Parlour Games by taiyakisoba
The new bakery is impossible to miss. You've smelled the delicious buttery scent of freshly baked pastries for the past block, and you can't miss the sign when you get closer:
Muffet's Parlour Patisserie
complete with a silhouette of little table with a tea service in the middle of a spider's web.
Spiders. You've never really been fond of spiders and the strange theme of the bakery makes you think twice, as does the rather bizarre sign sitting on the footpath:
Come try pastries made by spiders, for spiders, of spiders!
The smell of baking and your rumbling stomach overcome your reservations. It's a strange theme for a bakery to have, but owning a shop in the city is a cut throat business, after all, and anything that distinguishes you from your competition is a good thing. The owner must be an astute businessman, if a bit eccentric…
You push the door open and a little bell chimes as you step. It's a charming little shop, with a glass case displaying all sorts of baked goods: croissants, doughnuts, friands, biscuits and so on. The spider theme continues with a few fake webs in the corners. Huh. But the pastries look delicious.
You have your face pressed against the case when you hear a clatter from the back of the shop and a cheery voice pipe up.
"I'll be right with you, deary!"
Ah. Must be the baker. Despite her rather old-fashioned language, she sounds cute. Her voice had a genuine, cheerful tone to it, something you don't often hear here in the city. Well, it's a new bakery, so maybe she's new to the city, too.
"My apologies!" comes the voice, from behind the counter now. "I was just finishing off dusting some cinnamon buns."
"No problem," you say, lifting your face from the display and coming face to face with a monster.
Well, you say monster, and to be sure the five large eyes you find yourself gazing into are monstrous, but they're also beautiful, glossy like wet stone and thickly lashed. They blink at you in unison and the little fanged mouth beneath her tiny snub nose turns up in an amused smile.
You smile back, embarrassed. Of course. One of the newly arrived immigrants from the Undergound. You've seen a number of them around, but never so up-close.
You stand up, feeling guilty for your reaction, and brush at an invisible piece of fluff on your shirt.
"Uh, I'd like to buy some pastries," you manage at last.
The spider-girl laughs, an unusual half-giggle, half-chuckle, but one which seems to suit her. "Of course you do, deary! This is a patisserie after all. It's what we sell." She leans over and one hand, then another – and another – taps on the case as she lists what she has on offer.
Spider Doughnuts, Spider Croissants, Spider Madelines – there's a huge array to choose from, her many hands a blur as she displays her wares.
You take the opportunity to look at her. Even though she's very spiderlike indeed, her sweet smile and her long lashes and the fact she's wearing childish pigtails with bright red ribbons in them remove any sense of threat from her. You've never been fond of spiders, as you said, but maybe you can make an exception with this one.
Soon the spider-girl has shown you everything she has to offer. You shake away your daze and choose some croissants. Truth is, everything looks absolutely delicious, even despite the strange sign in the street saying they're made of spiders. You mention the sign to the spider-girl and she laughs.
"Oh that!" she says. "That's just an advertising gimmick, of course. Although a spider's favourite food is other spiders, I've changed my recipe a little for human tastes after moving to the city."
Ah, so she's Muffet, then.
She smiles and nods. "Pleased to meet you, deary. And your name is…?"
You tell her.
"Oh, human names are so cute!" she says. "Even if they are a bit hard to pronounce at times."
She bags the croissants and wraps the bag and takes your money and opens the cash register all at the same time. Having all those arms seems to come in handy.
"I hope you enjoy them," says Muffet. "Come again soon!"
You take the bag and are about to go when you stop.
"Uh," you begin.
The spider-girl's eyes blink one after the other. Her smile deepens. "Yes, deary?"
"Uh, I'll see you later," you say. Then you flee.
Outside you clutch the bag of croissants to your chest and hurry down the street. What the hell was all that about?
Nah, it's no mystery. You've often been a bit weird around girls, and even though she's a monster, Muffet is very, very pretty.
Yes, very pretty.
The croissants prove to be delicious, so it's entirely natural for you to want to try something else from the patisserie. The next morning on your way to work you stop by again.
Muffet is there again. Well, it is her business, after all.
"Oh!" she says as you walk in. "Back for some more croissants, perhaps?"
You nod. The fact she's remembered your name has your heart racing.
"You must have really enjoyed them," she says as she pops another four you order into a bag for you.
You tell her they were without a doubt the best tasting croissants you've ever eaten.
God, even though you were being honest that came out sounding a bit much. You groan inwardly. Luckily, Muffet seems pleased by your effusive compliment.
"Well, you'll no doubt enjoy my brioche as well," she says, slipping a tiny brown bun into your bag as well. She winks with her farthest eye on the left. "It's on the house."
You really should pay for it, you say. After all her shop just opened and you don't want to be eating into her profits.
Muffet laughs. "Oh, don't worry. I'm just trying to 'butter' you up. Repeat business is incredibly important for a bakery and you need as many contented customers as you can get!"
Well, you say, you're definitely one of them.
Muffet's smile deepens and her eyes take on a mischievous gleam. "So," she says. "You work around here, don't you?"
You tell her that's right.
"Oh, I knew you must. Most of the foot traffic I've been getting has been from the people working down-town." The smile slips from her face. "You know, I chose this spot because it's between the subway and the office buildings two blocks down, but I haven't quite been getting the walk-in business I've been expecting."
Your eyes slip over the cobwebs and then back to Muffet herself. You can tell why business has been slow. Even though it's been a while since the monsters returned, humans still find it hard to approach them a lot of the time. Muffet, despite her cuteness and the excellence of her baking, is likely suffering from plain old prejudice.
But you can't really blame your fellow humans too much. After all, Muffet is a spider and spiders are not exactly high on the list of human beings' favourite animals.
She sighs and her gaze shifts into the distance. "Sometimes, it's a bad as it was in the Underground. I used to run a bake sale there. Well, if I hadn't had one particularly enthusiastic customer all my friends would probably still be stuck in the Ruins." All five of her dark eyes focus on you and her smile returns, brighter this time. "But if I manage to find enough generous customers like you I'll be fine!"
There's the chime of an oven in the back of the shop and Muffet lifts a hand to her mouth. "Oh, I have to get that. The madelines are ready and if you don't take them straight out they get burnt." She turns, but then stops and reaches across the counter and touches your shoulder. Her hand has only three fingers but it's soft and warm and her grip is surprisingly strong.
