I'm scared. I'm worried and confused and I don't know what to think an ymore. I mean my whole life I was taught certain rules and certain etiquettes I was taught I was the highest in the food chain not me personally but me pure blood Malfoy. I am supposed to hate all mud bloods and discriminate. I am supposed to be the best. I have to be like my father, exactly like him. The only thing we have in common is our genes. Everything is different. Where he regards his blood as pure and clean mine is disgusting because of the way I've acted. I'm cold with no heart. I have to be that way because if I'm not, if I let people in they'll just destroy me from within. But now tha'ts all gone.
I
fell for her. I didn't mean to. She's just there all the time it's not my fault I picked up on all her stuff. Like she can't step out of her room in the morning before she's sent an owl to her parents or like how she smells of strawberries and milkshakes or the fact she's not happy with anything below an E. Her eyes are a very light shade of brown but not too light to call them hazel. Her hair looks perfect without all her hair spells but she doesn't feel comfortable partly because of me teasing her about it all these years. She has a wild side but she can't show it because she needs to uphold her reputation. Not as Harry Potter's best friend but as the brightest witch of her age. It doesn't matter that old voldys dead but she still needs to go over the top.
I'm telling you all this but that doesn't mean I've changed I'm still the cold jerk. I still don't let people in. I'd be willing to compromise for her but there's no chance of her giving me a second chance. Even though we're friends and she speaks to me like I'm Potter or Weasley and she tells me about this guy who she's so confused about. She says he gives her these looks and special smiles and she thinks that maybe these looks at her are specially for her but she's not sure and all I can do is smile at her cause I'm scared I'll blurt out my feelings for her and I'm not even sure if there real and I can't even say the four letter L word then she's kissing me and its everything I imagined and so much more. Her lips taste sweet like the strawberries she eats at lunch. It's a small kiss because she pulls away quickly and looks at me in horror and shock. Then I realise it was me who pulled away.
I run away , away from her and her sweet strawberry tasting lips because I realise I love her with all my cold cold soul.I love her beautiful eyes and her bushy hair and her kooky quirks but I love her insecurities as well That tells me it will never work because the war may have ended but the looks are still there. They don't discriminate against muggle borns anymore it's us who are dirty the ex death eaters. No one tells us that we are but it's written all over their faces, their double meaning words and their abruptly stopped whispers. I don't give one about them but its her I worry about. She'd be in a life where she'd be ridiculed and taunted for being with me. They'd think I brainwashed her or I threatened her. We could never be together and that's how life is. It could never change not even for us.
I'm so confused and shocked. All my magical education he tormented me for being the opposite of what he was , not from a magical family, yet that didn't stop me I worked hard to prove that being from a non magical family didn't represent what kind of a witch or wizard you were. I was tortured for that reason only ,at Malfoy Manor, and for that reason only. I proved that even muggle borns could become the best of witches and wizards.I proved that whose prejudices were just that, stupid prejudices.
I fell for him. I didn't mean to. He's changed. He smiles and jokes around with me . He's not called me "mudblood" once and he treats me like an equal. If you spend enough time with someone you'll end up liking them but I don't just like him. I love him and I know that for definite because I feel butterflies everytime he smiles at me or jokes about the teachers , if that were Ron or Harry I would scold them but with him I don't have the heart to because my heart belongs to him. I don't like him because he's gorgeous , i'm not saying he isn't, or because he's rich. I fell for his smile. Not the fake ones he gives to most people but the breath taking one he gives to me. The ones that reach up to his eyes and light up his normally pale face and when he smiles my face lights up too. He always smell of the same ,not of an expensive perfume, of candy he gets his mother to send him every month , once in a while he'd share them with me and we'd just talk about general things and once in a while he'd joke and smile and I'd think wow and my butterflies would erupt and I'd think is that just for me or am I another of the girs he's trying to pull. I think maybe it's just for me but then I see him talk to Pansy Parkinson and the happy feelings are gone.
I decided to just tell him because I couldn't live with What Ifs?. So I told him about this guy who gives me these smiles and looks and I'm confused and I hope he's got the hint. And then he smiles at me , not one of those fake ones but the breath taking ones, so I think he's got it so I kissed him. His lips taste of the candy his mother sends him and the pumpkin juice he brings back from then he pulls away and instead of a smile or another kiss he just looks at me coldly then runs out of the door. I realise he's probably still the same, not changed at all. I'm just another one of those girls that he messes around with yet he can't even kiss me because of my filthy blood. My filthy impure blood would taint his clean pure blood in a second , with one touch. The wars happened the light side won but everything stays the same. The prejudices and dirty glances and abruptly stopped whispers are still there. We could never be together and that's how life is. It could never change not even for us.