Sora had lived nearly his whole life in a strange monastery, surrounded by bald men and boys. Most people would think, 'Oh, that was great for young Sora! Not only did he get to learn about the monks' beliefs, but he got to live in a peaceful environment as well!' But this was not the case.
You see, Sora was a boy who had many valuable physical assets. The first of these was his silky black hair. All of the monks were envious of Sora's awesome hairstyle, for they were all bald. Because of this, they treated Sora with disrespect and incredible angst. They didn't invite him to their slumber parties, or their ice cream parties. But this wasn't the only problem; Sora was hated for something else as well.
Sora had the powers of a superhero.
Sora could control the wind, use rodent-like claws, and make girls fall in love with him in an instant. The monks hated this. You see, these monks in particular were striving to become superheroes themselves. To have a non-monk achieve their goal before them was absolutely plot-twisting. For this, they shunned Sora, allowed no one to become his friend, and kept girls away from him so that he would never fall in love. Sora grew up in anguish and turmoil, but continued to perfect his superhero powers in secret. He knew that one day, he would escape the horrible monastery and become the most powerful superhero ever.
But what he didn't know was that someone was about to challenge his swickediawetastic powers; and they were going to do it soon.
But being as Sora didn't know this, it really didn't affect his life at all. He just lived in his sad depression at the monastery, controlling the wind and missing his father.
Sora's father had died when Sora was very young, and because of this, he didn't really remember his father. But the boy did remember two things about his father. He remembered that his father had been the greatest superhero of all time, and that his face had shone like the sun in the sky. This was probably why Sora didn't remember what his father's face looked like, but he generally disregarded that idea.
One night, while Sora was being angst-y and depressed as usual, he overheard the head monks talking about something very disturbing.
"...the four greatest superheroes of all time!"
Sora paused. They were talking about superheroes? This he had to hear. He walked a little closer to the head monks' slightly open door, and listened carefully.
A gasp sounded inside the room. "How did we not realize that they got stolen?"
"I don't know. I guess we weren't expecting someone to come in the dead of night and rob our honourary graves."
"It is quite a plot twist, isn't it?"
"Yes, it is, sir. But what are we going to do about this? If the grave robbers find all of the Wal-Mart gift cards we hid in those bodies, the monastery will fall into shambles! We won't be respected in the Fire Country anymore. We won't even be able to keep ourselves alive anymore."
"Calm down, it'll be all right. We just need to call a few of the Leaf Village's resident superheroes. I sent a bat message already."
There was a momentary pause.
"A bat message, sir?"
"What's so strange about a bat message?"
"Oh, uh, nothing, I just thought that it was kind of copyright... you know, to use the word 'bat' in front of words like that."
"...I sent a carrier bat, you dummy."
Sora got bored of listening to the monks act like idiots, so he quietly slipped away to his room. What he had just heard was a major problem. In addition to the bodies of the top four superheroes of all time being stolen, were the head monks really thinking of bringing a bunch of Leaf Village superheroes to solve the problem? It was horrible, and really proved that the head monks were quite lacking the 'head' in their titles.
Sora sighed and sat down on his bed, trying to think of what he could do to stay out of the way of the Leaf Village superheroes when they arrived. He really hated other superheroes. It wasn't like he had ever met any before, but being an angst-ridden character, he prematurely decided to hate all people that came across his path.
"Oh, what the heck," Sora sighed and laid down on his bed. "They're just going to be a bunch of bald freaks that make fun of my hair anyways." But Sora didn't know that the superheroes who were about to enter his life would change him drastically.
Author's Note: Yeah, so this is a parody of the Sora arc. What are your thoughts so far, readers? Is this as funny as I thought it was, or was it just facepalmishly bad?
There are quite a few references in this chapter, but the biggest one that you'll have to remember is the word "swickediawetastic". Do any superhero fans know where that word originated?