Must be all that kneading of dough a baker does.
"Sorry to dump all my problems on you, deary," she says. "See you tomorrow?"
You tell her you'll be there.
Her hand drops from your shoulder and with a wave of another she bustles through the doorway where a sweet scent is already pouring.
Outside you touch your hand to your shoulder. It felt just like a human hand.
You turn up at work clutching your fresh pastries. A few of your colleagues, far more enthusiastic workers who are already there, remark on how great they smell and you find yourself telling them about Muffet's bakery.
You quickly learn that rather than prejudice, it was just plain old fear that seems to have been keeping people away from the bakery.
You laugh at the idea of being scared of Muffet, even though you were yourself at first, and you tell everyone all about her.
Some of your colleagues don't seem sure, but everyone agrees that the pastries do smell good.
They taste as good as they smell, you tell them.
The guy in the cubicle next to yours leans out while you've got a mouth full of croissant.
"Hey bro, could you line me up with some of those tomorrow?"
Sure, you say.
The next morning you turn up at Muffet's bakery. As she fills out your order she taps against the counter with a spare hand.
"That's an awful lot for one human to eat," she says, all five eyes narrowing. "You're not buying more out of pity, are you?"
Her cheerful face is suprisingly stern. So she's as proud as she is pretty. You laugh and tell her the extras are for some of your colleagues at work and you explain how everyone kept asking about your breakfast.
"Oh!" says Muffet. She blushes, then, and you can't help but notice at how adorable she looks with pink cheeks. In combination with those dimples that appear whenever she smiles, she's downright heart-melting at times.
A spider, 'heartmelting'?
"You know," she says, the flush remaining on her cheeks. "Yesterday afternoon I had a few more customers than usual. They mentioned someone at their workplace had recommended me. That was you?"
You get a description of the humans involved, vague in parts and oddly specific in others, especially regarding their hands. So there's a tall male human with calloused knuckles and a short thin female human with a new manicure and….
It seems Muffet has difficulty telling different humans apart and sees them with a spider's eyes. Well, she does have five eyes after all. She must see the world pretty differently. Those large dark eyes… how can she look so inhuman and yet be so attractive?
Muffet's lips part and the corners of her mouth curl gently upwards.
Wow. Those fangs of hers look pretty sharp. And yet… the soft pinkness of her lips contrasted with the pale lavender of her skin...
You fool! She's waiting for you say something and you're standing there staring at her!
Babbling like an idiot you say that they definitely sound like your colleagues. You did mention how good her pastries were a few times.
The smile becomes a grin and Muffet hands you the paper bag. "Well, your support is very much appreciated, favourite customer."
"No problem, favourite baker," you reply and then you're out the door.
Oh god. Did you just say 'favourite baker'? You play the awkward exchange over and over again as you walk to work. When you get there, you slump your forehead onto the desk and leave it there, mortified.
The next morning you skip visiting the bakery. The memory of what you said still makes you cringe and you can't stand the thought of embarrassing yourself further in front of her. But when just about every other person in your workplace comes in with bags filled with pastries, you regret your decision.
Even the next day you can't find the courage to go back. You slink into your workplace hungry and depressed.
You've got your head on your desk when the guy from the next cubicle over passes by.
"Hey," he says, stopping at your desk.
You lift up your head.
"That spider-lady was asking about you."
What?
"Yeah, she wanted to know whether you're sick." His eyes narrow. "What should I tell her?"
Nothing, you say. You'll see her tomorrow, anyway.
You don't wait until tomorrow and decide to drop in after work. After running all the way there the place looks closed by the time you arrive.
Damn. You double over, panting, outside the shop. You've missed her.
"Hello?"
You raise your head. Muffet is standing there, holding a handbag and peering down at you.
You've always seen her behind the counter and been focussed on her hands and face. This is the first time seeing her in full.
She's tall and slim, inhumanly slim, actually. Her legs are incredibly long, the boots she's wearing making them even longer. She's got these rather strange pants on, puffy ones, like bloomers. Pantaloons, you think they're called, matching the puffy shoulders of her blouse beneath her red scarf.
Strangest of all, of course, are her many arms. All six of them. Her top pair, the pair you usually see her using, are holding her handbag in front of her chest. Her middle pair are folded, while the third sit on her hips.
She's very strange, really. But 'slim', 'pretty', and 'graceful' are the words that pop into your head as you look at her.
She doesn't wait for you to answer hello, and instead with a smile she says, "I'm sorry, but I've just shut up. Even if I was open, I'm afraid I've sold out of everything."
Everything?
She laughs at the look on your face. "I know, right? Well, if you're hungry for pastries you can't be that sick, then. I was worried you were. You're okay, right?"
You shake your head. No, you're not really okay. You're not really ever okay, you tell her.
Muffet laughs. "You're so funny, you know that? I missed our little conversations, even though I've been rushed off all my feet with orders." She glances at the watch on her middle left hand. "Say, you've just finished work, right? Do you like tea?"
Like tea? Yes you do, you lie.
The tea, despite not ever liking it, is delicious. Muffet has taken you to a little tea house you had no idea existed in the area, but not being a tea aficionado, you have no reason really to have known about it. It's an intimate place with charming Asian-style décor, the interior complete with little ponds of koi carp and lacquered wood beams so that you feel as though you're sitting in a pagoda. But beyond your first impressions of the place, you only have eyes for the girl across the table from you.
"I love this place," says Muffet with a sigh as she refreshes both your cups. You're drinking something called 'gunpowder tea'. Well, it sounded like the most masculine thing on the menu. "I really feel like I can relax here after a hard day at work. And now business is looking up I need all the relaxing I can get." She makes no move for her cup and instead leans across the table. "You know, I'm really glad you decided to visit my bakery that day. Ever since I've met you my luck's changed."
You laugh and say that you really didn't do anything. Sooner or later people would have found out about her delicious pastries.
Muffet sits back and sighs. You catch one of her secondary eyes looking to the left and you glance in that direction. There's two human girls there, whispering. When they spot you looking at them they separate and guilty turn their attention to the tea and cakes in front of them.
