Arthur, Merlin, (mayyybe Morgana), and the Clock Tower Dilemma

A Camelot Comedy

Perhaps the weirdest day in all of the history of Camelot (so far), is the day in which the charming, beautiful, Prince Arthur, and his simple-minded (ahem, stupid), servant boy Merlin were faced with a life-changing dilemma: the town square clock tower. You see, this clock tower had been standing strong at the heart of Camelot for years… no matter how many members of the generations of royal persons ruling the kingdom hated it. Every time they brought in the strongest clock tower fellers, the citizens of the kingdom put up a protest. They made banners, gave out fliers, and even got the town crier to spread the word to neighboring kingdoms. They even created a Citizens Help Protect the Town Square Clock Tower from Annoying, Mean, Monument-Destroying, and Dragon Butt-Like Rulers of the Glorious Kingdom of Camelot Day. Yup…Every February 29th. Now, this seemed like once in a blue moon to the towns folk, but in the deep, cold chasms of the rulers' souls, the mere thought of Citizens Help Protect the Town Square Clock Tower from Annoying, Mean, Monument-Destroying, and Dragon Butt-Like Rulers of the Glorious Kingdom of Camelot Day drove fear into their hearts.

Our story begins on a bright, sunny, lovely day, much like the stunning Prince Arthur himself, who, at the moment was just being woken up from a royal siesta by his annoying, blunt, pig-headed, stubborn, worrisome, badly-dressed man-servant, otherwise known as 'Merlin'. Angry at being woken up at a moderately humane hour of the late morning, Arthur exploded at Dopey…err…Merlin in a fit of rage.

"What in the HECK do you think you are doing, you idiot!" screamed the crown prince; startled awake, who, as a matter of fact, looked quite dashing when he was irritated.

"I…I…was…" stammered the flustered servant.

"No, don't speak. I have a VERY important matter to attend to. Today is the day in which I must decide what my plan, as the crown prince of Camelot, is to do about the clock tower. And, also, I just had a strange dream about the curse of technology." declared Arthur poetically.

"Umm, what's a 'technology', sir? Some kind of beast? A fatal disease?" asked Merlin, intrigued and relieved to be back in a kind of-sort of-almost-maybe friendship level with the prince.

"I have no clue…" answered Arthur thoughtfully, "Anyway, get to work, and come on, then! Polish my armor, buff my boots, oil my sword-belt, sterilize my…"

Merlin stood there and listened to Arthur's endless list of chores, which he would probably spend about an hour on, at most. Why? Because the seemingly idiotic servant had a secret that he had to keep from everyone, even his master, Arthur: he wielded magic. (I know, EXTREMELY hard to believe, but it was true.)

At about that same time, Morgana, Uther's "loving ward" (HA! Loving ward my butt!), was concocting another evil plan to sabotage Uther, Arthur, Merlin, Gwen, Gaius, probably Lancelot, maybe also Gawaine, and she'd probably exterminate anyone in her way… so, basically the WHOLE kingdom. Her extremely devious plan this time was to get the townsfolk to sign a petition, which would forbid the glorious rulers of Camelot from getting any say in the matter of the Town Square Clock Tower. That way, every Citizens Help Protect the Town Square Clock Tower from Annoying, Mean, Monument-Destroying, and Dragon Butt-Like Rulers of the Glorious Kingdom of Camelot Day, all the leaders could do was stand by and watch their subjects protest and not be able to set fire to them all… Um, I mean stop them from going against their holy reign and help them regain their senses by… whatever… means… necessary… Either way, the kingdom would be in chaos, which meant that Morgana and her equally evil half-sister, Morgause, could take control, and then, the kingdom would be theirs and…Yeah…it's a long shot. But, Morgana promised herself she would come up with a better plan as time progressed.

Meanwhile, Prince Arthur was coming up with an ingenious plan as to what he was going to do about the clock tower…well, sort of.

"Help me, for God's Sake, Merlin! I NEED ideas!" the Prince wailed. "Well, you're the amazing, brilliant 'Blonde Hope of Camelot'. This isn't my problem, nor is it my decision to make! You should learn to help yourself once and a while, my lord," retorted the servant crossly.

Arthur didn't speak for a minute or two, he just stood there, open-mouthed, and not sure he had heard correctly. Merlin NEVER spoke to him like this. EVER.

"Well, now that you've gotten that out of your system," Arthur began calmly, so as not to lose his temper or patience, which was running a bit thin, " Would you care to shut your mouth and tell me what I should do about this perplexing Clock Tower Dilemma?" He spoke each word slowly and carefully.

Merlin stood immobile, shocked by both what he had just said and by how calmly Arthur had taken it. Based on his reaction, he could tell the prince was truly troubled by this dilemma, and he felt the tiniest bit sorry for had he'd acted.

"Look, my lord, I'm sorry for yelling like that but, part of being king is making your own decisions and acting based on how you feel about certain subjects."

"Wow, Merlin," started Arthur, "That was…incredibly deep…for an idiot like you." He said jokingly, in a friendly way.

Merlin smiled.

"And it's incredibly hard working for a royal prat like you." He replied.

"So," said Merlin. "What to do about this clock tower dilemma?"

Arthur stood there for a minute, and suddenly, he looked up, his eyes glowing with a mischievous light.

"I think I may have an idea…"