me with every stroke. When I had taken all that I could of him into my mouth, I stroked harder and faster. Edward reached for my hand and moved it closer to his cock. So I took the base of it in my hand, to make it easier to direct him into my mouth, when I moved my hand, he groaned loudly. Easing my mouth back up his cock, I moved my hand up and down it, with the head still in my mouth. He was groaning now, and his hips started to move in time with my hand. His hand then pulled my head off him, and he put his hands under my arms to pull me back up to his mouth. He kissed me fiercely for a few seconds, as our hips pressed into each other rhythmically. We were both moaning and soon I had to break away from the kiss just to breathe. So Edward rolled me over onto my back, and then moved down my body, kissing his way towards my centre. My legs were closed, and he slid his hands between my thighs, and slowly pulled them open. Lying between my legs, he spread my lips apart with his hands. He slid his finger into me, and when he pulled it out, he spread my wetness over my centre, spread it all the way over my clitoris. He did this again, and again, and then added another finger, and soon I was pressing myself down onto his finger, moaning, he did this slowly at first, but getting faster, until I was so, so wet.

He then pulled his fingers out of me and I moaned in disappointment. But then he kissed my clitoris, and sucked it into his mouth. He rolled it around in his mouth with his tongue, it was bliss. I was moaning loudly and pressing myself against his mouth. He then licked me up and down with his tongue, then moved it around my clitoris…I started breathing even louder, moaning even louder, pressing my hips into his mouth. And he was moaning softly too. He pushed two fingers into me while still licking my clit, and I moaned "Yes! Ahhh…YES!"

I heard Edward say "Oh, Bella…Oh, fuck, yes…" As my muscles clenched over his fingers and I moaned loudly.

I needed him now. I reached my hands down and tried to pull him up. He plunged his fingers hard into me one last time, and then pulled himself up and over me. My legs were still spread apart, but Edward wanted them apart wider. As he pulled himself over me, he roughly spread my legs wide. It turned me on and I moaned, pulling him down on me. He held most of his weight above me with one of his arms, but still pressed onto me hard. His other hand held the base of his cock. He tried to kiss me slowly but I wasn't having any of that. I kissed him roughly, still pulling him down and up over me, trying to angle him so he pushed into me. My hips were undulating, and I was moaning. I wanted him so badly.

And then I felt him against my centre, he was rubbing the tip of his cock over my wetness. I bucked my hips against him, and then he was partly inside of me. My hands were still under his arms, but I now frantically moved them to his buttocks, and I pulled him harder into me. It was heavenly, the feeling of him pushing into me. I was so tight, and it felt so good to feel every inch of him sliding into me. He pushed slowly, with every stroke entering more deeply. I squirmed underneath him, trying to make him do it faster.

"Edward…Oh, please...please…ahh…"

"Fuck…fuck yes…"

He acquiesced to me…pushing into me harder until he was fully inside me. I felt no pain, only overwhelming pleasure. And then I lost any tiny amount of control I had left of myself. My hands were scraping up his back, into his buttocks, trying to force him harder into me, faster. I raised my legs so my knees were bent and my feet were flat on the bed. It felt so good that I raised them higher…and higher. I was not moaning now so much as squealing and whimpering, louder every time he hit my cervix. His hands seemed to know what I wanted, and his arms raised my legs up high and off the bed, until they were almost straight in the air on either side of him. And then he pushed into me hard again. I knew I was going to come. As he pushed harder and faster, so my pleasure mounted, my whole body felt amazing, and with each push it felt better and better…

We moaned in unison, breathing hard.

"Please…please…please…"

"Oh fuck..."

I was so close now…I was starting to come…

"PLEASE!" I pushed his buttocks very, very hard into me.

"Oh FUCK Bella!"

I could feel my muscles clenching and unclenching around him in impossible bliss…I could feel him twitching and pressing harder into me than ever before…releasing himself into me. I had never felt anything even close to this amazing sensation ever before. I revelled in it, deliberately trying to clench my muscles harder to make the orgasm more intense and prolong his pleasure. The moment of bliss seemed to last for a long time. This was better and more than anything I could ever have expected or believed possible. It was everything. It made sense. And it was perfect.