You turn back. Muffet is smiling, a sad smile that's desperately trying to look cheery.
"I'm sorry," she says softly. "Even here people still stare at me sometimes. I try not to let it get me down, but..."
The look of sadness in her eyes makes you reach across the table and place it on one of her hands. You start to apologise for your fellow humans' rudeness. Muffet shakes her head.
The sadness in her smile has faded and you can see her fangs when she turns her hand around and squeezes yours.
"Please don't apologise," she says. "You're so very kind, deary. I know you're not like them."
Suddenly guilty, your lips part and you exhale. No, you really do need to apologise. When you first met Muffet you were a bit alarmed. You've always been scared of spiders, you admit.
Muffet laughs. "You're honest, too. I like that in a male." She lets go of your hand and lifts her cup to her lips. She murmurs her approval. "And you have good taste in tea, too. Good taste is very, very important." She replaces the cup. "You know, I could tell I gave you a fright when we first met. But after that you were polite and warm and… well, charming, I guess." She shrugs, then.
You sit together, drinking and eating your cakes in silence. It doesn't feel at all awkward. Your hand is still tingling from when she squeezed it. She has three fingers rather than the human five, five eyes rather than the human two, fangs instead of teeth, eight limbs instead of four.
And yet… and yet you can't help but sit there feeling pleased with yourself. Muffet is very pretty and you've been able to keep her entertained the whole time. Despite your differences there's been no awkwardness at all between the two of you. And as you've talked you've discovered she's smart and funny, too.
You ask her about her life in the Underground and as she tells you all about the strange individuals that live there you find yourself wondering about how she looks beneath her clothes. She looks human in some respects, but in other respects she's a spider. Wait, do spiders even have… you know?
You glance at her blouse. She seems to be sporting a shapely if small chest so she must have breasts, Maybe that means...
Muffet catches you looking. "Oh, do you like this scarf?" She lifts one end of it. "It was a present from my mom." She shakes her head. "You know, I really should call her. She's still living down in the Underground. A lot of the.. well, older monsters decided to stay down there. I think the busy life here up in the city might scare them a bit."
The city is pretty loud and flashy, you say quickly, happy that your rudeness wasn't noticed.
Muffet frowns. "Come to think of it, I haven't really seen all that much of the city yet. I suppose I've been too busy with the shop and worried about the business. But now that I have all that under control..."
She glances across at you. This is your cue, you realise, and you quickly ask her whether she'd like to do some sightseeing with you sometime.
"What do you mean?" she asks, her eyes narrowing. "Like a date?"
You swallow. Well, yes, like a date. That is, if she wants to and…
Muffet laughs. "Of course I'd love to. How about this weekend?"
You swap numbers. Soon the tea and cakes are finished and Muffet sighs.
"I really do have to be getting home," she says. "I need to mend my web. It always seems to break down quickly in this summer heat."
Her web?
"Oh, I'll have to show you my place sometime. Of course, up here on the surface I live in a human apartment, but I've changed things a bit to make it more comfortable for a monster like myself."
There's some haggling over who will pay the bill, with Muffet arguing that she's been doing so well lately because of you that she should pay it. But eventually you go halves.
You leave the tea house and walk Muffet to the subway. She lives a short distance away, but she's always preferred travelling underground, she says.
You've never been that good at goodbyes. At the ticket gates you start to mutter something when Muffet steps up and slips all three pairs of her arms around you.
"See you tomorrow," she murmurs in your ear. Then she releases you, scans her card and with a little uncharacteristic awkwardness slips through the gates. A final wave and she disappears down the escalator.
You stand there, heart racing. You've never been hugged like that before. With all three pairs of arms wrapped around you'd felt trapped, but in a good way. And her body had been soft, like a human woman's, especially her pert chest.
You notice a couple of guys staring at you and you shrug and smile sheepishly at them. One of them grins and offers you a thumbs up.
As you walk home, your step's so light you basically float the whole way.
The rest of the week whirls by. You see Muffet every morning, but it's not really enough. The Parlour Patisserie is full now even early in the morning and you only really have time to say hi to her.
Then it's the weekend. You've been wondering exactly where you should take her. She's not a human girl, after all.
But in the end it doesn't really matter. While you're waiting for Muffet's train to arrive you get a text from her.
Hey deary, sorry I'm running a little late. You'd think with all these hands that I wouldn't be such a slow poke getting ready! But I've got lots of great places in mind for where I want you to take me.
Well, that solves that. Muffet seems happy to take the lead, which isn't all that surprising given she's a spider. After all, aren't female spiders the dominant ones usually?
You begin to remember all the things you know about spiders and you grow nervous. Wait, don't some spiders eat their mates?
Well, you're not a mate. It's just a first date, after all. No reason to get ahead of yourself.
A short while later Muffet's train arrives. She asked you to meet her on the platform. You guess she wants to take the subway somewhere straight away.
The other passengers get off first. There's a few monsters with them. You're seeing more and more of them these days, and people seem to be finally getting used to having them around. You remember your own surprise when you first saw Muffet.
Muffet's the last to get out of the carriage. You can understand why. With all her arms she sometimes finds doors a bit of an awkward squeeze. Once she's out, though, your eyes go wide.
The first time you saw Muffet you were surprised because she was a monster. But this time it's because she's absolutely stunning. She's wearing a short skirt that makes her long legs look even longer (the tall boots certainly help), as well as a low top that solves for once and for all that she does actually have breasts like a human girl. She even has fresh ribbons in her hair. Muffet smiles and blushes as she walks up to you. When she's not getting through doors she walks with such elegant grace.
"Sorry I kept you waiting," she says. She looks you up and down. "You look delicious, darling."
Delicious? You're hoping it's just a turn of phrase.
"Come on," she says, taking your arm. "There are so many places I want you to show me!"
The day passes magically. At first Muffet is tentative about being out in the open, but you take her hand and tell her that she'll be used to things soon enough.
"My," she says, looking at your hand in hers. "You humans are forward, aren't you?"
You start to apologise, but Muffet just squeezes your hand tight and doesn't let you let go.
"I'm just teasing you," she says.
Before you know it, it's the early afternoon. You stop for coffee.
"Oh coffee," says Muffet. "The human drink. I've never tried it."
