Prologue...
Pacing menancingly was an unfortunate villain who really wanted a slushie right now... Darth Vader. How could he think of slushies when he was stuck in questioning room on some unknown planet in the middle of nowhere he didn't know... He didn't even know it could be inhabited, what kind of galaxy is this if there's only one planet with oxygen and it only has one sun... Not even a gas station for the new gunship he got for Christmas... And he when he crashes in the middle of the desert some humans appear and plop him in this dungeon thing and he's supposed to wait patiently... Why didn't he force-choke the guy who came up from behind him?
All these questions Darth asked himself as he miserably waited in the cold room and dreaming of the new Deathstar he was about to get on his birthday (You can say it, Vader was spoiled). He was going to shop for a present for the Emperor and now what? Poor Emperor wouldn't get a new bumper sticker for his speeder this year in his Easter egg.
Suddenly some men came in green uniforms... Wow, no plasticofoaminium on their uniforms... Geez and these paupers dare take me prisoner... Don't they know what year this is... They escorted him to an even smaller room. Darth rolled his eyes, although you couldn't see due to the mask. Vader sneezed. An uncertain soldier handed him a hanky... Darth Vader looked at the guy cynically and felt like using the force to hit him upside the head but finding no objects blunt enough he decided against it. Then he decided to impress the soldiers by using the Force to teleport the hanky inside his mask and blew his nose. But then there was a disturbance in the Force and he couldn't teleport it out and was stuck with a booger soaked hanky stuck to his nose. He finally managed to teleport it out angrily using a bit too much Force sending the hanky projecting onto the Lieutenant's face as the important figure was being saluted. The Lieutenant screamed in a manner a bit too girly for anyone's liking. Vader was seized... again. Oh, my Chancellor's monkey's bacon's girlfriend would they let me go already! Darth was pushed back into his previous drafty room... Suddenly he saw the ventilation shaft he tried to fit his head in their but the fashion designer of his mask definetely did not take in consideration Darth Vader's need to crawl through ventilation shafts. His head was now stuck. Suddenly a soldier came in to see Vader hanging in midair by the mask trying to use the Force to get out. Vader fell on to the floor and saw the soldier. "Well, hello there!" Vader said. The soldier yelped in surprise but quickly led Darth to a bigger warmer room, resembling Tatooine's climate better than the refridgerator he was in.
Darth Vader sat down across from the now free from hanky sediment Lietenant. Insert awkward silence "Ehem..." said the Lieutenant"Let's begin... Are you a nanny or a billy?" Vader was confused but decided to scare so he used his best menancing voice, " I am neither a sitter for tiny offspring nor is my identity described by the name Billy, state clearer human!" He added the "human" for further impact even though he was human also, burned, mutilated, limbless but still human.
The Lieutenant reworded, " Are you a dame or a dude?" Darth Vader raised a singed off eyebrow behind the mask. The Lieutenant asked again," Are you a madamoiselle or a monsieur?" Darth was silent. This language resembled one spoken by a certain giant flying bug on Tatooine. Was this guy asking if I am male or female? "Are you coming on to me?" asked Darth. The Lieutenant squirmed in his seat and asked again, " Are you a guy or a girl?" Darth laughed a treacherous laugh. " Do I look like a woman to you?" asked Vader. "I don't know you could be..." said the Lieutenant, wondering if that was a rhetoric question. Darth Vader answered, " You people have issues on this weirdo wacko planet of yours" Lieutenant remembered the one-way glass the Major was probably looking through so he said in a stately manner, " You are on Earth, the greatest planet in this galaxy in Roswell, New Mexico..." But Vader didn't care, he was feeling queasy and everybody seemed to be talking so fast and the next thing he knew the Lieutenant was biting his leg.
Anakin shot up out of bed and saw Padme beside him... Whew, it was all a dream... He was glad, Padme was beside him, the nice warm air flew in from the window,the full moon glistened, he had a gentle pain in his leg, he was home... Wait a sec... pain in his leg... Ooooooooow! Pain not so gentle anymore. He looked down at his leg and saw a woman gnawing his leg...
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" screamed Anakin in the same girly manner as the Lieutenant in his nightmare had. Padme mumbled drowsily, " What is it Annie? Did you lose your blanky again?" Anakin angrily shouted, " It's not a blanky, it's a necessary masculine cover for masculine men! And who is this woman chewing off my leg?" Padme sleepily opened her eyes and looked at the woman who stopped furiously gnawing to listen to the argument. Her hair was grayish white, she had the same eyes as Padme, but she was a bit hairier than any normal even unshaven woman should be. "Oh, hey sis, when did you come to town?" Padme said. Anakin girlishly squealed, " Sis?" Padme said, " Oh Sola you should have said something! I would have gotten the guest room ready!"