You decide to get her something very non-confrontational. Muffet's already revealed her sweet-tooth, so you order her a caramel latte.
"Oh it's bitter," she says. "But I do like it."
You tell her to be careful, though. Coffee is full of caffeine, so she'll probably be climbing the walls later.
"But deary," says Muffet, frowning. "I'm a spider! I'm always climbing the walls as it is."
Your heart sinks at your unintentionally stupid pun, but Muffet just laughs at your discomfort. "Oh, there I go again with my teasing." She lets a hand rest on yours. "Drink up. It's my turn to take you somewhere."
You quickly finish your coffee and soon Muffet is leading you away. She keeps glancing at the map on her phone as she leads you down a maze of little alleys and lanes you've never been before.
"My new friends the surface spiders told me all about this beautiful place humans never go," she murmurs, all five eyes busy reading the map. "It's around here, somewhere."
You soon come to a dead end. You start to turn around but Muffet places a hand on your shoulder.
"Wait deary, I found it."
She kneels down before a grate on the base of the wall. There's a big black spider sitting on it.
Muffet's hands dance in front of her in an intricate blur. The spider lifts its front legs and wiggles them back at her.
Muffet sees your surprise and blushes. "Sorry, I know I'm being rude but the surface spider's can't usually speak human language so I'm stuck speaking spider to them. I was just checking that this was the right place – and it is."
She takes hold of the grate and lifts its clean off.
Her beautiful place is down here?
Muffet grins. "Nervous? I promise if you're brave it will be totally worth it."
All those thoughts you had about female spiders and how they treat males jump back into your head, but one look at Muffet's dimples convince you to be brave. You're filled with sudden determination not to be a cowardly fool your whole life and take her proffered hand.
She draws you down into the dark. There's a musty smell of the lived-in city all about you, as well as the sound of dripping water. The omnipresent roar of the traffic becomes a distant hum as she leads you along the tunnel.
Your eyes adapt to the dark – it's not really pitch black down here, since lights streams in from different access points to the surface – but you stumble all the same. Muffet grabs your hand and guides you.
"I'm sorry," she says. "Sometimes I keep forgetting you're human. Isn't that silly?"
With her help you find your footing. Muffet takes you down one tunnel and then another. Sometimes she stops and gets directions from one of the large spiders that lurk hidden on the ceiling. It's while she's in close conversation with one of these that you decide to go off and do a short bit of exploring yourself. A moment later a sharp screech startles you and something unseen claws at your pants' leg.
A rat. About twice the size of the biggest rat you've ever seen on the surface!
With a shout you kick it away, but it turns and leaps at you. Something flying strikes it mid-leap and the rat falls to the ground, stunned.
Beside the dazed animal lies the missile that laid it low: a plain cake doughnut.
You turn to find Muffet beside you. She glances at the rat with annoyance.
"That should teach it some manners," she murmurs. Then she looks at you and notices your bemused expression.
"Oh," she says. "The doughnut." Her face flushes with embarrassment. "Well, I always keep a few stale pastries in my handbag for protection. I hate wasting food."
She's an amazing shot, you say.
"Just practice," she says. She smiles and those dimples of hers reappear.
After that the patches of sunlight grow fewer and far between. At several points Muffet stops and scuttles ahead then warns you that you're going to climb down a hole. Each time she helps you. With all her arms carrying you down it's an alarming feeling at first, but Muffet is so gentle you quickly get used to it.
Soon you're in pitch blackness and all you can see is the glittering of Muffet's eyes whenever she turns to check you're okay.
Those nervous feelings return. Maybe Muffet's made a deal with those surface spiders she mentioned and is leading you off to being devoured. That poem about the spider and the fly pops into your head.
"You look delicious, deary."
"You have excellent taste."
But soon, even though you've been descending for a while, the light returns. It's stronger now and a mysterious blue colour.
Muffet, her lavender skin turned blue, turns to you. "We're almost there. Oh, I do hope it's as beautiful as the spiders say!"
Suddenly the tunnel bursts out into an open area. The blue light is probably little stronger than moonlight on the surface would be, but you still have to shield your eyes from it.
Muffet gasps and you wonder what she can see. You know you must be standing in front of a huge, open area, since you can sense the void ahead of you by the way the sound of falling water echoes about you. The air here is fresh and you can taste moisture on it.
You pull your arm away and blink, but soon your tingling eyes adapt and you can't stop yourself from gasping at the view which appears before you.
The two of you are standing on a ledge high on the wall of a huge cavern. In front of you, a great waterfall rushes down from the roof, where great slabs of crystal glimmer yellow, probably bringing the last of the afternoon's light down here from the surface. But the glittering stars are not enough to overpower the blue glow of the fields of flowers filling the cavern's floor far below you.
"Echo flowers," explains Muffet. "We have them in Waterfall, too, in the Underground." She stretches out an arm. "The spiders tell me these caverns stretch all the way under Mt Ebott." Her ebony eyes glitter with the reflection of the false constellations above you. "So I guess our two worlds were already joined long, long ago and we never knew it."
You stand there, amazed. It really is the most incredible place you've ever been. You suddenly feel a fool for being so excited about the tawdry places you spent the day showing Muffet. All the while this strange fairyland was hidden beneath your feet.
Muffet chuckles. "You don't have to say anything. I know you love it. Like I said, you have good taste." She moves closer to you. "Sorry," she murmurs. "I'm really cold. Spiders prefer the warm, you know."
For once you don't need to be told twice. You put your arm around her and draw her closer. Muffet sighs and places her head on your shoulder.
It's incredibly beautiful, you say.
"You know what?" says Muffet. "I think you appreciate strange things far more than your fellow humans." She glances up at you, her eyes fragile. "Strange things like me, for instance."
You lean down and kiss her. The moment just seems right. Muffet sighs against your lips and kisses you back. It's a bit awkward at first, and not just because those tiny fangs of hers.
You both break the kiss unwillingly. Muffet's eyes remain closed and she nestles closer to you. "So that's what kissing is like," she murmurs.
What, she's never kissed anyone before?
"Well," she explains. "Spiders do things differently to humans. We tend to keep each other at arm's length, even when we're very close."
Oh, you say, not really understanding at all.
"So warm," says Muffet. "You humans are hot blooded, are you not?"
You laugh. You always feel overheated. Muffet's skin, though, is gorgeously cool against your own.
You sit. Muffet joins you and lies down, placing her head on your lap. You gaze out with her at the sparkling fairyland grotto before you. For a while you don't say anything, just enjoying the quiet beauty with her.
"So, I suppose this means we're going out, doesn't it?" she says at last.
You take hold of her hand. You'd like that very much, you tell her.
Muffet chuckles, the cheerful tinkling sound echoing from the crystals about you and sparkling across the great expanse of the cavern.
"You humans are so forward compared to male spiders, did you know that?"
It's your turn to laugh. This is the first time you've ever been accused of being forward.
Muffet sighs. "Male spiders are just so tentative. Why, you have to go out on at least a dozen dates before they get the courage to ask you out."
You wonder if you weren't too forward.
Muffet shakes her head. "No. I like it."
You sit together for a short while longer. Soon, though, Muffet gets up.
"Let's explore a little," she says, taking your hand. "I think it must be getting late."
Together you follow the ledge. You need her help less, here, since the area is so well lit. But you soon come to a dead end. The ledge drops away to a dangerous precipice.
You sigh. Well that looks like the end of your exploration.
Muffet laughs. "Oh, don't be so silly, deary. You forget what your girlfriend can do."
She turns to face you and places her middle pair of hands behind her. She blushes.
"I'm sorry to be so coy," she says. "But I guess I am a little shy."
Her arms dart back and forth and you soon realise then what she's doing. She's spinning web. Long white fibres are drawn out from behind her and soon she has a great long thread made. She places one end of the thread on the edge of the ledge and then offers you a different hand.
"Shall we?"
You only have time to nod when she takes your hand and grabs the rest of you with several more. Then she falls backwards off the ledge and with a cry of surprise you follow her down.
You fall only a short distance. Muffet is upside down, bobbing from the long line of web, and she quickly shifts you so that you're hanging the right way up.
"Sorry," she says, grinning at your alarmed face. "You humans don't like being upside down, do you?"
Then with a blur of her lower set of arms she pulls more thread from her. She's hanging onto it from her legs and she begins to scissor them. You're soon dropping down through the blue glow of the cavern and within half a minute you feel your dangling feet touch the ground.
Muffet lets go and then quickly rights herself. She turns to face you again and detaches the thread from behind her.
"Wow," you say. You tell her that it's probably the most amazing thing you've ever done.
Muffet smiles shyly at your praise. "I was worried that it might gross you out, or something."
Why would it, you say, taking her hand. Who could be grossed out at something so amazing? You're envious, if anything.
Muffet pulls you to her and envelopes you in one of her multi-arm hugs. When she finally lets you go you gasp your breath back and look out across the changed landscape. You're standing beside a great pool of black water, tinted with blueness and reflecting the sparkling yellow of the glittering crystals far above you. You lead Muffet out around it and you feel as though you're walking upside down upon a glittering star-field.
"Let's go this way," says Muffet, pointing out a small field of echo flowers.
When you get there, she kneels down and picks one. "They're very special," she says. "They record the last thing they hear."
She places her head flush with yours and brings the flower to your ears. All you can hear is an echo of the roar of the waterfall.
"Ah, well," says Muffet. "That's to be expected since barely anyone knows of this place." Holding the flower as though coveting a treasure, she moves a short distance away and whispers something into it.
Muffet stretches out the flower for you to take it, but when you try she slips it behind her back. "You have to promise me not to listen to it until you get home, okay?"
You promise. Muffet hands you the flower.
"Now don't forget," she says, her five eyes comically stern.
You repeat your promise and slip the flower inside your jacket.
"Well," sighs Muffet. "We should go. I have to get up early tomorrow. Those pastries aren't going to bake themselves, of course."
She takes you back up her thread and this time you can enjoy the incredible view as you rise up in her arms.
Soon you've returned to the surface.
"Well," says Muffet. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow, then."
She hugs you to her, then lifts two pairs of hands to cup your chin and brings her lips against yours. The kiss is far more relaxed this time and you're no longer worried about being bitten with those fangs. It quickly grows hot and Muffet's hands slip across your back and down to your butt.
But then she pulls away. "I'm sorry," she says wiping the wetness away from her mouth. "I… I keep forgetting you're a human and not used to the spider way of doing things."
You tell there really is no problem and that you're totally okay with it, but Muffet's face is flushed with embarrassment.
Her train arrives just in time to rescue the situation.
"I… I have to go. Don't forget what I said about the flower, okay?" she says.
You rush back home. As soon as you're in the door you bring the flower out and put it to your ear.
Muffet's voice, as though from far away: "I really, really like you, you know."
You have to sit down since your heart has started to melt.
You're sitting at home wondering where the whole day went when your finally get a message on your phone.
'Hey, you up for some drinks deary?'
'Tea?' you text back.
'I was thinking something a bit stronger.'
You meet her outside the bakery. She looks exhausted, but her hug is tighter than ever.
"Sorry," she says. "I didn't have time to go get dressed up."
You start saying something about her being beautiful anyway when she brings her face up against yours. She's grinning.
"Are you trying to get yourself eaten? 'Cause you're being awfully sweet."
You take a step back and Muffet laughs. "Sorry, deary. I guess I'm just overexcited. Today was the best day, yet." She takes your hand. "Shall we?"
Where does she have in mind? You know a good bar just down…
"Oh, I thought I might take you to a monster club. Have you ever been to one?"
You shake your head. No you haven't. Your heart skips a beat. Sure, you've got used to being around Muffet but you've never really been exposed to all that many monsters.
Muffet sees your anxiety and squeezes your hand. "Oh deary, there's nothing to be worried about. They're all good people. Well, monsters, I mean. And sometimes even Mettaton drops in! Surely you'd jump at the chance to meet the monsters' idol who everyone loves?"
Well, you don't really know about that, but Muffet is certainly doing a hard sell like a typical business woman and you tell her it sounds like fun.
"Great!" she says, almost pulling your arm off as she drags you away. "Come on, it's this way."
You hear the bar long before you see it – a cacophony of strange voices and laughter and noise. When you arrive, you find it's basically a warehouse that's been transformed into a bar. And with good reason – many monsters are far larger than humans and require the space.
Muffet takes you inside. The place is full of every kind of monster. You feel a bit less anxious when you see that there are other humans there, too, although you're by far in the minority. The scene is like something from a painting by Heironymous Bosch, but Muffet leads you straight through the crowd to the bar.
Standing behind the bar is an incredibly strange creature. A mix-match between dog and cat, it beams down at you with a smile which is two parts smug to one part dopey.
"hOI! Welcom to… da BAR! What'll it BE?!
"Oh hi, Temmie," says Muffet. "You're a bartender now? I thought you were still at college."
"Oh yaYA!" says the strange little creature. "tEM already gota degree! But now tEM gota pay for gradskool! So now tem is da BARKeep." One of her arms extends a ridiculous length and grabs hold of an empty mug and she starts to wipe it with a rag. 'So, wat'll it BE?!"
"Well," says Muffet. "I'll have a spider cider, and my friend here..."
Temmie notices you for the first time. Her smile becomes a ludicrously large O of surprise and her eyebrows arch so high that they end up floating above her face.
"WOA! u gota HUMAN FREIDNS?" She leans across the bar and pats you violently on the head with her spare paw. It hurts. "awwAwaa! Cute!"
Muffet pulls you out of harm's way. "...and he'll have the same, thanks."
Temmie blinks. Then her previous smug-dopey expression returns. "yaYA! 2 spider CIDERS comin rite UP!"
Muffet grabs the drinks and hands Temmie the money at the same time, then draws you away before the strange monster can pat you any more.
"You can get the next round," she says, handing you your drink with a smile. "And sorry about Temmie."
"Is she always so… well, like that?" you ask.
"All the Temmies are always like that," says Muffet and laughs. "Hey, some of my friends are over there. Come on. I want to introduce you to them."
And so Muffet drags you around the bar and you find yourself meeting strange creature after strange creature – living jello, arrogant and flirtatious jet planes, armoured dogs and ghosts and everything that until a few years ago they would have locked you up for admitting to seeing. But here they all are, drinking and partying.
But despite the initial weirdness, you discover that like Muffet they're different from humans but not at all frightening when you get used to them. In fact, Temmie ends up being by far the strangest of the lot and you survived your encounter with her, although you do end up spending the rest of the evening sniffling. Seems like you're allergic to her.
You start to enjoy yourself. The monsters are all very accepting and when Muffet introduces you as her boyfriend they don't have anything but happy congratulations for her.
Suddenly the babble of the bar goes quiet. A spotlight appears illuminating a stage at the far end that you didn't notice before due to the press of monsters.
"Oh no," says Muffet. "Don't tell me they've got Icedrake on again!' She takes hold of your hand. "C'mon, we might have to make a quick exit. His jokes are terrible. Anyway, I still have to show you my apartment, don't I?"
You down your drink in a single gulp.
Muffet's apartment is in a block not at all different from yours. She leads you up the stairs and fumbles for her key.
She looks at you a little shame-faced. "I'm afraid the place is still a bit of a mess, deary, even though I tried to clean it up. All the webs are new, though, so I hope you can bear with it."
All the webs are new… well. Even with that warning, you're still surprised by what greets you on the other side of the door when Muffet finally finds the key and opens it.
The room is filled from top to bottom with webs. Muffet steps inside and when you hesitate she takes your hand.
"Oh, don't worry. These webs aren't very sticky at all. I guessed that humans would have trouble with my usual sticky webs so I changed the consistency."
Wait, she can do that? You realise that there's still a lot about Muffet that you don't know.
The sweetness of her smile and the dimples in her cheeks overcome your misgivings and you step inside. You soon brush up against the webbing, but like she said, it's not sticky at all. Muffet pulls it aside for you and you discover the room has been separated into a number of smaller parts by the webs, much like a human might do with screens. You wonder about the lack of furniture but when you look up you find it – it's hanging all around you. Of course, for a spider the walls and ceiling are just extra surfaces. You see the fridge and stove off to one side, and there's a TV on the other side, as well as a little table with a tea service sitting on it.
"Oh, I'd offer you some tea," says Muffet. "But I suppose you've had enough to drink. I know I have." She draws closer to you, kisses your neck. You can feel the firmness of her fangs behind the softness of her wet lips. "Truth is, I'm hungry rather than thirsty." Her uppermost pair of hands slip around your neck. "Want to see the bedroom?"
Muffet leads you deeper into the apartment. You soon come to a doorway. The door is open, plastered against the wall with webs, and Muffet takes hold of a veil of web and draws it open.
"Won't you step inside my parlour?" she says and straight-away starts clapping with her two pairs of free hands. "Oh, I've been dying to say that ever since I learned that human nursery rhyme!"
You remember how the rest of the rhyme went and if you remember it didn't end up well for the one getting the invitation. But the heat in Muffet's huge dark eyes and the flush on her cheeks don't give you any other choice. You let her draw you in.
The only furniture is a wardrobe and a cute little dressing table hanging up in the far corners. There's no bed. Instead, a bower-like nest hangs in the middle of the room. It looks different from the other webs, soft and white like the finest silk.
But you have eyes only for Muffet. Those dimples on her cheeks have inflamed you with desire and you pull her towards you, no longer happy for her to take the lead. You bring your lips to hers and kiss her. Muffet sighs and melts against you, opening her mouth to receive your tongue. You find hers waiting for you, hot and wet between the gateway of her fangs. She's careful not to bite you, the tiny fangs shifting back to allow to kiss her deeply.
You draw your hands down her back. Her dress has a zip and you fumble at it, needing to feel the softness of her bare skin beneath it. Soon you have it down and run your palms across her skin. It's just as smooth and warm as a human girl's, but there's a surprising firmness behind it, like the toned muscles of an athlete. Well, you decide, hanging upside down and climbing on webs day in day out would give anyone the physique of an acrobat.
Meanwhile, Muffet's hands are all over you. With three pairs at work, she quickly has your shirt off and tosses it over her shoulder, where it ends up hanging from a thread of web. Her hands slide over your chest as she murmurs with pleasure against your mouth.
"So that's what a human looks like under their clothes," she says when you finally break the kiss. Her mouth falls upon your chest and she's soon licking and nibbling at your nipples. The sharpness of her fangs quickly has shocks of pleasure rushing up your spine. Muffet's lowest pair of hands drops to your belt but you're already gently pushing her back against her nest-bed.
With a gasp she falls backwards onto it, her arms and legs splayed at different angles over the network of threads. She licks away the moisture left from your frenzied kissing and stares at you with hungry eyes.
"So what are you going to do now, human?"
You climb up and lean over her, your hands sliding between the material of her unzipped dress and her bare shoulders. Muffet helps you by drawing her higher pair of arms out of the dress, and then the second pair. It's a lot more complicated than with a human woman.
You draw the dress down off her torso. Her chest is bared and you're somewhat relieved to see that she has breasts just like a human. They're petite and perfect, as superbly toned as the rest of her, with no need of a bra to keep them sitting high and proud.
You start to slide the dress lower but when it's around her flat belly Muffet grabs your wrists tight. She lifts you off her and after taking hold of your feet as well lifts you up in the air. You gasp with surprise and start squirming, but Muffet, grinning up at you, keeps you aloft.
"You're very, very forward for a male," she murmurs. "You're taking a dreadful risk trying to mate with me without tying me up first, you know." Her grin widens and her fangs slip out. "Why, one little bite of these and you'd be paralysed and I'd be able to do whatever I wish with you." A drop of saliva appears at the corner of her mouth.
You struggle and Muffet laughs. She draws you down and brings your neck flush with her mouth. You feel the slightest tap of her fang-points against your skin and you struggle harder, but the sharp points are soon replaced by her lips.
"Oh deary, you were absolutely petrified," says Muffet as she draws her mouth down your chest. "I would never harm you, even if you do smell absolutely delicious." She draws her bunched-up dress down over her slim hips and kicks it away, then wraps her legs around your torso and draws you down on top of her.
She places your hands on her breasts and lets go of your wrists. Emboldened, you caress each beautiful globe, making Muffet sigh.
"So forward and yet so gentle," she breathes. "Do all humans mate like this?"
You answer her question with another kiss. You drop your hands to your waist, but Muffet intercepts them and drags them back to her chest.
"No, let me," she says. "Your hands are busy and I've got two pairs to spare."
She quickly has your belt off and you help her draw your pants and underwear down off your legs. Another pair of Muffet's hands slip up and you gasp as her fingers brush against you.
"Oh," Muffet murmurs. "So this is what it's like. I always wondered. It's… a little different from what I'm used to." She gives you a gentle squeeze and you gasp again. "Oh no. Did that hurt?"
You half-laugh, half-groan. No, you say. It didn't hurt.
"Oh," says Muffet. Her face turns a deep red but she keeps her hand between your legs.
You exhale. Muffet giggles. "You like that, don't you, deary? I suppose humans are not so different, then, if a hand can excite you like that." Her dark eyes glimmer hotly. "I'm sure your hands can do the same to me."
She takes a hand from her chest and draw it down her smooth torso, over her flat belly to the hidden spot between her thighs. She's quite small, in keeping with her petite form, and under your gentle fingers she seems little different from a human woman, although her entire body is silky-smooth, without a single hair.
Muffet begins to pant as you caress her. "Oh, you are good! So gentle… but it feels so good!" She leans up and kisses you hungrily. "And you have so many fingers, as well! What a lucky girl I am."
Muffet's stroking is gentle, too, yet the growing intensity of your pleasure makes you arch your back.
Muffet fixes her eyes on you. Her lips are parted and her breath is hot and quick against your face. "Does it really feel that good? So if I keep doing this then you'll… you know?"
You say you will, without a doubt.
Muffet giggles and continues stroking you. "You really should get ready," she says. "It's going to come out any moment… I can tell."
No, wait, you plead with her. Please, you don't want it to end like this. You want to make her feel good, too.
"Oh, but you'll do that later, surely," she says. "When you slip your sperm inside me."
Uh, you don't exactly understand what she means.
Muffet slows her strokes. "But surely humans can't be that different? The process is more or less the same, isn't it?" She purses her lips. "You ejaculate your sperm into your hands and then you slip it up inside me."
What, with your hands?
Muffet laughs. "Oh deary, don't make fun of me! What else are you going to use?"
Well, you say. Humans tend to do things a little differently.
Muffet blinks at you. "Differently?"
Suddenly, you wonder if it will work. But your exploring fingers have found nothing other than what you'd expect to find, and even though she's petite Muffet looks like she could accommodate you.
You decide to show her rather than try and explain. You move lower, slipping out of her hands, your mouth tracing a path down her chin and neck. When you reach her chest, you make sure that each pert breast receives your attention.
Muffet gasps. "B-but that's your tongue… oh!"
With a moan, Muffet grabs hold of your hair with her middle pair of hands, and your shoulders with the lower, keeping you in place. Her dominant hands she twists into the threads of the bower, holding onto the web as she squirms and shudders under your flicking tongue.
You've never had a girl react so explosively to foreplay before. But then you realise why Muffet's acting like a virgin who's never been touched. Spider males are tentative lovers, like she explained, and tie up the females before mating. Getting closer than arm's reach is probably pretty rare for them. So Muffet's likely never experienced any of this.
Well, if she thinks that's different!
You leave aside her breasts, gently pulling yourself free of the fingers twisting in your hair, and drop your mouth lower, peppering her flat tummy with kisses. Her pert chest rises and falls rapidly as she pants with anticipation.
Then at last you slip your tongue lower to meet heat and slickness and an incredible, sexy fragrance. Muffet goes wild and you hold on for dear life as the air is filled with kicking legs and arms.
So this is why spider males tie their lovers up!
But when Muffet's squirming threatens to push you away, she cries out "No!" and clasps you around the torso with her legs. She pins you to her, squeezing the wind from your chest. But even so, you're able to treat every part of her properly. When she finally pushes you away and lifts you up to kiss you, you can't help but feel a little disappointed.
"Oh, deary, please…" she gasps, her face flushed, her hair dishevelled and hanging with loose ribbons. "Please show me what else humans can do!"
You draw Muffet gently forward and part her legs and slowly ease yourself up on top of her. You're careful to move slowly, taking a page from the male spider's book of lovemaking. Muffet watches you, her dark eyes large, her dimpled cheeks flushed with excitement. You kiss her shoulder and neck and work your way back to her lips as you slide a hand down between her legs and softly test her.
Muffet moans against your mouth as you kiss her. She seems ready.
You whisper to her that this may hurt a little at first, but it will soon feel nice. Muffet nods. You guide yourself and she gasps when you touch her. You bite back a gasp yourself as a bolt of electricity spears along your spine.
A few tender strokes makes Muffet pull you closer and nestle her face in the crook of your neck. You feel her fangs press against your skin but the strange sensation is quickly swallowed up by the waves of pleasure flowing over you.
You can't wait any longer and Muffet herself, panting against your skin, seems more than ready. You push your hips forward. Muffet is petite, but like all small girls she seems to have no problem accommodating you.
Your breathe pours out of you in a rush. Muffet gives a tiny gasp.
"Ah! You're.. you're inside me!"
You grit your teeth and pull back slowly. The feeling is excruciating and it takes every ounce of your willpower to stop yourself from pushing your hips forward again.
"No!" cries Muffet, her lower pair of hands grabbing your hips and pulling you forward. "Don't leave me!"
You grunt, trying to keep it together as you become one again. Muffet's grip is strong, but you distract her with kisses just long enough to fall into a shallow rhythm.
Muffet soon realises that this is how things work and she no longer tries to stop you from pulling away from her, although she keeps her hands on your butt, ready to pull you back if need be.
"Oh, oh oh!" Muffet's breath is hot and you dip your tongue into her slick mouth with every gasp. With your arms around her torso, your hands slip over her back and shoulders, delighting in the smooth skin and the ripple of her muscles as she quickly learns to match your rhythm.
You quicken your pace and Muffet matches you thrust for thrust. She no longer shows any timidness, but grips your legs with her own like a pair of clamps while the arms around your torso squeeze you tighter. As a spider, Muffet's joints are far more flexible and you soon learn you have far less control over the situation than you thought. She now only lets you to pull away when she desires it and you can no longer indulge in the slow, deep strokes that inexperienced girls usually prefer. Instead, you're forced by her squeezing to thrust with short, shallow dips.
"Yes, like that," Muffet moans. "Like that!" She peppers your neck with kisses, tapping the points of her adorable fangs against your skin.
The frisson of pain drives you close to the edge. You try and slow down, feeling yourself getting close, but Muffet won't let you.
"Oh deary, oh deary, you're even more excited now!" she says between pants.
You warn her that if you don't slow down you're going to...
Muffet fixes you with her huge, beautiful, intimidating eyes. They glimmer hotly and moisture dews on her long lashes as she shakes her head.
"I want you to," she gasps. "Please!"
Her heartfelt pleas drive you over the edge. Your body tenses and you lose all self control. Even as strong as she is, Muffet can no longer hold you back as you start thrusting madly. You grit your teeth, trying to stave off the final explosion for as long as you can and Muffet cries out beneath you, squirming and shivering with every thrust, Her hands score your back as you clash your hips against hers one last time. Your heart almost stops as an incredible torrent of pleasure rips through you. Your knees tremble and your hands grip the web beneath you as you reach the culmination of your desire.
Muffet cries out. Her shivering becomes a shudder as she too reaches the summit of her pleasure. Her hands become claws, gripping into you, but the pain is now nothing more than sublimated pleasure and you cry out in ecstasy as you continue to come together, your mutual delight overflowing.
First one pair of Muffet's arms grow slack, and then another as she grows limp beneath you. Her movements lose all their frenzy as a deep languor floods over her, and she lies open and helpless as your thrusts grow weak from happy exhaustion.
At last, spent, your chest rising and falling with your ragged breaths, you collapse on top of her.
Muffet seems startled, as though she'd fallen asleep for a moment, but then, her eyes aglow, she finds her strength and draws you closer to her.
"Oh deary, I can still feel you moving," she murmurs. "I… I had no idea that humans made love like this. So intimate and so… well, lewd. We're so close we're almost one."
At last you separate regretfully and roll off her. Muffet sighs and nuzzles her face into your chest.
"Well, I suppose I'll have to remake this bed again," she pouts.
You lie beside her, as post-coital pleasure pools through your body. Then you hear a cute little rumble and Muffet flushes red – it's her stomach.
"Sorry, deary. It's just that… well, I'm always so famished after sex."
Well, you murmur, if she likes you can pop out and get some snacks. You passed a convenience store on the way here and…
Muffet laughs. "Oh no, deary. I have just the snack I need right here!"
And with that she climbs on top of you. Her arms flick about you, lightly touching your wrists and your chest and your ribs and your ankles, and you can't stop laughing. You've always been ticklish, and Muffet's hands are so teasing and agile.
But you quickly realise she's not tickling you. As you try and squirm away, you find yourself stuck. Your wrists and ankles are both glued to the bed with fresh webbing, and unlike the stuff you've been lying on its incredibly thick and sticky.
Muffet puts on the finishing touches, leaving you spread-eagled and at her complete mercy.
"Oh my dear," she whispers, leaning over you, her little fanged mouth wet as she kisses your neck and ear. "Every male spider knows to bring his partner a snack for afterwards so that he doesn't end up dinner himself."
You feel a sharp pain in your neck.
You cry out and struggle even harder, but Muffet just breaks into peals of laughter. "Oh, look at you, deary! So petrified again. And all because of a little love bite." She covers her mouth with the palm of a hand, her eyes smiling as she laughs again. "Why would I eat such a delicious thing as you all in one go? How wasteful! And after you made me feel so very, very good." She draws a hand down over your chest and stomach. Her touch is light but tender, and she follows it with her lips, pausing a moment to lap at your nipples. Still over-sensitive after your love-making, you struggle, even though you know Muffet doesn't mean you any harm. It feels too good!
Your struggles merely seem to excite her. "I'm so sorry, darling. I'm afraid it's that old spider dominance thing. I'm not going to let you go until I've got everything I want from you." Her hand reaches between your legs. You usually need a bit of down-time, but to your amazement you find yourself quickly getting ready again.
"Ah! I thought that would work," she murmurs. "Just a tiny little bit of venom, not enough to hurt you, deary, but just enough to help you get this beautiful thing all ready for me." She grins and kisses your stomach, then lower. "And it looks like I'll soon be able to get all the protein I need!"
Good End?